When Sheldon returned home, he started to shut himself away in his office. He was making excellent progress on his book, but he couldn't care less. It would never do to have Penny guess how deeply perturbed he felt, although keeping Leonard's secret was causing him to lose sleep. Late one night, after lying in bed staring at the ceiling for over an hour, he got up and left his bed. He wandered through the house more by feel than sight in the dimness and quietly opened the French doors. He crossed the deck, down the stairs, until he was standing on the lawn. The bedewed grass felt cool on his feet, and he realized dimly that he had left the house barefooted. He couldn't bring himself to care. The awful secret welled its way up his throat, and here in the silence he finally could give voice to it.
"I think Leonard is cheating on you," he said, unconsciously speaking as if he were talking to Penny.
It wasn't enough. He glanced back over his shoulder at the darkened house. The words kept pressing on him. "I don't understand how he could do that to you. All that talk for so many years about how perfect you were and how much he loved you, and he threw it all away for some cheap floozy. How can he not realize how lucky he is to see you looking at him with love in your eyes? I would give anything—" Here his voice broke, and he bowed his head, fighting the lump in his throat and the unfamiliar hot sting (that was not tears) in his eyes.
When he had regained a little control, he continued. "All my life, I ignored people, insulted them, and drove them away. I had no use for people unless they performed some function for me. I wish I knew then what my choices would cost me. I wish it hadn't taken your marriage to Leonard and that horrible night with Amy for me to realize that I love you, Penny. I love you, and instead you chose the one man for whom your love will never be enough."
He was silent then. What else was there to say? He stood on his lawn in the early hours of the morning, listening to the sounds of the night. Finally, a calm stole over him, though one of exhaustion and emptiness rather than true peace. He walked slowly, bent down like an old man as he headed back to his lonely bed.
A pale oval of a face withdrew from the second floor window. Penny had woken up in the middle of the night, feeling like her unborn child was using her bladder as a trampoline again. As she was heading back to bed, she thought she heard a door open and close downstairs. Peeking out of her bedroom window, she saw Sheldon standing out on the lawn in the middle of the night. She watched him with a frown on her face. Ever since Sheldon had come back from his trip to New York, he had been preoccupied and not his usual self. Her intuition told her it had something to do with Leonard. There was no one else that could induce Sheldon to keep secrets from her.
Weeks passed, and Penny's stomach swelled while her husband used the impending birth of their child as an excuse to spend as much time as possible away from home. He argued that he would be house-bound for several weeks after their daughter was born, so he needed to concentrate on his research before the birth. One night during one of Leonard's frequent absences, Penny lazed on the sofa, watching TV with Sheldon. She was lying at an angle on the couch, since her stomach was now big enough to obstruct her view. They were watching an episode of Firefly with the commentary turned on. Sheldon, wearing his ubiquitous latex gloves, was massaging her feet, eliciting groans of pleasure from her. Suddenly, she propped herself up on her elbows.
"Did you ever think your life would turn out this way?" she asked abruptly.
He paused the program and looked from her distended belly to his gloved hands. "No, I suppose not," he admitted softly. "But I am less unhappy now than I have ever been before. I've achieved my life's dream of winning the Nobel Prize. I have a home here with you and Leonard. Soon, I will be a beloved surrogate uncle to your daughter, introducing her malleable young mind to the wonders of the universe."
He paused and then smiled, the sweet lopsided smile that always tugged at Penny's heart. "To be honest, I am so content that I'm afraid that if I admit to being happy, something will occur to destroy this fragile serenity."
"I know what you mean," Penny whispered, touching her stomach. The baby kicked as if she also agreed. As Sheldon continued the massage, Penny mused that it was almost like she had two husbands: one to talk to and do fun things with, and one who needed her to look pretty and admire him and bear his children. She was feeling guilty again because she preferred one lifestyle over the other. Truth be told, she'd been having very vivid dreams over the last few months of her pregnancy, and Sheldon appeared frequently in them, doing wicked things to her, things he would never consider in real life. Penny told herself it was only because Leonard was away so often, but the truth was much more complicated. On some level, she was attracted to Sheldon. He was the one who cared for her during her pregnancy, who talked with her instead of over her head as he so easily could have done. He was the one who talked about her baby as a person instead of an extension of himself.
Penny rubbed her bulging abdomen. She had balanced her dinner plate on top of her stomach, and Sheldon didn't know whether to be repulsed or fascinated, especially when he saw the now-empty plate wobble when the baby kicked.
"What do you think I should name her?" Penny asked suddenly. She had been going back and forth over several name choices for weeks, but she hadn't been able to make up her mind yet. Of course, Leonard hated all her choices, and she hated all of his. She'd actually told her husband she would name her daughter Beverly (after his mother—what was he thinking?)over both of their dead bodies.
"I believe that traditionally, the naming of the child is left up to the parents," Sheldon replied warily. He was all too familiar with the wild hormonal swings that Penny had experienced during her pregnancy, and he was loathe to set her off again.
"Of course it's my decision," she snapped. Then she sighed and relented. "You know what I mean, Sheldon. I'm just looking for suggestions. What would you name a little girl?"
He stayed off into the distance for a moment, and then he said so softly that Penny had to lean over to hear him, "Leah."
"What, like Star Wars?" she asked.
He shook his head, not bothering to correct her that the Star Wars character was named Leia, not Leah. "No, like my Meemaw. Her name is Leah."
Penny thought about asking him if he wouldn't rather save that name in case he ever had any children of his own, but decided against it. It had been five years since the "Amy incident", as she thought of it, and in all that time, Sheldon hadn't shown the slightest interest in any other woman.
Aloud, she said, "Leah... that's pretty. And maybe Leonard would like it because it's kind of like his name. How do you think your Meemaw would feel about having a namesake?"
A sharp pang of longing struck Sheldon as he looked at Penny, wishing he could hold her and tell her how amazing she was. Wishing the child she carried was his.
"I think she would be honored," he replied softly.
As Penny began her thirty-eighth week of pregnancy, Leonard came home to stay until after the baby was born. Penny could tell that he was chafing to get back to his research, though. He thought he was close to an important break-through, and his tension clearly illustrated to Penny where his priorities really lay. Sheldon had retreated into his suite of rooms after Leonard snapped at him for playing Mozart to Penny's abdomen and sneaking up behind her to span her stomach with a flexible tape measure. Leonard thought his old roommate was just acting crazy again. He had no idea how deep Sheldon's feelings had become for Penny.
Penny's water broke four days before her due date, shortly after midnight. Her overnight hospital bag had been packed for over two months, and in fact, there was also a backup bag and a secondary backup as well. If Leonard had been paying attention, he would have realized from the precisely folded garments that it had been Sheldon, not Penny, who had prepared the bags.
Sheldon hovered nearby, face drained of color, as Leonard helped Penny down the half-flight of stairs into the garage. He tried hard to remind himself that she would be getting excellent medical care, that the hospital was the best in the region, and that mothers rarely died in childbirth anymore. But that logic wasn't doing much to calm his fears.
"Is there anything I can do?" he asked Leonard in a low voice.
Leonard shrugged. "It's her first baby, so it'll probably take a while. You can call our friends later, once it's not the middle of the night." There was a stifled groan from Penny, and both men's heads turned toward the sound.
"I'd better go," Leonard said. "I'll keep you posted."
After they left, Sheldon paced around the house. Clearly, he was not going back to sleep. He wondered if Penny was in pain. He hoped she had decided on the epidural as he didn't want her suffering for the sake of Leonard's child. Now that Penny was in labor, Sheldon found himself all too willing to blame Leonard for what she was going through, completely ignoring the fact that it had been her choice, and hers alone, to go off birth control. After a little over an hour, Sheldon couldn't take it anymore. He got dressed and drove himself to the hospital, where he ensconced himself in the maternity area's waiting room. His actions were completely illogical. He knew it, yet was unable to resist the urge to be closer to her, as if his presence would somehow be of use if anything went wrong.
Sheldon dozed off a couple of times in one of the hard plastic chairs. Every time he jerked awake, he checked the time, wondering how Penny was doing and hoping that the labor was progressing well. It was close to nine in the morning when he finally got a text from Leonard. He had been copied on a group message that Leonard seemed to have sent to about fifty people. It read: Leah Marie Hofstadter was born this morning at 8:17 a.m., weighing 7 lb., 5 oz. and 20 in. long. Mother and baby are both doing fine.
Sheldon leaped up from his chair. His first instinct was to run down the hallway and verify with his own eyes that Penny was all right. But a more rational voice inside his head argued that if he gave in to his instinct, Leonard would become suspicious. How could he explain how he had arrived at the hospital so quickly after the text was sent? After pacing for a few moments, Sheldon had the brilliant idea to go visit the hospital gift shop. There he purchased a dozen pink roses for Penny in honor of her new baby girl and a small pink teddy bear as a token gift for Leah, since it would probably be months before she would be able to play with it.
Sheldon entered the maternity room at a carefully calculated eighteen minutes after receiving Leonard's text. His eyes were drawn immediately to Penny's face as he entered quietly, clutching the flowers and stuffed animal. He almost overlooked baby Leah, who was swaddled in a blanket and tiny knit cap and lying in Penny's arms. Penny smiled in welcome when she saw the tentative expression on his face.
"Come on in, sweetie," she said, wincing as she tried to prop herself up in bed. "Leonard will be right back. He just stepped out to get some coffee."
"How are you feeling, Penny?" he asked, placing the vase of flowers in the exact center of a nearby table.
"Honestly? Like I got run over by an eighteen wheeler, but I'll survive," she said with a tired smile.
"Penny, you are without doubt one of the most resilient people I know, a trait which I believe will equip you to be an excellent mother," he replied.
She beamed, eyes glimmering with unshed tears. "Thank you, sweetie. That's one of the nicest things you've ever said to me. Would you like to hold her?"
Sheldon approached and seated himself in a rocking chair next to Penny's hospital bed. He took the tiny bundle gingerly from Penny and marveled at the delicate fingers with their miniature translucent fingernails.
"She smells like baby powder," he mused. "I thought I read that hospitals no longer use powders or fragrances in neo-natal units. Are you sure she's getting the best of care?" he demanded.
Penny could see he was starting to get himself worked up. "Relax, Sheldon, they didn't put anything on her. In fact, they only washed her off with a little water. That's just the way that babies naturally smell."
He looked startled, and brought his nose down to the downy head, taking a confirming sniff. "Amazing," he said quietly. "It's one of the most appealing scents I have ever encountered."
Just then, Leonard re-entered the room, two coffees in hand. He offered one to Penny, but she declined. Despite having just gone through the exhausting ordeal of labor, she felt oddly alert. Sheldon gently handed Leah back to Penny, shook Leonard's hand, and reluctantly left the new family alone.
