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auterd nat: Ḯ̶̮̦̩̍ͨͬ̒m̗̗͈̹̯͉̙̅͛ ̻̻̰i̩̦̞͎̞͚̫ͬͧ̈́̐̊͟ņ̖̲͎̃̐̒̇͒̏ ̱͖̰ͧ͋̈́̐ͅț̶͕͇ͅeͩ̍̚͏͎r̩͉͈͈͓̙̼̀r̵̭̰̯̅ị̩͓̑ͮ̏b̛̹͉͈̙͇l̘̣͌̄ͮ͒̉̆͞e̳̞͎̒ͧͩ͒̈́̚ ̠̠̰̹͆̈́̒ͦ̓̅̈P̫̪̤͔͇̳̲ͪa̘͑̋i̷͙͕̘͆͛̂̃͗ň̗̠͓̀̂͐̋̃ͧ

Ey wuz heidin in mai hauz becuz I jus killid sem adn hes baebee adn ai new evaroen wud B anger me. frrolio caem in ma hoose lookin 4 me but I wuz playin heid an sek "marko" sed frood "polio!" I ses. Gosh fookin dammet frooido noes I luv maerc pool. Hi faound mi haidin in da microave. "Wot r u doin chalimenir u can't do dat to sem adn hes babe, das mai son OKAY? Jus becuz ur 2 emateur 2 see dat I aem a faether nao doesant meen ur allaod 2 jus kill ppl" sed frode to mi. I get rally anger adn sed "Wot da fook ded u jus fukin sae aboot mee, u lile batch? ell haev u no i graedeated toep uv mai clazs en te Navee Seelz, an iv ben invulivd n numberus secrat raeds oen Alquida, ad ai haev oover 300000 cumfermd kells. I'm tranid en guerilla worfair adn Im th topp snipr en te entaiir USSA armied forrses. u R notin 2 mi butt jus anoter targit. eI wil waip u tha fuk oot wit persision da lieks uv witch haz naverr ben sen b4 on dis earph, merk mai fooking wards. u tink u cen git awey wit saiing dat sheit 2 mei auver de Intarnit? Tink agein, ficker. Az wi spek am cunt-acting me sarcet nitwerk ov spees arcos de USSR adn ur PI es beeng traeced rit nao soe u biter peprare fr dee strom, marggot. Te stoem dat wirpes oot dhe partetic litle theeng u cal ur laief. UR funking ded, kidd. Ie cen b aniwher, anteem, adn I ceen kil u en oever se7en hunderd wayz, ad thaets juis wth me bare haans. Nut oonly em I extiensevli traenid en unamared cumbit, but I haev akses 2o de entrie arsinial uv da Untied St8s Martine Corpse ad eye wil uze et 2 eets fooll axtint 2 wiepe ur misarbble azz of da faece ov de comptinint, u lill shipt. ef onli u cud haev nown wat unhoolie raterbitoin ur litlie "claver" cumint wus abot 2 brng don upun u, mabie u wud haev haeld ur fuchin tung. buut u cudint, u dadaent, end noe ur peeing tee proice, u guddimn idot. Ie wel shut fuiry al aver u adn u wal draun en at. ur faking did, kindo." I cud teel dat froido wuz antimidated bai mai powurful wardz but I dadint caer he wuz a lil bitsch aniwey becuz hi chetid oen mi wit sem.

Fridi ran awy büt i.e. dadent caer becuz I nedid 2 git da coersh rein bek frum grollim aed e stall doent knew wer he iz even at liek wat da fook. soe I levt the houz adn wint mai oen wey witoot aenioen uv mai frens on an aedvinture on mai own becus dey aer al traiters adn I haet dem i cen fend da cook rim oen witoot dem :( . Wile I wuz waking on da roed der wuz sum blak people on horsis runin aet mi. "WHER IS DA CORK RIG WI NO U HAEV ET CHILEMENZIR LUBRICENT-GOODBRDO" dey sed. " I dunt haev da fookin cuck rikeg gillim stool it frum mi adn am triin 2 git it bek" I sed 2 dem "OH OK WE WILL HILP U CHILIMENZAR BECUZ WE R ALZO LOKIN FER DAT RIMG"

adn so der ey wuz on an avintur to get da reng wit mai neu frens da blak men oen horsis

Authord Noot:M̦͎̜̣̙ͥ́̉ͬ̏a̳̦̩̱̹̾̐ͬͅỷ̩̜͙̮̦͔͞ ̬͍̲̺̃̆ͧͯ̋̽ͅg̛͎͚̙ͭ̒̽͒̔̓o̖̩̠͖̘d̴̳̭̖̼͖̳̄̈̽ͤͣ̿̈ͅ ͙͓̎̊̀ͦͥ͂͟s̥̟͈̼̽ͨa͍̪̭̥͒̑ͣͮ͐͑v҉͍̹̻͇̳e͖̿̔ ̦͖͎̳͖͑̈͛̐u̹͕̎̅̆̈̽̏̀s̈ͦ̽̾͂͗ ̪̥ͮ̃̃a̩̱̳̞̦͡l̹͈ͪͬͪl̰͊̽́̓́