CHALLENGE #6
From: stabbythings
Words: Ling, paperwork, milk, arrogance, shag carpet (it's supposed to be two words, but I'll treat it as one here), kill, gun, teacher, happy and song.
Ling was walking, well jumping, around town, thinking of a way to force a philosopher's stone out of a homunculus.
He stopped his mindless jumping for a while before opening his eyes and then closing them again and then jumping off again to…Somewhere.
"So, since you've killed Lust, another one of those homunculi, I need your help to find out what'll kill them or hurt them in any way," Ling explained.
"I see. Well, different homunculi have different weaknesses (1). So, we need to test try things out one by one until we find out what it is that they fear," Roy said.
"Yes, but to do that, we'll need a homunculus! Where'll we get a homunculus without getting ourselves killed?" Ling wondered out loud. With his eyes closed. Must his eyes be closed most of the time?
A bright light bulb appeared above Roy's head. By magic. Not alchemy. If it was by alchemy, there would be a transmutation circle somewhere and if the person performing alchemy had seen the 'truth' then there should be a clapping noise somewhere and no clapping noise was heard. Period.
"I think I know how to get one!"
"Sir, you want me to set Black Hayate free so that homunculi can smell his terrible odor and hunt him down just so that we can catch a homunculi?" Riza asked, annoyed. She loved that dog.
"No! Of course not!" Roy replied. "Aw man! She found out!" he whispered to Ling.
Ling opened his eyes. "Please."
"Die." Riza started shooting him with a bazooka. Black Hayate bit him. And then he started licking him. And then biting again. And then he chewed him. He attempted to swallow him. Ling couldn't fit inside his mouth.
While Ling was being devoured, and Riza was…Playing with her very big gun, Roy was in his corner trying to hide from Riza and her very scary gun.
"Bad boy!" Riza said, aiming her gun at the poor Black Hayate.
Black Hayate yelped before raising his front paws up. He dropped Ling too. Not that anyone cared…Besides those Xing bodyguards whose names I forgot.
"Ow!!" he yelled at her, "That hurt!!"
"Do you still want to use my dog as bait?"
"Um…"
Riza shot him.
"No!"
"Good to hear that."
A light bulb flashed. You know, people are wasting electricity on the little light bulbs that turn on whenever you think of a great idea…Then again, the bulbs are imaginary…
"Sir, you're wasting electricity for turning the lights on and off repeatedly," said Riza.
"I'm in charge here and since you won't let me use your dog, I'll have to find another way to call those homunculi."
Riza attempted to shoot at him before Gluttony came and tried to eat them all. Black Hayate went on him before he had the chance.
Gluttony was now their lab rat, only he isn't a rat; just an oversized homunculus who can't stop eating for some unknown reason that no one asks him about or even to remember to ask him. Is this another one of his 'skills'? Making people forget to ask him of his hobby of eating?
I pity Gluttony for being Roy and Ling's test subjects…
"Maybe his weakness is that of the Fullmetal Alchemist. He hates milk."
"No," Ling said, feeding an oversized homunculus and oversized bottle of milk. "He's not melting or screaming for help in any way. I think he likes milk."
Roy sat up from his desk and said, "Save the leftover milk for Fullmetal," before shoving his paperwork into Gluttony's mouth.
Riza stepped into the room before he shoved his paperwork into the homunculus' mouth.
"Sir, if you value your life, I suggest you better not try to get rid of your paperwork."
Roy turned to her. "Lieutenant, this is important. This is part of the experiment to kill homunculi. We need to find each of their weaknesses."
Ling opened his eyes. "This is very important. We need this information to save lives. Imagine all the lives of people being saved if his true weakness was paperwork."
"LUUUUUUUUUUSSTT!!!" Gluttony shouted and then he fell into a coma.
The sudden outburst from Gluttony made everyone jump besides the plant at the back of the room that tried to jump but was rooted to its spot because of its roots that was supporting it. Why must it need so much support?
"Well, we now know that paperwork makes him shout 'Lust' and fall into unconsciousness," Ling said, noting the results onto a sheet of the paper in Xingese…Xingan? Xingish? I give up. I don't know the language used in Xing…
"I agree," said Roy who did the exact thing as Ling but wrote notes in English and Japanese to show off.
"Sir, if you write notes in two languages it'll take longer time."
"Never mind. I want to write in two languages so let me write!"
"Curiosity killed the cat."
"I know, but how is that relevant to our topic at hand?"
"If curiosity killed the cat, then arrogance will kill the colonel."
Roy eyed Riza's sniper before turning his back at her and tried to wake Gluttony up.
Roy did some things and Ling as well. No one knows what they did but it resulted in them and Gluttony wearing shag carpets on their heads and dancing to caramelldansen music while singing some happy nursery rhyme. Glasses broke and things exploded before they ended up singing songs they made up.
Riza was the only one who still had her sanity.
Then they ate their shag carpets and got drunk from it and lost their memory for some reason that had nothing to do with milk trying to take revenge on them for planning to feed it to a really short person.
Riza ended up sending them off to a teacher she found in one of the authoress' fanfics called Maya.
Izumi came and spat blood on them.
Aliens took over the world.
Cats ate the aliens.
They died.
The end.
A/N: I finally finished this chap! Well, I will be making a chap in my story 'Ms. Maya' including Roy, Ling and Gluttony soon…Right after exams…Or tomorrow. Depends. Anyways, my exams will start next week and, after much persuasion and pleading, I am allowed to use my computer for a while during the weekends. Yay! More chaps!
Let's just pretend that each homunculi has each of their own weaknesses, okay?
PLEASE REVIEW!!
