AN- Thank you so much for the reviews! I got the Cliffy Medal of Honor from My-Bella (my personal superhero) and I even found the torture threats flattering! On with the story. . .
BTW-For anyone who doesn't know, the title of this chapter comes from Shakespeare's Hamlet, it is a quote from his soliloquy about death, how he longs for it, but is afraid instead of peaceful slumber, he would be left with his dreams (which were not pleasant) Also for said people, rent the version with Mel Gibson, you can expand your horizons and watch some eye candy all at once! 8P
To Sleep Perchance to Dream
The darkness was close and warm, but not suffocating. It reminded me of when I used to hide under my covers as a child during nighttime thunderstorms. It was a familiar place. Though I couldn't see a thing I felt absolutely safe. It was very quiet. Silent actually, save for a steady rhythm I could almost feel more than hear. It was comforting in its constant beat.
For the longest time I just drifted in the black sea, savoring the sweet surrender of nothingness. Then I started to wonder about Edward. Did he know I was safe? What was he doing right now? As I had the thoughts, I began to hear his voice.
"Carlisle, what's going on?" "She's too still." His voice was tainted with barely suppressed panic. I needed to tell him I was okay. I opened my mouth to speak, but as I tried to reach out to him, the pain came crashing back and I heard the screaming again. I quickly retreated once again to my dark ocean of calm.
Edward would have to figure out I was okay on his own. I couldn't go back, not until it was over. I felt selfish for leaving Edward alone, but I just wasn't strong enough to stay. As time passed I was finding it harder and harder not to worry about him. I knew that if I thought too much about his pain, I would go back to him. I was too afraid of my own pain. So being a coward, I turned my mind to other things.
I began to think of the most beautiful thing I could imagine. I thought back to the very beginning. Memories began to play like home movies, like vivid, perfect dreams. I felt his arms pull me from the path of Tyler's truck. I saw his shiny Volvo pulling up beside me and relived the relief of knowing he was there the night he saved me in Port Angeles. I watched as through the dreams his eyes turned from gold, to black and all their varying shade of topaz between. I could see as time went on the look in them change from curiosity, to wonder, to surprise, to love, to adoration. The feel of his touch went from hesitant, to hopeful, to loving, to hungry. My senses were filled with our love and life together.
Once my dreams caught up to the present, I began to dream of what the future could be like. My skin was smooth and flawless. My voice sounded like spun silk. My body moved gracefully as a true Cullen should. Edward would be so proud of me.
I had no sense of time as I played and replayed my favorite parts of our past and future. I avoided only the present. Eventually I noticed the rhythm that had been a constant background noise sounded different. It was slowing. As the space between beats grew, I felt each one more distinctly.
Suddenly I was weightless, I began to rise from the depths of my solitary escape. I was afraid to surface, afraid of the pain I knew to be waiting. But I couldn't slow my ascent. It was as if an anchor had been suddenly cut free, leaving me to drift aimlessly. I found myself dreaming once again to hold off the nightmare of my suffering. This time I dreamed of the present. Edward was sitting close to me, looking helpless and afraid to touch me. Carlisle was telling him to be patient, to wait. I wondered what for. He looked awful. It takes a lot for Edward to look awful. I wanted to help him, to reach out to him.
"Don't worry, Edward. I'm fine," I called to him. His head snapped up.
"Bella!" he cried.
"Edward, she'll come around, give her time," Carlisle said again, patiently.
"I'm right here, Love," I said. His head turned from Carlisle and searched my still features.
I began to drift again, higher and further away. That wouldn't do. I needed to be with Edward.
Apparently he was through waiting for me, he took my shoulders and shook me, "Bella! Please! Wake up!" He collapsed upon my form and whispered, "I need you. I can't live without you."
My Edward needed me. He was hurting and I needed to hold him. As the desire to reach out to him grew I felt a new sensation. Now I was falling, a gentle tugging bringing me back to Edward, to myself. I had had enough, I needed to wake up from this dream now.
I was suddenly flooded with sensations. I could hear the breeze, the groan of the branches. There was weight on my chest and I could hear Edward's ragged breath. I could smell the green leaves. I could also smell blood, sweat, and something more horrible. Then my senses filtered out the rest and I could smell Edward. I could smell him so strong it felt like I was actually breathing him in. I took a deep breath of it and put my arms around his shaking form.
He jumped back at my movement, but in an instant was back, crushing me tightly to his chest. "Hello, Love," I said. I was startled by the sound of my own voice. My eyes widened, "Is that me?" I asked. My voice was soft and velvet, even more so than Edward's.
He looked at me with joy in his dark, purple shadowed eyes. "Yes," he whispered, "It's you."
I hope everybody got that scene. It was pretty out there, I know. If you can wait, Carlisle and Edward discuss what happened with Bella in a future chapter, which might clear up some of the confusion. For now, the point is kinda for you to be almost as clueless as Bella. 8P I hope you all like where this story is going. 8P
