Chapter 7: The Other Side
By: Kuroi Neko-kun
Summary: Heartbroken by dejection, Speed transfers to Las Vegas in replacement of Sara Sidle. Will he find refuge or more pain?
From: CSI-CSI: Miami
Warnings: Slight slash/ Lots of slash
Disclaimer: All of them belong to CBS. I borrow, twist their minds, then brainwash them to remember what they should and let them go. No real harm… Really!
A/N: Since ff.net ruins the usual paragraphing, this "~~~" means it's a new paragraph. This is a special chapter in Gil's Point of View. For the sake of Valentine's Day…
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Gil Grissom's Point of View
Sara had left my life, leaving a gaping hole of pain and guilt as I let her leave. I could not stop her, at all. All I did was watch, like always. It hurt but I knew I'd get over it. Maybe… I sat in my office, going through some case files, figuring out whom I would give the next case to. I came across an employee file. Ah yes, Sara's replacement is coming today. Timothy Speedle… I wonder what made him leave. I pushed the thoughts aside, all the thoughts, and fed my spider.
"So this is your recluse?" I glanced at the door where Cat was smirking at me.
"Good evening, Catherine…" I mumbled as I closed the feeding hole of the spider's cage. I never took my eyes from the cage.
"Griss, I know that you're feeling the guilt of being responsible for Sara leaving…." I sighed. Here we go. Cat's emotional lectures… I do not need this. "But you've got to understand that this was inevitable. From the way things were going, you couldn't avoid the time when she gets fed up."
"Cat…" I started but stopped. The look on Cat's face was enough to stop me. She was trying her best not to blame me for the separation of her best friend. I took a breath, thinking about what to say. "I guess I could apologize…"
"Too late now, isn't it?" she didn't snap it at me, instead she just mumbled it softly. What can I do now? It is too late… There was a knock on the door. The both of us turned to see the replacement.
"Tim!" Cat exclaimed, smiling at him. Tim smiled back.
"Hi, Cat…" he mumbled.
"So you're the replacement," she said, shooting me a look. Well, I guess that blows my element of surprise.
"Yeah," he muttered," I'm kinda lost. Is this Gil Grissom's office?"
"Yes," I said, holding out my hand," Gil Grissom." Tim blinked before staring at me with an incomprehensible look. He was almost gaping. Was there something on my face? I looked into his eyes and saw something I could understand. Pain and crushed hopes. I should know, I saw it in Sara's the day she left. My guilt instantly shot my heart. This was going to hurt…
~~~
I had spent the last week "hogging the new guy", as Nick would say. I can't help it. I needed to evaluate him. He was everything the transcript had said. Outstanding. I could not steer away from the expression on his face when he looks at me sometimes. Did he notice something he shouldn't have? Or is it just me? I watched him processing the crime scene, not letting go of the camera that I had passed him. He knows his work and was obviously addicted to it. I wanted to say something but I couldn't think of anything. He would glance at me and would want to but he did not let anything out.
"What do you think happened, Gil?" he asked, breaking the long silence. He must have not seen so many murder cases before. Fresh murder cases… on the same shift.
"Murder," I said simply, collecting some hair on the scene. He looked over my shoulder.
"I think this was a party house," he mumbled. I gave him a look.
"Party house?"
"Well, some people own houses just for parties," he explained," there's a lot of them in Miami."
"How can you tell?"
"All the hair samples," he pointed to the evidence I collected," mostly female, different colors. And the beer bottles and the surround system… And we have not searched the rooms yet." He gave me a hopeful smile. I just kept my usual stern look and did not return it.
"Still, this is evidence…"
"I know. But Ho—" he stopped, turning away from me. Ho what? I wanted to ask but I kept it. It seemed personal. I don't want to tread in those waters… Yet. I concentrated on the case.
"The rooms would be a massive DNA carnival. We might need a few more CSIs on this job."
"Would need," he corrected me. I gave him a look.
"In the meantime, you're swabbing the bedroom," I said. He groaned before glaring at me.
~~~
It was not a great night shift for all of us. Six murder cases… I could see him physically fade away. He is doing his best keeping up with the lab's pace. I feared that he might break. Now, he's working with Nick and Warrick on a triple homicide. So far, no complaints… I looked at the case files that are still open. We need to solve them quick. Pulling Warrick of the homicide would seem like a good idea… But as he walked pass my office, I got up and called out for him. He stopped.
"Yeah?" I held my breath, thinking about what to say. There was something about Tim that made my mind clear of anything else. And I stood there, like a complete idiot, without anything to say. "Gil?"
"What?" I blinked, realizing that I was staring at him," sorry… Tim, I have a few cases and we're shorthanded. Nick and Warrick can work on this one without you."
"Are you sure about that?"
"I need you, Tim," I said. He was now staring at me with the same incomprehensible look he gave me the first time we met. Once I blinked, the look disappeared. I didn't think about it again as it did.
"Okay," he answered," I'm game."
"Good," I said, handing him a case file," get to work."
~~~
I took out some of my old clothes from my locker. Cat had been complaining that they stank and she would die from the fumes. Right. But I had to remove them anyway. I did not realize that anyone else was in it until I heard someone spoke.
"Tim…" That was undeniably Greg's voice, only much more subtle and serious. "Tim, listen… I didn't mean it that way. I'm sorry. I know I touched a nerve but I thought you seriously got over it." I stopped. Got over what? Grissom, are you even sure you want to be eavesdropping in all this?
"Look, Greg," Tim started saying," I left because Horatio never let the fact that I was not straight go. He opened the door, let me have a breather, and then slammed it at my face. That was compromised with the fact that he was incredible in bed as well. Every time I hungered for his touch, he gave in. But when I started talking about a relationship, he backed off and shut me out. I was his goddamn dinosaur and I hate knowing that fact. I'm tainted, Greg, by Horatio Caine. I left to choke it, not give it life, but when I lie in bed, I remember…" I heard soft sniffles then. My mind was racing from the conversation, comprehending what it meant. I finally found the reason why he left Miami. Somehow, I felt a suppressed anger coming from myself and I am completely surprised by it. I wanted to hit something but I took a deep breath and waited for the both of them to leave.
~~~
As soon as he entered shift, I noticed there was something different about Tim. He was a lot more moody and was distracted. He hung out with Greg a lot more and they were not fooling around. Greg was consoling him. I could see that but I chose to ignore it. Finding out about Tim was not all that uncomfortable to me. It was all the opposite. It made it easier for me to work with him. I somehow felt sorry for him. I know I spaced Sara out but what Horatio did to him is just wrong. Maybe if I did something, it could cheer him up a bit… There was a very huge risk that I might attract him to me. I don't care… I don't like him all sad. I was about to leave Warrick came into my office. Good.
~~~
Sometimes when you do something for some other reason, you realize it's for a different one. That was how I felt the night I took him out. Throughout the dinner, I could not help my emotions from tumbling over and over. Every time I look at him, I felt so warm, so safe. So vulnerable… And every time he looks at me, I felt my heart jolt. Why am I acting like this? I pushed it aside, enjoying the dinner as much as I could. And I did. Soon after, I took him home, hoping to be with him more. But all he said was, "I'll see you at work, Gil." No, he was ending this now. That's a good thing… Right? "Thanks for everything, boss." That stung. I'm just his boss. Just the boss… "Next time, I'll take you out." I looked at him, trying to keep myself from grinning.
"Okay, I'll see you then." That is a great idea. I drove off, not before I took a last glance at him.
~~~
I was first to arrive on the scene with Warrick. Jim had paged the rest on the guys as we entered the already cleared warehouse. My attention was drawn to number of car parts and oil drums in the warehouse,
"The meths were fixing cars," I pointed out," Or dismantling them."
"Well, looks like they're that bored… You know, I think…" I didn't let Warrick continue. The only room that was in the warehouse distracted me.
"You deal with here," I said, going in.
~~~
It just happened to fast. The others came, processing the warehouse while I was still in the room. I heard them scurry. Scurry? Before I could look up, I saw someone rushing to me. I could barely register when he grabbed me by the collar pulling me out. A few seconds later, the warehouse blew. I watched the debris fly, shielding myself from a few. I was still shaken. Did that just happen?
"Déjà vu…" I heard my savior mumble before he fainted. I realized who it was. No… My hand felt something warm on his side. Blood.
"TIM!" I started to panic. No, not him… My hand ran to search for the wound. It was a long shard of glass. My mind was on automatic. My first thought was to keep him conscious. "Tim!" I patted his face, lightly. "Wake up…"
His eyes were struggling to keep open.
"What happened?" he mumbled.
"Tim, can you hear me?" Stay awake, please… I turned behind me, hearing the sirens. "I need a paramedic!!" I shrugged off my jacket and placed it under his head, comforting him best I could. You're not going to die on me, Tim. I sat beside him when he was rushed off. Please… Let him live.
~~~
I climbed into my car, fighting back the tears that were about to fall. The man of his life is back. I guess Tim could never forget about him. I wiped away the tears on my cheek before I placed my hand on my lips. I kissed him. I remembered that. Why did I kiss him? What did I do? I took a deep breath, realizing I was falling for Tim. It's too late now… Isn't it?
~~~
Keeping the distance seemed like the best idea at the moment. I forced Tim to be the lab rat. I don't care where he went. I just sat in my office and concentrated on my work, like I always would. Yeah… Life is like this. And it's the best. Just be old unemotional Gil… I stared at the case file, not paying attention to it. My mind was still tugging at Tim. I'm such an idiot. Why couldn't I just tell him how I felt? I had so many chances before Horatio came back. Why Gil? I wish I could answer that right now. I just wished that I had one opportune moment with him to tell him all that. I heard someone politely knock at my door.
"It's open," I muttered, not wanting to bother to look who it was. A report was slid to me. I looked up and realized whom it was. Tim… My wish came true? I was slightly shocked at it but I kept a straight face. "Oh, it's you…" I said. I mentally kicked myself. Am I trying to push him away again? I don't want to but I can't say it. No… Sara was hard… Tim is just harder.
"You don't seem happy to see me," he said. I let out a small sigh before taking off my glasses, contemplating on this. Should I just let go?
"Well, I just expected Greg to give me a long drabble before handing the report." I took the paper and read it. It lasted for a few minutes till I looked up. Should I just let this be what it is? "Is there anything else, Tim?" Should I just pretend that nothing happened? He placed his hands on the table, leaning the weight of his body on his arms.
"Yeah, why have you been avoiding me?" I let out another sigh before placing the paper down. Should I just be boss?
"I'm swamped with cases, Tim…"
"But you still found the time to hand me a case file when I was hospitalized," he pointed out. That stung, but I never let it show.
"Now's not the time for that," I said, reaching out for another file. He caught my hand. The touch caused me to stop and look at him, shocked. My heart was jolting. My mind was blank.
"I think now is the perfect time," he mumbled, letting my hand go. I just leaned forward, crossing my arms and looked at him, waiting for him to speak again. Tim took a deep breath.
"How did you know?" I gave him a look. How did I know? What Tim? My own feelings?
"Know what, Tim?" I asked, keeping my voice from shaking. I was feeling nervous like I was interrogated. He took a shorter breath and started rubbing the back of his neck. I guess I'm not the only one.
"That I am who I am…" he mumbled, not looking at me. What does he mean? Who he is? I realized what he was talking about. And he was not admitting it. Not yet… If he could open up to me, then maybe I will too. But I have to make him.
"Who you are?" I uncrossed my arms. "Who are you, Tim?" I looked straight into his eyes.
"Timothy Speedle, detective, CSI level 3 of the Las Vegas Crime Lab." I reached out and held his hand. It was warm and so soft, so unlike mine. I turned to him again, letting my emotions to the talking without words.
"Who are you, Tim?" I asked again, softer.
"Timothy Speedle," he answered, in a much more humane voice," thirty-one years old. Single and gay." Done. He said it. I smiled at him before gripping his hand. He does not know that makes me feel better.
"I know that," I whispered.
"But how?"
"I heard you tell Greg." I was grinning at him. And he gave me a look.
"In the locker?" I nodded, "about H?" He fell into the seat in front of me, relieved. My turn. I needed to know a lot now.
"Can I ask something?"
"Shoot."
"Are you still in love with Caine?" I want to know that. It's a question for the both of us. It will be a decision for me to continue this or not.
"Prove me right," he mumbled, staring into my eyes. Prove him right? I gave him a look.
"What do you mean?"
"Kiss me," he said," like you did in the hospital." What? Here? I glanced around, nervous.
"Tim… I can't. Not here…" I mumbled. But he didn't wait for anything. He kissed me. I was shocked but I gave in. This is what I wanted for so long. He looked at me as we broke off. I felt the blood rush to my face. I cleared my throat and looked at him. "Were you right?" He came to me and kissed me again. When we broke apart, he looked at me.
"No, I'm completely wrong…" He whispered before kissing me again.
~~~
Many people do not realize that there are so many things that are wrong but completely right at the same time. It's all a matter of perspective. Like war, riots, slavery and same sexual marriages or, in my case, falling in love with a co-worker who is not female. I thought I could be alone but with all the current circumstances, I felt that I needed someone too. Someone who has common ground with me. Sara tried but she couldn't. And I wouldn't. I got out of bed slowly, not wanting to wake him up. He must be tired of the night's work. And me, hindering his much needed sleep again. It had been a couple of weeks since we decided to move in together. Coincidentally, it was the first time since a long time we worked on a case together. Just us. I smiled, looking at him. I could not resist just resting back with him. For now, anyway…
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