Chapter 7

I still don't own these characters... However, rambling on...

Maura just sat and watched Jane as she was moving around the kitchen like it was her own. She was gathering everything they would need for their meal. She wasn't even realizing that she was smiling at the sight in front of her as Jane poured her a fresh glass of wine and placed it next to her plate, that was already dished up from what she could see. Nothing that she was witnessing seemed out of the ordinary. Just another night at her house with the Detective. The ease she felt watching her best friend go through this routine was slightly unsettling now. Her breath hitched at the thoughts moving to the forefront of her mind. She couldn't really remember a time when this did not seem part of her life. It was that now, she could not only not remember a time, but it seemed that this was almost a foreboding to the future. A future in which they would be in this same scene, day in and day out. Working together, using their individual skills to bring justice to the city and its victims, then retiring at the end of each day in the same manner as they were this evening. She had never really thought of that with anyone else. This normalcy, this routine, was something she never put into the category as 'her life'. Her school of thought was more along the lines of work, foundation activities, travel, a few dates here and there, then home alone with a good book and a glass of wine to end the day. She had only a couple serious relationships in her mind. One that would have relegated her to a life of trophy wife and the other a role of uncertainty with someone who may or may not have settled in one place or thinking that the laws did not apply to him because he was saving lives in third world countries. Those relationships were a lifetime ago in her mind. The one she had with Jane surpassed anything she had ever felt in the past. She was amazed that after all they had been through together with each case. Not always agreeing on the way to go about dissecting the evidence and the revelation that her father was one of Boston's most wanted criminals. Even after Jane had shot said father, after each had been at death's door more times than she wanted to think about, and the fact that Maura just flat out considered herself to be inept at social situations, they always found their way back. Back to each other like something beyond their control was pulling them toward each other, even if they were pushing back every once in awhile.

"That smells delicious, I didn't realize how hungry I really was."

"Here have a seat. Once we get some food in you, we are going to extrapolate some of the smart cells from your brain and work on getting to the bottom of this case."

"Jane, there is no such thing as smart cells that you can extrapolate, it would be...

"Okay miss literal, lets just eat please?"

Jane chuckled to herself shoving a fork full of curry chicken into her mouth. She noticed Maura taking a more demure route with her dinner, and of course she finished much more quickly than the ME. She got up to get another beer and sat back down next to Maura while she finished her last few bites. She let the Doctor eat in silence and when she was finished, she took her plate and pointed toward the couch and said, "Go sit, I will bring the wine back with me." With that Jane was cleaning up the remnants of dinner as Maura was about to protest then thought better of it, just truly wanting a moment to breathe, digest, and get mentally prepared for the discussion that was coming. She knew she was battling her own demons with this supposedly new case. It didn't feel new to her, just a continuation of something she thought was left behind, over, and gone cold. She knew she would have to come to terms with something that she never really gave a second thought about. That she was human, she was infallible, she didn't have all the answers. She trusted Jane like no other. This would be a huge step in Maura's mind. She would not only be talking of blood, organs, and DNA evidence with the Detective, she would be opening herself up to the incompetency she now felt in the wake of the murders that had the department on edge because she didn't solve it the first time around.


"Maura, do you need some more wine?"

"Yes, please, thank you. Thank you again for letting me rest and for taking care of dinner. I have a feeling this is going to be a long night."

"You're welcome. I figured that, hence the bag in the guest room." Jane let Maura take another sip of her wine before she began.

"Maura, can you please tell me about your nightmares? I have a feeling they have been going on for awhile, correct?"

Maura let out a long sigh, not really expecting to jump to this topic immediately. She took one last sip of her wine and set the glass on the coffee table. She turned to face the Detective fully, tucking her legs underneath her body.

"I haven't had these type of dreams for about four years. I had begun to have these dreams while I was working on this same type of case in San Diego. They only started to occur toward what I thought was the end so to speak. We had concluded that ten bodies were all connected to the same killer. By the time we were presented with body number eight, I was working extremely long hours and was starting to doubt my ability to actually come to any conclusion as to who was committing these murders and why. You know I don't like to guess, I could only hypothesize with the type of injuries these victims suffered from and the seemingly minute traces of evidence left by the murderer. Everyone involved with the case from my office and the police department were spending so much time on going over the details ad nauseam, not feeling like anything was connecting enough to even begin to put together a profile, something to point toward anyone. Just nothing. I think I was so set on solving this case that I began to get tunnel vision so to speak. I would barely focus on any other case that came through. It started to effect everything. I started to feel that my coworkers were now doubting my abilities. It began to overwhelm me on most days. The feeling of one more body being found, with no end in sight because I was not capable of doing my job. The nightmares came during this time. Basically they revolved around the case, and in my dreams I am being taunted by the killer to solve the case. They seemed so real. I'm always in the morgue and then I realize I am not alone. I never see their face, just hear that voice. It is soft most times, almost a whisper. There are times when its full, but low and deep. Its very vivid. I don't see the violence or hear screaming or anything, just taunting by the murderer, like they are there to tell me something, give me clues and then they disappear, leaving me in the morgue surrounded by more blood and internal organs. Then, it seemed that all of a sudden, it stopped. The murders stopped. At least related to this case. We went for about six months on edge, just waiting for another body to be found. Another six months went by and the case was put in the cold case files. I know we all worked hard on that case but I felt it was my failures that allowed the case to go unsolved. I had a few nightmares within that time, but once it seemed that we weren't working on any bodies related to that case, I just focused my mind on my current cases that came through. The job opened in Boston shortly after that. I felt that this would be a great place to move forward. To start fresh, let some of the failures of my past go. These bodies, I truly believe they are related to the San Diego case. I thought I had let go of all of that, those feelings. The feelings of failure and incompetency. I feel responsible Jane, for the bodies that have come through my morgue this week. If I could have just done my job and help solve the case the first time I... Maura began to feel her eyes burning as she was trying to hold her tears at bay. She was battling internally with herself now. Not wanting to let her emotions show, thinking she had handled these feelings in the past, and thinking that the Detective would look at her as something less than now with her revelations.

"Maura, you can't blame yourself for what happened." Jane had taken a hold of the ME's hand while she was talking, noticing the sadness washing over her best friend's face. She was rubbing the back of her hand with her thumb. "You are the most competent Medical Examiner I have ever worked with. We have the high closure rate because you are an integral part of this team."

A lone tear left a track down Maura's face, Jane wiped it away with the pad of her thumb before it fell completely down. Maura leaned slightly into Jane's touch, allowing her true emotion out for a brief moment.

"Maura, I know the nightmares have started again. Tonight you were screaming my name and yelling for me to wait."

"You were leaving the morgue. You were, well, you were leaving because I couldn't give you anything to go on. You said that you couldn't believe that I hadn't found anything yet with all the evidence that had been found. It was like you were the one taunting me in place of the murderer. I heard your voice instead of the one in my previous dreams. I saw your face instead of just a shadow. The words were the same, failure, incompetent, incapable."

Jane gently grabbed Maura's chin and lifted it to look her straight in the eye. The tears were coming freely now. It broke her heart to see Maura like this. This was so unexpected, she really wasn't prepared for what she was hearing. The emotions taking over her normally stoic best friend. She knew the ME has seen anything and everything dealing with the heinous ways people treat each other. She knew that she understood most of the perpetrators motives and that is what made her so great at her job in speaking for the dead. They were so much alike when it came to emotions. Especially dealing with what they saw on a daily basis. They were both experts at compartmentalization. They had to be to keep going back day in and day out. It did take its toll. She knew she suffered from nightmares due to cases. She thought the nightmares about Hoyt were decreasing just for the mere fact of time. She knew exactly where Maura was coming from, her feelings of failure. That is why Jane requested a new partner after the initial attack by Hoyt. She didn't think Korsak would trust her again because he saw her as weak. She had gone against protocol and put herself in that position. She needed to be rescued. She wasn't in control. It was taken from her. She had failed. She had gotten another chance though. To take back that control. To exorcise that demon forever. Literally and figuratively. She knew that he was no longer alive to wreak any more havoc in her life. She was starting to realize that Maura now had her own demon. A faceless evil that had traveled across the country and was now invading Maura's dreams. Jane was just as relentless as Maura when it came to solving cases. She knew they had a fight on their hands with this one.

"Maura, I don't think you are a failure. I never have and never will. We will work this case together and get this son of a bitch. None of us, as much as we would like to think we can, are able to solve these things on our own. We are a team. We rely on each others strengths to look at all the angles and solve it together. We will solve this case Maura. All of us. I wish I could just tell you to stop worrying about this. That the dreams will just go away. What I will tell you is that I am here whenever you need me. If you need to talk about anything, if you wake from a nightmare, I don't care what time it is, call me and I will listen or come over. I have your back Maura, as I know you have mine, and all of ours. You have always been here for me. Let me be here for you."

Maura blinked a few times, feeling a little weight lifted off of her shoulders. She had confided something to Jane that she thought for sure would have had her pull away as opposed to bringing her closer in proximity. She was finding it hard to breathe at the moment as she looked at their intertwined fingers. She knew Jane had her back, and she was starting to get a little angry with herself for thinking any less of Jane in that she assumed that she would think less of her. She berated herself internally for thinking that Jane would think she was a failure. She trusted her with her life. Why couldn't she just trust her with her feelings, her heart. This realization had a small frown forming on the Doctor's face as she took her eyes away from Jane's.

"Maura, regardless of what you are thinking, I am here, I am not going anywhere no matter what. We have been through a lot the last few years. If me being here now, doesn't show you that, I hope that someday you can believe in yourself they way I believe in you."

"Thank you Jane. I feel a little overwhelmed right now. I just need a minute."

Jane didn't hesitate to take Maura fully into her arms. Maura tensed a little at first, but then relaxed into the Detective's strong embrace. Jane couldn't help but hope that Maura didn't notice that her heart rate was increasing. She just closed her eyes and took in the scent of Maura's shampoo. She knew Maura was emotionally drained, and probably physically at this point also. Without even thinking she placed a small kiss on top of Maura's head and said; "We can talk about the details of the case tomorrow when we get to work if you want to just get some sleep."

"As much as I would like to continue to talk about the case, I think a good night's sleep will do me wonders. I had the old case files expedited. They should arrive by the end of the day tomorrow. I would like to bring them home. If we get lucky and do not have a new body tomorrow, can I entice you to join me in a home cooked meal and borrow your fresh eyes to look over the files with me?"

"I think I could be agreeable to that. As long as you keep the green stuff off of my plate." Jane chuckled into Maura's hair, without knowing what the other was thinking, neither of them had wanted to move from their current position. Maura pulled back a little bit to get a look into Jane's face and was appreciative of the teasing look resting on Jane's face as one of her eyebrows was arched as she glanced back at the Doctor. They both knew the weight of the conversation was lingering a bit. Both just appreciating their connection at the moment. Each needing to reel in the emotional toil from the last few days.

"I think you need more of the green stuff as you put it. Let's go to bed Jane."

Jane leaned back a little further and had now switched and arched the other eyebrow.

Maura just swatted the Detective's upper arm as she removed herself fully from Jane's arms and headed toward her room without looking back, a toothy grin set in place.

A little progress... A little fluff... I am thinking some casework gore will balance out the fluff a bit..

Peace...