b u t t e r f l i i e . d r a g o n

life, flickering

"You… you're different when I'm with you."


He can feel it; the poison corroding his skin, wanting to remain in his blood, taking and taking and never giving up.

But this time, he wants to remember: and that makes all the difference.

His head aches, he feels it throbbing and pounding, like his brain is trying to relinquish its bindings and be free. It's almost like a scream and his ears are ringing, ringing, ringing—

And if a little bit of pain is the price to pay for recovering memories that are his, then it'll all be worth it.

It starts with a wave of dizziness, a hint of nausea and then – then…

The memories swallow him up, unrelenting.

She looks thin, coming out of the building that has decided what Soul Society will do with her; a different sort of victim to the war. She isn't given the penalty of death like Aizen, Tousen and Ichimaru. Instead, she is their prisoner, someone who can never regain their former self thanks to the brutal manipulations of all the residents of Hueco Mundo. But Kurosaki Ichigo believes in her; believes that she can change; believes that she isn't a threat to Soul Society. Others cruelly murmur behind his back that he only believes in one of the three.

She looks thin and pale and gloomy and miserable and oh, he can taste the loneliness that brings her down.

Walking slowly, she comes to a halt, pausing and looking up, her dark eyes glancing all around, searching and searching and finding his.

And it's like he has forgotten to breathe, because he can see so much in her eyes.

Pain, hate, bitterness, loathing.

She doesn't have to say a thing, her eyes tell it all.

For some reason, he can't look away, drawn to the skinny girl.

But she does. She looks away. She breaks the eye contact and walks onwards.

"Man, that Kurosaki Karin." Someone says beside him, shaking their head. "Definitely a creepy child."

There are many words to describe her; that much Hitsugaya Toushirou is certain.

But creepy is not one of them.

There's a note on his desk: Kurosaki Karin joining Soul Society Academy today.

He could sigh in frustration, crumpling up the sheet of paper, tossing it only the floor. A girl is going to the Academy. A girl who is like no other; just the same as the rest of the new entrants, and is about to understand the basics of being a shinigami. And maybe, if she's lucky, she'll get a seated position. Perhaps she'll be a genius, completing the course under a year; perhaps not.

It is no matter of importance to him.

And yet…

As he looks under the discarded paper, he notices another notice. Well, two – both on the same sheet, yet in different handwriting.

The first: Congrats on the new position! Best of luck. You will be an incredible soutaichou! :)

Unbelievable. There is actually a smiley face. But that's Ukitake Juushirou for you.

The second: You have to make a speech to the new students. Ten o'clock. Don't be late.

Stifling a groan, Hitsugaya Toushirou wonders why nobody informed him of this.

He could improvise the speech on the spot – they'd never have to know.

except, it's rather hard to concentrate when a bored, black-haired student who is yawning and not even glancing in his direction, is getting on his nerves.

It's not stalking. It's… curiosity.

He is discretely wondering how her progress at the Academy is and if he does it once – it doesn't count as 'stalking'.

It is observation, research – seeing how she reacts to this life, different to what she is used to.

She sits at the back of the class, head in her hands, glumly listening to the lecture, spinning her pencil between her fingers and transferring it from one end to the other, back and forth, as if there's nothing else to do.

She doesn't interact with the rest of the class – not if she can help it. Occasionally, she'll raise her hand, knowing the answer that others do not, but most of the time, she stays quiet, deep in thought.

Maybe she notices him, maybe she doesn't.

There are moments in her class when he thinks she's looking straight at him.

"My name is Kurosaki Karin." She says, eyes slanted, arms folded, as she sits cross-legged on the desk. "Please leave me the fuck alone."

"Alright. Alright. Easy there." The classmate laughs awkwardly, shrugging it off. "We're not all bad guys, you know."

Karin shrugs noncommittally and not inclined to answer. She doesn't look at him, drumming a tune on her elbows. Almost as if she can't stand the sight of him.

"Weirdo." Someone mumbles audibly, gaining no attention from the target.

"Guys… class is starting. We wouldn't want to make the teacher mad, would we? Listen, just do as she says, and leave her alone."

It's the start of a rift.

And sooner or later, they are going to resent her for her behaviour.

There's always someone there to accompany her as she leaves the Academy. Sometimes it's Ishida Orihime, sometimes it's the guards that lead her to prison, sometimes it's someone else; sometimes there's a pattern, and sometimes there's none at all.

It's never Ichigo, never Rukia. Oh, they might come, standing in the shadows, hoping that she might notice, hoping that she doesn't and never will, but they don't talk to her, as if her very presence makes them uncomfortable and they don't know how to react, blinded by guilt and apprehension. Because they can tell.

She hates them.

And she cannot forgive them.

Not yet.

And one day she stops, breaking away from mid-conversation, muttering a curse under breath and rolling her eyes. And she glares in his direction.

"Okay. You know what, Hitsugaya? I'm getting a little tired of being stalked. I don't care if any of my classmates can't sense you. I can. And it's bugging me. So, please, Hitsugaya – if you have something to say – then for fuck's sake: just fucking say it! I go to class – you're there, hiding. I lag behind – again, you're there, wherever the hell that is. I go out – and oh, I'm sorry, I can sense you once again. And believe me, I've been kind. I've been patient. I've waited for quite some time, 'cause I thought, 'you know, what the heck, he's bound to talk to me at some point'. But it's been a while, and quite frankly, I've had it. So, if you have anything to say – then just say it."

She walks straight towards him, keeping in sight of the guards, ignoring the temptation to run off.

Then she stops, head cocked to the side, face set in stone, eyes challenging, hands on hips.

"Go on then."

There's nothing stopping him.

But… he has nothing to say.

"Give me a break." She snaps, fed up. "I give you time to get things in your head sorted, and you have nothing? Kami-sama. Even rocks make better conversation than you. Don't tell me that you're going to stay silent after I've gone all this way…"

The fact is that Karin has a way of being disconcerting and making people's head's go blank in a number of seconds because she has such an aggressive front.

She rolls her eyes and sighs. "Ah, jeez, if you're going to be like this, I might as well shoot myself. I bet reincarnation is a lot more interesting that talking to you." Her smile grows bitterly, amused. "Only problem with that is that I have no gun. Shame."

Turning away, she hesitates, tapping her foot and relenting. She faces him once more.

"Okay. If you actually have something to talk about; I'm all ears. You know where I'll be."

"And where's that exactly?"

Her leer widens, and her face speaks volumes of incredibility. In fact, she actually laughs at him. It is so hollow and empty and broken that it sends shivers up his spine. "Why, Hitsugaya, where else would I be, if not here? In my cell, of course!"

"You may not talk to the soutaichou that way!" The guards bark at her, and she stops once more, taken off guard.

"Soutaichou. That's interesting. I guess you got yourself a promotion then." And Karin claps, three slow patronizing times. "Very well done. Guess that explains what you were doing at the Academy the first time, at least."

He should say something – tell her that she can only treat him with respect, since she clearly has none. But… it's a shock. How down to earth she treats him. Kind of refreshing.

"Whatever. See you around, or not." Offering a half-hearted wave from the back of her hand as she retreats back to her cell, she does not look back.

There's an inexplicable rage that follows that afternoon, blamed on a lack of sleep.

Sleep… right.

There's no improvement to Hinamori Momo. Although she has to wake up at some point, it feels like she is going to be in an eternal slumber.

He is not a prince from some fairytale. He can't kiss her and make the spell undone. He can't do anything but wait.

So he takes a walk, and finds himself entering the prison, where… a dark-haired girl is, sprawled on the floor, and trying to find a comfortable position.

"You know, chairs really aren't comfortable if you sit on them for so long." She says, examining her fingertips from far away, noticing that someone has come, but not the person himself. "Especially these. No cushion, you know?"

"No. Can't say that I do." Toushirou replies honestly. He's never been imprisoned.

"Huh?" She rolls to face the bars – face him, mouth ajar in an expression of surprising, quickly reddening. "Oh… it's you. Seems like you took up my offer, even though I didn't really expect you to…" She trails off, coughing and having the grace to appear a little bit ashamed. "Look, I'm sorry about last time – I was having a crappy day. You were the final straw, and my temper just burst…" She stands up, brushing away the dirt and stepping closer towards him. "I promise to be civil."

"Okay."

"So, first things first: what are you doing here?" Though her expression is a bit bemused, she cuts straight to the point.

As he speaks, he realizes how easy it is to talk to her, although her occasional remarks bite back and need idle banter, which take them into tangents.

Yet talking to her… it's like stress relief. And who is she going to bitch about these problems to?

"I better go." He says, standing up once more. How could he lose track of the time?

"Oh yeah?" Lifting one eyebrow up, she grins slowly, the very corners of her mouth slightly upturned and there's something quite mischievous about the way she looks at him. "Come back any time. I'll be here."

He doesn't discover that there's a matching smile on his face until someone points it out.

And he is far away from the prison at that point.

She seems more interested in kidou lessons than any of the other lessons in the curriculum. Konsou – the theory of it, at least – bores her; zanpakutou lessons – also makes her yawn and no one is ahead like her, but then no one is a prisoner like her.

She's crap at performing it, and she disregards the disdainful statements from her class at her bad attempts. But she snorts and she laughs and at times, if she's very lucky, she can make other people beside her blow up too, insisting that it's an accident and 'it won't happen again'; though he's fairly certain that it will.

"You're doing it on purpose." He says to her, covertly glancing at the surrounding crowd, who pay no attention to them. Nonetheless, Toushirou speaks quietly, as if they are in a conspiracy and they don't want anybody to overhear them.

"Am I? Am I really?" Leaning in, she narrows the distance between them, barely on the brink from daring him to say otherwise, quite amused. "Prove it."

That is something he cannot do. Well… unless he actually memorized her level of reiatsu every time she practised kidou. But that would have to be next time.

"Soutaichou!" The guards salute. "That's Kurosaki Karin—"

"I know who she is. She'll be with me." Curtly, Hitsugaya Toushirou responds, not even batting an eyelid.

"Have no fear; he'll take me back where I belong – to the dungeons and for me to form alliances to the rats." Dryly remarking, she waves them away, quite casual before returning to face him and adding as an afterthought. "Maybe that was too much."

"Mm." Truthfully, he has no say on the matter.

"Are we going anywhere?" Karin asks, blasé and mildly inquisitive.

Maybe it's because her presence is easy-going that he murmurs, more to himself than her. "I have no idea."

Karin doesn't really care where she is going unless it's back to prison once again.

"Well. That's okay. I'm fine with whatever you choose."

"You've changed."

She's tapping a tune into the black bars and squatting when she replies absentmindedly. "Oh yeah? Do you actually believe that?"

"Believe what?"

"That people change." She innocuously counters, shrugging, not meeting his eyes. "Do you think that they can really change? Or that they can't change, not completely. Which one do you think is true?"

"I think people can change." He answers, a little stiffly, reiatsu flaring.

"Whoa, there. Didn't mean to offend; after all, I promised, didn't I? I promised to remain civil to you." Hands up in a surrendering position, she stops tapping with the bars. "But that's nice. You're an optimist. Or maybe you're a realist that gives people the benefit of the doubt, unless with proof otherwise. I wonder if there's a difference between the two." Mulling over this, she stands up, her lips pressed together, fascinated by the behaviour of people.

"Why are you like this?" He asks.

"Like…? Like what?" And just like that – her guard is up, on the defensive.

"You treat me different. And I'm not talking about being 'civil'. You… you're different when I'm with you." The words flow naturally, and he can't help but watch her cheeks burn red.

"Hitsugaya." She eventually says, trying to maintain an unfazed façade. "Come closer."

He does so.

"Closer."

A little warily this time, he steps forward.

"You really think I'm going to hurt you?"

The only that separates them now are the cold black bars.

She flicks his forehead, right between the eyes.

"Fucking moron." She scowls, avoiding his gaze. But her cheeks are brighter than ever. "For a soutaichou, you sure are stupid…"

It's got to be a trick of the light; dusk is manipulative in prison.

That's the only logical solution.

"Shut up."

"Make me." Cheekily, she retorts.

"What the fuck was that for?" His temper rising, Hitsugaya steps away from the bars and out of her reach.

"Mm… you deserved it!" No matter how pretty her smile may be – it cannot be forgiven!

Nobody flicks Hitsugaya Toushirou's forehead and lives to tell the tale.

"Why you—"

"Soutaichou!" The guard gets his attention, breaking the atmosphere that they produced. "Hinamori Momo has awakened."

And that changes everything; and Karin is gone from his mind because Hinamori—Hinamori takes priority while Karin is a pastime. Karin fades into the background and is left behind as Hinamori Momo wakes up into the world that Aizen Sousuke no longer exists.

Hitsugaya Toushirou doesn't say a thing, he doesn't have to.

He has already forgotten about Kurosaki Karin.

And so he doesn't see Karin spit and slump onto the ground, muttering to her self.

"Ain't life a bitch."

The next time he sees her, she throws her chair at him.

It's slow. It's painful. But—

Like a jigsaw puzzle, things are sliding into place.