Chapter 7:What his heart discovers
-Or how Cross finally realises his feelings for his team leader-
The battle with Zu Phang had been long and difficult. Cross had even wondered if they could pull this one out too. He believed that after the attack on NLA and their confrontation with the Wrothian people, they had just run out of luck. But they survived and protected humanity once more. And again, it was all thanks to their amazing Team Leader.
However, more conflicts between humans appeared. Money, lust, jealousy,… the list of reasons was endless. And to make matters worse, there was only a 9% of battery left in the Lifehold Core. Humanity was really in a pinch here.
Elma had decided that after the battle with Zu Phang everyone could have a day off to rest so they could unwind their minds and be prepared for the hard times that would come up next. She needed her team to be in top condition if they had to ensure Humanity's survival. Lin decided to learn a new recipe while Tatsu decided to do a quick visit to his mamapon. Elma wondered off without saying where or what she would do. Seeing as everyone wanted some down time alone, Cross decided to take a stroll through NLA. He delighted at the friendly xeno and human interactions and the positive vibe the city had even after these last hard days. Cross was walking in the Commercial District when a familiar voice called out to him.
-Hey Cross!
-Hey there – Cross saw who it was but couldn't really remember her name. She was a tall and blond young woman. And then he realized that it was Shingo's girlfriend, Dorothy. They had helped Shingo, a fellow BLADE, ask her out recently. That day was also the day that Lin began her quest on his love life.
-How are you? Working hard?- Dorothy smiled.
-Yeah. How are you and Shingo? – Cross wondered.
Suddenly, Dorothy's face changed. She had this painful look and was ready to cry at any second. Cross realized his mistake: never ask for fellow BLADES, you really never know.
-Shingo…died during the Ganglion attack- Dorothy explained painfully.
-I'm so sorry to hear this – Cross said, not knowing what else to say. He felt terribly guilty for bringing up such a macabre theme.
-It's okay. I'm sure he died honourably. It's not like I have lost him forever, right? He is in the Lifehold Core, waiting for me.
-Yeah. We will find the Lifehold Core. I promise – Cross said solemnly. Dorothy looked so calm and composed, what would he do if Elma or Lin had been in Shingo's place?
- You are so sweet. I am counting on you. I can't wait to be reunited with Shingo – Dorothy smiled sadly. – Well, I have to go. Bye Cross.
Cross didn't hear what she had said. He was too concentrated in this new feeling that he had. It was painful to say the least and it had appeared when he had imagined him and Elma instead of Dorothy and Shingo. He trembled at the thought of losing Elma. He just had not imagined that as a possibility but seeing how real and easy losing someone was had shook him. Elma was strong and determined, always ready to move forward. Cross did not think losing Elma was possible and yet...
…
And then it hit him. He finally realized.
…
He had fallen in love. With Elma.
...
It clicked…
-Butterflies in the stomach, awareness of the other's person every moves, sleepless nights… There are a lot of definitions of what love feels like. - Lao explained. –However, my advice is that you shouldn't listen to any of that crap. Everyone feels love differently. You just have to see Gwin.
…Lao was right. He didn't feel butterflies but he had a funny feeling. He wasn't too aware of Elma but instead really interested in her reactions and impressions of him. He slept soundly at night but kept dreaming of her. And he really couldn't imagine his daily life without Elma. Love was a very confusing feeling. How could he be so dense? Where was the boundary between friendship and love?
Cross wondered what was the next step. In light of the latest events, this was not a time to be lovey dovey with Elma. The Lifehold Core was still to be found and it was a time of crisis. This was a critical time were humanity either survived or died.
In the meantime, Cross had to deal with his can-not-be-expressed feelings somehow. He decided to go to a mountain in Primordia with the newly installed flight pack on his skell and scream. He knew it wasn't the smartest nor the safest choice but he couldn't help it. He wanted to punch himself.
He was in love and that was a fact that was difficult to digest. What would he do now? It was not as he could go to Elma and confess his love. Knowing Elma, she would just dismiss him. How do you reach the unreachable?
-I guess some people are meant to fall in love but not meant to be together – Cross murmured to himself as he sat at the edge of a cliff and observed the landscape, lost in thoughts all alone.
A few hours after, a more serene Cross returned to NLA. It was almost past midnight. Just entering the barracks, Lin sprang from the sofa and attacked Cross with questions.
-Where have you been Cross? We have been so worried! Even Elma was uneasy!- was the first thing Lin asked. Elma was uneasy?
-Eh…I've been relaxing… I suppose?- Cross really didn't count as relaxing discovering your own feelings.
-Yeah sure, and Tatsu is now a smart creature – Lin answered with irony.
-Where is everyone?- Cross wondered, trying to change the topic.
-Elma decided to take a walk outside, Tatsu is sleeping and I don't know about the others.
Cross sat in the sofa and gestured Lin to sit down too.
-I have discovered something today- said Cross with a serious tone. He was a bit lost in the matter of having feelings for someone but decided to seek guidance from Lin. He wasn't too sure how smart of a choice that was but it was definitively better than trying blindly. Furthermore, he could not remember if he had a special someone before.
Lin sat down and nodded for Cross to continue. Cross took a deep breath.
-I think I like Elma. Like, really like her- confessed Cross as his cheeks reddened a bit. He didn't know what he was expecting to be Lin's reaction, but it was definitively not such a calm and collected one. It seemed as she knew already the truth.
-That took you long enough. A bit more and I would have been already married!- Lin joked to which Cross only rolled his eyes.- Then why don't you ask her out one day? You know, a date- Lin wondered aloud.
-Well you see… we're at war here. We're fighting for survival. I don't think it is appropriate right now. Maybe in a future when all of this is finished.
-Maybe by then we will all be dead. Are you okay with dying without expressing your feelings? – Lin wondered. Cross remembered Shingo and Dorothy and how he died. Lin had a point but…
-I don't know. Right now it's a time of crisis. We can't play love games. Maybe once we have our real bodies back.
-Mmm, what's holding you back? - Lin could clearly see that Cross was troubled.
-Well, even after humanity is safe, I…I don't think I have the courage to confess to her. She's so calm and collected. She is a Valkyrie while I look like a toddler next to her- confessed Cross as his face reddened a bit.
-Seriously? You can go against an army of Ganglion but you don't have the balls for asking a girl out?
-This is not a game Lin. I can't go toying with feelings the same way you do with me and Tatsu – Cross accused. Lin stood in silence, thinking of the best approach.
Cross shifted his position on the sofa. Talking about feelings was making him uncomfortable.
-I'm going to bed. It's almost past midnight – Cross said as he stood up, finishing the conversation.
-G' Night. – Lin knew better than to keep pressing Cross. He really looked tired. She was happy that at least one end of this was finally moving. And she had seen Elma worried and jealous about Cross. This was going to be interesting. Commander Vandham would be proud when she tells him the news.
Needless to say, Cross did not sleep well that night. He kept tossing and turning as he remembered the conversation with Lin. What was he going to do?
Author's note
In case you are wondering, yeah "Cross murmured to himself as he sat at the edge of a cliff and observed the landscape, lost in thoughts all alone." is a reference to Lost in Thoughts All Alone from Fire Emblem Fates. Great game!
