Chap. 7

"How to save a life… "

POV- Alex

I bolt out of the condo, and ride the elevator down to the parking garage. I walk to Alicia's car and get in. I close my eyes and lean my head back against the seat, finally letting the tears fall. Seconds later, the drivers' door opens. I quickly dry my face with the back of my hand.

The door closes, but she doesn't start the car. I look over to her and see the concern in her eyes.

"Alex?" She calls. It's so quiet; it sounds more like a gasp.

"Have you been crying? What HAPPENED?" She asks.

I tell her about my talk with Paige, on the balcony. I tell her how Paige tried to act as if there was nothing between us.

SHE was the one who wanted ME to stay and talk. Why was she pushing me away?

Once I've finished venting, Alicia's face changes and I see more anger than concern, "You know…you're going to move on someday and she's going to regret letting you go. It's her loss though. Not yours."

With that, she starts the car and begins to drive back to my apartment. She invites herself to stay, and I warn her that the futon in front of the TV is the ONLY bed in the whole apartment. She shrugs, and I remember how similar we are. She helps me unfold the futon so that there is space for both of us to sleep.

She sleeps fine, even snoring a little. But, as usual, I can't sleep. I have too much on my mind. Between work and Paige, I've probably sprouted a few gray hairs.

I sigh, defeated. More painful memories of myself and Paige.

Paige and I had just gotten off work. She insisted that she spend the night at my place since we always stayed at hers.

We were sitting on the sofa in front of the TV. Paige was channel surfing when Chad came marching out of the bedroom. He and mom were arguing about the rent or something. It escaladed and I could see the veins popping out of his neck. I remember looking at Paige and seeing the fear in her eyes.

I took her by the hand and went to my room to grab some pillows and blankets. I shoved everything up under my free arm, and led Paige out of the apartment towards the stairs. Mom and Chad didn't even notice, because at this point, they had been screaming at the top of their lungs. I knew fists would start flying soon.

Once we made it to the roof, I set a blanket down for us to lie on. Then, I dropped the pillows on top of it. I let the other blanket fall to my side as I took both of her hands in mine, kissing her softly. I loved kissing her. I loved her soft lips that always tasted like cherries. I loved how her nose would fit so perfectly beside mine as we tilted our heads. I loved that her breath always smelt like skittles… I just loved HER.

I broke the kiss with that cheesy ass grin I always got when I knew I was about to get "cuddles". I sat down on the blanket, never letting go of her hands. I looked up and she giggled before taking a seat next to me. We pulled the other blanket up onto our laps before lying back. The roof was all loose gravel, and I didn't want her to be uncomfortable so I laid back and let her lay her head on my chest as I rubbed her back. I remember wincing a little because my back and ribs were still sore from a fight with Chad earlier that week.

She looked up into my eyes and smiled. I felt like I would have a heart attack and die right there. Her eyes were a light gray that night. They had a different kind of shine to them under the moon. It was one of the most beautiful things I'd ever seen.

I joked, "I know I'm not NEARLY as comfortable as your bed, or even my little tikes' bed, but hopefully, this'll do for tonight."

She let out a husky laugh and nuzzled my neck. "Hun, I'd take you over any bed."

I smiled and kissed her forehead, sliding my hand up her back to the back of her head. "Wow. Princess, doesn't need a bed? I must be rubbing off on you," I teased.

"Yeah. We're switching places. I'm turning into a badass and you're turning into a big softie."

"I am not." I blushed and rolled my eyes.

"You kind of are hun. Believe it or not… you're quite the romantic. And you're totally blushing right now"

"So, a hot girl is lying on top of me and I'm blushing? Sue me for being normal."

She gave me a look that said she wasn't buying it.

"Don't give me that look."

She laughed again. How I loved that laugh. "Face it, Lexi. YOU... Are... A... Sweetheart."

I smiled, defeated. "Only for you, Paigey."

She smiled and closed her eyes. She brought her hand to my chest and began tracing little shapes with her index finger. I closed my eyes and just focused on the warmth and electricity I felt under her finger. After a while, she rolled off of me and pulled me onto my side. My confusion must've showed on my face, because she explained herself.

"I wanted see your eyes." She placed her bottom hand over my heart and let her top hand rest on the side of my face. I draped my arm over her waist, pulling her closer. She stroked my cheek with her thumb as I stared into her eyes for what felt like hours. Days. Years.

I remember kissing her for even longer. When we finally pulled away for air, I told her I loved her. It was the first time I'd ever said it to anyone other than my mom or dad. I'd never even said it to Jay. I was so nervous I would scare her away.

"Paige, you don't have to say it back. Say it when you mean it… I just… wanted you to know."

She didn't say anything. She seemed to be deliberating over something.

I began to panic "Please, don't be scared Paige. I'm sorry if—"

She cut me off with a sweet kiss.

"I love you too, Alex. I always will…"

We fell asleep up there and missed school the next day, but it was worth it. Just waking up with the sun… Having her in my arms… It was always worth it.

My thoughts are interrupted by my cell phone ringing. I look at the clock. Wow. Morning, already?

I roll of off the futon and take the call out of the apartment into the hall, so I won't wake Alicia. I carefully crack the door behind me, before putting the receiver to my ear. An unfamiliar voice greets me.

"Goodmorning. This is Dr. Tillman at the Degrassi Community Hospital."

Oh, man.

I lean against the wall for the support I know I'll need.

Dr. Tillman continues, "Am I speaking with Alexandra Nunez?"

I swallow, uncomfortably. "Uh,… yes. Yes, sir."

He continues, "There's been an accident involving Chad Kent and Emily Nunez... We don't have much time, so I'm going to ask you to come down here and I'll explain things once you've seen her. If at all possible, please try to be here within the next half hour. See you soon."

I hang up and realize I'm sitting on the floor. I must've lost it, somewhere in the middle of that.

I hop up and rush back into the apartment. What did he mean? We don't have much time? Please no… Not again…

I scribble a quick note and a leave a spare key for Alicia on the counter before grabbing my own and nearly sprinting to my car. I don't want to face this again. Death. Cars. Parents. I shake my head to erase the suppressed memories and emotions resurfacing.

It takes me all of fifteen minutes to get to the hospital. Shit! It's been twenty minutes, already.

I burst into the front doors of Emergency room and approach the reception desk, breathlessly. "I… need to… see… Emily Nunez."

A female receptionist looks up from her paperwork and inspects me. "You must be Alexandra. Follow me." She calls someone over the intercom to man the desk, then she walks out and leads me down a familiar hall. A hall I've seen because Chad. WAY too many times.

Finally, we reach another waiting room where a doctor and a nurse are waiting. With sympathetic eyes, the receptionist leaves.

What the HELL? Someone better tell me what's going on.

I look around and see Paige, a bruised Chad with cops on both arms, and Jay all sitting in the waiting room. I approach an attractive middle-aged man I assume is Dr. Tillman. By the looks of his name tag, I assumed right.

I am irritated when he gives me the same look as the receptionist. "Alexandra," He says, with pain in his voice, "She's dying. There isn't much we can do. She only asked that we help hold it off until she sees you."

"Hold WHAT off? What do you MEAN there's nothing you can do?!" My voice is so sharp he jumps back, startled. My eyes sting and I close my eyes to hold back the tears. I take a deep breath and open my eyes. I speak again, more calmly this time. "Can I see her?"

He nods and leads me to the operating room. The sight of mom churns my stomach and takes my breath away. She's got all kinds of wires and pouches hooked up to her. Her stomach and right forearm are wrapped with bloody bandages. Her face is even worse. The left side is normal, but the right side is bloody and mangled. I feel the tears sting my eyes again. I hold them.

I can't cry. I have to be strong for her. So she can get better. She's not dying. She can't be…

I come to her unaffected side and take her hand. She groans in agony. It kills me to see her like this. I squeeze her hand and notice how cold and weak they are becoming. "Lexi…" She looks at me and smiles weakly. "Don't be afraid-"

This is too familiar.

I heard a thunderous crash. Like someone had stomped on a giant soda can. I felt the car jerk forward violently before stopping. Daddy's forehead was resting on his hand on the steering wheel and his legs were trapped. From my car seat, I could see the blood running down his fingertips and onto the steering wheel. He reached back with his free hand to see if I was alright. He took my hand, trying to keep me calm. He held it as long as he could. Finally, someone in the other car called for help. Moments later, I heard the sirens approaching. A firefighter scooped me up out of the car. At the time, I didn't know what was happening. I just knew daddy stopped holding my hand, which wasn't typical of him. And I knew that some strange men were taking me and he wasn't following me.

"Daddy!" The tears were flowing. "We're leaving DADDY!" I kicked and screamed as the firefighter carried me away.

Every now and then, I wonder what life could've been. If we never crashed. If we had a fully functioning car...

We didn't have the money to get our airbags fixed, so daddy took them out. In fact, we never had the money to get anything fixed, so daddy had become quite the handyman. I picked up that trait once I got to middle school. I could tell you anything about cars, plumbing, and appliances by the time I reached puberty.

I just needed something to remember him by. Something other than the image of him bleeding out onto the steering wheel. Or the feeling of his strong hands suddenly becoming so cold and weak as they fell out of my little ones. I needed something to remember other than his thick Mexican accent as he spoke his last words.

"Don't be afraid, Lexi… "

"No. Mom, no… "I shake my head in denial, cutting her off. "You're going to be okay."

"Lexi. I can't..." Her eyes are staring into mine, but I see them losing focus. It's like she's staring through me now.

"YES YOU CAN! You always do!" I'm shaking now. I cannot lose her. She's all I have. I'm all she has…

"I love y-" She mutters, letting her eyes close and her cold hand fall limply out of mine.

"NOO!" I grab her shoulders and shake her as if it would actually wake her up. "Mom… Please… "

"Ma'am… Let's get some air. "Dr. Tillman takes a hold of me and takes me back to the waiting room. Chad, Paige, and Jay stand, hoping for good news. They all sit quickly after seeing the state I'm in.

I take a seat away from everyone else and rest my head in my hands. Paige approaches me cautiously and takes my hand. She watches me the whole time.

"Alex…" She says my name so softly. Before she can finish, I cut her off. I make no effort to hide the bitterness in my voice.

"Why are you here, Paige?"

She looks down at the dingy white tile floor then back up at me. "I… I don't know."

"No. I think you do…" I pull my hand out of hers and cross my arms. Putting up a shield. Protecting myself from the truth. The truth that I'm glad she's here, because she's always been my rock. Because I love her. Because I know that deep down, SHE knows she still loves ME.

"Where's Dom?" I ask bitterly.

"Asleep." She responds with irritation in her voice. I scoff.

"Alex! I am TRYING to be here for you. Quit pushing me away!"

"Right. Because I'm the one who's been doing that lately." I nod sarcastically and stand to approach Chad and the officers. I'm curious about how this happened. What were they doing?

I find out that Chad had been driving while intoxicated and ran a stop sign. A car approaching from their right drove into the car, crushing a few of mom's ribs. At some point during this, mom's head smashed into the passenger's seat window, giving her a nasty concussion.

Something inside of me snaps. My heart begins to race and my skin feels like it's on fire. CHAD DID THIS!

"YOU!," I scream. "I FUCKING HATE YOU!" I'm in his face now, feeling like the old Alex. He tries to get loose of the cops. I wish they would let him go, so I could be the one kicking his ass for once. Instead they look at me, warning me not to do anything stupid. Paige walks up and apologizes to the officers before pulling me away.

"Alex, stop!" She takes my hand and escorts me to my car. Even in a situation like this, holding her hand feels right. ESPECIALLY in a situation like this.

"Hun, you're scaring me. It's okay to cry. Will you just talk to me?" She begs, beginning to cry herself.

"You don't get to break my heart and comfort me, too." I yank my hand from hers and start to open my car door.

Paige stops me. She pulls me into an embrace and I struggle until I feel everything fighting to get out of me. I bury my face into that familiar place on her neck and let go. Holding onto her, I cry harder than I've ever cried before. She hugs my neck with one arm and strokes my hair with her free hand. I hear her telling me everything will get better with time.

I can only hope so.