Chapter 7
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Veronica knocked on Logan's hotel room door at the Neptune Grand.
"Hey, Dick. Is Logan…? Dick, um, I can't believe I'm about to ask you this, but are you okay?" Veronica eyed Dick with cautious concern. Dick, normally a drunken buffoon, looked more like he'd been unsuccessfully drinking away his demons in a similar manner as her mother. She had a pretty good guess what those might be.
"Logan's out with Mac, they're working on some business stuff. You wanna wait for him?"
"Sure, if you don't mind," she walked in, wondering if she should just bolt. She could talk to Logan about the Kanes later. Preferably when Dick was either sober or not home.
"Veronica, can I ask you something?" Dick looked at her seriously, which rather unnerved her. Dick was never serious.
Veronica nodded.
"Do you… blame me?"
"I'm sorry? Blame you for what?" Veronica looked confused. Was he talking about Logan?
"You know, what Cassidy did."
"Dick… do you blame yourself?" Veronica asked, surprised.
He bowed his head in shame and nodded.
"You had no idea what your brother was capable of, so, no, I don't blame you," she said, slowly, unsure to which of Cassidy's horrific actions he was actually referring.
"You don't understand, my dad and me, we picked on him all the time. He hated being called Beaver, and we just made sure everyone called him that. It's my fault he felt he had to prove himself, and he killed all those people, and then he killed himself. Shit, Veronica, it's my fault he raped you. We put you in that bedroom to torment him, told him he wouldn't even be able to please a girl who was passed out. If I'd had any idea he actually would… I swear, Veronica, I swear I would never have left you alone with him, I swear, I'm sorry…" his voice broke and he started crying.
Oh shit. Veronica sat in horror, left with the responsibility of comforting Dick Casablancas for his part in her rape.
She took in a deep breath to steady herself. She knew it wasn't really Dick's fault, at least not intentionally. Logically, she knew he contributed just as much to that night as Logan having bought the drugs, and Madison unknowingly giving her a spiked drink that had been intended for her instead. She knew that he didn't honestly expect his brother would rape her. But she was unsure why Logan was the only one of them she had forgiven for his part in that evening's events. Because I love Logan, that's why.
She started slowly, and avoided directly addressing his fault for her rape. "Dick, you picked on your little brother, just like every other big brother does. Maybe there were times you were too mean or too rough. But not everyone picked on by an older sibling goes on to rape women, murder their classmates and commit suicide. Even being molested by Woody Goodman doesn't really explain it. I don't know why Cassidy did the things he did. I don't know why he would have difficult, and some horrible, experiences in his life and it turn him into a monster. I don't even know why he jumped off the roof that night instead of running. I… was hysterical after he blew up the plane, Logan wouldn't have left me to go after him… Dick, I just don't know. I wish I had the answers. And, Dick, honestly, I really do wish Cassidy was still here to provide those answers. I-I've been over it a thousand times in my mind. Cassidy was a brilliant liar. When he told me he didn't rape me, that he could never do that to me, I believed him. He looked me in the eyes and promised me he could never do that…" she blinked back tears. She was not going to cry in front of Dick Casablancas. Even a drunk and crying Dick Casablancas. No way. She took another breath to calm herself before she continued.
"Should you have been nicer to him? Yes. But you can't put the blame on yourself for the horrible things he did. Dick, if you want my advice, just appreciate the life you have and live it well, because that's what your brother can't have because of the choices he made. And you're probably one of the few people who will mourn him, and remember that they loved him," she said, somehow managing to keep her voice even.
Dick nodded, tears still streaming down his face. Then he did the unthinkable: he hugged her.
Oh God, she groaned. Why me? This couldn't possibly get any worse.
"Uh, there-there, Dick," she patted him on the back, horrified by the contact. "Okay, good hug. Time to back away now. Dick?! Are you grabbing my ass?" she shrieked, just as the hotel room door opened.
"Hey, roomy!" Dick's demeanor suddenly changed, perking up to his usual obnoxious behavior. "Just getting' fresh here with Veronica. You don't mind, do ya, Buddy? You know, since we sleep with each other's ex-girlfriends and all." She noted the venom at the end. Was it possible Dick actually loved Madison? No, no one could possibly love Madison. Other than Madison, of course.
"I think it's time to go. As usual, Dick, it was lovely seeing you," Veronica grabbed her bag, punched him hard in the shoulder and headed for the door.
"Veronica, wait," Logan called after her.
Veronica was having difficulty keeping her composure. She thought she had dealt with what happened, properly compartmentalized it all, and moved on. But sometimes, such as being faced with the Hearst rapes, and tonight, witnessing the continuing aftermath of Cassidy's destruction, it hit her hard.
"Veronica, are you okay? Sorry if Dick was being a jerk…"
"Dick is always a jerk. What Dick isn't usually is remorseful. You know he actually apologized for his part in his brother raping me?"
"Yeah, he's been unusually… introspective, since his dad came back," Logan muttered, then changed the subject. "So, can I hope you were here to see me, not to get groped by a drunk and sad Dick?"
"Yeah, that was just an added bonus. I actually came to thank you for making my dad's legal issues go away," she baited him.
Logan hesitated, then responded. "That's nice of you, but I didn't do anything…"
"Sure you did. You have something on Jake Kane, and he raised heaven and earth to make sure that the prosecutor, a guy who also really hates my dad, dropped the charges. I want to know what it is," she demanded.
"Veronica…" he looked away so he wouldn't see her staring him down.
"No, don't Veronica me. You have the goods on Jake Kane, I want to know what it is. The charges against my dad only got dropped after you made a visit to Jake Kane at his new home. I have an entire hard drive full of dirty secrets on him and his buddies, but the thing that forces him to get the charges against my father be dropped is whatever you said to him? Spill."
He decided to take the honest approach. "If I tell you what I know, then the deal I cut for your father goes away, do you understand that? The charges can be re-filed. So, for once, can you please just trust me, Veronica? Please? Maybe instead of grilling me for answers, you can just say 'Thank-you, Logan. I appreciate your help.' What's the saying about gift horses and mouths?"
"You know I can't do that…"
"I know. You aren't built that way. Well, you know what? This is the way I'm built, to keep the dirty secrets because, when they come to light, the only thing they cause is destruction. This one needs to stay buried, there's no good that can come of it. But good can come of keeping it buried, and that's getting your dad's charges dropped."
"And putting Gorya Sorokin on his knees. I got a voicemail from him this morning, actually apologizing for the video and promising he's destroyed all copies. Not that it makes it go away, but at least it won't be featured on 'Girls Gone Wild.' So whatever you have on Jake Kane must be damn good."
"It is," Logan admitted. Then he decided to throw down the trump card. "And for Duncan's sake, it can never come out. Do you understand? If it came out, events would play out that would bring Duncan back to the States, him thrown in jail and his daughter raised by those religious nuts. Just leave Pandora's box closed. Just know that I used the leverage I had to protect you, to protect your father. I still love you, Veronica, and I'm pretty sure that no matter how hard I try not to, I always will. Even if you can't forgive me for the things I've done, or even for keeping this secret, I still want to keep you safe, and I want you to be happy. Please, for once, can you just trust me?"
Veronica pressed the elevator button, and exhaled. She turned to face him, tears stinging her eyes and nodded. "All right. You're right. For once, I'll leave it alone. Logan, I – I do trust you. I always have. I just think, maybe, it's that I don't trust myself. I don't trust that just when things are good they won't fall apart, that the people I love won't disappoint me, lie to me, leave me. I don't know. I just – I've got to go," she ducked into the elevator as the doors opened. As she pushed the lobby button, she sighed and said, "Thank you, Logan. I appreciate your help."
The doors closed and Logan smiled to himself. Had he really just won an argument with Veronica Mars? Probably not. He doubted that ultimately she wouldn't try to figure out what leverage he had on Jake Kane. Fortunately, spending enough time with her meant he knew how to not leave a trail back to the evidence, and if she started investigating him, she would come up empty. Someday he would tell her, after it was safe for Duncan to come back, and most likely after Jake Kane drank himself to death.
In the meantime, he was happy he was at least in Veronica's good graces again. For now.
