I stared at the trees as the last of the sunlight disappeared behind them. I looked at the birds going to their homes and though how easy it was for them, they didn't have to experience love, friendship, pain. They have it so easy. The backdoor opened once again but I didn't bother to look, every once in a while someone would come to see if I was still Alice or if I didn't go after ….Jacob. Just thinking his name would remind me of today's event and I'd drown in guilt. The porch wing moves as someone sat beside me. I turned expecting to see Dad but it was someone I didn't expect.

"Seth!" I swung my arms around him and he hugged me back.

"Hey Nessie." He said in his husky voice. For a second I felt as if I was in Jacob's safe arms. Seth's voice was so identical to him and when he used Jacob's nickname for me….

"I missed you" I blurted out.

"I missed you too." Seth replied happily, clearly he didn't realize the words weren't meant for him.

He pulled away and smiled at me.

"So your birthday's in less than a week." He said cheerfully.

"Yeah."

"What do you want for a present?"

"It's not working Seth." I mumbled quietly.

"What's not working?"

"Mission: distract Nessie" I muttered.

Oh

I looked down at my hands as silent, meaningless tears, escaped my eyes. And I was glad it wasn't Dad who came.

"Its okay, Ness" Seth hugged me as I cried. "He'll be back. You know Jacob, he just needs to blow off some steam."

"I bet he's very mad at me" I mumbled into his shirt.

"Oh no, why would he be mad at you?"

"Because I'm hurting him, Seth." I pulled back to look at him. "He's in pain because of me. He doesn't deserve any of this. It's all my fault he's suffering."

More tears filled my eyes and Seth hugged me again.

"Shh it's ok." He tired calming me down. "None of this is your fault everything happens for a reason."

I nodded trying to believe him.

To distract myself I tried to hear what was going on inside the house.

"Edward let him be. Renesmee's a big girl. She can handle this herself." It was my Mom.

"Bells, you don't have to see the pain she's going through. Jasper can hardly stand. He doesn't need to be there as a constant reminder." Definitely, my Dad. My shield must be off again.

"Dude you need to calm down. It's just Seth out there." Emmett argued.

I pulled away from Seth and thanked him silently. I made my way inside. As soon as I entered the living room all eyes fell on me. But my eyes were glued on my father who was being held by Emmett. His struggling stopped once he noticed me, but id already understood why Emmett had to hold him back. Emmett's arms left my Dads waist and he took a step back.

"Why Dad?" I whispered no one needed to read my mind to know what I was talking about. His eyes dropped to the floor and he didn't reply. Everybody was frozen into statues. The only sound in the room was mine and Seth's heartbeat and my shallow breathing as I tried to imagine my father hurting Seth.

"If you hate Jacob so much why don't you take out your anger on him? Why hurt Seth?" It was the truth but I still flinched at the image of my father hurting Jacob. Just the thought made me gasping for air. Without another word I turned around pushing past Seth and into my room upstairs. I slammed the door and threw myself on the bed hugging my pillow.

My life is so messed up.

My dad is ready to kill my best friend or anyone related to him. My best friend hates me and god knows where he is. And I have no freaking idea if I have feelings for him.

Yeah, my life is so messed up.

(A/N) Sorry- Sorry! I hope I can update more eraly. My net died and school is hard. Hope you like this chapter. Renesmee is soo stupid. Can't see she loves Jacob thats why she's crying. I love the last paragraph :P