At 0900 hours, as agreed, Generals S'elemthen and V'Kash, along with four others each, beam aboard the ship.

'Welcome General S'elemthen, General V'Kash. As you know, I am Captain James Tiberius Kirk of the USS Enterprise. This is Commander Spock, my First Officer and our ship's Science Officer. Beside him is Lieutenant Nyota Uhura, Chief Communications Officer, and this is Ambassador Nancy Hedford, who will be mediating your negotiations.'

Greetings are exchanged, and the group heads to a prepared Conference Room for a briefing.

Janice follows, arms full of PADDs containing the briefing.

Thank God it's not in the Captain's Ready Room. I did have time to clean it, but it's been twenty-four hours since I last did, so it's bound to be a mess again.

As the delegates are seated, she distributes the PADDs, walking a full circle around the conference table.

Captain Kirk stands at the head of the table, unusually business-like.

He hates this stuff. But Commander Spock seems to have rubbed off on him a bit.

Nyota will be pleased.

'As you are all aware, the tensions on your planet were exploited by a third party wishing to steal your planet's resources. It was them that began your war. We have confessions, and rest assured that the Federation will punish the perpetrators most severely...'

She finishes handing out PADDs and slips out, unnoticed.


Janice stands on the Bridge, drumming her fingers on the back of the Captain's Chair.

They've been in there for hours...

Hikaru and Pavel are bickering good-naturedly at the Helm.

'Eet vas inwented in Russia!'

'No, it wasn't!'

'Da, eet vas! Lee, tell Sulu-'

'Chekov, it wasn't invented in Russia. '

I still think the 'surnames only while on duty' thing is really weird.

Her stomach rumbles.

Now would probably be a good time for lunch. But what if...? No, they've been going for hours, and why would they need me?

She heads down to the Mess, and digs into some lunch.

As she positively wolfs it down, she smiles to herself.

Wouldn't it help the negotiations along if I brought over some food? Every being in the universe gets grumpy when they don't have their lunch!

Still smiling, she heads to the replicator and punches in what is fast becoming a familiar order.

Bearing the trays, one in each hand, she heads for the Conference Room and makes a short announcement.

'Generals and distinguished visitors, Ambassador, Captain, Commander, Lieutenant, I've got some lunch if you would like some.'

I hope the universal translator is on.

She can almost see the Captain's grin. He is doubtlessly bored by now.

She can definitely see Nyota's resulting eye roll.

'Generals, Ambassador, I propose we break for lunch.'

She hears the strange tongue of Epsilon Canaris III.

'Come on in, Yeoman.'

The door slides open, and balancing the trays, she enters, placing them on the conference table.

The Ambassador helps herself to a sandwich, engaging both Generals in a friendly conversation.

Diplomats are always working, I guess.

Nyota, the Captain and the Commander step away into the corner with Janice.

'An excellent and informed decision, Yeoman Rand. It is scientifically proven that nourishment is important to cognitive function. There is also much evidence to demonstrate that shared meals are an effective way to improve relationships and therefore negotiations.'

Nyota smiles.

'Spock, you were just hungry.'

'Well, I for one am very happy that you've brought lunch, Yeoman. I was starving. And bored. But I swear I wasn't showing it!'

'Captain, I observed you playing the Terran game Hangman on your PADD. You were not as discrete as you believe. Also, I believe the game requires multiple players. How-'

'Playing with Lieutenant Riley down in Engineering, Spock.'

Nyota takes a deep breath.

She's going to kill him. Not now, but later.

Janice makes a mental note to keep the Captain out of Nyota's grasp using paperwork for the next couple of days.

'Well, Captain, Commander, Lieutenant, I'll leave you all to it.'

As she heads for the door, Janice whispers into Nyota's ear.

'I'll tell Mr Scott to keep Lieutenant Riley busy.'

Nyota gives a small smile.


Negotiations drag on for days on end.

The Captain is not the only one bored.

The rest of the ship is feeling it too.

They're running Security drills, following all of Mr Scott's obsessive orders to the letter down in Engineering, cataloguing everything in Sickbay, running the strangest experiments in the labs.

Janice is very, very bored. She's gotten through all the paperwork, something she never thought would happen. She brings lunch into the Conference Room daily, but there's only so much time one can take up doing that.

Hikaru has taken to reading on the Bridge.

She would join him, but she's not terribly fond of The Three Musketeers, or of those crazy samurai- ninja space operas that he's into.

Pavel lectures anyone and everyone on the virtues of Russia.

Although most of his mannerisms are utterly adorable, this one gets on your nerves.

Janice nearly sighs out of relief when Ellen helps her escape the Navigator's grasp, by way of informing him that she's finished the analysis of the Captain and Mr Spock's chess match of almost a week ago.

Although I gather that their matches are entertaining if you like chess, and even if you don't, what sane person analyses chess matches?

They're either very bored, or I need to get them checked by Dr McCoy. God, we need a counsellor onboard this ship.

Caitlin and Lieutenant Wade are chatting quietly at her station. Lieutenant Hawkins is serving in Nyota's place while she's caught up in negotiations. Ellen is rather excitedly rotating through Science Officer with several other Junior Science Officers. Pavel and Hikaru take turns having the conn.

Not that they get to do anything.

All in all, it makes for several slow days.

But of course, this is the Enterprise, and slow days are always followed by days of trouble that makes them regret their boredom.

So in true Enterprise fashion, the negotiations come to a standstill.

And not in the way they were expecting.

Both sides have more or less made their peace, but now the rift has formed between the Enterprise's Crew, and by extension Starfleet and the Federation, and the inhabitants of Epsilon Canaris III.

The locals want the prisoners released to them, for trial on their home planet.

Unfortunately, they can't do that, not by Federation law. The inhabitants asked for Federation help, which puts it into their jurisdiction. The criminals must be tried in a Federation Court of Law.

But of course the inhabitants won't stand for that.

So it goes back and forth, back and forth.


That evening, Captain Kirk paces up and down his Ready Room.

She knows because she's sitting at his desk, patiently sorting through his paperwork.

He barely notices her.

It's the mark of a good Yeoman.

That doesn't mean that it doesn't kind of hurt.

He stops pacing, and instead picks up his comm.

'Bones, Spock, my Ready Room, please.'

A few minutes later, the CMO and First Officer have joined Janice and the Captain in the Ready Room.

Janice unobtrusively picks up a few PADDs and slips out the door as they enter.

Something tells me they want a little privacy.

She heads down to the Turbolift, intending to run a few errands before the end of Beta Shift.

But the Turbolift, for some bizarre reason, does not arrive.

How strange. It's as if someone stopped it in between Decks or something like that.

I really don't want to walk all the way through the Deck to the other Turbolift, and climbing Jeffries Tubes in a dress and with an armful of PADDs doesn't seem like a good idea...

So she heads back to the Captain's Ready Room and just waits outside the door.

Unfortunately, she can hear every bit of their conversation.

She really should tell the Captain to activate the soundproofing.

She knows she shouldn't listen, but once she's heard a little, there's no going back.

'Damn it, you green-blooded hobgoblin! You can't just hand them over to those- those barbarians! Jim, you've seen it, they're seriously vicious, they'll execute them!'

'Doctor, calm down. I wish to remind you that these individuals do not warrant your pity. They have committed atrocious crimes-'

'Pointy-eared bastard! Don't you hobgoblins have something against this stuff? I thought you couldn't break regulations!'

'Doctor, contrary to popular belief, I am perfectly capable of ignoring and contradicting regulations. There is a loophole in Regulation 347 allowing for the use of a justice system other than the Federation Court in these situations where it is absolutely necessary. In this case it is necessary to comply with the demands of the Epsilon Canaris III delegation to ensure continued peace between the factions and the Federation.'

'Damn it, you-'

'Bones, Spock, that's enough! When I asked you for advice, I didn't want an argument.'

'May I enquire as to what were you expecting, Captain? According to-'

'It's just-I don't know what to do! I'm not trained for this stuff!'

'Damn it! None of us know what to do, Jim!'

Reluctant to eavesdrop any longer, Janice heads back for the Turbolift, hoping that it has now arrived. She's in luck.

It is almost two hours later, in the last minutes of Beta Shift, when she returns to the Captain's Ready Room.

She finds her Captain pacing back and forth, the Doctor and Commander gone.

They've probably gone to bed. They seem to have more sense than the Captain.

'Captain?'

He whirls around with a start.

'Wha- oh, it's you, Yeoman.'

She drops the PADDs onto the desk, searching for the words.

'Captain, I would advise that you activate the soundproofing feature the next time you want to hold a private conversation.'

He looks down, reddening slightly.

Not the cocky young man everyone sees...

'You heard that?'

She nods.

'Not all of it, but enough. I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to-'

'It's alright, Yeoman.'

'Did-did you manage to solve it?'

He laughs sardonically.

'I wish. Nope, still stuck as ever.'

She hesitates, wondering whether to step into this.

I guess I already sort of did. Can't go back now.

'You could comm Admiral Pike. He might be able to help.'

'That's what I'd do, but once we bring Command into this...'

'It'll never go anywhere.'

He smiles wanly.

'You catch on quick, Yeoman.'

She shrugs.

'I worked with them. I know what they're like. We Yeomen see a lot more than everyone thinks. Since Starfleet runs on paperwork, and we see all the paperwork...'

Suddenly, he stares at her, strangely, with some almost-Eureka sort of look.

It's rather disconcerting.

'Captain?'

'Yeoman, are you familiar with the procedural running of a Federation Court of Law?'

'Well...I wouldn't call myself an expert, but-'

'Does a trial actually have to be held in the Federation Court to be a trial held by the Federation Court?'

She takes a moment to process the statement.

'You want to know if the trial can possibly be held elsewhere, yet still be a Federation trial? You want to hold it on Epsilon Canaris III? Do you think it might placate the inhabitants, if they can see the trial themselves, and if it's held on their territory?'

He is nodding emphatically.

'Yes! I read it somewhere, ages ago, that as long as a Federation trial is run to all the procedures of the Court and trialled by a Court judge, it doesn't matter where it is held. Can you back me up on that one, Yeoman?'

He's actually asking me? I'm just a Yeoman...

'I think it can be done, Captain. It's been a while since I've processed any of these applications, but I think a couple of years ago there was a similar case...'

He grins.

'That settles it. Could you please request Ambassador Hedford come to my Ready Room? I need to get Bones and Spock in here. We need to have a quick meeting, then comm the brass-'

A glance at the timekeeping PADD on his desk shows that it is by now Gamma Shift.

Her maternal instincts take over.

'Captain, with all due respect, we need to get you into bed. It's Gamma Shift, and I doubt that the Ambassador, the Commander or the Doctor would like to be woken up at this hour. You can work out your proposal to the Epsilon Cannarians tomorrow.'

He opens his mouth, doubtlessly to protest, but instead yawns loudly.

She looks pointedly at him.

'Oh, alright, Yeoman, since you were so insistent. By the way, was that an invitation? Don't mean to pry, but who's 'we'?'

'We need to get you into bed.'

Oops. Poor choice of phrasing. I must be really tired...and so must he...saying stuff like that can really get a Captain into hot water.

Nyota was right about him.

She rolls her eyes and goes to leave.

'Go to bed, Captain, and get some sleep. You've got a long day tomorrow.'

He grins and flops into his chair, spinning around.

'Yes Ma'am!'

Nyota was so definitely right.

Immature indeed.