Chapter 7

The room was dark was when I woke to the sound of my cell phone ringing. I rolled off of Goren to retrieve it from the nightstand.

"Eames," I answered.

"Detective Eames, sorry to wake you." I recognized Deakins voice.

"Captain," I sat up. Goren quickly followed suit.

"We might have another one, a model, raped, strangled and cut. The body was found in an alley downtown. Rodgers is going to meet us there."

"Okay. Do you want me to call Goren?"

"No, I'll call him. How soon can you be here?"

"Half an hour," I promised.

Seconds after he gave me the address Goren's phone rang, but I didn't hear their conversation because I was already on my way to the bathroom.

"He's expecting me there in half an hour," I'd returned and we were pulling on our clothes. "At this time of night you can get there in twenty. I'll give you a head start."

When I arrived, Deakins met me at the police tape and walked with me to the scene.

"Did you know Goren is seeing someone?" he asked point blank as we walked.

"What makes you think he is?" I deflected his question.

"He didn't get here as soon as I expected. When I asked why, he said he hadn't been at home." Deakins explained.

"Well there you go," I smiled. "I guess he is, but I think if you have questions about Goren's personal life, you should be asking Goren"

"I was just wondering if there was anything I should know, Detective Eames," he defended himself.

"I would think you'd be happy that he's doing something normal." I put finger quotes around normal.

"Actually I find the thought of Detective Goren doing something normal almost frightening," Deakins lowered his voice.

I had to smother my laugh because we were only a few feet away from Goren who was crouched with Rodgers examining the victim.

"Eames," Goren nodded at me to join him.

"What do we have?" I crouched down beside him.

"Well she's not a model," he rubbed his chin. "Too short and a healthy weight," he began. "She was choked, not strangled, but I don't think that's what killed her."

"No, she probably lost consciousness though and that's when he did this," Rodgers lifted the sheet to reveal the bloody mess that used to be the victim's pelvis.

"That's not our guy's M.O.," I looked away.

"No," Goren agreed.

"I'm sorry to call you out in the middle of the night," Rodger's apologized. "Whoever got the call thought it fit the circular I sent out."

"At first glance, it does," I admitted, standing up.

"We found this in a garbage can around the corner," a young officer in uniform held a purse out to me. I reached into my pocket for gloves before I took it.

"What's Major Case doing here?" A voice I didn't recognize asked.

"We thought this fit with some cold cases we're looking into," Goren looked up to explain.

"Captain Deakins," Deakins held out his hand to the detective I didn't know.

"Stabler, SVU. This is my partner, Olivia Benson," Detective Stabler made introductions.

"Alex Eames," I smiled. "And this is my partner, Robert Goren."

"Ya, we know who you are," he sounded a little terse. "So does this fit with your cold cases?"

"No," Goren shook his head. "Our guy strangles then mutilates his vic's faces and bodies. There's no foreign object rape like there is here."

"Look at this, Bobby," I pulled a pair of underwear and a bra from the purse. "What is she wearing under the dress?"

"Lacy lingerie," Rodgers informed me. "A teddy."

"Underwear in her purse?" Goren muttered as he stood up. "Who would you wear a teddy for, Detective Benson?"

"I beg your pardon?" she looked taken aback.

Detective Stabler stiffened noticeably.

"Oh, sorry," Goren plunged ahead. "Under what circumstances does a woman wear something like this?"

"Uh, well, for someone special, I guess," she offered.

"Like a boyfriend," I added.

"But then why does she have underwear in her purse," Goren looked at me.

"Because the teddy was for someone special who wasn't the boyfriend and she didn't want him to know, so she made the switch after she left for her evening out," I thought out loud.

"Yup," he agreed. "Boyfriend's your killer," Goren nodded to Stabler.

"How would we ever have figured it out without Major Case," Stabler rolled his eyes.

"Oh, I'm sure you would have," Goren ignored the sarcasm. "It's pretty cut and dried – we'll leave you to it," he peeled off his gloves.

Benson and Stabler took our places as we walked away leaving Deakins and Rodgers to sort everything out. I lowered my voice to talk to Goren.

"So Deakins asked me if I knew that you were seeing someone," I let him know.

"What was I supposed to say?" he kept his voice low as well. "I had to explain why it took me so long. The truth seemed the easiest way to go."

"His curiosity is definitely piqued," I laughed

"See you at home," he smiled.

It took me a while to fall back to sleep once we'd returned to bed. I kept seeing flashes of the horror that had been inflicted on that woman. Goren was awake too, caressing my back gently. I hated to think that love could turn to such loathing.

"Try not to think about it," he kissed the top of my head, knowing what I was thinking without being told.

"It's like a slideshow in my head," I sighed.

"Okay, roll over on your side," he instructed.

"What?"

"Your side," he patted my side of the bed.

Once I did as he asked, he spooned up against me and hugged me tightly.

"Does that feel better?" he murmured in my ear.

"Much," I sighed shakily. The feeling of being secure in Goren's arms finally allowed me to relax and fall asleep.

We slept until almost noon on Sunday morning and the images of the previous night did not make a reappearance. Waking up to Goren's erection pressing into my ass probably helped. I let myself be engulfed by his desires. They were not so disparate from my own.

We were drying off after sharing a shower when my land line rang. Goren must have heard the tone of my voice because he joined me in the living room almost immediately.

"Okay, no problem, we'll be there right away," I promised and hung up the phone.

"What?" Goren looked concerned.

"Liz's mother-in-law was just taken to the hospital. Heart attack," he followed as I rushed to the bedroom to get dressed. "She needs us to look after Ethan," I explained. He was already pulling on his jeans.

"I'll drive," he took the keys from me after I locked the door.

Ethan was down for his nap when we arrived so Liz and Brian left right away after thanking us profusely. I felt out of breath like I'd just come in from a run. It seemed like I should be doing something but there was nothing to do. Heaving a sigh, I collapsed onto the couch. Goren paced around the living room.

"Stop, Bobby, you're making it worse."

"Not being able to do anything is making me feel jumpy," he apologized.

"So we'll do something," I stood up and looked around.

"Cook, we can cook," he smiled in satisfaction. "It'll keep us busy and your sister won't have to cook anything for a while."

"I forgot. Cooking fixes everything," I shook my head with a laugh.

"My mother always cooked in a crisis," Goren recollected. "There was a lot of cooking. But it worked, everything was always better after, until the next crisis."

"In my family, crisis management came out of a bottle." I laughed.

"Everybody has traditions," he smiled. "Let's raid the kitchen.

Luckily for us, Liz kept a well-stocked kitchen and after rummaging through the fridge, freezer and cupboards I decided to make stew in the slow cooker. I could handle throwing the ingredients into the pot and switching it on. Goren opted for minestrone. His suggestion worked. We were kept more than busy enough until we heard Ethan on the monitor.

Ethan was happy enough to see me and laughed while I changed him, but he wasn't thrilled to see Goren. He buried his face in my shoulder as soon as he saw him.

"I need to make him a bottle, but I can't do that and hold him," I told Goren.

"I'll take him," Goren held out his hands.

"I don't think he's going to like that," I wasn't convinced.

"You'll be much faster at making the bottle," he pointed out.

"Are you ready?" I winced.

Ethan started crying and reaching for me as soon as I handed him to Goren. I turned toward the kitchen and tried to block it out, but I'd barely finished washing my hands before he'd stopped crying. I didn't hear anything when I was retrieving the formula from the cupboard. As I was mixing it with the water, I heard Ethan chortle. I walked into the living room to find both boys on the floor playing with blocks. At 10 months, Ethan wasn't walking yet, but he could crawl like lightning. Liz was dreading the day he discovered that walking was faster. Goren was on his stomach building towers. Every time they were six or seven blocks high, Ethan would knock them over causing Goren to cry out in dismay. That was the source of Ethan's chortling. It was a scene I had never envisioned. I had no idea Goren would be so good with a baby.

Having Ethan had unleashed a maternal instinct within that I'd never anticipated. Intellectually I knew that Liz was his mother, despite the fact that he was mine genetically, but that didn't do anything to stop my ferocious emotional attachment. Liz had realized that and let me spend as much time with Ethan as I wanted. She believed a child could never be loved too much. I had visited often but it was only recently that it had stopped tearing me up inside every time. Seeing Goren on the floor with Ethan made all of those feelings well up inside of me again. I was trying unsuccessfully to blink back my tears when Goren saw me.

"What is it?" he asked, standing up.

"Nothing," I shook my head.

"Alex?" He bent to pick Ethan up. "Tell me."

"It's too hard to explain," I shook my head again.

"Give me the bottle," he reached for it. "Sit and tell me."

He sat on the couch, leaning back so Ethan was leaning against his chest. Ethan held the bottle himself while he drank. My tears started flowing again.

"C'mere," he beckoned me with his free arm. I accepted his offer, snuggling against his chest.

"Sometimes it's hard," I managed to choke out. "This is making it even harder."

"Seeing me with Ethan?" he squeezed me tighter.

I couldn't answer. I just nodded against his chest.

"I can't begin to imagine how hard it must be," he kissed my hair.

"And I thought the birth was going to be the hard part," I tried to laugh but it sounded like a strangled cough.

"You gave your sister the most generous gift I think it's possible to give."

The emotion I heard in Goren's voice made new tears well up into my eyes. I couldn't hold back a sob.

"Alex," he shifted toward me as much as he could with Ethan on his lap. "I…" he began.

"I'm sorry, Bobby," I took a faltering breath. I looked up to see his eyes filled with sorrow. "I didn't mean to…" I started to stand up.

"Alex," he held onto Ethan with one hand as he reached out to stop me. "I know I can't make this better, but I can listen, I can hold you and I can love you, if you'll let me. Please let me."

I sank back onto the couch and let him pull me against him.

"I know this sounds trite," Goren caressed my back. "But it'll get easier."

"I know," I sniffed. "It just overwhelms me every once in while."

Ethan began to squirm in Goren's lap and pitched his empty bottle. It bounced off the coffee table and landed in the middle of the room.

"Done?" Goren asked him, making me laugh, in spite of myself.

As I watched him take Ethan back over to the blocks, I realized that Goren was only going to make my relationship with my nephew that much better. Goren had started to build another tower but Ethan had other ideas. He'd retrieved a book from the shelf under the table and gave it to Goren, knocking the tower down at the same time.

"Reading it is," Goren chuckled and lifted Ethan onto his lap.

"Will you two be okay if I go and get Ethan's dinner ready?" It was almost 5 o'clock and I knew from experience that Ethan would get cranky if his schedule was changed.

"We're great," Goren smiled up at me.

"I love you, Bobby," I bent to kiss him softly, before heading to the kitchen.

Goren and I had the minestrone, while I fed Ethan the food that Liz prepared herself and kept frozen. He also enjoyed the little pieces of pasta as well as some broth that Goren fed him, although he ended wearing most of it. When dinner was over, we cleaned Ethan up, put him in the stroller and headed to the park. While I pushed Ethan on the swing, Goren called his mother. On the way back Goren managed to find a paper box that wasn't sold out of the Sunday Times. The man had a serious addiction to newspapers. I'd had no idea when to expect Liz and Brian so I had left a note for Liz and Brian, but they weren't home when we got back.

After giving Ethan a bath, I gave him another bottle and then walked him to sleep. Liz and Brian were having an ongoing fight about Ethan's bedtime ritual. Brian thought Ethan should just be put into his crib and allowed to cry himself to sleep. Liz wanted to wait until he was a year old. Brian thought Liz was babying Ethan. Liz argued that Ethan was a baby. It was argument I didn't want to get in the middle of, but I also didn't want to be the one to let Ethan cry himself to sleep. By 8:30, Goren had Ethan in the crib. By 9:30, we'd cleaned the kitchen, put the soup in the fridge and unplugged the slow cooker.

"Now I know why new parents complain about their sex lives," I chuckled when we finally sat down. "Movie?"

"I guess," he didn't sound interested.

"What then?" So far, our time had been spent really only doing one thing and I wasn't planning to have sex on my sister's couch.

"I dunno, talk?" he suggested.

"Okay," I turned to face him.

"Sit here," he patted his lap.

I was hoping he didn't want to revisit our earlier conversation. I was feeling better and wanted to stay that way, but I wouldn't say no to his lap.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"Nothing in particular," he put his hands around my waist.

"Was this just a ruse?"

"No," he laughed. "Well, maybe a little, but I did think it would be nice to talk."

"But you don't want to talk about anything in particular," I didn't get it.

"No, just a conversation."

"This just seems awkward," I complained.

"We just have to think of something to talk about that isn't work or sex," he smiled.

"Or food," I laughed. "We talk about food a lot, too."

"Or politics or religion," he added with a laugh. "What's left?"

"Sports?" I suggested

"That would probably start our first fight," he joked.

Goren and I disagreed about which New York baseball team was best, and no amount of talking would change either of our minds.

"I don't think you can force a conversation, Bobby. They just happen."

"Okay, if you couldn't be a cop anymore, what would you do?"

"Why can't I be a cop anymore?" For as long as I could remember it had never occurred to me to do anything else except follow in my father's footsteps.

"I dunno, the world's been overrun by a virus that makes everyone obey the law and cops are now obsolete. What would you do?"

"I'd be a groundskeeper at Yankee Stadium," I couldn't resist getting a dig in. "What about you? And you can't work at Shea Stadium."

"I might teach," he said thoughtfully.

"What would you teach?" I was curious. "What age?"

"Probably college," he tilted his head as he thought. "They're there 'cause they want to learn."

"What subject?" I was trying to imagine Goren in front of a class.

"Something where I could keep learning, too," he nodded.

"Well there's a lot you could learn about computers," I teased.

"I meant something I was interested in, not a tool I'd use in research," he furrowed his brow at me.

"Research? So something in the sciences?"

"No, maybe history?"he postulated.

"What is there to research in history? It's already written down." I'd hated having to regurgitate all those dates and names.

"Well, you know what they say; history is written by the victors. I'd like to know the truth."

"That's cheating. That's just being a detective."

"I didn't say you couldn't be a detective, just not a cop. You could be a doctor or an archaeologist, an astrophysicist, maybe?"

"Maybe I could go to cooking school and become a chef."

"It's all about food with you, isn't it?" He pulled me into a kiss.

"Mmm," I settled into his kiss. "That's your influence."

"Ya, I doubt I could influence you into anything you didn't want to do." He looked into my eyes.

"Those eyes could influence me to do a lot." I leaned in to kiss him again. His mouth opened to meet mine and I was lost, forgetting where I was until I heard Brian's voice.

"God Liz, doesn't seem to matter how old the sitter is, we always come home to find her making out on our couch with her boyfriend."

"So I'm assuming your mother is doing okay?" I blinked placidly at him.

"Right, she's going to be fine," he winced as Liz walked by and punched him in the arm. "They have her scheduled for an angioplasty on Tuesday."

"What smells so good in here?" Liz sat in the armchair opposite Goren and me.

"We needed to do something while Ethan was napping," I explained, "so we cooked."

"Uh, you cooked?" She gave me a questioning look.

"Ya, I made stew which is still cooling and should go in the fridge. Goren made minestrone which is already in containers in the fridge."

"You still call him Goren?" Brian sat down on the arm of Liz's chair.

"Goren when she's talking about me, Bobby when she's talking to me." Goren explained with a smile.

"Any other questions?" Liz gave Brian a look to shut him up.

"Uh, how was Ethan?" He recovered quickly.

"Great." I smiled. "He wasn't sure about Goren at first, but then they bonded over blocks. After supper we went to the park and played on the swing for an hour, then it was to bath and to bed."

"I can't thank you two enough," Liz gushed. "It was comforting to know he was in good hands."

"It's not often I'd be able to help out last minute so I'm glad it worked out." I stood up.

"I wasn't given you the bum's rush," Liz stood up quickly.

"Oh, I know," I laughed, "but we should hit the road and I'm sure you're both tired after spending the day at the hospital."

"And I've got gut rot after drinking all that hospital coffee," Brian made a sour face.

"You're being quite the charmer tonight, Brian." Liz rolled her eyes.

"He's been through a lot today, he's allowed." Goren sided with Brian.

"What's his excuse the rest of the time?" Liz asked dryly.

"Can't help you there," Goren reached for Brian's hand to shake it.

"You won't be the golden boy forever," Brian warned Goren. "These two will turn on you soon enough."

"I have no idea what he's talking about," I smiled sweetly at Goren.

"Ya, I bet," he laughed as he opened the door.

"Good night and let me know how it goes on Tuesday," I gave Liz a hug.

"Thanks again," Liz called as we headed to the car.

"This isn't how I was hoping our weekend would turn out, Bobby," I complained as we drove home.

"Ya, not exactly quiet," he reached for my hand. "But we still have tomorrow," he reminded me. "We could try for that day in bed again."

"I don't know if I should get my hopes up," I chuckled.

"I'll do everything in my power to make sure it happens. I have plans," he smiled at me.

"What kind of plans?" I started to feel warm.

"I plan to memorize every inch of you." His voice was gravelly.

"I like the sound of that." I had gone past warm.

"If I wasn't worried about getting caught, I'd pull over and start right now," he gave my hand a squeeze.

"First babysitting, now parking?" I chuckled. "I'd take you up on that if I wasn't worried about getting caught, too."

"Don't worry, we're almost home."

"Not soon enough."

Goren and I didn't make it to the bed. Our clothes formed a path from the front door to the bedroom. He ended up on the floor leaning against it. I was on his lap with my legs wrapped around his waist. Even though he was already inside of me, we were focused on kissing. I loved his mouth. I loved the way his lips felt against mine, the way his tongue could be soft and gentle or firm and probing. I loved the way he used his teeth to graze my skin. I used my own teeth on his neck as I slowly began to move my hips. This position allowed us a lot of access to each other, but not a lot of leverage. I certainly wouldn't be rushing to orgasm the way I had been recently.

"Is this what they mean by tantric," I paused from kissing his neck.

"Very kama sutra," he breathed, "I like it."

"I never would have guessed." I was watching his eyes as I continued to move slowly. "Your eyelids don't flutter."

"What?" His hands had moved to my ass.

"You said my eyelids flutter when we make love." I reminded him. "Yours get really heavy like you can't keep them open."

"I have to fight to keep them open so I can watch you."

"God Bobby, I love the things you say."

"Kiss me."

"Ya, things like that." I smiled as I leaned into meet his lips. Goren used his hands on my ass to help me move. Apparently this time things weren't moving fast enough for him.

"More," he moaned.

"Is tantric not working for you?"

"It worked." His eyes were burning into me. "Too well, I need more."

"Take it, take what you need."

Goren didn't need me to say it twice. "Bed," his voice sounded strained as lifted me up.

I had barely lain down before his mouth closed over mine. I wrapped my legs around his waist. I wanted him inside of me again. He was supporting himself on one arm. He slid the other hand under my ass. Although he slid into me gently, he quickly began to fuck me harder than he ever had before. What had begun as tantric had developed into pure lust.

"Yes, Bobby," I panted. "God, yes, so good."

They were the last coherent words I was able to form. Feeling Goren's lust was incredible. I loved that he finally let himself go. He used his hand under my ass to tilt my hips. Each stroke sent delicious vibrations through me. His voice, breathing my name into my ear, created a tingling sensation of its own. The harder his thrusts became the louder his voice in my ear grew. As my climax overtook me, my body became taut and I arched into his chest.

"Yes, Alex," he began to tense. "Yes," he repeated, sounding as if he was struggling to breathe as he, too, succumbed.

"Mmm, Bobby," I murmured contently when I could speak. "Kiss me."

He was still breathing hard when he did as I asked. He slid his hand out from under me and caressed my hair. When he tried to roll us onto our sides, I stopped him.

"Stay like this," I explained when his lips left mine. "I like it."

"Okay," he pressed his lips to mine again, briefly. "You know what I like?" his lips moved to my neck.

"What?" I sighed, enjoying his attention.

"The way you come," his tongue flicked my earlobe.

"Ya, you've mentioned that," I gave him a squeeze.

"I like the way you look when you come when I can see your face and I like the way you feel when I can't," he pushed himself up to look at me. His eyes were still dark.

"The way I feel?" I wasn't sure what he meant.

"Your muscles contract," he began to explain. "Everywhere," he added with a smile. "If I'm close, I don't stand a chance, you take me with you."

"I like it when that happens," I confessed.

"I like it the way your body vibrates," he kissed me gently. "Inside, too."

"I can feel you, too," I let my fingers play in his hair.

"You know what else I like?" His lips had moved to my jaw line.

"What?

"The way your nipples get so hard," he continued to explore my face with his lips. "You press yourself against me and I can feel how hard they are."

"I can honestly say I've never noticed that," I laughed. "But while we're on the subject of what we like," I paused to make him lift his head to look at me. "I really like that you didn't hold back."

"I only completely let go when I knew it was okay," he admitted.

"Oh, more than okay," I corrected him. "I'm not saying I want sex to be like that every time, but..."

"You told me it was okay when you said to take what I needed," he looked at me in what seemed like admiration or maybe awe.

"I needed it, too," I couldn't help grinning at him. "Okay, I have to get up now."

"Are you getting ready for bed?" he asked as he rolled off of me and propped himself up on his elbow.

"Ya, it's been a long couple of days." I explained as I headed to the door.

"We'll make up for it tomorrow," he reminded me with a smile as he stood up and began to pull back the covers.