there's some pips asking for Loki and I can't give yet the Loki who left a few chapters back, so here's a flashback of sorts for you guys.

unbeta-ed, as usual. enjoy!


Hope had become an elusive idea long ago.

It was a dangerous thing, Loki deemed, that only those at the highest peak of desperation had, and whenever it was blown to smithereens would unleashed a strong force that could cut the fine line between what made up the person—conscience and the like—from their being, resulting in either a complete descent to detachment of the irreversible kind, which made one more ferocious for the lack of fear and understanding what would be lost without any gain, or a tumble to a paralyzing fear of having no options left. As such, Loki never bothered with it. At the face of desperation, adaptability was his substitute for hope. The belief on it had long abandoned him. It did nothing to him starting from hoping for the best with his plan to teach Thor his lesson and showing to Odin that crowning Thor the king six years ago wouldn't be the best for Asgard. Hope was useless when he fell from the Bifrost to the abyss below, where he quietly ask for the Norns to show him the way out. Oh, he was heard, alright, only he escaped with a manipulated mind, his feeling of hatred for Odin and Thor intensified and twisted unkindly to justify what he would be set out to do. They played with his desire to rule alongside with Thor, replacing it with immense greed for the throne and ruling alone with people kneeling obediently on his feet. Maybe there was some truth in the last, at least from the hollow part of him that was driven by his search for Odin's approval and love equal to that of Thor's. Maybe it was also the reason he kept the charade of being the Allfather for a few years. He learned that it wasn't what he wanted after all, with how he, in hindsight, started Ragnarok.

Hope? He balked at that. For Loki, hope would serve its purpose well for Thor and his Midgardian friends. The good bunch of people who continue to seek banishing the evil. Midgard call them superheroes and the likes of Loki a villain. Ironically, it was a black and white classification when there was a supposedly grey area in the middle of the two, which, again, ironically, most were categorized in.

In short, it was a trifle concept, serve to build last minute motivations.

Until Thor gave him exactly that.

Hope.

"Let me rephrase that. Are you sure it's a good idea to bring me back to Earth?"

"Probably not, to be honest," Thor admitted. Loki was glad at least for that. "I wouldn't worry, brother. I feel like everything's gonna work out fine."

Loki couldn't help the small smile.

Trust Thor to simply forget what had transpired between them. Loki still stood by his belief that communication was never their family's strongest asset. The only talk they had was on their way to steal the Grandmaster's ship. Thor might not be as eloquent as him, but he did conveyed what he meant to say. Their paths might be diverged in terms of growing up individually, but in the end the forked road lead to a single one.

Him, here by his brother's side.

He did say he was also looking forward to the day of Thor's coronation. This was it, he supposed, not as grand as it was supposed to but was among his subjects and most trusted people.

And family.

It was looking promising that Loki was seriously considering bending his principles, because secretly, this was what he wanted all along. He was just as equally bereft as the remaining Asgardians, and Thor was standing there like a shining beacon of hope despite coming from a dying realm. Loki's learned instincts wanted to shy away, urging him to escape to some far off part of the universe because if there was another he loathed the most other than his own self, it was Thor readily forgiving, like he has the forgiveness of the world to give. Forget tricking Thor to be banished to Midgard; forget trying to conquer Midgard; forget faking his own death as part of his plan; forget casting Odin among the mortals with his godhood forgotten; forget indirectly causing the escape of Hela; forget betraying Thor numerous times that Loki himself lost count.

Damn him for even getting ensnared at the hope by envisioning the future to come. It was nowhere perfect, and yet Loki was standing perilously close, wanting to give it a try and himself a second chance.

It would be alright.

Then came a great shadow that looked over them—the shadow of a great ship that dwarfed theirs in size.

As Loki recognized the familiar ship within an agonizing split-second, he remembered the Tesseract he snatched that should have been blown into ruins along with Asgard.


"We have to find Heimdall and the others. The ship hasn't proven itself hostile yet, but it will be better to warn the people and calm down the panic a little," Thor told him, with Loki not far behind. "We have to go separate ways, brother. I'll… address those who might be watching us from there." He gestured at Thanos' ship. "You have go help in settling down the unease."

"No," Loki said firmly. "I'm coming with you."

"Loki, this is not up for argu—"

"I know," the trickster cut him short. "I know who that ship belongs to." Thor's single eye zeroed on him, silently inquiring as to whose. "It's from the person I made a deal with and provided me the Chitauri." Loki could almost hear the cogs working in Thor's mind on how this smelled like betrayal from Loki once again. The latter couldn't even blame him for it; he has that kind of reputation.

"Alright. Diplomacy was never my skill," Thor said simply, giving the other a mild shrug. "Come."

Loki paused. Was that it, not even an ounce of disappointment and anger at the possibility that it could have been his fault that Thanos was right outside, ready to obliterate them any second now?

Although, it seemed that Thor wasn't done surprising him for the day by giving him a reassuring smile in return, as if he knew what Loki was thinking. "I still say it's going to be fine."

You fool.

Only, Loki was a bigger fool for wanting to believe that too.


"We'd like to strike a bargain with you."

Corvus Glaive, Thanos' right hand man, barely concealed a sneer at Loki's nerve. Thanos held out a hand from his throne that served to position him higher than anyone in the room. "And what makes you think I'd agree, Asgardian? You failed me before and I owe you your punishment. Why shouldn't we destroy you right here and now, the whole lot of you?"

Thor, who was silent since they faced Thanos, tensed. From his peripheral vision, Loki could read his brother's body language—Thor was ready to fight his way.

Much to Loki's relief, Thor didn't move an inch.

"You are searching for the infinity stones still," Loki said, eyes meeting the Mad Titan's evenly. Out of thin air, he produced the Tesseract. He held out his palm. "You once set me out for this in exchange for an army. Now, I ask for us to continue our journey safely."

Thanos, renowned as a cruel warlord, was as much of a strategist. The situation might be akin to a boot trampling the ants, but the Mad Titan never relied on such, always weighing the pros and cons by his own measures. He would never underestimate too much, and him seeing the Asgardian prince in the flesh whom he knew nothing of, and Odin's son no less, he wouldn't test Thor spontaneously. He would gauge Thor with his own eyes, would look for his weaknesses and strengths, and see for himself if Thor was as powerful as his sire who Thanos never dared to challenge the whole while the Tesseract was kept in Asgard. His gaze went back to Loki with faint amusement; Thanos knew cleverness when he sees it.

"Very well," his voice made the air imbued with his authority with two simple words. "I accept."

Loki noticed that Thor remained guarded, though he allowed himself a small sigh of relief. He wanted to reprimand his brother for it. What set the Mad Titan apart from common tyrants was that he conducted deals and bargains reasonably and compensated his dues, though it never meant that they were out of hot water already.

"In one condition," Thanos continued. "You will stay behind for that unfinished business we have, Asgardian Prince."

Loki was mildly aware of Corvus Glaive's unhidden mocking smirk. He focused on Thor's incredulous look that was beginning to burn into anger. Loki could feel him about to lunge from an imaginary tether. Out of sheer frustration, Loki invaded Thor's mind, calming him down.

Don't, Thor warned him in a manner that made it sound like a plea.

No, Thor.

"I accept."


Loki had imagined how it would have went should it happen differently—a handful of Asgardian lying dead on his feet while he made his way to Thanos and offer the Tesseract to him. Loki himself was bruised and face stained with soot and sweat. He could practically smell the burned parts of the ship mingling with the reek of charred flesh. Thor was nowhere to be found, possibly thrown out for all he knew. The Hulk was disposed of beforehand, and then there was the Valkyrie with them, lifeless by her own blade. Heimdall herded the very few left, standing without fear of death that wasn't quite enough to let him win against a number of Thanos' foot soldiers.

It was ridiculous that merely because he was frightened at the possibility of it, he would sacrifice himself for the people who barely made him feel as one of their own. For what remains of the people of Asgard, he was willing to give up his fate at the hands of the Mad Titan.

At Thor and the other's departure, Loki was walking straight to his death.

Trust Odin to tell the truth about dying being Loki's birthright.

"There's a breach by a single man with some lightning? Come quick and deal with it immediately then, you useless mongrels, or you'll have to answer to our Lord instead!"

Loki's head shot up.


"You bloody idiot," the trickster hissed. "Don't you understand the severity of your action? For once, Thor, use your—"

"Imagination?" Thor grunted in approval at how easy he eased Loki from his shackles. "Because I did, and all I could think of was that there's no way you're getting out of this alive."

"Do you think that I don't know that?"

"I do," Thor relented softly. "Which makes it more terrifying because you're always so sure of your decisions."

"And you wonder how I could fool you with my fake deaths."

"Except that it's not a trick this time, is it?" Thor shot back stubbornly. "You're ready to die."

"I won't be getting the luxury of easy way out of this, Thor, so forgive me if I'm ready to die and wanting it!"

"Well, I'm not ready!"

Loki had difficulty hiding his flinch that wasn't from Thor's roar. "You should be," Loki retorted. "Because right now you're jeopardizing the safety of your subjects."

"It's true that they're not on the clear yet, but I'm sure they're many miles ahead by now."

The trickster opened his mouth to speak. Thor cut him off in an instant. "This is a rescue mission, brother."

"I'm not a damsel in distress that needs rescuing, Thor," Loki snapped. It didn't have any heat as he would like, too busy comprehending Thor's rashness. He would have scoffed, if only he wasn't occupied on wrapping his mind on Thor's unwillingness to leave without him.

"I know, brother," Thor—the gall of him—gave him a wink, grinning. "Because we may have to fight our way out."

As if on cue, the sound of multiple heavy steps vibrated on the ground. Loki estimated about a dozen, with another following just in case.

Against his better judgement, Loki returned the grin wickedly.


He didn't know if Thor could feel it or refused to acknowledge it.

Thor's power was depleting.

His lightning was gradually getting weaker with his source gone. Like Hela, he drew his power from Asgard. Although give or take some time it would no longer be the case for Thor given that he could tap into the mystical sources of the universe, there was a connection to Mjolnir he was yet to severe. With Thor discovering the extent of his abilities only recently, his life force remained bounded to Asgard.

Their inhuman stamina was beginning to run out, their endurance dwindling. They have to rest and recover their strength.

They were reduced to such state by mere low ranked soldiers of Thanos' army. Loki guessed it was the Mad Titan's way to test Thor, watching from above. Once the entertainment died down, only then would he send one of his prized four to deal the finishing blow on Thor but not on Loki.

He was promised pain, after all.

"Thor, listen—straight up ahead past two doors, turn right and you'll get to shuttles they have. Be careful on the left side, that's where I think the troops are coming from. You can fry the circuitry of the access panel with a bit of electricity. Get into a ship, and fly away as far as you can. I'll hold the back up that will come from the direction we were—"

Thor, who seemed wasn't keen on accepting what Loki was setting him to do, furiously refused with a resounding no. "I'm not doing it without you."

Loki gritted his teeth. Thor's adamancy was taking a toll on his patience. If he wasn't conserving energy, he would hit him in the head to see reasons. He was the only person who was supposed to die today. Not Thor.

Unlike his brother, Loki was expendable without a responsibility of being Asgard's king. If Thor wouldn't reach Heimdall and the rest in time, there was no longer an assurance of their safety on the way to Midgard. If he wasn't wrong, Thanos was already sending a handful after them.

"Our chances are slim to none. Those who are not sent after us are sent after your people, Thor. Your people that you just saved less that 24 hours ago from our murderous sister and the destruction of Asgard. I know that my words never amounted to anything to you, but for once, listen to me when I'm trying to be reasonable!"

"I'm sorry," Thor replied after awhile. "I understand where you're coming from, but I think I already failed them as their king when I chose to be selfish and go after my family first." He smiled wryly. "Besides, I'm glad that I didn't pass up the chance to see that you really care."

Loki managed to get a good look at his older brother ridden with dirt mixed with sweat and blood not his own. He suffered several cuts that were mostly shallow but with some deep. His arms, and perhaps even his covered parts, were mottled with bruises. For a brief moment, Loki was overcame with the urge to summon a light spell and tidy Thor. He might be the younger brother, but with him maturing first, he used to have the doting older brother attitude for a much single-minded Thor.

Thor's hand darted out to reach Loki's forearm in assurance. "I told you that it'll be alright. I still stand by what I said."

As fast was a newfound determination washed over Loki was the thunderous charging that sent Thor and him flying against the wall. Loki compared it to being smashed by the Hulk.

Looking at the newcomer, he was close in his assumption. Cull Obsidian was Thanos' Hulk, almost as large as the green monster and with unbreakable skin.

Thor recovered easily and took it upon himself to handle Cull Obsidian. Fully restored, Thor would be on par with him, but currently… Loki wasn't liking their odds.

He wasn't completely drained that he was confident he could place a protection on Thor, or better yet, produce a small wormhole to escape. Normally, Loki would not dare attempt it after it proved to be an unstable way of travel, but with Thor being overpowered tremendously, it was Loki's last resort as aid to him. His daggers would be useless on an invincible hide that their best firepower would be his seiðr and Thor's—

There was a swish of air that narrowly went past Loki's right. He barely caught sight of it until it returned where it came from—a woman lazily standing on the side, spear on hand.

Just their luck, it had to be Proxima Midnight, one of Thanos' best combatants known for her notorious bloodlust. Loki could think of another person just like her.

"That should be enough," she said with a quick of lips, not making any move from her position as if waiting… and waiting… and…

Loki froze.

He couldn't move an inch.

He could feel a small trickle of blood on his cheek and cursed his carelessness earlier. His Jotun biology was supposed to be immune to plenty of poison and venom, and yet the smallest amount that entered through the nick on his skin was enough to render him immobile.

Thor, who was watching from the sidelines between defending himself from the heavy blows delivered to his already battered body, called him sharply, too distracted to notice an incoming backhand to the side of his head near his healing eye, smacking Thor hard that hurtled him through the wall and into the never ending nothingness Thor fell into as if being pulled down by a strong force.

Loki's breath was stuck in his throat while the scene unfolded right in front of him.

He vaguely registered the burly form and a number of indistinct soldiers surrounding him. A mantra of focus was ringing in his head, clashing against the thought of Thor falling into his demise.

"This dragged on longer that it should have," Proxima declared. "Bring him upstairs," she ordered, gesturing at the nondescript soldier her eyes first landed on.

Ungracefully dragged like a sack of potatoes with no control over his own body, Loki reminded himself that he still have his wits.

Adapt. Survive.

The twitch started from his fingers, then to his arms until the feel of his nerves slowly spread to his system. The very first move he did, however, was boldly grasping the arm holding him and held it firmly.

Along with the shriek of pain was the odor of burned flesh.

Loki's real skin began showing, blue hue forming from his hand that traveled upwards to—

He screamed in agony at spearhead lodged in his gut. Looking over him was an annoyed Proxima clicking her tongue in distaste.

"I changed my mind, Asgardian. I have no patience for your tricks." She hummed thoughtfully. "I can always ask for forgiveness later for being straightforward. It's easier than asking for permission."

She placed a heeled foot down on his chest, roughly freeing her spear from Loki's side with a sickening squelch. Proxima lifted it above her head and brought it down in incredible speed, aiming for Loki's neck.

And then there was only black.


Loki would recognize that face anywhere.

"Mother?"

Frigga looked up to him and gave a fond smile. "Hello, Loki."

Questions were running in his head such as if he was finally dead; if this was the afterlife and why was it designed to resemble his and Frigga's favorite spot at the palace; where Odin was; and if Loki even deserved to be in this place.

"Is Thor dead? Is he here?" Loki opted instead.

"Your brother lives," she told him. "Though I cannot see where he might be. No matter. Thor is more than capable to handle himself, and you know it, don't you?"

Loki nodded weakly. He didn't know if he should take it positively, but it was better than news of death. He had been firm into deciding he was the only person to die that day after all.

"I'm sorry," he spoke after a while, voice like when he was a child caught red-handed in the middle of mischief. "We didn't part in the best circumstances, nor did we part in good terms."

Loki could afford to be honest here at least and release the heaviness of his heart. He had a lot, and half of it was the regret of not being there at Frigga's death.

Frigga shushed him gently. "I understand. Know also that I never stopped loving you. The mother in me won over the queen, which makes me think that, one way or another, I was also partially to blame when you were estranged from us."

Loki shook his head. "No. It was all on me." He smiled wanly. "I have no trouble lying, but at the same time I find it difficult to accept the truth when thrown right at my face. You have nothing to blame yourself for. You were, and still is, a wonderful mother that I won't ask for any other. I love you, and I'm glad that you're the one I get to see first after I died."

Loki felt warm and safe when she pulled him into a hug and her fingers were on his hair, carding affectionately. He didn't know he missed this.

"I love you too, son," she replied. She let Loki pull away first. "But I'm afraid you're wrong—you're not yet dead." At his puzzlement and surprise, she added, "At the brink of it, yes, but you're currently in a plane where the time outside is at standstill."

"Then what am I doing here when I'm an inch away from death anyway? Why bother?"

"For one, I was longing to see you." She patted his cheek. "Secondly, your father asked me to bid him enough time."

"Time for what?"

"Something for you, he mentioned," Frigga said as vaguely as possible. Her eyes glinted in mild amusement. "If he will be successful, which I know he will, you'll see it once you returned out there."

Loki barely kept himself from saying he didn't want to. Frigga sensed this. "It's not your time yet, nor Thor's. You two have so much ahead of you. I want to see you grow out of your cycle, Loki, and see that you're beyond carefully crafted illusions and mischief. But first and foremost, you'll have to accept who you truly are, and do not think for a second that it will make me and your father less proud."

It dawned to Loki the implication of her words. Was he ready for it though? His whole life, he was unintentionally wearing a glamour to fit in, and when he found out the truth, he kept it as a sign of hatred and shame for his race, more so on his kin.

"I believe your father is done."

Loki was reluctant to return at the horrid place out there where only the terrible was waiting for him. "I don't want to go back."

"Someday, we'll meet again and you get to stay here forever. I will patiently wait for you and Thor at this very same spot, but as of now, you both need each other."

Frigga cradled his head and planted a kiss on his forehead. "Go, Loki, and fear not, my child, for I'm with you in every step you take."


The instant Loki held the object resting under his hand, frost spiked and pierced a number unexpectedly. Proxima, on the verge of dealing the finishing move on Loki, was casted unceremoniously aside by a blinding light.

On the spot where he formerly lay, there stood Loki in his Jotun form of navy blue skin littered with intricate markings on his hands and face. On his hand was Gungnir, giving a thrum of borrowed strength that enabled him to stand despite his injury and the poison that was still running in his veins.

"Interesting," Proxima murmured. "Let's test that toy of yours."

She spun her spear fast and threw it like a lance at Loki as swift as a blink of an eye. There was a loud clang as Gungnir, equally balanced on his hand, deflected it with the same force back to her.

Cull Obsidian came barreling towards him, a huge axe out with the intent of slicing Loki in half. Instead of instinctually casting a duplicate of himself, Loki shapeshifted into a viper and slithered out of the way. He has no time to reach the ships and was left with no choice but to jump in the direction Thor had been gone.

He shifted back to his form, and without any destination in mind, opened a small portal that could lead to anywhere from here. It was too risky, Loki was aware, but more so was facing two high members of Thanos' army alone. He might have Gungnir—which he was clueless as to how Odin could have trusted him with a powerful weapon—but he wasn't insane to push his luck.

In a free fall that defied the physics of space and was being sucked into the wormhole he created, Loki was followed down by Proxima's weapon. It came into a harsh contact with the barrier Loki summoned as if an afterthought, breaking the thin defense easily with the impact sending him further below.

As the opening swallowed him down, Loki's last thought was of Thor and finding his brother.

Loki would have to hope for the best.


In an evening of stars and a clear sky in Wakanda, a bright shooting star was seen passing and disappearing behind the snowy mountains.


TBC


and after seeing Black Panther last Wednesday, I just have to make it Wakanda. meh, most of the IW battle will be taking there anyway.