So This Is It

Chapter Seven

I sighed and stared out the window as the car back out of the driveway. It was happening again. I only lived at Lanie's house for just five or six weeks, and I was getting used to not being at home. I got used to remembering which kitchen drawer contained the silverware and which cabinet the plates went. I never really liked having to relearn stuff like that, but now that I gotten used to where everything went and became comfortable in that home, I'm gone.

I understood why I was leaving though. Lanie's son, Erick, they found him and he was badly injured. He is coming back home in a few days when he did come back he was going to need Lanie's full attention because of his condition. I really did understand that, but I didn't like it. I didn't want to leave, not unless I was going back home to my brothers. This whole thing was bittersweet, I guess. Lanie was getting her son back, he was alive and that's what I wanted for her, but at the same time I never wanted to leave.

Yet, it's a week before Christmas and I'm headed to a house not far from here so I could attend the same school next semester, at least something isn't changing. Ms. Dailey told me about the Millers yesterday when she came by to discuss things with Lanie, have her sign papers and such. Nice, little foster family with already two kids like me, there's a younger girl and an older guy. She said Mr. and Mrs. Miller couldn't have kids and that this was the next best thing. I personally always thought adoption was the next best thing.

I watched houses pass by and not even ten minutes later Ms. Dailey stopped the car in front of a light blue home, a little bit bigger than Lanie's. My heart beated against my chest as if it was trying to escape. I let out a breath, trying to calm myself down. It didn't work. I grabbed my backpack. I had two, but one was slightly bigger than the other so I stuffed on inside the other to make it easier on me. I swung the bag over my shoulder and squeezed onto the strap, but the moment I stepped out of the car, I didn't let my social worker take a step.

"Ms. Dailey?" I said softly, but audible. The lady turned around and looked at me, seeming slightly impatient and in a hurry, and I felt even more nervous and became suddenly shy, but I had to ask no matter what. "Christmas is coming up and I was wondering if I could see- see my family. It wouldn't be Christmas without them."

She let out a sigh. "It's a possibility," she said and I felt a spark light up inside me. "It could happen, but it would have to be okay with the Millers and your family as well, though your brother had called me a couple times already about it. Mrs. Johnson was going to surprise you but since upcoming events… I will discuss it with the Millers, but not tonight. I think it is best for you to settle in first."

I let out a sigh, and nodded my head. It was worth a try. I just hope the Millers are as nice as Ms. Dailey says they are and if they are, I will get to see my family again. It's strange to think of it just as visiting, but hey, it's at least somethin'. Seeing them is better than not seeing them even if it's just for a little bit, and not forever like I'd prefer. The hope that I could see my family for the holiday also made me more confident to go up to that door and meet this family. I needed to make a good impression and hopefully they'll allow me to go.

Ms. Dailey knocked on the door, and I pulled on my straps, squeezing them harder. I still was nervous about living with complete strangers, and when the door opened about a minute and a half later, I think my heart stopped for a second and I held my breath in.

"Aw, Ms. Dailey! It's good to see you," joyfully said a tall man with messy brown hair. He shook my social worker's hand and went after mine, I reluctantly took it and forced a smile on my face as I finally began to breathe again.

"You must be Ponyboy," a woman said as she appeared in the doorway, wiping her dirty hands on her apron. "You two got here right on time, dinner's almost ready."

Ms. Dailey shook her head as the two of us walked inside into the living room. There was a fire place on the other end of the room, keeping it more than toasty, and I felt hot under my winter jacket. "I won't be staying that long. I just need you two to sign one more paper today and I'll be on my way."

Mr. Miller took the paper the social worker handed to him, quickly glancing at it before scribbling down his signature. He then handed it over to his wife who quickly did the same thing. Ms. Dailey gave a quick smile of satisfaction while reading over the names.

"Great! I'll stop by soon to check up on things. If you need anything, just call me." With that, Ms. Dailey had left the house, leaving me once again in an unfamiliar house with unfamiliar people. Right now, I felt like running all the way back to Lanie's, or even better, home.

"Well Ponyboy, I hope you like baked chicken," Mrs. Miller said gently. "It should be ready in a few minutes. My husband will take you to your room until then, alright?"

Nervously, I nodded my head and held my breath in for a few seconds before gently releasing it. I just felt so shy and insecure at that moment. I felt like a kindergartner on their first day of school, having your parents drop you off and leave you in a room of other people you never met or seen before, it's scary and uncomfortable. Being in the house without anyone I seen or talked to before was scary and uncomfortable.

Mr. Miller waved his hand. "C'mon Ponyboy."

I gulped and followed him, trying to get over the insecure feeling, reminding myself to breathe in and out and put on foot in front of the other when I walked.

"You'll be sharing a room with Jason. He's sixteen, so there's not that much of an age difference between the two of you. He's not here right now though, he's out with friends. He'll be back in about an hour or so. And Ellie, she's across the hall, with her, there is an age difference, she's seven years old so be a good role model. She's a good kid and I'd like her to stay that way, alright?"

I nodded my head as he opened a door to a medium sized bedroom, but the fact that there were twin sized beds inside made it look a lot smaller than it really was. There was a desk separating the two beds, or perhaps dividing the room into twos.

"That bed is yours." Mr. Miller pointed to the bed right next to the door. I nodded again and set my bag on top of it, feeling awkward and weird. I felt just like a stranger, heck, I was a stranger, but I felt even more out of place than I did when I first walked into the boys home, when I met Lanie. I don't know, there's just something about this place that didn't seem right. It felt bizarre. Maybe it was because Mr. Miller looked taller and stronger than Darry, maybe it was because this place seems less empty than Lanie's home. I just don't know.

"I'll let you unpack, but when you're done, please come down for dinner."

When he left, I did what I was told. I went to the dresser and found that half of the drawers were empty while the other half were full of someone else's things which I assumed belonged to Jason's. I quickly stuffed the vacant drawers until nothing was left in my backpack, and then I slid both the bags under my bed.

I didn't want to go leave the room, but the last thing I wanted to do was defy orders and go against Mr. Miller during my first twenty minutes of living here. I wanted to make a good impression on these people because I wanted to go see my brothers. It's been ages since I last saw them, I feel like I'll die if I go another couple days without them. Phone calls help, but I feel like if I go any longer I'll forget what they look like.

I attempted to make my way back to the living room without getting lost, and Mrs. Miller was just finishing up putting dinner on the table. She looked up at me and smiled.

"Just in time, Ponyboy. Take a seat, we'll pray in a second."

We never prayed at my house. We weren't super religious people, sure my mother was a Christian and we went to church as a family every so often and I went with Johnny a couple times after my mom and dad died, but we never prayed before we ate. I never even done it at Lanie's either.

Mr. Miller sat down next to me while his wife went to the back door calling someone in. A young girl with bleach blonde curls came in and a dog tromped in behind her with his tail pointed straight up, both covered in a thin layer of white, sparkly dust.

"Take those wet clothes off, Ellie," Mr. Miller said. "I don't want mud in the house."

The little girl nodded taking off her coat and sweatpants that were covered with snow, then joined us at the table. Mr. and Mrs. Miller grabbed each other's hands and Ellie did the same by taking Mrs. Miller's hand and reaching out for mine. This wasn't a normal thing for me, but I tried to pretend like I knew what I was doing and took Ellie's hand and then Mr. Miller's just shortly before he began the prayer.

After that, we ate. I barely ate much though, I was so nervous. The other three talked, while I just felt out of place. I was out of place. They didn't avoid me though, but I wish they did. They asked me questions trying to get to know me, and went through the rules of their house.

"I used to have a pony," Ellie said randomly. "But it was only stuffed and she was a girl. I bet you love ponies!"

I shook my head. I never really cared about horses, it was just a coincidence that it was part of my name. My dad was a creative person. "Not really, but my brother loves them."

"Jase said his daddy used to ride in rodeos! He also owned a couple of ponies! I wish I had a horse."

"We have a dog the size of a horse, Ellie," said Mrs. Miller as she began collecting plates.

"No, horses are a lot bigger than Max! If you tried to ride him, you'd squish him!"

Mrs. Miller rolled her eyes. "Anyways Ellie, bath then bed, you know the drill."

The little girl gave a sigh and then jumped off of the chair, running off. I sat there for a few moments before heading off to my room and sighed. I feel like this is just the beginning of a very long chapter of my life. It all started the day I went to the boys home, but that seems like forever ago.

I plopped onto my bed, gently bouncing back up from the mattress and I stared at the ceiling. I closed my eyes, for a second then opened them back up. I thought about home, about life before my parents died, how great it was, and life after they died, which was still great until after Johnny and Dallas died. I let out another sigh, tears forming in my eyes as I remembered all the deaths that happened all within the same year. Dally's words ran through my mind, repeating over and over like a broken record player. "You get tough like me and you don't get hurt. You look out for yourself and nothin' can touch you."

Dally's right. I can't let social services get to me and I won't. I wiped the tears away and sat up a little bit straighter. Everything was going to be okay.


Hey guys, so the next couple weeks, I may not update as often as I would like. So probably like a two-three week wait. Schools starts in a few weeks, and so do other things going on with me too. This summer has just been crazy for me. So please do be patient with me, because I also need to sit down and plan out this story more because everything I had planned so far I'm about caught up too since I've been too busy to sit down and do more planning. So please don't freak out if it takes a couple weeks for me to get an update, I mean hey, at least it's better than those "once every three months writers," right?

-Michelle Loves Chocolate 99