Bella frowned as she stared up at the ceiling. Something seemed wrong she hadn't seen Edward in awhile. She sighed and stood up feeling her stomach growling. She walked to the stairs when she heard a familiar voice.
She peeked into the living room to see Charlie talking to Billy.
"Oh Mr. Black is Jacob doing any better?" she asked. Billy looked over at her.
"Well he's out of his room more now, and he starting to go outside," he said however his voice didn't sound too relieved.
"Well that's good right?" she asked. Billy frowned though looking down.
"..Not really Bella..he's still not the way he should be." he said. "He still seems upset over something, even though he's getting out now, he stills gets sick and doesn't eat."
Bella frowned, after all she hoped that since he was getting outside that meant he was better.
"Oh..that's too bad, and he still hasn't said what's bothering him?" she asked. Even though she knew Jacob wasn't the kind of person who talks about their problems. Billy shook his head sadly in reply.
Bella frowned looking down.
Why did it seem like everything was going wrong?
...
"Hey Jake," Sam said coming up from behind the younger boy. Jacob blinked and looked over his shoulder.
"Oh Hi Sam."
"Are you doing alright?" he asked. "Are your patrols okay?" Jacob frowned. Even if he was in pain and having a hard time. He didn't like to be treated like some girl! Really why were people acting this way around him!
Sure..he was in pain..thinking about Edward. He shuddered innerly. But still he had pride didn't he?
"Yeah every thing's fine Sam, don't worry about it." he said. Sam sighed.
"Jake, I won't be like your Dad and try to make you tell me what's bothering you, but this would be easier on all of us if you just told us," he said. Jacob couldn't really be mad at Sam for asking. Even though Jacob didn't want to talk about it.
After all it was his job as an Alpha to worry about these things.
"No, I mean..look I just can't," Jacob said sighing. "No one can help me right now, I just need more time okay?" he said.
"Alright, but Jake...just be careful okay?" Jacob nodded.
...
Edward found the need growing inside of him, he had to tell Jacob..he had to fix this whole mess. But this was all so much easier said then done.
He heard Jacob at night sometimes, he knew he must have started doing his patrols again. Each time he heard him the urge to go and find him grew. But every time he held himself back from doing so.
But he knew he wouldn't be able to hold himself back anymore. Staying like this was getting nothing done. Edward knew he would have to be the one to move this along, he had to take the next step and confront Jacob.
Edward was nervous though...he knew it was pathetic to be nervous about something like this. But..he was, he truly was.
Because even though he knew he needed Jacob..even though he loved him. He was afraid that trying to meet with Jacob again..and to tell him these things might hurt him more.
Edward wanted nothing more then to make him happy again. Edward let his head fall into his hands, he shook his head slightly.
"God..you drive me crazy." Edward whispered to himself picking his head up. He knew he wouldn't get anywhere just sitting around worrying about it. If he didn't try it he would never know.
And that was something Edward just wouldn't be able to live with.
...
That night Jacob shifted into his wolf form and started into the forest. He reached the area by the cliff and glanced around cautiously. He shifted back into his human form and put his clothes back on.
He let out a sigh looking out over the water. The sound of the crashing waves seeming to soothe the aching in his stomach a little.
/But he always made all of the pain go away./
Jacob reminded himself in his mind he closed his eyes sadly. He knew there was a void inside him that only Edward could fill. Nothing else would be able to fill it but him. Because that void is where Edward used to be.
It was his place inside of him, and no one else, nothing else could ever take his place.
"..Jacob?"
Jacob's eyes shot open when he heard his name. His heart suddenly felt like it was exploding and his stomach fluttered a moment. That voice..it sounded like..no. No, it couldn't be..his mind was playing a trick on him.
Edward stood a few steps behind Jacob he felt something heating up inside of him finally seeing Jacob.
"Jacob," he said again. Jacob's eyes were wide but he was overcome with fear almost. He was too afraid to turn around his heart was beating a million times a minute. He was trying to find his voice but his throat was tightening.
"W-What...what are you doing here?" Jacob asked. Swallowing the large lump in his throat, he felt his body trembling.
"I..." Edward trailed off, "I came to see you," he said. Jacob didn't know what to do. On one hand he wanted nothing more then to hold Edward and never let him go. But that feeling came back. He couldn't...God he couldn't!
This couldn't happen...this just had to happen just when Jacob was starting to get a little better.
"Why would you want to do that?" Jacob asked. Edward blinked.
"Why else would I..Jacob why aren't you looking at me?" Jacob didn't know how to answer. Edward frowned. "Jacob..the least you can do is look at me."
"E-Edward..." Jacob felt his mouth feel dry saying his name. "I told you..we can't..do this."
Edward looked at him, "I know that, but Jacob don't you see what it's doing?" he asked. Jacob sucked in breath and turned to him.
"It's not doing anything," he said. Struggling to stand his ground, if he gave under now..god he just couldn't. Edward frowned looking at him.
Edward walking forward so he was standing in front of him, staring deeply into the others eyes.
"Jacob don't try and lie to me," he said firmly. Jacob stared up at him. "Jacob, don't you understand, can't you see how much your hurting yourself?" he asked putting his hands on his arms.
Jacob felt a shudder run through his body to feel the icy touch he so longed for. Jacob opened his mouth feeling his bottom lip trembling.
"Edward you don't understand," he said trying to explain to him. But he knew he wanted this so badly. "I told you we can't!" he said.
"But I know that, Jacob I...I need you." he said. Jacob stared at him.
"W-What are you saying?" Jacob asked almost fearfully. He didn't know how much more he could take.
"Jacob I..I think I love you," he said. Jacob widened his eyes staring at him. He looked down. And could feel tears heating up his eyes.
"No...no" Jacob said shaking his head. Edward blinked looking down at him.
"What?" he asked. Jacob looked up at him as hot tears slipped down his cheeks.
"Edward I can't take this, don't you get this can't be?" he asked. "You don't belong with me, you belong with Bella!" he said. Even though he knew he didn't want to mean it.
"What? No Jacob I don't," he said. Jacob looked up at him painfully. The tears stinging his eyes, his heart was crunching.
"You still haven't told her have you?" he asked. Edward looked at him and didn't reply. "She doesn't even know this isn't right Edward!" he said.
Edward frowned moving his hands to the side of his face.
"Oh Jacob, please..please don't cry," he said pleading. Because he could feel his non beating heart breaking. Because he knew that these tears...were because of him.
"Jacob I can't stand seeing you like this, I don't want to put you through this," he said his thumb stroking his cheek. Hearing Jacob choke. Trying to shake his head to tell him 'no'. But Jacob couldn't help but feel so glad to feel his touch again.
"I hate seeing you cry, please don't cry Jacob. I can't stand knowing that I'm making you cry." that was one thing Edward couldn't take. He leaned down to the younger boys face.
Lightly kissing his eye wiping away his tears as he stroked his cheek.
"Shh shh," he whispered soothingly to him. Jacob whimpered with his eyes closed, his hands wrapped around the boys wrists. "Shhh please don't cry," Edward whispered to him. Jacob opened his eyes looking at him.
Edward looked at him his own gaze held pain, seeing the boy like this. "Please Jacob," he said leaning down and kissing him.
Jacob closed his eyes again whimpering as the vampire kissed him. Knowing it was wrong, but he wanted to make this one last a little longer. He finally leaned back and stepped away from the vampire.
Tears streaming down his face, he shook his head. Gasping and choking through tears.
"No Edward..I can't, she still doesn't know...this still isn't right," he said through his tears. He frowned looking down.
"I'm sorry Edward," he said and ran quickly towards the Reservation. Edward turned to him as he ran off.
"Jacob!" he said. But he was gone. Edward frowned painfully looking down. Leaning against the tree next to him.
"Jacob," he whispered he was positive if he could cry he would be. He took in a breath but felt his heart breaking even more thinking off Jacob's face. Knowing how much he hurt him...how he made him cry.
"Jacob, I love you...I'm so sorry Jacob," he said closing his eyes.
...
Jacob ran hurriedly to the Reservation shaking with tears streaming down his face. He finally stopped at the forests edge. The pain was consuming him again he sobbed painfully and sank to the forest floor against a tree.
With his knee's to his chest. He sobbed into his hands. He heard the sound of someone walking towards him.
"Jacob?" came the shocked voice. Jacob opened his eyes to see Sam through his blurred vision. "Jacob..what's wrong with you what happened?" he asked kneeling down.
Jacob just choked when he tried to talk and shook his head. Letting his hands cover his face again. And kept sobbing.
The feeling of a broken heart like this was worse then any flesh wound he'd ever gotten. He couldn't take this. Not only was he causing himself more pain, but he was hurting Edward too.
He found his heart wrenching and his sobs growing more painful, when he came to the undeniable truth he kept trying to hide.
/Edward..I love you./
TBC
AHH i just wrote that! ...AHHHH can you fricken believe it I've been waiting to write that. so what did you think! Don't worry they will be happy! THEY WILL! but at this point jacob is in pain because of seeing edward and feeling what they had before. So he's conflicted again with telling himself that this isn't right and how much he loves it still. But now jacob comes to the truth of knowing that he does love edward, and he knows he won't be able to get over him.
but still knows its wrong and is broken up knowing bella still doesn't know about it. So what will happen? What will Edward do? FIND OUT! REVIEW PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I CAN'T WRITE MORE WITHOUT REVIEWS!.
