Whitney Temperatures

Detention Squad

Birth of Faggotry

Chapter 11

"Hey there, kids! My name's Justama, and I transport people on this rainbow railroad in the sky that runs all over Earth. My name used to be Justin Clemente, but everything changed when I enrolled into Whitney High School. I used to be your average teenage crime fighter, but then I got bit by a radioactive geometry teacher named Lama Liebenau! And now, I have the body of a llama with my human face. I can even fly now! Since I obviously can't go to school anymore, I got a job as the main rainbow transport llama for the Kang family. Shut up, it's not euphoric! Oh, hey. Looks like there's some people on the ground looking for some transport." The llama descended from the rainbow railroad from the sky to the ground on Piss-Poor Boulevard, where he met the four members of the Detention Squad on the sidewalk.

"Hi, Justin," said Noah with a tone of uncertainness in his voice. Noah along with the other three members of the Detention Squad were wearing black suits. "Could you get us to the Lakewood graveyard? We need to get to Nathan's funeral. There's free gatorade there. We'll pay you with that."

"I told you so many time already that I'm not Justin anymore! The name's Justama!" replied Justama furiously.

"Damn," Jay whispered to Jesus and Brayan, "I just can't get used to that new look on Justin. What is he, a furry?"

"Exactly," Jesus whispered back, "Liebenau really does ruin lives. I heard she even knocked the black out of some other kid in our school."

"Anyway," Justama addressed to the four customers, "this gatorade you're talking about better be good enough to pay for the flight. Lakewood's a long way from this city. Well, let's just get this flight going. Hop on my back, guys!"

Nervously, the four Detentioneers hopped on to Justama's back and braced themselves for the flight. Justama's body expanded in length so that he could carry the four. With a jump, Justama ascended towards the sky onto the rainbow railroad, which significantly sped them up in a blast of color. The strong wind made it seem like the passenger's skin was about to rip off.

"Actually," Justama began to ramble again, "I actually enjoy being a flying llama. Maybe I should bring Liebenau a box of chocolates and apologize for wearing so many hats in class. Oh, and I should beat up Mrs. Z on the way."

They finally landed at the Lakewood graveyard after what seemed like five minutes. "Stay here at the entrance," Noah ordered Justama, "We'll bring you the gatorade. We don't need you scaring everybody at the ceremony. They'll think we have a furry fetish and the contract suppliers probably won't hand us the gatorade if that happens." The four then began to walk in to the graveyard, which looked like it was another world on it's own. Nobody even gave a shit about covering the bodies, apparently. Things were just scattered around. Drinking gatorade near the grave of someone you hold dear was a ritual in Lakewood. In fact, some people plan to fake deaths just for the free gatorade. Gatorade is truly a wonderful thing.

"Remember, guys," Jay reminded the rest of the crew, "just pretend to drink the gatorade near Nathan's grave when the people that work here offer it to you for the mourning ritual. The drinks they hand out for this ceremony is top quality. Oh, and try to look a little sad. We need this gatorade to bring in to Mr. Spratt to compensate for Clark's departure. I don't even know where the hell he is right now." The Priest of Starch was waiting for them near Nathan's grave.

"I'm sure you're all deeply saddened at the death of your friend," the priest said.

Brayan tried his best to force out a tear. "W-Why yes, of course. Oh, if only Clark were here. He'd know what to say."

"Shut up, Brayan!" Noah yelled, "We don't need your depressing insights right now of all times."

"Whatever, Noah! You're not my real father!" Brayan, who's fake tears had just become real, turned his face away from Noah.

"Well," began the confused priest, "let us honor this Nathan's death, even if he only has 4 goddamn people at his funeral." He carried a huge box of gatorade towards the Detention Squad. "I will leave you to your drinks."

"We can't leave just yet," whispered Jesus, "We have to make this look convincing to the priest just in case we need to come back here some other time. Quick! Remember some shit about Nathan!"

"If Clark were here, he'd remember," muttered Brayan sullenly,

"Jesus Christ, Brayan you FAGGOT!" screamed Jesus, "No one else gives a shit about Clark!"

Then, Brayan's hair rushed at Jesus' face, and it scratched the Messican Smasher, leaving a scar on his face. Luckily, Dr. Mario came with his pills that somehow healed the wound. Then, Jesus retaliated by throwing Pikmin at Brayan.

"Guys!" Jay yelled, "The priest is going to come back soon! Stop fighting already."

Reluctantly, the two Messicans stood at ease.

"Wait, who died again?" asked Noah.

"I think his name was Nithian or something...Oh yeah! It was Nathane," a bruised Brayan replied.

"Oh, yeah," Noah reminisced, "I remember good ol' Nathane. Always willing to let me steal his 3DS when I forgot mine."

"Now who will hand out free seaweed?" Jay teared up.

Jesus wasn't listening at all to these heartfelt mourners. He was too busy playing Majora's Mask on his 3DS.

"You little pseudo-Messican hypocrite!" Brayan yelled, "You're the one that told us to make this believable!"

"Goddamnit, don't start this again, guys," Noah warned while pretending to sip his gatorade.

The old Priest of Starch slowly walked back to the four. "You guys are special kinds of morons. The gravestone clearly says 'Nathan,' you imbeciles!" The Priest of Starch looked at them more carefully. "Wait a minute. You guys are just here for the gatorade, aren't you? You disrespectful teenagers have no respect for traditions! Off with you!" The priest grabbed a shotgun from what looked to be a nearby gravestone with an opening. The four Detention Squad members ran for their lives when the priest fired his first shot and climbed the wall. Then, they began to reminisce.

"I'ma miss good ol' Nathan," said Jesus. "He always knew how to make us laugh."

"Yeah. I'll always remember him doing….. what ever he did all day," said Noah.

"What the fuck is a Nathan?" yelled Jay.

Then, the laugh track played and everyone jumped in the air while 80's music began to play.

"Hey, where's my gatorade?" asked Justama as he walked into the graveyard.

"HOLY SHIT!" someone yelled. Justama turned to see Jhore, someone who is of little importance to any story.

"Calm down," said Justama. "I'm just-"

But it was already too late. Jhore had brought out a stapler and stabbed Justama with it.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Oops, I did it again!" The 80's trumpets played as Justama faded from the screen as the Detention Squad stayed frozen in the background.