Title: Not Tonight, Dear
Author: Hippo_Crat
Rating: PG-13
Length: 737 words
Spoilers: AU, S1
Summary: EGOT-verse. Rachel's home after a long trip and all she wants to do is sleep. Unfortunately her wife has other plans.
Exhausted and thoroughly jetlagged, Rachel Berry was asleep before her head hit the pillow. If she was lucky neither her wife nor her daughter would be home for several hours and she'd have the opportunity to catch up on sleep before she had to be up to face their enthusiastic and non-jetlagged faces. The world-renowned singer/song writer/actress/icon slept for several blissful hours through several phone calls, a dozen texts and a score of emails. Dinner time rolled around and Rachel's rumbling stomach was ignored in favor of more sleep.
Quinn opened the door to the master bedroom quietly and barely reined in a loud snort at the sight of her wife face-planted in a pillow, limbs stretched out across the massive king-sized bed, humming in her sleep. The athletic blonde eased the door shut already making plans to mock Rachel for not being able to bounce back from jaunting across time zones like she used to.
In the meantime the exhausted woman could sleep for a bit longer.
"Rachel—"
Rachel groaned and buried her face deeper into the pillows.
"Rachel!"
"Not t'night, Quinn, I'm 'xhausted."
Hazel eyes rolled skyward and the attorney shoved her wife's shoulder harder still.
The brunette turned over and shoved her hand down the front of her pants. "Fine, but you're going to have to give me a minute to catch up."
Quinn watched in interest as the shorter woman began to move her hand in captivating patterns under the tight fabric of her pants. Several moments later Quinn remembered that this wasn't the reason she'd woken the sleeping beauty. "Rachel!" She hissed trying to get the diva's attention. "Rachel, I didn't wake you up to have sex!"
Rachel pulled her hands out of her pants and finally opened her eyes to glare up at the love of her life. The petite woman gave an exasperated growl. "You don't want to have sex after you got me all worked up?"
"No one told you to stick your hand down your pants!" Quinn snapped, not liking the tone the actress was taking with her.
"I strongly feel the message was implied." Rachel rejoined.
The two women glared at each other for a long moment. Quinn was trying her damndest not to laugh at the sleepy, rumpled, horny woman that had given up glaring and was trying to fall back asleep. The blonde poked her wife in the shoulder again. "There's a spider in the tub. I want you to kill it."
"You kill it, I'm sleeping." The brunette whined, writhing in the sheets in evident agony.
"If you take care of the spider I'll make you breakfast in bed tomorrow." Quinn smarmed in a wheedling tone.
"Errgh" Rachel grunted, obviously uninterested.
"Naked." She added.
"Errgh?" Rachel grunted, significantly more interested.
"All you have to do is kill one, tiny spider." Quinn smirked as Rachel dragged her weary form out of bed and into the master bathroom. Seconds later there was a loud thud followed by several frantic thuds and one really loud thud. "Did you get it?" The blonde called, staring intently at the door. She was watching just in case the spider got by her wife and was gunning for her.
Rachel didn't answer. All Quinn heard was running water for a few seconds and then the sleepy brunette appeared in the doorway. "Spider babies." Was all she said before she dived back on top of the bed.
Quinn shivered in revulsion and decided to use the guest shower until the maid cleaned the bathroom/gruesome homicide scene.
Twenty minutes later, freshly cleaned and with a renewed, sunny disposition, the athletic blonde returned to her bedroom and watched her wife sleep for a long moment. Quinn dropped the towel on the floor and crawled into bed. Since Rachel had fallen asleep on her back this time it was an easy task for Quinn to unbutton the shirt. Thanking God, as always, for her wife's irrational hatred of bras she pressed several open mouth kisses trailing from Rachel's stomach all the way up to her collarbone.
Rachel opened one weary brown eye and then the other. She angled her head to see what the taller woman was doing on top of her and gave up her quest for sleep. The brunette pushed Quinn off of her and began to pull her clothes off. "Okay, you win, but you're going to have to get yourself started while I wake up."
