In the days following, Bobby had been an incredible help. Dean don't know how he survived it but he was certain Bobby's help was the biggest reason.
John and Bobby talked about things like funeral arrangements. Things he wouldn't have shared with his kids. Dean didn't know John wanted to be cremated, or that he'd asked Bobby to say a few words. Not only had Bobby helped out with John's wishes he'd also helped Adam and Dean figure out what Kate would have wanted too.
The lawyer's paperwork had helped out with most of that. Kate being a nurse, and a mostly single mother, had prepared for unforeseen circumstances. There was even most of a college fund put back for Adam.
They had a small ceremony at the local cemetery, tons of friends and co-workers came. They were all concerned about Adam, but seemed reassured when he'd told them he was moving out of town with his brothers.
After everyone had left Adam asked for a moment alone. Dean obliged but hung back close enough to where he could keep an eye on him just in case.
Adam said goodbye to his mom, he broke down slowly over the past few days. He tried to hold most of it in, he'd been getting good at it. Seeing the cherry wood casket in front of him finally made it sink in though. His mother wasn't coming back. His dad wasn't going to swing into town while on business. Nothing was ever going to be the same.
He fell to his knees and cried. He couldn't help it. All the emotion he'd held in for nearly a week since the accident, came rushing out. He pushed his hands into his face as hard as he could hoping the pain would make him numb again. It didn't, the tears kept flowing. He pushed himself up off the ground and wiped his eyes. He walked back toward Dean where the older brother pulled him in tight.
Minutes later Sam did the same, hugging him tightly. Trying to instill some kind of reassurance. Adam appreciated it, but nothing they could do would bring his parents back.
They had already packed up the things from Adam's apartment. Bobby had made trips with his truck taking most of Kate's things to the local women's shelter where she'd asked they go. Adam had kept a few things. One of the silver chains she'd wore, all the pictures he could find, her nursing degree, things like that. He'd kept what he could but he didn't want to keep so much he wouldn't get past it.
They waited until they were at Bobby's to have John's service. There wasn't anyone they could think of that would have wanted to come, which was a whole new level of sad for Dean. He'd never really thought about it but the four people at Bobby's house were probably the only people left alive that gave a shit about John Winchester.
Bobby spoke a few words about John, mostly trying to tell stories from before Mary died. John had asked Bobby to only speak the truth so he tried to focus on the best years. The years he was a loving husband and a doting father. Years that seemed like too many ago. A tear streamed down his cheek as he finished his thoughts. He was going to miss the man, even if he'd ended up not doing much right by his boys.
Dean had done well, but once he saw the tear in Bobby's eye he couldn't hold back any longer. Tears rushed down his face, but he stood tall. He needed to be strong. Sam didn't hesitate and he pulled his brother in for a hug. He pulled Adam in too as the younger boy started crying as well. Sam being the only one to not shed a tear. Bobby gave them a minute after he spread the ashes in the garden behind the Salvage Yard.
"Dean it's going to be okay." Sam said trying to comfort him but not really knowing how to. So, he did what Dean had always done when he was upset. He hugged him tight and told him everything was going to be alright.
They finally made it back inside where Bobby was waiting with a hug of his own.
"I'm good Bobby, gonna sleep a few hours before I try to get my stuff packed back up though. We might have to ship some of my stuff, I don't think both mine and Adam's things are going to fit in the trunk of the Impala." Dean said grabbing a water from the fridge.
"Dean, I told you I don't want to leave yet." Sam said angrily.
He hadn't seen Sam standing behind him, which was odd being how Sam was almost 7 feet tall.
"Sammy I think we need to get back and settle things with the house and make sure everything's okay there." Dean said.
"Dean, there wasn't going to be anyone at the house anyway. It's not like we were expecting John to go back without us.
"Sam why do you want to stay here so badly? Don't you miss Jess? Miss your friends?" Dean replied hoping that would talk his brother into letting it go.
"Dean of course I miss Jessica, I miss all my friends, but there are people here I want to spend time with too. I'd like to spend more than one really horrible week with Bobby." Sam said calming down slightly.
"Okay Sam, but we aren't staying the whole summer. We will stay a little longer though if it's okay with Bobby and Adam." Dean said as he looked to Bobby for reassurance.
"Don't look at me like that, If it were up to me you idjits would just stay forever." Bobby said cracking a small smile.
"Let me talk to Adam." Sam said before his gigantor feet hopped away.
Dean knew there wasn't any real reason he had to get back home. He just felt like that's where they needed to be. It's where Sam could find some familiar stability, where he could start looking for a job, and where Adam would finally see his new home.
Sam came back with Adam in tow. Both boys partially smiling at the thoughts of staying longer, or that's what Dean thought anyway.
"Go ahead and take a shower, we will make a couple calls, order some pizza and stuff." Sam said smiling.
After the week he'd had he wasn't about to turn down a shower and an easy meal.
"Save me some meat lovers' Sammy!" Dean yelled as he made his way upstairs.
Sam reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone.
We're back now, want to come over for pizza?-Sam
I don't know Sam, it doesn't seem like Dean wants to talk to me.-Cas
Sam decides this isn't something that can be talked through with text so he hits the call button.
"Hello" Castiel answers.
"Hey Cas, Listen I'm not going to lie. I don't know if Dean wants to talk to you or not, but I know that he's been through a lot this week and I want him to give him a good chance to tell you about it. If he doesn't I will. The reason I texted you and the reason I'm calling now is because that night after your date, he was happier than I'd ever seen him. I wouldn't normally do this, but I know that you mean something to him. So I'm giving you the best chance I can. Sometimes Dean's so thick that he needs to be pushed into doing things for himself. If he doesn't let you help him, you could at least help me. I've had a pretty long week too, could use a friend." Sam finished.
"I'm already on my way Sam." Cas said as Sam heard the car door shut in the background.
"Thanks, see you in a few Cas. Be careful." Sam hung up smiling bigger than he had in a few days.
When Dean got out of the shower he could smell the Pizza. His stomach growled quickly. He took the stairs two at a time. He heard laughter in the distance and that made him smile, they'd managed to find a moment of happiness in this horrible week.
He stopped quickly when he saw the familiar face sitting next to his now smiling brothers.
"Cas?" Dean said almost as if he couldn't believe it.
"Hello Dean," He replied.
He'd said it like it was nothing. Like Dean hadn't been ignoring him for a week. Which made him feel like an even bigger jerk.
"Uh, not that it's not great to see you but, Why are you here?" He hadn't meant for it to come out that rude but it had.
"Sam invited me, Do you want me to leave?" Castiel's face dropped further than Dean had ever seen it. It made him want to stab himself to ease the pain.
"No!" He responded quickly. That seemed to only partially reassure the gorgeous man in front of him.
"Have a seat and get some food boy." Bobby yelped.
The guys spent the next 20 minutes talking while Dean just sat back silently taking it in. He wasn't sure what he should do with the Cas thing but it's probably better to cut it off before it gets any more serious. Castiel had already said that if he'd had a relationship back in L.A. he would have ended it before going to Europe for four years.
Everyone had finished eating so Dean felt like maybe he should get everything settled now.
"Cas, Can I talk to you outside for a little bit?" Dean said.
"Of course, Dean." He said before standing and following him out the door.
"I'm sorry about not calling you, I probably should have." Dean started.
"It's okay Dean, Sam texted me and said you had a family emergency. Don't get me wrong, I wish you would have called. I would have liked to talk to you, to at least attempt to help you get through whatever it was, but I'm not upset at you or anything." He replied, edging slowly into Dean's personal space trying to test the boundaries.
"I uh, I lost my dad. He was in a car accident and he was in the hospital. I drove straight there, found out he had another son. I had a few minutes with him, but he didn't make it. Adam's mom was in the car with him and died on impact. So now I've got Adam and Sammy to take care of. Adam didn't want to stay in Minnesota, and Sam has his own life in Texas. I'm going to move back to Austin when Sam's ready to leave. I was going to head out tomorrow but Sam begged to spend some more time with Bobby so we stayed."
That was when he saw it. First it was a look of shock but then rage grew on Castiel's face. So intense he wouldn't have believed it if he hadn't seen it himself.
"You weren't going to tell me were you. You were just going to leave and not come back, you were never going to talk to me again." Castiel said. He was fuming, didn't know he could be so angry.
"Honestly, no I wasn't Cas. I've got more important things to worry about now. I can't be worried about myself when I've got two teenage boys depending on me." He said trying to look away. He couldn't stand the look on Cas' face.
"I'm sorry for all that's happened to you. I'm sorry about your dad, I'm sorry that you didn't know about Adam, I'm sorry that you can't take a moment to think about yourself. I really am, probably more than you can even imagine." Castiel said as he turned and walked away.
He wasn't going to stay somewhere he wasn't wanted, and it was obvious Dean no longer wanted him.
Tears were streaming down his face as he found his way back to where they'd laid on the Impala. The place he'd fell in love for the first time. He pulled into the field and turned the engine off. He shouldn't drive like this. It was irresponsible, but he needed to be here. He needed to soak up the memories of how Dean had held him. How he'd laughed and smiled when he talked about Sam. How Dean's soft lips had felt against his own. He wanted to go back to those moments and stay forever.
Lost in his own sobs he barely hears his phone beep.
I'm so sorry, I didn't think he'd let you go. If you need anything I'm still here for you-Sam
It's not your fault Sam, you didn't know he planned to never speak to me again. Thank you for your concern but I'll be fine. Same goes for you by the way.-Cas
Sam was livid. He was probably even more angry at Dean now than he'd been at John.
He looked at Dean, already looking like a kicked puppy but he couldn't help himself.
"God you're an idiot." Sam said.
"What?" Dean replied.
"You really are letting him go? You weren't even going to say goodbye. Hell you weren't even going to give him a chance to say goodbye. That's fucked up Dean, I'm only sixteen and even I know that." Sam scoffed.
"Sam! I can't do this right now." He nearly yelled.
"You need to do this now Dean, you need to go crawling back to him and beg for forgiveness. I've never seen you so happy, you need that, you need him." Sam responded not letting it go.
"Dammit Sammy! He's leaving anyway what the fuck does it matter." Dean was angry too now.
That's when it hit him. Dean wasn't running away from Castiel because he didn't want to have anything for himself, well not completely anyway. He was running away because he was scared Cas was leaving him, which Sam guessed he kind of was. With an obvious roll of his eyes he let it go.
Dean went upstairs and passed out to a restless sleep full of nightmares.
Castiel finally calmed himself enough to drive home. He made it through the door and up to his room before he broke down crying again. He laughs at himself for ever thinking that his life would be easier when he left L.A.
Castiel spent hours crying in bed before drifting off to sleep.
The next morning after seeing how wrecked Dean was Sam felt guilty.
"I'm sorry Dean, I'll go back to Austin whenever you want to go." Sam said apologetically.
"Thanks Sam, have Adam set aside what he needs for a few weeks. We will leave out in a couple hours and we'll stop for a night if we need to later. We'll have to ship most of our stuff." Dean said already throwing his stuff in a bag.
"Sure thing, I'll help him." Sam said before he closed the door behind him.
Dean was thankful for whoever he needed to be thankful to. He really didn't want to stay any longer than he had to. He was afraid he'd lose some of the strength he'd built up. And end up running to Cas begging him to take him back. That wouldn't be good for either of them, it would eventually end anyway. Best to just go ahead cut the head off the beast, or whatever. He told himself repeatedly hoping eventually he'd believe it.
