ANGEL OF DEATH CHAPTER SIX
A F T E R M A T H
"What the freakin' hell was that?"
"Shinji, you took some whacked out drugs. You've been on a bad trip for a couple hours."
"Shit."
And that, dear readers, explains everything.
"You dumbass."
"Hey, shaddup Jimmy. It was a one time thing."
"Oh-kay… just remember, drugs are bad. They kill more people than guns or alcohol… or me!"
The more you know…
… the less you want to know… but we don't talk about that anymore.
"So, what exactly did you trip out about?"
"Oh, you were evil and destroyed the entire city with an evil monologue."
"That sounds exactly like something I would do. Oh, and by the way, I wrecked your car. Twice. In a fire. Today."
"YOU BASTARD!"
Jimmy ran off, with Shinji in close pursuit.
"Wait- we can't just leave Rei and Asuka like this, can we?"
"Yeah. We can. We will. We did."
"How did they get injured, anyway?"
"They got plowed down by a '71 Cadillac with the license plate BADMOFO."
"You hit them with my car?!"
"I said I wrecked it twice!"
"YOU DIDN'T SAY YOU HIT PEOPLE WITH IT!!"
"Eh, you only live once. No, YOU only live once. I live for as long as the author fuckin' wants me to live. Now come on, let's go shoot some pigeons."
"You mean like skeet shooting?"
"No, we'll drive to the park, and shoot some pigeons."
"FUCK YEAH!"
"AMERICA!"
"WHAT?"
"AMERICA, ASSHOLE! Land of the free, home of the brave… pretzel vendors on street corners…"
"FUCK YEAH!"
Insert Team America theme song here.
ONE FLYING CAR RIDE LATER…
"-cshht- Flight Control, this is 4C4R, requesting permission to land, over. -cshht-"
"-cshht- 4C4R, this is Flight control, you are cleared to land at Runway Three, over. -cshht-"
The flying car touched down, immediately spun off the runway, jumped a concrete barrier, and crashed through the fence.
"Shit, dude! You can't drive at all! Even when there's nobody to hit!"
Deedle Deedle Deedle Deedle…
"Wow, my pager! I thought it wouldn't work after I destroyed those three fire hydrants and crashed the car into the ocean."
"Damn, dude. Are you legally blind or something? You couldn't find your ass with both hands without a map."
"Well, if you were holding a map, then you couldn't find your arse with the hands you used to hold it… SHIT!"
The car crashed into a gas station and exploded in a flaming ball of fire. Not that a ball of fire would not be flaming. It was just… never mind.
Shinji awoke in a stark white hospital room.
"Shit cake monger ass hooker damn bitch rape!"
Rinse, lather, repeat. Twice. In a fire. Today.
"What the fuck is all this?"
"Yeah… have you taken temporal physics yet? Never mind… every time you wake up, reality changes a little. So now…
Jimmy pulled out a clipboard.
"The drinking age is fourteen, you own a mansion, your mother's not dead, your father loves you, he has a real job, nobody's ever heard of EVAs, and you lead a normal life."
LINEBREAKLINEBREAKLINEBREAKLINEBREAKLINEBREAKLINEBREAK
The stars streaked across the sky as morning approached. Shinji sat at the top of a hill, looking down at the epitome of perfection that was his city. But not his Tokyo-3. A shadowy figure appeared next to him.
"Well done, Shinji. You chose… wisely. I have done well with you. Now, I must bid you farewell, for I have others to train."
And with a nod of his head, James P. Reciful departed in the blink of an eye…
…and returned moments later.
"Forgot my keys."
DU-DUN… PSHH!
Stay tuned for the sequel! Jimmy gets fired from his job, IRS audits push him into the red, and his house is repossessed. What is he to do? Why, go to FEUDAL JAPAN, of course! Next time, on Inuyasha: The boy who overcame taxes, and the traveling group about to get owned!
Oh, and remember…
IT'S ALL UP TO YOU, SO CLICK, TYPE, REVIEW! © 2007 DEATH88
I hope you enjoyed the first four chapters. The rest was shit. I admit that. I needed to finish this and clean my slate in preparation for additional funny. All my funny was tapped out, and I implore you to watch for the sequel to this, which will be written when I have more funny to spend.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
Your Esteemed Author
