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Chapter Five

Disconnection and Doubt

It was morning in Earth Standard Time on the Normandy when Garrus started working on the ship's weaponry system. He usually woke up earlier then most of the other crew, not due to diligence as most people would believe, but because he needed something to distract himself. Ever since he survived that near-death experience on Omega, he had been haunted by his former team-mates, as their shadowy phantoms loomed over him in dreams. Every single night, they always came to him for the same thing: begging him to avenge their deaths.

Garrus kept the nightmares to himself. Not just because of the shame of failing to protect his team as their leader, but also he didn't want anyone to alert Shepard about it. He knew how she tended to quickly pick out anything that seemed to be abnormal within her ship, even minor things like dreams. However, he was sceptical on how well did she understood him. He knew that Shepard didn't usually take things well when people committed a few questionable acts, especially when it came to himself. However, his vowed retribution on Sidonis meant so much to him, much more than Shepard would be able to comprehend through her human perspective.

For the two years while Shepard was lost within the void, he had seen almost everything within the galaxy, including the dark side of it. Every day, he watched the strong exploit the weak in many horrific and unimaginable ways, crimes that no sapient should commit, or witness. One of those criminals was Sidonis, a fellow turian who sold him and the rest of his men to the mercs, then left them to wither and die. For a human like Shepard, it was an immoral act. For Garrus, it was sin that was beyond the imagination of any good turians.

He softly growled to himself when he thought of him again, while dreading Shepard's reaction if they should stumble across him. Knowing her, she would probably spare his life as usual, much to his chagrin. While he still deeply cared for her, he also find her idealistic viewpoint unbearable at times, which was too naïve in his eyes. He was sure that Shepard didn't see or had never endured the harsh reality, like he had in these last two years of stumbling within the dark.

Then his quiet vigil within the Main Battery was broken, when his terminal alerted him about the incoming mail. He looked into the newly arrived message and read thoroughly. After he finished, he made another growling sound. Someone had found a lead to Sidonis' whereabouts.

Finally, he could put an end to this nightmare for once and for all.


"Garrus, are you alright?" Shepard asked.

She was standing at the doorway of the Main Battery, while Garrus was still looking at the holographic screen, avoiding eye contact. He grumbled to himself thinking that no matter how hard he tried to hide something, Shepard always managed to figure it out. He wouldn't be surprised if it emerged that she had hidden clairvoyant powers. Since she was going to pry it out from his mind, he figured he might as well spill it out to save time for the both of them.

"I've found a lead to Sidonis recently."

As soon Garrus mentioned that name, he could hear Shepard shuffling her feet uncomfortably behind him. He turned himself to face her. There were no verbal comments. Her silence was the only answer, while she averted her eyes from him.

Garrus continued, "There's a track that leads to the Citadel. A guy name Fade, who helps people like Sidonis disappear."

"You only told me vaguely about him. So, what happened between the two of you?"

"He sold me and my team out to the mercs, before he ran off from Omega with all of his private funds. I need to find him before his trail runs cold again."

Shepard gave him a cautious look, "What are you going to do once you find him?"

"You humans have a saying, 'An eye for an eye, a life for a life'... He owes me ten lives. I'm planning to make him pay."

"Garrus, are you really sure this is what you want?"

"I'm sure. I know you don't like this, but I need to deal this in my own terms."

He gave her a steadfast gaze. The only reaction she gave to his decision was disappointment. Not the usual outraged reaction he usually had seen on his father's face, but a melancholy look in her eyes, as she lamented quietly about something. Whatever she was expressing her sorrow for, he couldn't bring himself to ask her, since he feared that answer might distract his resolve to give some closure to him and his team.

After a moment of silence, Shepard asked. "Do you want me to help you find him?"

Garrus was surprised, while at the same time he gave her a weary look. He knew she usually refused to assist anything that anything morally questionable, unless she had a devious plan behind her. He tried to figure out her hidden agenda behind her offer, but he couldn't tell from the unusually stoic calmness on her face. He was about to turn down her offer, when a part of him wanted to accept it. Not because he needed her help, but because he'd feel bad if he would turn it down. He knew her involvement in this might bite him in the nether regions, but he was willing to take that chance.

"Yes," Garrus replied reluctantly.


It was 19:00 Citadel Standard Time when the Normandy docked on the station. After the ship was firmly held in place by the safety latches, Garrus stepped outside, with Shepard and Tali following behind him. The same familiar violet lighting greeted him as he looked over the rails, watching over the ward arms that stretched out towards the empty dark space. The scenery was still beautiful and flawless, as if the siege that happened two years ago in the Citadel couldn't even make a slight ugly dent on it.

He heard soft footsteps behind him, as Shepard was walking towards him, while Tali headed down straight to the security check point. Garrus watched as Shepard leaned herself over the rails right next to him. They both watched the landscape. For a while there was silence between them, as Garrus was feeling uneasy about her, since she was also vague about her reasons to assist him. He pondered though. What if she was here to stop him from killing Sidonis? He shook his head dismissively. No, he thought. If Shepard didn't want Sidonis dead, then why didn't she stop him in the first place?

Then the silence broke when Shepard began to casually comment, "It's been two years since I've stepped onto the Citadel. Not much has changed from the looks of it."

"It still has the same dirty streets, crime, poverty and blind ignorance," Garrus scoffed.

"But still has the same beauty and warmth somewhere within the ugly space as well, if you look hard enough."

Garrus tightened his fist. She was definitely wrong. He did not see any sort of beauty during the long dreary nights on Omega; only smog and blood lingered within that pisshole station. Nor he had seen any sort of warmth within the Wards. There was no one he could confine in, especially when the cover up and C-Sec bureaucracy were straining both his mind and spirit.

Shepard noticed his reaction at her comment, she asked him in a gentle manner, "Garrus, you look terrible. Are you sure that you can handle this? We could call it off and wait for tomorrow..."

"No!" Garrus snapped, as he sharply turned to face her. "I've managed to get this far, I'm not going to wait around while Sidonis plans his escape!"

After his sudden outburst, Shepard slowly backed away, giving him a startled look. Garrus then frowned, as he felt ashamed for throwing his anger at her, especially when she only merely trying to help him.

"I'm sorry about this. I'm a little anxious about..."

"... Sidonis," Shepard quickly finished his sentence.

Garrus nodded gingerly. Shepard gently touched his shoulder, while approaching towards him.

"You haven't been the same since I've found you on Omega. I've never seen you ready to kill someone in cold blood..."

"What can I say, Shepard? That in the past two years, I was trying to make up for my own mistakes? I've failed stop the council from covering up about the Reaper threat and slandering your name while you're gone..."

Garrus paused for a moment, as he closed his eyes and looked down at one of the Ward arms in the distance.

He took a deep breath, "And now... my team. If I'd figured out that Sidonis was a traitor sooner, they wouldn't have died. It's my own damn fault. The only way I can make up for that is by killing him."

"Garrus, are you really sure? What if there's more to this..."

"There's no other explanation, Shepard. He's a traitor and my whole team died because of him! If it weren't for you, I would be trapped in the cold void with them."

He gently brushed off her hand and walked away from her. Before he reached towards the door, Garrus turned to her.

"I'm sorry Shepard... But I'm going to do this, whether you like it or not."


It took a fair bit of 'aggressive' persuasion, but they managed to pry some critical information about Fade's current location and his real identity. They were making their way to the factory district via a hired skycar, where Fade was located, according to one of the operatives that they had 'interrogated' before. To everyone's surprise and Shepard's bemusement, it was Harkin, who had transformed himself from a petty corrupted ex-cop to a con artist. Garrus cringed at the revelation of Fade's identity, while looking out of the window.

Throughout their journey, the tension grew between Garrus and Shepard, to the point where they weren't comfortable enough to talk one and another. Tali tried to start a conversation, just to ease the awkwardness, but then Garrus made a scornful comment that quickly ended the discussion before it had a chance to pick itself up.

"It's okay, Tali. He just woke up at the wrong side of the bed this morning. So just ignore him," Shepard apologised, while shooting Garrus a sharp glare.

Garrus snorted, "I don't sleep in one of those bunk beds, Shepard. I"m sleeping in..."

"A sleeping pod. Of course I know that," Shepard interrupted him quickly, before making a snide answer. "It's a human saying for people who act unusually irritable the whole day."

"So you're saying that I'm being obnoxious?"

"Yes, you are. Shutting down Tali is definitely not the nicest thing to do."

"That's because we need to focus on the mission. We can't let ourselves get distracted by something trivial like chit-chats, dwelling on personal problems..."

"Like your anger with Sidonis?"

Garrus was about snap back at her, when Tali quickly yelled at the both of them to stop arguing. Then Shepard and Garrus focused their attention towards Tali, who was crossing her arms and glaring at them.

"Keelah! What's wrong with the both of you? You weren't arguing like this back on the SSV Normandy, while we were hunting down Saren."

Garrus then gave Shepard a suspicious look. "We're in a state of disagreement, that's all I'm saying.

Then all of a sudden, Shepard made a sharp dive towards a vacant spot below them, causing Garrus to bump into the window involuntary from the vehicle's momentum. After she landed safely onto a stable surface, Garrus gave her an accusing glare.

"What the hell was that?" he snarled.

"Parking," Shepard replied while turning off the engine. Then she turned to him, "We need to talk."

"About what?"

"About you. Let's just get this out in the open. What's your real concern with me? Be blunt and honest."

"Do you remember Dr. Saleon? You stopped me from killing him before, so are you going to do the same thing with Sidonis?"

"No."

"Then why are you constantly questioning me about killing Sidonis?" Garrus asked.

"This is not a trivial matter. We're dealing with someone's life here. A wrong decision that could lead into heavy consequences."

"So you're saying that you're worried about killing someone outside of the law?"

"No, I'm worried about you. Do you really want to do this?"

Garrus shifted in his seat nervously and looked out of the window quietly, as he turned away from her.

Shepard continued, "I know Sidonis is a traitor, but he used to be your friend too."

"He used to, until that day when sold me and my team out to those mercs. He's not my friend anymore."

"But Garrus..."

"Shepard, if you're still my friend, then help me find him... and let me kill him with my own hands."

There was a moment of silence between them, as Shepard absently looked at the window, lost in thought. Tali made a sneaky glance at the both of them, her hands rubbing together nervously. Then Shepard slowly nodded reluctantly at Garrus and started up the engine again. He made a small sigh in relief, worried what would happened if Shepard backed out. He shuddered quietly at the thought of their friendship ending on a sour note.

As they drove around the Factory District, they saw two Blue Sun mercs heading towards one of the buildings, located at the very place Fade's former operative had pointed out before in the Zakera Warehouse. Garrus told Shepard to follow them. When the mercs had reached their destination, Shepard parked the skycar in front of the entrance of the building that they just walked into. After they got out of the vehicle, they were about to check around the building, when the entrance door slid open, revealing Harkin checking his cargo.

"There he is!" Shepard yelled, which prompted Garrus and Tali to point their firearms at him.

Harkin was bewildered and shocked, while the biotic effects shrouded Shepard, as she gave him a cold hard stare.

"Don't just stand there! Stop them, stop them!" Harkin growled orders to the nearby Blue Suns guards, before quickly retreating himself back to the building.

"Run all you want Harkin. We'll find you!" Garrus roared.


Garrus was looking out of the window, while Tali was busy trying to hack into the lock leading into another room where Harkin was apparently hiding. Garrus was gripping at the window ledge tightly, tapping his talons anxiously, as he was feeling agitated at the thought of Fade tipping Sidonis off from the radar again. He was deeply pre-occupied to the point that he didn't notice the gentle nudge from Shepard. It took a few times before he realised that she wanted to get his attention.

"Looks like Harkin has gone pretty bad," Shepard remarked, while she gave him a concerned look.

Garrus continued to stare at the window, while he gruffly replied, "He's always been a pain in the ass, but I'm in no mood for his games. If he doesn't cooperate, I'll beat within an inch of his life."

"You seem to be getting tense, Garrus."

"Harkin may know why Sidonis wanted to disappear. If so, he knows why we're here and I don't want him to tip Sidonis off."

Then they heard a faint mechanical sound coming from next door, Shepard turned her back against the wall, while Garrus hid below the window, both of them holding their guns firmly.

"Did you see that?" Garrus asked while looking up towards Shepard.

"I saw something," Shepard replied.

"He's getting ready for us."

"What are you going to do to Harkin if he won't co-operate?"

"He's a real criminal now, working for the Blue Suns. We should have shot him on sight, but I need him alive. So I won't do any permanent damage. Just enough to loosen his tongue."

Shepard shook her head at him, "You don't need to hurt him to get what you want."

"Don't worry. Harkin is a coward. He'll talk long before I can really hurt him."

There was a brief pause between the both of them, as Shepard was lost in thought. Garrus wasn't sure what she was thinking, but he knew she's questioning him on his decision with Sidonis. Typical of her.

Then Shepard asked, "Are you really going to kill Sidonis when we find him?"

Garrus quickly replied, "That's the plan. It will be quick and painless, unlike everyone he betrayed. He'll be spared the agony of a slow death, which he doesn't deserve. But as long he's dead, I'll be satisfied."

"Do you really think that killing Sidonis would make things right?"

He averted his eyes from her. He began to wonder what would happen after he really did kill Sidonis in the end. Would he be able to find peace once more? He wasn't sure if Sidonis' death would grant him that wish, nor it would make the nightmares disappear. Would it make him happy? Garrus frowned. He knew that answer well: No.

Even if he did manage to avenge his team-mates, it still didn't change the fact that he had another failure to look back on. The loss of his team, being betrayed by someone who he once considered a friend. Omega was still a wretch hive despite his efforts to uphold justice and in the end, he was still a lonely turian filled with regret.

Still, despite all of this, he had already made his promise to his team-mates. Even if killing Sidonis didn't give him the sort of peace that he was hoping for, at least it would give him the chance to grant his team-mates some closure.

"I understand your concern, but it's something that I have to do. Just let me pull the trigger, I can live with the consequences," Garrus firmly replied.

Before Shepard had the chance to discuss his decision, the tiny electronic beeping sound emitted from the door, as Tali finally succeeded in decrypting the security lock. Shepard quickly switched over her firearms, from a sub-machine gun to her favourite sniper rifle. Before she was able to signal everyone to take positions, Garrus quickly rushed through the door, clutching his assault rifle in his hand. He could hear Shepard cursing loudly behind him, but he couldn't care less since he felt time was running short; Sidonis' trail could go cold at any time with a single call from Harkin.

He quickly dodged the incoming hail of bullets, with his quick light footsteps displaying a touch of finesse, while continuing rushing towards the Central Control room. He fired back at the Blue Sun mercs, a shower of bullets piercing through their armour and kinetic barriers, causing them to drop down to the ground before they could even scream in pain. As he leaped onto a large stack of crates, in the corner of his eye he saw another merc aiming at him with a rocket launcher. He quickly jumped to the side, as the rocket missed its intended target. Instead it hit a nearby group of mercs who were charging towards him. Before he was able to retaliate the heavy weapons wielder, all of a sudden a large explosive crate dropped near the offender and he was killed instantly by the blast.

Garrus looked around, trying to find Shepard, but she was nowhere to be seen. He frowned a little, before continuing to climb over the raised platforms, making his way towards the Central Control room. He couldn't blame Shepard if she left his side, since it was pretty clear that she didn't want to assist in killing someone in cold blood. Still, he had managed to get this far now, there was no point in turning back. He was going to finish what he had started. If he was going to lose Shepard, the only person he could consider a close friend in this messed up galaxy, then so be it.

When he managed to get to the other side of the area, his eyes and mandibles were widened in horror, when he saw two heavy mechs marching slowly while aiming their cannons at him. He quickly hid behind a nearby metal pillar, attempting to shield himself from their heavy barrage of ammo. After he stowed away his assault rifle to the back of his hardsuit, he pulled his sniper rifle out and quickly configured the ammo setting. While he was trying figure out a way to deal with the mechs, he heard another loud explosion, this time it almost felt deafening to his ears. The blast was so strong that he could even feel the heat outside of the radius. Garrus peered over from the pillar. The mechs were almost non-existant, if it weren't for that burnt scorch patch on the ground where they had stood.

Then he heard Shepard's voice calling out to him from above. Garrus looked up and saw her waving at him, while holding her heavy weapon. He was surprised but relieved at the same time to see her. Turns out that Shepard never left his side at all.

"Hey Garrus! Next time, will you slow down a little? You know that humans' legs aren't designed to run fast as turians'," Shepard called out.


Harkin was tapping his console furiously when the door swung open. It was Shepard and Tali, who were pointing their guns at him. He quickly grabbed a bag of his belongings, as he was heading out towards the emergency exit nearby.

Harkin began to taunt them, "You were close, but not close enough..."

Then all of a sudden, Garrus appeared from the emergency exit and smashed his face with the blunt end of his assault rifle. Harkin whined feebly while clutching his face in pain. Garrus quickly grabbed him roughly by the collar. He slammed Harkin to the wall, his talons slightly digging into the skin of the human's neck, while giving him a deathly glare.

"So Fade... Couldn't make yourself disappear, huh?"

"Come on, Garrus, we can work this out. Whaddaya need?" Harkin asked.

Garrus loosened his grip from Harkin's neck and replied, "I'm looking for someone."

"Well, I guess we both have something the other one wants."

His temper had flared up, as Garrus couldn't hold back his bottled up grudge with Harkin any longer. He quickly kneed Harkin in the crotch and watched as the offending con man collapsed onto the ground, still clutching the lower part of the body in agony. While Garrus continued to glare at him, Shepard walked towards them, crossing her arm while also looking down at Harkin.

"That had to hurt," Shepard made a snide remark before continuing. "Maybe you should tell us."

"I still don't know what you want," Harkin complained, while struggling to get back on his feet.

"You helped a friend of mine disappear. I need to find him," Garrus replied.

"I might need a little more information than that."

"His name is Sidonis. Turian, came from the..."

Before Garrus finished his sentence, Harkin quickly snapped, "I know who he is. I'm not telling you squat!"

"Is this information really worth all the trouble?" Shepard asked in an annoyed tone.

"I don't give out client information. It's bad for business."

Garrus quickly kneed him in the stomach again. After he collapsed back onto the ground, Garrus placed his foot on Harkin's neck and started to lay the pressure down slowly. The human coughed and started to demand to get his foot off him, which made Garrus push his foot down a little harder, while the talons on his toes started to curl on Harkin's neck.

"You know what else is bad for business? A broken neck!" Garrus snarled angrily.

As Harkin pleaded behind the painful choking sound, Garrus felt a light tap on the shoulder. It was Shepard, quietly gesturing at him to stop. He twitched his nose in agreement and slowly lifted his foot off Harkin.

"Terminus really changed you, huh, Garrus?" Harkin remarked while still coughing as he trying to catch some air.

"No, but Sidonis... opened my eyes," Garrus replied coldly, before making more demands from him. "Now, arrange a meeting."

Harkin slowly got up and headed towards the console. While he was making the call, Garrus pulled out his pistol and made a shifty glance at him. Shepard gave him a worried look, quietly mouthing her objection, but Garrus gave her a devious nod while adding a few more thermal clips into the gun.

Once the call was finished, Harkin told them the meeting place and time, before giving them his parting words, "So, our business is done, I'll be going..."

Before he gets the chance to walk away, Garrus quickly grabbed him by the collar. "I don't think so. You've a criminal now, Harkin."

"So what... you're just going to kill me? That's not your style, Garrus."

Garrus thought deeply about his words. He had been thinking about killing him, but then Harkin made a good point. He gently let go of him.

"Kill you? No, but I don't mind slowing you down a little."

Garrus lifted his gun towards Harkin's leg and as he was about to pull the trigger, Shepard quickly pulled his arm away from Harkin. "You don't need to shoot him. He won't be able to hide from C-Sec now."

There was a brief pause, as Garrus took a quick glance into her eyes. Instead of the usual fiery spark he saw whenever she fiercely demanded other people to follow her orders, it was the same pleading eyes when she 'offered' her assistance. He relented a little and gave out a quiet sigh, before pulling his arm away from her grip. He then grudgingly put away his gun.

"I guess it's your lucky day," Garrus grumbled.

Harkin gave him a mocking grin. "Yeah, I hope we can do this again real soon."

Garrus was about to leave, when he noticed that Shepard was turning her back against them, while walking towards the door. Garrus gave him a vicious smirk, before smashing Harkin's face with his own forehead. Harkin gave out another painful whine, which caught Shepard's attention. She quickly spun around and gave Garrus an accusing look.

"I didn't shoot him," Garrus replied in a sardonic tone.

Shepard shrugged her shoulders in a resigned manner, before they walked out of the building together.


"Harkin is a bloody menace, we shouldn't have just let him go. He deserves to be punished," Garrus growled angrily.

The skycar was parked somewhere close to the Orbital Lounge. It was dark and quiet, with not too many people walking through, which gave Garrus the chance to vent all his anger towards Shepard. As he continued to rant on about Harkin, Shepard quietly sat still and patiently listened to every single word that expressed his frustration.

After he finished, Shepard gently remarked, "I'm getting a little worried about you, Garrus. You seemed pretty hard on Harkin."

"You don't think he deserved it?"

"It's just not like you."

Garrus turned his head away from her and looked out of the window. If there's something he hated about Shepard, it was her ambiguity and naivety. Even now, he still couldn't figure out why she was willing to help him to find Sidonis, despite her attempts in dissuading him many times while chasing Harkin. Not only that, she started to question him in a cryptic philosophical tone, which made his head spin in confusion. Also, she had no right in asking that sort of question, when clearly, she hadn't been through the same hideous experience as he had.

"What do you want from me, Shepard? What would you do if someone betrayed you?" Garrus asked in an irritated tone.

There was a moment of silence, as Shepard was left speechless by that question. She averted her eyes from him and gently answered, "I'm not sure, but I wouldn't let it change me."

"I would have said the same thing before it happened to me."

Shepard gently reached out to hold his hand, "It's not too late. You don't have to go through with this."

"Who's going to bring Sidonis to justice if I don't?" Garrus snapped at her, as he pulled his hand away. He continued, "Nobody else knows what he has done. Nobody else cares. I don't see any other options."

"Let me go and talk to him."

"Talk all you want, but it won't change my mind... I'm not you, Shepard."

"This isn't you either," Shepard countered.

"Really?" Garrus asked sceptically. He glared at her while continuing, "I've always hated injustice. The thought that Sidonis could get away with this..."

His voice trailed off, as he felt a painful lump at the back of his throat, after he mentioned the idea of Sidonis getting away. He felt depressed at thought about his team-mates and how their lives were wasted away by this one sad excuse for a turian. Especially when these men were looking forward to a meaningful life. He remembered one late solar night on the Normandy. Most of the crew were asleep, he quietly wrote letters to their closest family members and friends. Every letter that has been sent away, was equivalent to being shot in the chest, as a punishment not bringing them safely back to their loved ones.

"Why should he go on living while ten good men lie in unmarked graves?" Garrus asked her in an anguished tone.

There was no single word from Shepard, only the silence of the uncertainty. He knew that this was the question that Shepard could not win over with her so-called moral superiority.

"I'm sorry, Shepard... words aren't going to solve this problem," Garrus apologised gruffly, before climbing out of the vehicle. He quickly reminded her about the plan. "Keep him talking and remember not to get in my way."

As Shepard drove off to the parking lot, Tali tapped her on the shoulder, "Are you alright, Shepard? Garrus seemed to throw a lot of fire towards you."

"I'm alright, it's just... I don't know."

"Are you planning to stop him?"

"I'm not sure, but I can't turn my back against his wishes now."


Somewhere on the maintenance walkway, Garrus looked over the lounge area below him, through the scope of the sniper rifle. He searched through the crowd, looking for a familiar face that he loathed, the same face that had haunted him for many nights now. Then his eyes were brightened with fury when he saw Sidonis in his sights.

He quickly called her through the radio, "Shepard, can you hear me?"

"Loud and clear."

"All right. There he is... wave him over and keep him talking."

He watched as Shepard made a gesture at Sidonis, calling him over. For someone who lived safely within the mist of deception, he seem to be more jittery and nervous, but it didn't matter to Garrus since Sidonis would be dead soon. While he straightened the alignment of his aim, he noticed that Shepard's head was obscuring his view.

"You're in my shot. Move to the side," Garrus warned her.

As he waited for her, the unexpected happened when Shepard said something beyond his imagination.

"I'm a friend of Garrus'. He wants you dead, but I'm hoping that's not necessary."