My Studies partner chapter 7

On the seventh turn of the Ravenclaw towers twisted stairwell, one of the many wide and bright windows that illuminated the inside of the tower like the inside of a cathedral was slightly different to the others. To the left, hidden in the shape of the ornamental stained glass orchids, a small latch opened the second pane large enough to allow a slight or at least flexible person to pass through. Outside the window concealed from view, a girl with wind-roused tumbling blonde curls was perched on a convenient ledge.

A blustery winter's day chilled the marrows of her bones but the dizzying heights failed to sway as they might have others. Of course, the venture was incredibly dangerous, or at least perhaps dangerous to a student who had not done it forty seven times before. Luna sat hunched over her knees, her bright wavering eyes looking out over most of the forbidden forest and the mist-cloaked haze beyond it. Her bright red sneakers were wearing through at the toes and she felt the north wind sharply; but her mind was too preoccupied to pay it any attention that morning. There was the matter of what to do about Hermione.

When she thought about it like that it made it sound as though it were a problem when in reality it was anything but, except…Luna just couldn't put the feeling down, a nagging, tiring sensation at the back of her head which warned her: "You're not sure, and you know it"

No. She wasn't sure. Mostly she was just shocked, and slightly awed by her first kiss….flame red spots appeared in her cheeks which had nothing to do with the biting cold. It had been a good kiss, a very good one…but it Hermione that kissed her. She never expected that, and now all the hurt and vague depression of the last few days was thrown into turmoil and…and she didn't know what to do. 'No' she thought to herself 'You don't know what you want'

There was suddenly a rapping at the glass and Luna jumps, causing her to sway violently. She clutched at the side of the building her heart in her mouth and managed to steady herself. Turning round she first saw her own, much paler reflection and on the otherside of it was a neat, handsome face framed in a mass of oak brown curls; Hermione. Luna's heart skipped a beat.

Hermione smiled, as usual, a pile of books in her arms. She had been let out of the infirmary that morning and was still, in Lunas opinion, fragile but could otherwise continue her extracurricular studies, which as far as anybody else was concerned consisted of obsessive reading. She wanted to talk, of course.

When she'd kissed her that day in the infirmary, she'd been as warm and passionate as Luna had secretly dreamed about, and when she'd broken away her eyes were flickering excitedly. Luna had a terrible feeling her expression was as blank as a gutted fish, but that was accounted for by shock. In the next few seemingly endless moments, they'd simply stared at each other. Then Luna had mumbled something about how she was glad she was feeling better and had picked up at the book and quickly left; but she had looked back, and Hermione had smiled at her. And she had smiled back.

Hermione politely tapped on the glass again, and Luna pointed to the switch. "How did you know I was here?" she asked when Hermione had opened it.

"I was looking all over for you, and I thought it might be at least worth trying to get into your common room so here I came…and then I noticed your hair" Hermione explained, poking her head out the window.

Luna blushed and hastily wrapped her hair around so it fell over her right shoulder. In truth, she was amazed anyone had found her here, when nobody had before, and a little embarrassed. She'd started to climb out in first year, when the bullying first picked up. The howling winds that encompassed the tower had always strangely felt like home, and the freezing atmosphere had washed away the doubtfulness in a silent roar. Misery did not belong here. She waited for Hermione to ask what she was doing and for a moment it looked like she was about to, but then Hermione noticed her expression and her face softened.

"Luna" she said gently "I want to know if…if you've at all thought about…"she stopped herself, her mouth opening and closing as she tried to steer away from a blatantly obvious question. Luna gazed calmly at her, and was spurred to try again "If you've any feelings about the other day, which I…which I think you do-"

"Yes" interrupted Luna "Yes I suppose I do, quite a few of them, really"

There was a long but not uncomfortable pause, and Hermione sighed "I wanted to tell you why I kissed you." Lunas stomach suddenly dropped to the floor. There was a slight tone to Hermione's voice….no maybe she was imagining it but she was suddenly terrified. Suddenly terrified that the whole espionage was a joke, or trifling matter, that Hermione had kissed her out of pity… It was too horrible to contemplate…she screwed her eyes shut and began to feel sick. Hermione noticed Luna's change in expression and reached out the window to grab hold of her hand. "No! You must listen! Luna, please, you have to know that I kissed you because I love you"

Luna opened her eyes, but still would not turn to look at Hermione face; instead focusing on the sickening drop beneath her which had suddenly seemed to triple in depth. "I..I love you" said Hermione breathlessly "truly I…oh believe me, Luna, please! I think about you constantly, your sweetness is quite utterly indescribable…but I've been such a…such a girl. I've never been able to confront you about it and suddenly, now that…now that I know it's possible that you could, in even, the slightest way feel the same…"

"Love me?" said Luna weakly "how could you love me? I'm just Luna. Just loopy looney Luna"

"No" Hermione interrupted strongly "I don't want to ever hear you say that again"

Luna flinched. She had never before been spoken harshly too by the girl next to her, and she slowly met her eyes and was shocked with the darkness she saw there. The raw, burning, desperation. She recognised it…she saw it in herself every time she recounted every opportunity she had had to tell Hermione her feelings and had failed.

She slowly allowed Hermione to lead her back inside, where the sudden rush of warmth filled her face with colour. Hermione immediately embraced her, and Luna could see how the colour had disappeared from her usually elegant hands. She was suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling one gets when somebody, no matter how confused your feelings about them might be, you cared for deeply was distressed.

She took Hermione's hands and blew some warmth into them, and then took her back down the stairwell. They talked quietly about small and simple things that seemed of so little relevance that Luna was hardly aware of them. Luna was scared by the thrill of it; the only consoling thought was the want of Hermione's touch, the stability of it and the warmth and…she shivered. It was a lot to think about now, when she was simply contented to not think at all and exist that one certain solitude with her, Hermione, who loved her. Christmas Eve had brought with it a cold, grey thrill of happiness.