"I don't see why you care so much!"
"I don't care!" She punctuated the statement by a shove, knocking him back a step.
"Fine, if you want to be a child about it, that's fine." He waved the papers in the air, equal parts exasperated and exhausted. "Pardon me for, oh, I don't know, caring about your opinion!"
"I don't see why you would bother! I don't care!"
"Evidently!" But then she was slamming the kitchen door in his face, and even if he wanted to, he couldn't let it drop.
"No!" storming in, he let the door bang open, "You do NOT slam doors in my face!"
"Since when?" Turning to face him, she stood stiff, her arms crossed. Didn't he have sense enough to leave her alone?
"I told you I'd take it out if it bothers you so much!"
"I'm not bothered!"
"You are LITERALLY only hurting yourself here!"
"What, are you offended I'm not more jealous?"
"Jealous? We've moved past jealous into enraged. Jealous would be much more reasonable! I could work with jealous!"
"Well I'm not! You do whatever the hell you want!"
"Oh my g- It's just a script!"
"A script which YOU wrote."
"No, not me, i-"
"Sorry, not you, whatever fucking alias you're using for this one!"
"Language." The corners of his mouth turned down, still finding the time to reprimand her. "I asked if it was going to be an issue, and if it's not-"
"It isn't! I genuinely do not see why you would possibly think I'd have an issue with it."
"Well now you're just overdoing it. Seriously? It's just a play. It doesn't mean anything."
"Of course it doesn't! God, you're so stupid!"
"Fine, you know what? I'm keeping it in. If you're so OBVIOUSLY unperturbed by it, then it won't be a problem!"
"Fine!"
"Fine!"
They stood in silence, neither one looking at the other.
"It's shitty writing anyway," she muttered, just loud enough for him to hear.
"EXCUSE me?"
"I said, it's shitty writing! You're a bad writer!" Her finger jabbed at his chest. He scowled, irritated beyond belief.
"Oh, because you could do so much better?"
"I could! Who even talks like that? God, if the audience isn't already nauseous from watching you makeout with someone on stage, this dialogue will put them under for sure!"
"That-" he gestured with his finger, trying to keep his anger coherent, "is uncalled for!"
"Oh, and I'm the oversensitive one? You're the one throwing a hissy fit over an honest critique!"
"You're not being honest nor fair!"
"What can I say, maybe you're a bad influence after all."
"Look," he held his hands out in surrender, "I'll take it out. All you have to do is say you want me to."
"I! Don't! Care! I'm just trying to keep you from embarrassing yourself. It sounds like you've never met a woman in your life! I mean, honestly," snatching the papers from his hand, she began to read aloud, "'Now that I know you exist, how could I ever survive without you?' What the hell is that? No self-respecting woman would ever say that!"
"Maybe they would, if they weren't so impossibly callous."
"Callous!"
He shrugged, "I'm only speaking hypothetically. If you choose to take offense to that-"
"Okay, then what about this," she jabbed at the paper irately, "explain just what the hell this is supposed to be."
"It's a love scene."
"It's something, alright. 'You tremble beneath my hand like a shivering mollusk?' Honestly, who talks like that?"
"Don't be mad simply because you don't have the soul of a poet!"
"Oh my god," she shook her head. "If you're gonna exploit loopholes in our marriage, at least have the dignity to do it right!"
"It's a play, it doesn't mean anything!"
"But you wrote it!" She slammed the script down on the counter, "You sat up all night and imagined how it would feel to sleep with another woman, wrote it down, terribly, I might add, and plan on sharing it with everyone while I sit there trying very hard not to look like an idiot while you make out with some lady on stage!"
"So it DOES bother you?"
"Yes it bothers me!" She lifted her hands up, exasperated, "It bothers me so damn much! It bothers me that you are so much more concerned with how things look for you that I can go to hell so long as I make you look good while doing it!"
"It's not that deep-"
"No, it's not! That's the problem. You're so fucking vain, anything beyond an inch of depth puts you out of your league. You want to kiss women on stage? Fucking whatever. Just write something better than a Shakespearean porno opening."
"You think it sounds like Shakespeare?"
"I think that you're an incomprehensible idiot!"
"Watch it!"
"No, it's okay, I'm a fucking idiot too! I should have known better than to love a man who's more in love with his ego than me." She slammed the papers against his chest. Catching them in his hands, he looked at her quietly. She took a shattering breath in, gritting her teeth. Feeling rather awkward, he cleared his throat.
"Do you really think I wrote a play just to cheat on you?"
"I don't know. Maybe," she shrugged, not meeting his eyes, "I've never pretended to understand you."
"No offense, but if I wanted to cheat on you, I would just do it. Do you think writing plays is easier than just kissing someone?"
"With dialogue like that? Yes."
"That's cruel."
"It's true."
Stepping forward, he caught her face between his hands, brushing her hair back, "You're impossible, you know."
"Hey, I-"
"No, it's okay. I like my women difficult."
"Not the line to use right now."
He laughed, amused at her irritation. "Do you really think I would be so unkind?"
"Yes."
"Poor Violet, so mistreated by her unkind husband." Still smiling, he kissed her forehead. "It would be poetic though, wouldn't it? Using theater both to catch and leave you?"
She scoffed, "Maybe you should write a play about that instead."
"Maybe." He paused, quiet. "I can't believe you think my play is bad."
"Well, it's not IRREDEEMABLE, persay. It's just… not good."
"You wound me, Countess."
"You deserved it."
"Perhaps I did." Amused, he kissed her lips. "Although, in the future, may I recommend just admitting your infatuations? It would save us both a lot of time."
"Infatuation might be too strong a word."
"Obsession? Adoration? Passion?"
"You're pushing your luck."
"Let's see how far it takes me then." Smiling, he kissed her again, leaving the script forgotten behind in the light of her favor.
