A/N: it's late and my hair smells like coconut. Enjoy, loves! Xoxo

-Also, please excuse the editing/grammar mistakes, I'm still using my phone to write this thing!

Jane Chapter 7

"Alright, Shepard. Focus your energy," Kaidan said to her. It was mid-day cycle in the shuttle bay. After leaving Garrus' cabin in the later part of the night cycle, she slept in for a little bit. Eventually she found Kaidan in the mess hall and he offered to help train her biotics. Shepard had her hands loosely spread out, blue energy radiating off her fingers. The silky biotics shot out of her fingers into a blanket around her and Kaidan. The force field wavered; it wasn't like the perfect semi-circle he had shown her. Feeling the silk turn into Velcro she began to huff, sweat dewing on her forehead. "Shepard."

"What?" She burst out a little too loudly.

"Relax," he murmured, placing his hands on her shoulders. His thumbs slowly dug into the backs of her shoulders and she felt an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. Nevertheless, she took a deep breath and pulled at the biotics again. Slowly, the force field took its shape into the half-sphere. She looked over at Kaidan and grinned. "That's it," he encouraged. Carefully, Shepard coaxed another layer of biotics over the field. She kept adding layers until all of the sudden; dumbbell was throw at her and Kaidan. The force field shattered like cheap plastic. They looked over to see Jack walking over to them, her biotics fading.

"Well that's a crappy force field if I ever saw one" the tattooed biotic sneered.

"She's still learning, Jack" Kaidan defended her.

"The only way Shepard will learn is if she is thrown into battle" Jack stated, looking at Shepard as she approached.

"There's no battles that were heading for that we know of"

"That we know of," she emphasized, "don't be stupid, Alenko."

"I'm not pushing her past her limits," he growled,

"So you're letting your ex speak for you now, Shepard?" Jack turned her attention fully to her former commander.

"Jack, you were hired to train me. You want to push me? Let's go," Shepard said, her smile turning wicked. She shook off the ex-comment, knowing full well that Kaidan used to have feelings for her. One of the questions she had Garrus answer for her.

"But Shepard…" Kaidan warned cautiously,

"I'll be fine" she said, brushing him off. Jack cocked her head towards the center of the room. They stood a few feet apart from each other.

"Hey Vega, you got a radio?" Jack called over to James.

"Sure do," James said, turning up the volume on his Omni tool. An electric pulsing beat came out of the radio and Jack began bouncing slightly.

"Now that's what I'm talking about! Alright Shepard," Jack turned her attention back to her opponent, "my teaching styles are rather...unorthodox. Do you remember anything about me or my abilities?"

"Nope. Sorry"

"Don't fucking apologize. I'm basically the most dangerous human biotic there is. I'm a Cerberus experiment gone wrong and right. Wrong because I refused to be their fucking slave. Right because I'm a badass biotic now," Jack smirked evilly.

"And your teaching is unorthodox why?"

Jack huffed out a laugh, "I thought you'd never ask." She began to glow blue and Shepard assumes a defensive position, "get ready" she yelled as her biotics shot out and grabbed ahold of her. Shepard coughed as it cut off her airways. The pulsing blue energy lifted her off the ground, her stomach facing the ceiling. Shepard struggled to break free but the energy only wrapped around her like a boa constrictor. She yelped out through the discomfort.

"Jack! What do you think you're doing!?" Shepard heard Garrus' voice from across the room.

"Take one more step and I drop her, Vakarian" Jack roared, "tell me Shepard, do you remember what this move is called?" Shepard failed to answer as she couldn't breathe, "come on, it was one of your favorites!" She groaned. Shepard felt the biotics stop moving her and she was sustained high above the ground. "It's called slam," and in that moment the biotics forced her down into the floor at full throttle. The hard linoleum blew into her spine and Shepard let out a small squeal.

"Shepard!" Garrus called to her. His voice was in agony. She shook with shock from the impact, convulsing from the affliction. Trembling, she got to her knees, breathing heavily, trying to regain composure. Jack stood, her arms crossed glowing blue. Her eyes had even turned blue. There was a barrier behind her, Garrus, Cortez, Vega, and Tali stood in it. Garrus slammed his fist into it. Tali grabbed his arm and shook her head at him. Shepard got onto her feet, waving off her former lover.

"You can't always protect me. I need to learn" she coughed. Her head spun but she was able to redeem her stability. Shepard sucked in a deep breath and found her tranquility. Her biotics flowed around her like water. The hairs on her head and neck stood up with the energy. Shepard assumed a defensive position. "Jack" she called out, "bring it on before I kick your ass" she tantalized.

She beamed mercilessly, "now you're talking." Then she was gone. Shepard's heart dropped as she looked around hastily. Jack appeared in front of her, the biotic energy kicked her off her feet. Shepard retaliated but only in time for Jack to block her fists. They fought in tandem, blocking each other's attacks physically. Shepard began forgetting about her biotics. That was a big mistake. As Shepard began to punch through jack's teeth, the blue energy stopped her hand in place. Furiously she tried to break free. "Stop using your fists. Use your powers, Shepard" Jack growled.

Shepard tried to obey focusing all of her energy to create a field in front of her but Jack broke through it. Her opponent took the advantage and threw Shepard to the other side of the room. The moment her head hit the ground she saw black. She fought against the blackness this time, she'd come too far to be knocked out. There were voices calling out her name, muffled and echoing. Her vision was blurry when she managed to get her eyes opened.

"Get up, Commander!" Jack's faint voice called to her.

"I can't...don't-...don't call me that" Shepard croaked.

"I'll call you whatever the fuck I want. On your feet, Commander!"

Shepard groaned, fighting off the disorientation. She heard her shields regenerate and then the vision hit her like a ton of bricks. It was a memory, trapped in her own body once again. She felt her biotics, silky and as smooth as they had ever been. She was fighting something. All she could see was herself. She was fighting a clone maybe? Her old self and her clone fought with grace and agility. They were nearly a blur. As she watched herself in combat, she felt the power inside her. Her muscles commanded her to use them. In that moment she didn't feel like she was watching a memory, she felt as though she were in it. Letting her biotics take control of her limbs and fighting off her predator. She gave one final push of energy and the clone disappeared.

She hadn't realized she had stood up in the middle of the room. Her powers cascaded in her veins, unlike anything she had felt from her biotics. She finally had learned how to let go of the control and allow her powers to grow to their full extent. The energy emitted from her head, hands and chest. Her hair was lifting up again, becoming weightless.

Shepard then felt herself move at light speed in front of Jack and began pulsing the blue lights from her fingers. Jack retaliated but was taken by surprise in Shepard's sudden skill. Everything seemed to move in slow motion and she could see her opponent's counter attacks before she could. Jack lost her footing and Shepard took the advantage throwing her over her shoulder, slamming her into the ground. Jack coughed, her back arching from the shock. Shepard summoned all of her energy and focused it in her fist. She let out a long wail as she felt herself lift in the air and smashed her fist into the ground beside Jack. The linoleum tile cracked and created a wave-like effect. A blue aura shot out of her and followed the wave, throwing Jack from her original position on the floor. She crashed into a rack of Dumbbells. Shepard's shields then shattered as she dropped to her knees. Exhaustion followed and Shepard nearly fainted. She breathed heavily, trying to regain her strength. Her powers ceased their control over her and she sat there, weakened by the attack.

Jack emerged from the workout equipment. She didn't look furious, that would be an understatement. Panicking, Shepard tried desperately to get her biotics back online. She only felt the faintest sensation of sandpaper on her skin. Damn it, she thought.

"How the hell did you do that?!" Jack nearly bellowed.

"I just...I had a memory"

"A memory? Your muscles couldn't remember horseshit before. Now you're telling me that you had a memory and you magically remembered how to use your biotics?"

"I wish I could explain it, Jack. I can't. My muscles remembered and I just went with it."

Jack huffed and began to flow again. "Whatever it is, you still need to be trained. Let's go"

Shepard gave her a stern nod and pulled at the silk once more.

•••

"What?!" Shepard exclaimed. She was sitting on the cold, metal of the examination table. Ice packs were settled on her knees and shoulders. Jack had worked her until she had no energy left to summon he biotics. Dr. Chakwas had kept her in the med bay in order to restore her hydration and ease up her muscles. Shepard sat in shock with the doctor's proposal to take her off her prescription sleeping pills. "Why!?" She nearly shook.

"Shepard," she referred to her in her last name now, "you have enough going on, the last thing I want is you possibly getting addicted to prescriptions."

Shepard rolled her eyes, "but, Doctor. I haven't slept without them since I woke up that first night," she shivered, pulling away from the horrific memories.

"I know, but you've been on this ship for nearly a week now and have grown more accustomed to it. Your memories are even resonating. You haven't had another attack, I'm thinking what's the worst that can happen if we push our luck?" She shrugged.

"I could break down again?! My biotics could act up and I…" Shepard trailed off, biting her bottom lip. She twiddled her thumbs, not wanting to admit the fear of her dreams to her doctor. "I don't want to risk it" she said squeezing her eyes shut.

Chakwas was silent for a few moments before taking her hand, "one night?" She asked. Shepard cracked open her eyes to her doctor's concerned expression. She was truly worried about addiction.

"Of all the things you could worry about me dying from…" Shepard muttered, "fine, I won't take them tonight" she admitted, giving in.

Chakwas smiled in relief, "and if it doesn't work, we go right back on the prescription."

Shepard merely nodded when joker announced over the intercom, "t-minus 5 minutes to the relay."

She began to get up and the doctor held her down, "Shepard you need to rest."

"Please, Karin? I want to see what the relays look like...again" she added the last part hesitantly.

"You were never the most cooperative patient. Fine, just come back here when you're done," she said sternly.

Shepard was already throwing the ice packs off. Her body protested her quick movements to run for the elevator. Shepard winced and held her shoulder. The elevator stopped in the CIC, Traynor greeted Shepard as usual. Shepard flipped the specialist's hair as she passed by.

"Approaching the Charon Relay," joker announced, sounding uneasy. Crew members greeted Shepard as she passed, acknowledging all of them. "Initiating transmission sequence." Her heart thudded in her chest nervously. "We are…connected," the crew cheered in response. Shepard nearly jogged up the hallway that led to the cockpit. "Calculating transit mass and destination, the relay is hot." Shepard nodded to the specialists glued to their computer screen, rapidly typing into the holographic keyboards. "Secure all systems for transit," joker was also touching and moving panels on his screen. He was so focused he didn't notice Shepard enter the room. Garrus stood behind him, his arms folded. "Requesting permission to proceed." Garrus looked back, his expression neutral as she could see the gigantic structure of the mass relay.

"Wow," she murmured. It was the most amazing piece of technology she had ever seen. The relay pointed in one direction almost like a compass with a huge sphere of energy in its center. It almost reminded her of her biotics. Two rings rotated around the sphere. Two smaller ships were out there, whatever was left over from the repairs.

"Normandy SR2, you are clear to depart" another voice said.

"All boards are green, let's do this" joker stated, determined. The blue sphere was getting closer and closer. She felt the speed of the ship pulling her back. Her breathing turned into a rapid hyperventilation. They could die here and now, all for nothing if there was something missing in those repairs. She wanted to close her eyes but couldn't look away from its magnificence. The blue enclosed the ship, hearing almost a buzzing from the relay. Space had no sound but it was impossible to deny the relay's energy. "Hitting the relay in 3...2…" Garrus grabbed Shepard's hand and squeezed at the last second. "1…," Her heart stuttered as the ship was forced forward, but just like on Earth, she wasn't knocked off her feet, only taken back a few steps. The blue around the ship ceased and the Normandy was still intact. Shepard let out the breath she was holding.

"Status report, Vakarian?" Admiral Hackett's voice emerged from Joker's computer.

"We're in one piece, passing the Mu Relay as we speak,"

"Excellent, continue towards the century system, that's where the pings seem to be coming from. I'll be expecting an update once you have left the system," Hackett then ended transmission.

"Is everyone alive?" Joker asked over the Comm. He was answered by more cheer. The pilot grinned, "welcome to Hawking Eta," he said.

Garrus released Shepard's fingers, "you okay?" He asked her.

"Yeah I mean, wow. We used to do that all of the time?"

"More than you can count"

"I kinda want to do it again"

At this, the turian chucked, "once we save the council."

"Oh alright"

Garrus turned his attention to their pilot, "good job, joker"

He waved his hand dismissively. "Please, it's what I do best." The ship began beeping, "um, incoming transmission" joker said, confused.

"I'll take it in the comm room" Garrus said, jogging back towards the CIC.

•••

Garrus hit the blinking button indicating a vid call was waiting. A holograph appeared of a Salarian dressed in a high ranking STG uniform. "Garrus Vakarian. Was not expecting you to answer," he said.

"Major Kirrahe. Aren't you a sight for sore eyes," Garrus said, "what are you doing here?"

"When Shepard got beamed up to the citadel, I was commanded by Hackett to 'get the hell out of there,'" he held up two slick fingers in air quotes. "I protested for my men's sake but he had the Salarian dalatress force me to get back to my ship. I took what men I had and made a retreat. Once the crucible hit, we traveled to hawking eta. Hackett was able to contact us and begin planning the reparations of the relay here."

"Well it's good thing you did get the hell out of there,"

"Indeed. I heard Shepard had survived and was on your mission. Why are you speaking in her place?" He asked, his face breaking into a concerned expression, rare for STG agents.

"She did however, there were complications," Garrus stated, wrapping his fingers behind his back, "she lost her memories. She doesn't have the knowledge or skill to command at this time. Therefore I'm...stepping in for her" he struggled with his words.

"I see. Tell me, was this her decision to be on this mission?"

"Completely hers. The Normandy is her home and she wanted to go wherever it went."

"That sounds like her. Despite her lack of memories, her personality and spirit seem to have survived through it," Kirrahe nodded.

"Remarkably enough, yes. We're all proud of her progress."

"I'm supposing you can't tell me about this mission you're on."

"Not on a secured channel, no sir."

"Understandable. Just know, if you need extra firepower, we're here. I have to admit, I'm starting to ache from the lack of battle" Kirrahe rubbed the back of his neck.

"If you want to follow us to the Century system, you may. I can have Hackett debrief you."

"Sounds like a plan. We shall see you soon. Kirrahe out," his image disappeared off the screen.

"ETA to the Century system: 117 hours and 23 minutes" joker promoted over the intercom. In the old days, a trip to the Century system would have taken less than 2 hours. With the lack of eezo, they need to conserve their energy and use less of the resource, making their travel long and frustrating. Garrus sighed and walked toward the CIC.

The turian found himself heading down to engineering. Tali was at her console, typing in multiple algorithms. She didn't notice Garrus' approach.

"What a successful trip through the relay. Old girl performs just like she used to," Engineer Adams noted to Garrus. Tali merely nodded as she focused on the computer screen.

"I agree, good job you guys," Garrus said.

Tali now looked back and seemed like she was about the say something when Donnelley interrupted, "yeah but now it's going to take days to reach the Century system. We need to find some more eezo or it may take longer" he said in his odd earth accent, echoing Garrus' thoughts.

"Alright, Kenneth, why don't you go out in your spacesuit and get some?" Said Daniels.

"I get queasy out there, leave it to the professionals" he answered, cocking his head towards their turian commander and Quarian boss.

"It's a shame, I would have given you a nice gift if you were to go out and look for it" Daniels let her voice sink into a lower, sensual note.

Donnelley took two seconds to process her offer and turned to Garrus, "you let me know whenever we will go out salvaging eezo, commander Vakarian"

"You got it, Donnelley." Garrus retorted. Tali turned her attention to Garrus now. "How are things down here?" He asked her.

"All systems are in check and ready to go. I have to admit I missed being down here."

"It's nice that you were able to come back to your niche. I haven't visited the main battery once since I've gotten back on the Normandy" his hands itched to modify the main guns.

"Plenty of the crew is working in there now in your place" Tali reassured.

"Yeah probably messing up all the calibrations I made. It took me two weeks to bring that gun back to its glory when I came back to the Normandy after Manae," the turian grumbled.

"you need to put more trust into this crew to get things done. Once Shepard gets her memory back, you'll be able to get back to your big gun" Tali chastised.

Garrus hesitated and Tali waited patiently. He began walking towards the huge drive core in the center of the room. Tali followed and once they were out of earshot, Garrus asked, "You really think she'll get her memory back?"

"Shepard is tough. One of the toughest women I ever worked alongside with. Even if she didn't regain her complete memory, she still has her natural leadership. She could take command of the Normandy anytime she wanted" Tali shrugged.

"You really think so?"

"Garrus, we've known Shepard for years. She lets nothing stop her from her resolve."

"I wish I had as much faith as you, Tali. I can see she struggles with what she had left behind," he let his subharmonics drop to a painful tone.

"And she never lets it show, that was always her way. Even now, she doesn't want to bring the crew's morale down" Tali said.

"I don't want her taking the burden of command until she knows exactly what she is taking on"

"Do I have so much faith? Or do you have so little?" She challenged.

"I always expect the worse, you know that"

"You need to be more confident in her. She can do this, you know that too."

"I know she can, I just… I don't want to pressure her" Garrus said, avoiding eye contact with his friend.

"What is wrong with you? It's almost like you don't want her to be commander." Garrus felt a ping in his chest. Was that it? Did he want her to retire? Hang up her gun and go somewhere far away? He took a deep breath, trying to control his thoughts. No, he wanted her in the Normandy, fighting. He wanted her as his commander once more. He hated the ship being his when it clearly belonged to her. She wasn't ready for battle. Or was he not ready to let her see battle? "Or you just can't watch her run from you again?" Tali guessed.

Garrus shut his eyes at the thought of Shepard running to the beam, leaving him behind, injured. The next time he would see her is after he was convinced she was dead and in the middle of a biotic breakdown. He couldn't watch her die anymore. "I can't lose her again," he croaked.

He felt a hand on his armor, "Garrus…" She said softly.

"I watched her die once, twice, I'm not going for a third time. I can't do it. It's not that I think she can't handle it. It's that I don't want her to handle it. I've had to stop myself so many times from begging her to take a ship back to earth, stay in the hospital and recover. But I don't want that either," he squeezed his eyes shut, fighting his internal battles.

"You do want her to go away, Garrus. You want to run away with her" Tali said gently.

"I never run. She doesn't either" he said

"But you want to. This war has torn you down. You want to be able to wake up to her every morning, knowing she is safe and you are safe. We all wish that."

"This galaxy will never not need saving. It's my duty," he shook off the ideas she was putting in his head.

"I know, it's mine too. There is nothing I want more than to go back home to a Rannoch after this. I want to run away too. It's a nice sentiment. After this, I think we all need an extended shore-leave."

"I understand what you're saying, Tali," he paused, "I can never see me and Shepard living civilian life but… It would be a nice change someday" he said, imagining the idea. Living on Earth or Palaven in a city apartment. They would look out at their restored planets, in their own civilian clothes. Shepard wearing an apron and Garrus wearing a suit. The turian coughed out a laugh, definitely not meant for civilian life. The thought is relieving though. Another memory came into his mind, "I was going to ask her to marry me you know" he said softly.

Back in the old days, Tali would have squealed, shaking him, asking him to see the ring. Now she just squeezed his arm, "It's never too late to marry the one you're meant to be with."

He just shook his head, "I'm never going to ask her to be with me like that unless we survive this with her memories intact."

"Perhaps that is best. I always knew you two would be together in the end. Even on the SR1," Tali mused.

Garrus looked at her surprised, "but she was with Kaidan. We were only friends."

The Quarian shrugged, "intuition is what the humans call it. I saw the way you talked with each other. I saw how you covered her and she covered you. What you had was there, you just didn't know it yet."

"Huh," she huffed, "I never thought of it like that."

"Glad I gave you a different perspective," he could have sworn she was grinning under her mask.

"Thanks, Tali"

"Always here, Garrus"

•••

Shepard sat in the middle of her bed. The night cycle had just begun. Her nerves kept her from sleeping. She didn't remember what natural sleep felt like. She missed it but didn't miss the dreams she had. Earlier on she had asked Liara for advice. Because of her degree in psychology, she was able to put Shepard under a hypnosis technique so she could fall asleep easier. Shepard was skeptical but willing to try anything.

Shepard turned her lights down and closed the window shutters. Laying down in her cold bed, she took deep breaths to calm herself down. With each breath, she felt sleep luring her down from her consciousness. Hypnosis, who knew? She thought.

At first there was nothing but the blackness of unconsciousness. It was relaxing and soothing. This is what she was used to with her pills.

After an indeterminate amount of time, she found herself in front of a small little girl. She looked just like her. The girl reached out her hand and touched Shepard's face. There was an uneasy feeling in her gut at this. The girl smiled regardless and looked right passed her. Her face turned to horror. Shepard looked back to see a huge, black machine with claws stretching out like a spider or an octopus maybe. It was a reaper, she recognized it from the pictures.

The girl began to run away as the most horrifying sound emerged from the machine. Shepard covered her ears and let out a Yelp. The machine opened to reveal a red beam shooting outside of the center of its head. Shepard jumped out of the way and as far as the little girl ran it wasn't enough. The sounds of her screams were drowned in the shock of the beam and her body was engulfed in red, vaporized. Shepard reached out her arm and screamed, closing her eyes.

She looked up and found herself in a dark hallway. It was the same one she had when her biotics acted it. It was stark, humid, stunk of dead, rotting bodies. She looked under her legs and saw the faces of the dead. She jumped up off of them, Mortified. Human bodies and limbs scattered the floor. Then there was a scream, a long shriek of something that couldn't be alive. It was high and only got higher. She shook off her thoughts and began walking away from the scream. She felt her feet slosh against the wet ground. She looked down at her armor and it was nearly destroyed, blood stains cracked against it. What was going on?

The screams got closer and she walked faster. Eventually she was running down the hallway, aware of the screaming pursuer. She hit a dead end and began plotting an escape route but she was corner. In the shadows approach what looked like an asari. But she was fully exposed, her body rotten. Her eyes were permanent black hollows in her face. Her teeth had been exposed. The claws on her hands and hair were sharpened and extended out. Rather than her skin being a beautiful ocean blue, it was nearly black. The asari towered over her and fear tremored throughout Shepard. The creature dropped something by her feet, a broken drone. It barely sparked when it hit the ground. It was Glyph. Something clicked in Shepard's mind, "Liara" she shuttered as she said the name. She merely screamed in her face. Tears streamed down her face and she looked away.

Shepard saw a pile of bodies that was not there before. She nearly threw up as she saw each and every one of them lying lifeless in the pile. She picked up Tali, removing her mask. Her face...it was gone. No traces of any features. Shaking she grabbed James next, nothing. Panicking she began shuffling through her crew. Javik, Cortez, Jack, Kaidan. Picking up a huge body, she knew who she would see. She turned Garrus over to see his face too was gone. She screamed at the horror that even her former lover's face was nonexistent as well. Her scream matched in tandem with Liara's mangled screech.

She looked back at the asari and she was holding a body by the head in her hand. She grinned maniacally and turned the body. She stared at her own faceless body in flames. Her shrieks were drowned out by the paralysis of the dream.

She fought through the heavy darkness and found herself staring at her ceiling. Her heart was rapid in a panic in her chest. Sweat was condensed of her forehead. She immediately turned the lights in her room. Wrapping herself in a blanket, she tried to control her breathing. Shepard got up and sat on the couch and opened her shutters to reveal the empty void of space.

Shepard wasn't sure how long she sat there but enough time to fall asleep have the nightmare all over again. The pattern continued until she looked at the clock and nearly burst into tears. It was still relatively early on in the night cycle, not late enough to get up and walk around. She shivered in her spot and got up. She couldn't stay in the room, she felt alone. She couldn't go back to sleep, she couldn't look at the faceless bodies of her crew again.

She got up and began making her way to the elevator. The mess hall was completely empty, not a sound to be heard. The elevator opened and she pressed a floor. Her heart still pounded in her chest, not sure how to calm it down.

She knocked on the door and waited a few seconds. She shivered and rubbed her hands up her bare arms. Goosebumps birthed onto her skin and she only tried to create more friction with her fingers. The air pressure released and Garrus stood in the doorway. He was in pants with no shirt on. Her eyes wandered to his chest and empty carapace. His skin looked just as hard as it did on his face. She resisted holding out her hand touching him. She shook her head.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" She asked, quietly.

"Oh no, I was working on some guns in here. Turians don't sleep as much as you humans do," he spoke gently, "are you okay?"

"I, uh," she paused, not wanting to tell Garrus about her nightmares. She didn't need him worrying more about her, "can't sleep" she finished.

"Oh," he paused, shuffling awkwardly. They hadn't spoken since the night before and the feelings may have been still raw. Nevertheless, Shepard felt her heart beat nervously inside of her chest, "why don't you come in? Maybe sleeping in your own bed will help," he extended his arm inside. She nodded meekly.

He guided her to the left side of the bed. She settled herself into the warm covers. She felt herself flush into the mattress and a pillow nestled into her back. It was certainly more comfy than her bed in the port observation room. Garrus hesitated before pulling the covered over her. She managed to lie down and he knelt beside her. She felt a hand to her face and looked over.

"Let me know if you need anything, I'll just be at the desk," he cocked his finger in the direction of the jumbled mess of weapons. Shepard nodded again, not wanting to speak much. He quickly touched his forehead to hers and went back to his station.

Shepard took a deep breath and stared up at the ceiling, there was a window that led out into space. faint FTL waves caressed the window. As she looked out into the star, she felt her eyes close and she was once again drawn into the black void of sleep.

•••

Garrus clicked the last gun into place. Done. He sighed, he had run out of work. He looked over at his picture of him and Shepard he had decided to turn back up. He smiled and looked over at her. She rested soundly in his bed, a relief. He never liked when Shepard wasn't sleeping well.

He turned off the lights in the room except for the light from the fish tank. He was always fascinated watching them swim around their tank. He settled into the couch beside the stairs and looked over at Shepard. Her hair was long and twisted around her shoulders. Her arm was cushioned beside her face. She wore a grey tank top with black shorts and the covers came up to her waist. Even though she faced away from him, her sleeping was the most peaceful picture he could think of.

Although, in that moment his perfect picture began to fade. She twitched, just like in the hospital. Garrus held his breath as he watched her being writhe in her spot. She began mumbling unintelligible words. He resisted getting up, hoping her dream would just end. Instead she started saying, "no" over and over again. As if trying to break his heart, she began saying the names of the crew. "James...Liara….Javik….Kaidan...god...no….not Garrus…" she began to shriek. Her hands went to her hair. "No! Get away from me! Stop!" She let out a gut-wrenching scream. Garrus jumped from his spot and was at her side.

She began slamming her arms into the mattress. Garrus took her arms and restrained them, "Jane, stop, it's just a dream!" he said to her, feeling her resist against him. She kept screaming. She began to sweat and his hands both went to her face, trying to calm her down, " Shepard, wake up" he said over her screams, "it's not real!" He yelled to her desperately. She began to stop resisting but tears flowed from her cheeks; real tears. Garrus rarely ever saw Shepard cry. She had always kept it together. She shook in his arms. The turian was never good at comforting or using magic words. He slid his arms around her back and held her. "It's okay" he murmured over and over again in her ear. She hiccupped against him and he pulled her tighter.

"Make it stop," she began whispering. He wasn't sure if she was awake or not but held her regardless. He ran his hand through her hair and uttered reassurances to her.

Eventually, she felt her arms return his embrace and she buried her face into the crook of his neck. She breathed heavily, getting a grip on reality. She was able to soften her breaths and soon all that could be heard was the silent hum of the Normandy. He stayed in that position, holding her for a long time. The only sign she was awake was when she was tighten her arms around him. Occasionally he would plant a kiss on the top of her head. In response she would sigh and nuzzles her head further.

Sometime after Shepard had calmed down, Garrus was able to talk to her, "why didn't you tell me you were having nightmares?"

She took a deep breath and keep her face where it was, "I didn't want to worry you" she whispered.

"Jane," he said, sighing, rocking her slightly, "you can tell me anything. I'll always be here"

"That's why I came up. Even if I was having bad dreams, I knew I wouldn't be alone when I woke up," She said, "I was hoping it wouldn't come to that though…" He shook his head against hers and said nothing. He just used his fingers to wipe the water droplets from her face. "Chakwas took me off my pills. She's afraid I'll get addicted"

"Fair enough-"

"But I can't sleep without them! Look what happened!"

Garrus pulled her face to look at his. "Shepard, I saw a lot of humans with addiction problems when I was in c-sec. The things it did to them were just…" Garrus shook his head away from the thoughts.

"Then how am I supposed to sleep?" She asked, hiccupping once more. He hugged her again and held tight.

"We'll find a way. We always do, Jane" he whispered into her ear. "And I'll always be here to bring you back" he promised her.

"You know I hate that name," Shepard mused. Before Garrus could apologize she continued, "but when you say it, there's no remorse behind it. You don't feel bad for me. You say it with more affection and love than anyone else has ever said"

Garrus smiled softly at this and couldn't stop himself from kissing her head again. "I just say it the same way you say mine."

"Guess it's because I am speaking with the truth then," she said, sounding like she was smiling. She turned in his arms and threw hers around him in a small but fierce hug. "Thank you, for everything" she said. He just held her back.

"Always," he whispered to her.

He continued to get under the covers with her. Unafraid, Shepard wrapped her arms around him again under the blanket and rested her head on his chest once more. He held onto his lover and let the lull of unconsciousness bring them both into dreamless sleep for the rest of the night.