A/N: I know, I know... It's been too long! But I kinda took January to rest my head as I wasn't liking any of my writing. But, here we are again with a new chapter. Hope you like it!


Santana felt giddy as she paced in front of her closet. She had been feeling like that ever since Mercedes agreed to babysit Nina on Saturday. That happened on Thursday and she tried acting cool and waiting a little to call Brittany, but, before she could even realize what she was doing, she was already stuttering on the phone like an infatuated school girl. It would be annoying if it hadn't made Brittany giggle on the other side of the line and Santana all but melted at the sound. Why she tried pushing the blonde away was beyond her.

But today was Saturday and she stared at the hangers inside her closet as if they held the answers to the meaning of life - or the meaning of her life, at least. Sure, she had seen Brittany earlier that day, when she took Nina to the library. And, sure, they had stolen shy glances as the kids listened to the stories and talked when Nina and Eric drew together, splayed out on the floor. But now, she was getting ready for their date and thinking about it did not help with the giddy feeling.

The reservations were done, Mercedes would be arriving in about a couple of hours, her car had enough gas if they wanted to go somewhere else after dinner and the weather shouldn't surprise them through the night - she checked. Now, all she needed to think about was what she should wear, if her hair should be up or down, what they could talk about, if she could hold Brittany's hand during dinner, if they should share a dessert at the restaurant or if she should take her somewhere else. If she should kiss her goodnight.

God, she really wanted to kiss Brittany.

Santana steadied herself on the wall and took a deep breath. She could do that. She could take Brittany out to dinner, have a pleasant conversation through the night and take her back home without screwing it up. It's not like she'd never taken a girl out on a date before. It's just that she couldn't remember when the last time had been. And, more importantly, she couldn't remember the last time she cared about someone the way she cared about Brittany. With all the other girls she wanted one thing, and one thing only. With Brittany, she wanted everything.

And it sure didn't help to think that they kind of had already done all that before. They'd already went out together, shared meals, conversations, wine, dessert. They'd been to the park and the theater, but always as friends, just that, no pressure. But, as from tonight, they would be entering this weird limbo, this grey area where they were not just friends anymore, but they were not in a relationship either. Santana tried remembering Brittany's words, that they could make the rules as they went, but she was having a hard time letting go of every preconception she had ever had about dates and relationships and herself. She wanted to be a blank canvas for Brittany, but some kinds of ink seem harder to erase.

Sighing dejectedly, she gave up riffling through her clothes and decided on a shower first. The long minutes underneath the water spray, away from the world, would normally help clearing her head. She quickly checked on Nina, who laughed at some animated character playing on TV, and headed for the bathroom.

Normally - as in, before Nina -, she would turn the radio on even before shutting the bathroom door. She would sway her hips to the beat and sing along the words as if she was on some kind of stage. But now, she had a five year old in the other room and no one to keep an eye on her at the time. So, silent shower it was.

Maybe she should have asked Mercedes to arrive earlier.

Santana strips down to her underwear and stands in front of the mirror. This used to her weekly ritual before she went out dancing and partying. She would stand at that exact spot, half naked, and scrutinize her body as if she was buying some kind of fruit; she needed to make sure her skin was flawless and her tan was impeccable; and if her stomach was flat; her breasts, up and proud; toned legs, lean arms, round ass. On those weekends before Nina, before Brittany, she was her body. It was what she knew, what she had. It was all she had.

Today, though, she didn't scrutinize, she didn't judge, she just looked. She looked as if she was seeing herself for the first time or, maybe, it was the very first time she felt completely at ease with the girl looking back at her. That was her, no masks, no trying too hard. Just her. And she remembered the first day she actually went out with Brittany, first to brunch in the park and then to the zoo. She thought back on the old pair of jeans and the snickers she had on and how she felt light that day, breathing easy.

A small smile appeared on her face as she stepped inside the shower. She was nervous, still. But, oh!, she was certain.

Back to her room, clean and fresh and new, Santana started working through her dark hair. She'd decided to wear it half up, a little off her face. She wanted Brittany to see her, not some trick, not some kind of veil.

The rest of her outfit followed suit. She chose a creamy yellow dress. It was simple, just a plain, smooth fabric stopping just above her knee. No plunging neckline, no clinging to her body, no intricate patterns. Just a soft contrast against her skin.

As she sat in front of her vanity, finishing the most natural make-up she'd done in years, Santana heard the faint padding of small feet across the hallway. Looking up, she found wide brown eyes looking at her through the mirror. "Come in, sweetie."

Nina skips through Santana's room with a grin on her face and Santana finds herself mirroring the expression. "You look pretty", the girl says with awe staining her voice when she reaches her aunt's seat. It's a small statement, but Santana finds herself almost blushing. She smiles wider instead.

"Thank you, baby. You really think so?" Nina only nods, her eyes strained on Santana's features. "Come here, then."

Santana knows she should worry about wrinkling her dress before her date, but that's the last thing on her mind when she pushes her seat a little and places Nina on her lap. The girl's weight settles on her like an anchor and she holds her just a little bit closer, admiring their image on the mirror. It was like staring at a dream she never knew she had.

"You know what, I think I could use your help. I can't choose which earring to wear", Santana says as she picks both pairs she had selected, holding them in her palm so Nina could take a look. "So, what do you think? Which one is the prettiest?"

Nina's brow furrows, deep in thought, as she weighs both options. To her left, on Santana's fingers, there is a small, rounded pair, with a black stone surrounded by tiny crystals. And to her right, there's a larger pair, translucent stones reflecting the light and casting a faint rainbow across Nina's face. With a tentative hand, Nina points at the bigger pair and looks at Santana expectantly, as if wanting to know if she made the right choice.

"The big one?" Santana asks with a smile and uses her free hand to place back the discarded pair back on her vanity. Nina nods and watches as her aunt puts on the first earring, pulling her hair a bit so they can both see the result. "It's perfect, sweetie. Thanks."

Santana finishes getting ready as Nina buries her face on the woman's shoulder. Before applying her lip gloss, Santana places a soft kiss to the girl's forehead, holding her tight and feeling as her body weights just that little bit more that night. "Are you feeling all right, baby? You're so quiet."

"I'm sleepy." The answer came with a stifled yawn. Santana smiled a little and kissed her on the top of the head, lingering a bit longer, inhaling her scent. "That's ok. Do you want me to tuck you in before I leave?"

"Yes."

"Let's go, then."

Santana took off her heels and carried Nina in her arms all the way to the girl's room. Nina changed into her favorite pajamas and climbed on her bed as Santana checked her windows and plugged in her night light. Rounding the bed, she pulled the quilt to Nina's chest and gingerly kissed her forehead one more time. "Goodnight, sweetie. Sleep tight."

With her heels on her hands, Santana made her way to the living room to finish getting ready. The last thing she wanted was to disturb Nina's sleep. After putting them on and checking her make-up on the hallway mirror, she was about to start shoving her things on her purse when she heard Mercedes's three rhythmical knocks. There was no need to ask who it could be, so Santana just turned the knob and pulled the door open. She was starting to panic she would be late, so there was no time to waste in greetings.

"Looking good, Ms. Lopez", Mercedes said as she rounded the table and stood across Santana.

"Thanks, Mercedes."

"Hot date?"

Santana looked up, feeling heat take over her features. She'd never been shy about her conquests in the past, but Brittany felt different. She just wanted her all to herself. For now, at least. "It's a date, yes", she mumbled.

"Well, you will knock him dead. That's for sure."

There was a warm smile on nanny's face and Santana couldn't help the one that bloomed on her face when she thought of Brittany and the night ahead. "It's her, actually. And I pretty much hope she will be alive by the end of the night."

"Fair enough. But, you'd better be going. Don't wanna keep her waiting, do you?"

"Right. Okay. So, Nina is already in bed. Just check on her every once in a while. There's pizza in the fridge. And call me, if you need anything. I'll have my cell with me the whole time."

"We'll be fine, Ms. Lopez. Now, go. Before she thinks you stood her up."

A stupid grin spreads across her face and she walks to the door. "Wish me luck?", she asks with a tremble in her voice.

"Don't think you'll need it, but good luck."


"Wow!"

That was all that managed to escape Santana's lips when the apartment door opened to reveal Brittany standing two feet away, her body clad in a blue dress and her hair falling in blonde curls down her shoulders. Between her flats and Santana's heels, both women were practically the same height and Santana could see how much her blue eyes sparkled. It was like she'd been presented a vision.

Before her staring got too much and she lost her grip on the flowers she'd bought, Santana shook her head a little bit and smiled slowly. "You look amazing", she whispered and she knew she probably had the same awe filled eyes, at that moment, that Nina had earlier that evening.

"Thanks. You look beautiful, too." Brittany's answer lingered in the air, suspended, as neither of them seemed to know how to continue. Santana could feel warmth spreading across her face and she focused her attention on her feet. Every now and then, she would chance a look up, only to find Brittany smiling at her. "Are those for me?"

"Yes. I'm sorry. Yes, they are. I didn't... I just..."

"They're beautiful, Santana." Brittany cut Santana's stammering and took the flowers she'd been offered. "How did you know lilies are my favorite?"

"I didn't, but I've always loved them. They were mom's favorites."

Brittany only smiled and took Santana's hand. "Come on in. I'm just gonna put them in some water. Then we can leave."

After placing the white lilies in a vase, Brittany and Santana walked the hallway side by side, in silence. Their knuckles would brush against one another every few steps, and Santana's hand was itching to hold Brittany's, but she had no idea where they stood, if that would even be acceptable. There was just so much she didn't know and the whole 'making rules as they went' only served to make her even more anxious. It wasn't soothing, it was nerve wracking.

"So, where are you taking me?" Brittany asked when they left the building.

"Now, that, is a surprise." After a second, Santana bit her lower lip and added: "I just hope you like Italian."

"Who doesn't?"

The rode together in comfortable silence. There was no need to fill it with small talk or meaningless questions. The superficial getting to know each other part had already been done. They didn't need to fill every space with their voices just to shut their minds. There was a type of easiness between them, lulled by the radio and Santana's soft humming.

"I guess it's not just with Nina that you sing in the car." Santana hadn't even realized she'd been humming, mumbling under her breath along with the lyrics. It was almost like instinct to her. And, even though she had done that in front of Brittany, without Nina's presence to justify it, she felt suddenly coy, gnawing on her lower lip and lowering her gaze as much as possible while still maintaining her focus on the streets. "Don't do that. I like it when you sing."

The hand Brittany placed on her arm burned Santana's skin, but not the kind that hurt and destroy. The kind that leaves you warm and tingly and loose. "You know, singing in the car was, actually, the first time I really bonded with Nina", Santana blurted, as if her filter had been disabled by Brittany's hand.

"How so?"

"When my brother brought her, he left this tiny duffle bag with some of her clothes. It would have been enough for, I don't know, maybe a week." Santana shifted her eyes for a second, assessing Brittany's expression. The blonde had turned in her seat as best as her sit belt allowed and her blue eyes were glued to the other woman's profile. When their eyes locked, a soft smile appeared on both their faces.

"So, one day, I picked her up and took her to the mall. She had been mostly silent for the couple days prior, I guess she was starting to realize that her dad wasn't coming back. But, on our way there, I heard her humming to some of the songs. I recognized a few of my brother's favorites and I started singing with her."

"How did she react?"

"She fell silent, at first. Like she'd been caught doing something wrong. But, then, I started singing with all I had, doing these ridiculous dance moves and she ended up following my lead. When we got home, I could barely speak, but she had smiled more that day than the whole week she'd been staying with me. It kinda became our little ritual since."

"That's amazing, Santana."

"Nah. Not really. I had no idea what I was doing. It was just... She seemed to like music and I thought it could be fun to do it together. I've always sung in my car. And I just wanted her to have a little fun. That's all."

"I can't believe you even dare saying that you don't know how to take care of a child."

"And I don't, Britt. That, that was a lucky strike. You have no idea how many times I fucked up. Bad."

"Every parent does that, San. It's part of the process. But you understood your niece, whom you had never met, much better and much faster then a lot of the parents I know."

"That's just the thing, Britt. I'm not a parent."

"Yes, you are. Your name may not be on her birth certificate, but you are her parent. For now, at least. And you're great one, at that."

Santana let Brittany's words hang in the air between them. She had thought about them before, about how she feels like Nina's parent and how she likes the feeling. But she constantly reminds herself that she is not and that, should her brother come back, Nina would be taken away from her in an instant. And there was nothing she would be able to do.

"We're here."

Never had Santana felt so relieved to see her favorite restaurant in sight. Not that she didn't like talking to Brittany about Nina and the life she was slowly building around the girl. But she wasn't ready to talk about how much it meant to her and how much she feared losing it. It was too new, too fragile to share. She, herself, wasn't sure what it all meant.

As soon as Santana's stops the car and hands her keys to the valet, she rounds the car and sidles up to Brittany's side. The blonde smiles at her and links their arms together. Santana is pretty sure her butterflies just turned into moths. Or birds.

"I would like to propose a rule for the night." Santana says as soon as they're seated. "No talking about kids. Unless it's related to your work." Brittany raises an eyebrow and Santana blushes, gnawing on her lip and staring at the flower arrangement on the middle of the table. "It's just that we spend all this time talking about kids and stuff. But I want to get to know you better."

"You're right", Brittany says through a smile. "Rule accepted. So, what do you wanna know?"

"Humm... How do you, Quinn and Mike all know each other?"

"Oh, this is good. We were on the cheerleading squad together, back in high school."

"Wait a minute. Mike was a cheerleader?"

"Yep. And one of the best of us. He really loved to dance and cheerleading was the closest thing we had in school."

The waiter comes at that moment to take their orders. With a coy smile, Brittany asks Santana to order for her and Santana beams at that. There's a kind of implied trust on the request that warms her from the inside. After the waiter leaves their table, Santana continues their conversation. "Wow. I would have never guessed."

"Yeah, no one does. Anyway, I had known Mike since middle school, but we only became close because of the squad. Quinn was head cheerleader, I was second in command and Mike was the only guy and the best dancer. Pretty soon we were inseparable."

"Was he teased about it? I mean, it's not exactly common."

"He was, during two whole weeks. Until the jocks noticed he was hooking up with more girls then them."

"What about Quinn? I thought they were like high school sweethearts or something."

"Far from that. Quinn dated the team's quarterback and Mike dated about half of our squad. They only got together during college years. After we won a national competition twice, the three of us received scholarships to the same place."

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Who did you date in high school?"

Brittany opened her mouth to answer when the waiter arrived with their plates. She smiled politely at the guy and waited until he left to look back at Santana. The food smelled amazing and she wanted to take a bite, but she could feels brown eyes piercing a hole on her skull. So, she sighed and answered. "Jocks. Cheerleaders. I was, I don't know, figuring myself out."

"Trying the waters?"

"You could say that. But nothing that meant much." Brittany took her first bite of the food and moaned loudly, earning a giggle from Santana. "This is amazing, San."

"I'm glad you like it."

"Okay, enough about me. Tell me about your high school experience."

"I don't know if you wanna hear about that. It wasn't pretty."

"None is, Santana. Now, come on. I told you about mine."

"Fine. I wasn't in any cliques. I couldn't stand much of the other kids. And I think they kinda hated me back."

"That's hard to imagine."

"I wasn't exactly nice back then. I was...angry, for the lack of better word. I grew up in a shithole town, in Ohio, lost my mom, barely saw my dad and figured out I was gay by age 14. There was a lot of rage going on."

"How did you know? That you were gay, I mean."

"The classic tale of girl falling for her best friend. Only, my best friend was also a girl."

"Did you ever tell her?"

"That I liked her or that I was gay?"

"Both."

"That I liked her, no. She's as straight as a pole. There was no need to jeopardize our friendship. And she was the only one to put up with me, after all. I couldn't risk losing that. But I told her I was gay on our last week of school."

"You turned out okay, right? You're not that angry anymore?"

"No, I'm not. College worked wonders for that. I was in another state and out from day one. It felt like I was finally being able to be myself, you know?"

"I do. I definitely do."

"Well, I think we should move on to lighter conversation. Favorite movie?" Santana asked and when Brittany opened her mouth to answer, she added: "That isn't 'Finding Nemo'."

"That's easy. 'Lady and the Tramp'." Santana snorted at Brittany's choice, which left the blonde pouting. "What? I really like animated movies."


"So, Britt, do you wa-"

Santana is interrupted by the sound of her phone ringing inside her purse. Up until that moment, she had been able to almost forget that there is an entire world outside that restaurant and outside her conversation with Brittany. But one simple sound was able to burst her bubble faster than she could have said 'Check'. "I'm sorry, Britt. Do you mind if I answer this. It could be Mercedes."

"No, of course not. Go ahead."

Brittany notices how Santana's face pales when she reads the name flashing on the screen. She can't read it, but she imagines it has something to do with Nina.

"Hi", Santana answers Mercedes's call hoping her voice doesn't waver as much as her stomach is knotting at that moment. The girl knows she's on a date and there's still about a couple of hours until the time they agreed on, so there's only one reason why she would be calling her. "What?"

Santana's call consisted of broken questions and a controlled voice. She was still in public, still in a restaurant, still with Brittany. She couldn't just scream and run home like her body was telling her to. But, as much as she could control her tone, she couldn't control her eyes and how they widened at the words she was listening. So, she closed them, trying to regain some of her cool. That's when she felt slender fingers wrapping around her hand. Opening her eyes, she could only see Brittany's sympathetic gaze in front of her and tried a feeble smile. "Okay, Mercedes. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"What happened?" Brittany asked the moment Santana ended the call.

"It's Nina. She has a fever and Mercedes said she was complaining of stomachache. I'm sorry, Britt. I-"

"Let's go."

There's a hint of a smile on Santana's face when she gathers her purse and throws a few of bills on the table. It's more than necessary, but she can't be bothered with that now. Looking up, she sees that Brittany is already up, a hand stretched towards her and for that she's grateful. Santana isn't very sure if her legs are working properly at the moment.

They exit the restaurant hand in hand and the feel of Brittany's skin against hers slows Santana's heart a bit. It feels almost right to have that hand in hers.

No, scratch that. It does feel right. And she would be giddy and skipping and smiling if she wasn't so damn worried.

"Look. I need my car. And I need it now. Got it?"

The boy from the valet parking she was screaming at nodded furiously, took her ticket and went to retrieve her car. When he was out of sight, Santana noticed that, somewhere along the way, she had let go of Brittany's hand. It felt cold now, without pale skin wrapped around her skin.

Santana turned on her heels, her eyes searching for blonde hair, only to find Brittany standing a few feet away, one foot on the curb and the other on the street, staring intently at the passing traffic. "Britt? What are you doing?"

Brittany turned with a smile. "I'm trying to get a cab."

"But, we drove here, remember?"

"Of course I remember, San. But you need to get home fast and I'm not exactly on your path. So, I'm trying to find a cab."

"Don't be silly, Brittany. I picked you up and I'll take you home. Mercedes is there."

"But-"

"No buts. Please?"

Brittany only nodded and closed the gap between them. She placed her hands on Santana's upper arm and rubbed the skin. Santana sighed deeply, with her eyes closed, and took a step forward, falling into Brittany's body. Lean arms held her by the shoulders and she just let the other's strength keep her standing.

"It's gonna be ok, San."

"I don't know about that. Mercedes will have to leave soon and I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. I don't even know how to take care of myself when I'm sick."

Brittany chuckled lightly and held Santana just a little more tighter. "First of all, don't panic." Santana nodded and released a breath that had been caught in her throat. "Okay. When you get home, you'll-"

The rest of Brittany's sentence fell on deaf ears. Santana wasn't listening anymore. She knows she should have been, but she was terrified that she would hurt Nina even more. She had no idea what to do when she got back home. She had no idea how to be a parent, how to take care of her, how to make it better. She felt helpless, like she'd never felt before.

When she couldn't feel the vibration of Brittany's voice anymore, Santana separated their bodies a little and locked her eyes with blue ones. In them, she found a steady quality that soothed her, as if she was staring at the still waters of a lake. It melted some of the knots that had formed in her chest.

"Come with me?" The request came out even before she had the time to fully process what she was asking.

"What?"

"Just...come with me, Britt. Please. I know this isn't the night we planned, but I need you. I don't think I can do this alone." Santana's voice broke somewhere along the sentence and she had to take a deep breath to keep the tears at bay.

"Are you sure? She'll probably ask questions if I show up there with you."

"It's alright. I told her. And it wouldn't matter. I just need to think about what's best for her. And, right now, you're it. We both need you there."

Brittany gathered Santana in her arms once more and kissed the top of her head. "Of course, San. Of course I'll go with you."