AN: I love all the reviews- and suggestions!

BPOV

We were having a test today in biology and I was totally distracted by Edward, I could see him tugging at his hair and hear him sighing. I caught a glimpse of him when he was walking back to his desk and he looked sad. Well actually he looked like someone had kicked his puppy.

He glanced over at me and I tried to give him a small smile but it must have come out all wrong because he now looks sad and confused. I decide since he is practically stalking me that I will ask him what his deal is after class. I finished my test just in time for the bell to ring and turn to see Edward bolt from the class like it was on fire.

I trudge to spanish and see Alice talking with Edward in the corner of the hallway. What the hell is that all about. Maybe that's it, Dickward must have a thing for Alice and was just trying to befriend me to talk to her. That has to be it. It's the only thing that explains why someone like him would speak to someone like me.

"Sorry I'm late snotface I was on a doomed mission to Venus to battle with the 3 headed mega beast but on the way I caught cornflakes disease." Alice teases as she takes her seat next to me.

When I don't laugh she frowns. "Snotface?" she implores. "Not now Alice." I mumble pulling out my spanish homework.

I made it through the rest of the day in the same sullen disposition. I even dressed down for gym not in the mood to try and convince Coach that I had some mystery disorder in ladytown.

I was walking to my truck wondering why it would bother me so much for Cullen to be into Alice, I mean it's not like he had a shot in hell because she was ass over tits for Jasper and all, but it made him look so sad.

Alice slipped her arm around me "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate." She greeted. I laughed and leaned on her as we continued to my truck.

As we crossed the parking lot Lauren Mallory called out to Alice and we paused and turned in unison. I stifled a groan of annoyance. Lauren and I had gotten into it a few times mostly because she was a parasite whose main food source was jizz and I didn't like the fact that she chose the guy I was dating as her meal more than once.

She was clutching something to her chest and directed herself to Alice, ignoring that I was standing arm in arm with Alice.

"Hey Alice, you gotta read this it's fucking amazing, I don't know who wrote it, someone said Edward Cullen started passing it around." She giggled and handed Alice a spiral notebook with a green cover.

NO! Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin' there in your ghost manger, just lookin' at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors please, please, please don't let this be happening.

Alice looked at me with wide eyes holding the notebook like it was napalm as I paced in front of her and fought the urge to grab it and pull a Forest Gump and across the continental United States.

"Is this yours?" she asked and all I could do was nod.

"Can I read it?" she asked.

"AAAAAUUUGHHHH." I grunt in frustration before I hung my head and nod.

"You might as well since everyone else has. Fuck, if my dad finds out I think he'll put me on the sex offender's registry." I moan.

"Come on it can't be that bad." She hugged me to her.

"I think its worse, come on lets go to your house I need chocolate to go with my complete humiliation." I cry.

Two hours and seven fun sized snickers later Alice finally looks up from my notebook all flush in the face. "Bella this is freaking hot!" she states. "For a virgin you are a total slutty pirate hooker with a dirty whorish mouth." She grins. "No wonder Edward kept asking about you."

I can feel the heat flood my cheeks and I can't look up from the hem of my hoodie. She crawls off the bed and wraps her arms around me and squeezes me to her.

"You don't need to be embarrassed honey, no one knows who wrote it and it's honestly fuck hot so don't be ashamed." She hugs me again. "You do know that have to totally get Edward though right."

A loud giggle erupted from my chest. "Fuck yeah we do." I smile.

I Am Jack's Smirking Revenge.

EPOV

Seventeen. I took seventeen notebooks today and still didn't find was I was looking for which was my notebook. I needed a new plan of attack before I developed full blown kleptomania.

God I even sound like a freak, my notebook? Why didn't I just leave it on the table? Or give it back to her? Oh that's right because I was to busy reading it and masturbating so much I might have actually lost some of the function in my right hand.

It didn't help that Bella just kept looking at me today with her sad fucking doe eyes all sexy and I noticed she was writing in a new notebook. That's the notebook I should have taken today. Ugh no. See this is exactly why you don't deserve Bella.

I touched based with Alice looking for suggestions all day as my panic and guilty ate away at me for losing the notebook. Alice told me to ask Bella out on a date, so I spent the rest of the day thinking of something to do on a date with Bella because according to Alice and apparently 'How I Met Your Mother' this is the date our children will beg to hear about.