Flight to the Ford
Strider: Okay… we'll stop here under these huge troll statues. Why someone would put a bunch of troll statues in the middle of the woods is beyond me though….
Sam: Mr. Frodo?
Frodo: Blegh…
Pippin: Is he going to die- ow! Merry!
Strider: No, he's just going to become a wraith like-
Nazgul: Screeeech
Strider: Like them. Sam, do you know the Athelas plant?
Sam: Nope.
Strider: King's Foil?
Sam: King's Foil! Aye, it's a weed!
Strider: A weed? No! Just find some will you!
Sam: Right!
Strider: You two just… stay here okay?
Merry: Where are you going?
(Strider runs off)
Pippin: Eew! Frodo! Stop drooling like that!
Frodo: Bleeeagh…
Strider: Athelas… athelas where's that darn plant when you need it- ah! Yike!
Arwen: What's this? A ranger caught off his guard?
Frodo: P-pretty… elf…
Merry: He's looking at you, Pip.
Pippin: What?
Strider: Scuse me. (shoves Pip out of the way) Has Sam come back yet?
Merry: No.
Sam: I can't find any!
Merry: I mean yes.
Arwen: Goodness, he's a mess! What did you do to him?
Strider: Nothing!
Pippin: Can you help him?
Strider: Nomnom Patooie.
Sam: (stares) If I'd known that's what the weed was for, I'd've burnt every one I could find.
Merry: I would've joined you.
Arwen: That's not going to help much, sweetie. We should take him to my father.
Strider: Fine then, but I'm riding. You bring the hobbits. I'll send some horses for you.
Arwen: Honey… you know full well I ride faster; I have special magical elven abilities-
Strider: But-
Arwen: AND, I know the way.
Strider: I do too… (Sulks)
Arwen: Noro'lim, Asfaloth! Noro'lim!
Sam: What are you doing! You're just going to stand there and let her kidnap him like that?
Strider: Oh… this is going to be a fun trip….
Frodo: Oog…
Nazgul1: Hey look! An elf!
Nazgul2: We're not looking for an elf you-
Nazgul3: Isn't that our little wraith buddy she's got?
Nazgul1: Yeah! Hey! Bring back our buddy!
SplashSplash
Nazgul1: Ngyaa! Hey! Elf lady! Hand over the Halfling!
Arwen: If you want him, come and claim him!
Nazgul5: Fine then! Come on guys!
(Nazgul start to cross)
Frodo: Blegh…
Arwen: (Fancy elven words)
Nazgul (plural): Uh oh…
River: WOOOSH
Frodo: (passes out)
Arwen: NOOO! Wake up, Frodo! If you die, my boyfriend'll never forgive me! Wake up! WAKE UP!
Rivendell
Frodo: Oog… where am I?
Gandalf: In Rivendell Master Baggins, in the house of Lord Elrond.
Frodo: Gandalf?
Gandalf: Yup.
Frodo: Where were you, huh? We get to Bree, we go to the inn and all we find are Nazgul and some creepy ranger guy!
Gandalf: I was… delayed. It seems Saruman wasn't the best guy to ask for help….
Flashback
Saruman: So, have you decided to join me yet?
Gandalf: Uh… no?
Saruman: Fine then.
(Smackie)
Moth: Flutterflutter
Saruman: If you won't join me then I can at least make sure you can't help that little hobbit guy.
Gandalf: (jumps off tower)
Saruman: … or you could take care of that yourself?
Eagle: Man, how many times have I saved your hide now?
Gandalf: I don't want to talk about it. Just take me to Rivendell.
Eagle: Yeah, sure… but this is the last time I come to your rescue. I've got a wife and two chicks at home. I can't be flyin' off to save you every Wednesday night.
End Flashback
Frodo: Gandalf? Gaaaandalf? Oh, great. He's catatonic.
Sam: Mr. Frodo! Bless, you! You're awake!
Frodo: Sam! I think Gandalf's stuck again.
Sam: Oh, don't mind him. We were worried about you, Mr. Frodo.
Frodo: Nice to know I'm still loved… if a bit ignored. (Gestures at Gandalf)
Gandalf: By the skills of Lord Elrond, you are beginning to mend.
Elrond: Welcome to Rivendell, Frodo Baggins.
Frodo: AHH! Where'd he come from? Has he been here the whole time?
Sam: He's an elf, Mr. Frodo. They do that sometimes.
Frodo: (shudders)
Sam: Come on, Mr. Frodo! There's someone who'd like to meet you.
Frodo: Just as long as it's not an elf.
Bilbo: Not quite.
Frodo: Uncle! (huggie)
(Later in Bilbo's room)
Frodo: There and Back Again: A Hobbit's Tale by Bilbo Baggins!
Bilbo: Yup. All finished and ready for a sequel.
Frodo: Sequel? Are you going on another adventure, Bilbo? You seem a bit old for that sort of thing.
Bilbo: No. You are.
Frodo: Uncle… I've been dragged across the Shire, through Bree, through the marshes and stabbed by a Ringwraith. I'd say my adventure's off to a pretty poor start.
Bilbo: I know! That's what makes the sequel all the more exciting!
Frodo: … thank you, Uncle… I'm flattered that my misery will excite your readers.
Bilbo: Just make sure you tell me everything when you get back!
Frodo: Right…
