Flight to the Ford

Strider: Okay… we'll stop here under these huge troll statues. Why someone would put a bunch of troll statues in the middle of the woods is beyond me though….

Sam: Mr. Frodo?

Frodo: Blegh…

Pippin: Is he going to die- ow! Merry!

Strider: No, he's just going to become a wraith like-

Nazgul: Screeeech

Strider: Like them. Sam, do you know the Athelas plant?

Sam: Nope.

Strider: King's Foil?

Sam: King's Foil! Aye, it's a weed!

Strider: A weed? No! Just find some will you!

Sam: Right!

Strider: You two just… stay here okay?

Merry: Where are you going?

(Strider runs off)

Pippin: Eew! Frodo! Stop drooling like that!

Frodo: Bleeeagh…

Strider: Athelas… athelas where's that darn plant when you need it- ah! Yike!

Arwen: What's this? A ranger caught off his guard?

Frodo: P-pretty… elf…

Merry: He's looking at you, Pip.

Pippin: What?

Strider: Scuse me. (shoves Pip out of the way) Has Sam come back yet?

Merry: No.

Sam: I can't find any!

Merry: I mean yes.

Arwen: Goodness, he's a mess! What did you do to him?

Strider: Nothing!

Pippin: Can you help him?

Strider: Nomnom Patooie.

Sam: (stares) If I'd known that's what the weed was for, I'd've burnt every one I could find.

Merry: I would've joined you.

Arwen: That's not going to help much, sweetie. We should take him to my father.

Strider: Fine then, but I'm riding. You bring the hobbits. I'll send some horses for you.

Arwen: Honey… you know full well I ride faster; I have special magical elven abilities-

Strider: But-

Arwen: AND, I know the way.

Strider: I do too… (Sulks)

Arwen: Noro'lim, Asfaloth! Noro'lim!

Sam: What are you doing! You're just going to stand there and let her kidnap him like that?

Strider: Oh… this is going to be a fun trip….

Frodo: Oog…

Nazgul1: Hey look! An elf!

Nazgul2: We're not looking for an elf you-

Nazgul3: Isn't that our little wraith buddy she's got?

Nazgul1: Yeah! Hey! Bring back our buddy!

SplashSplash

Nazgul1: Ngyaa! Hey! Elf lady! Hand over the Halfling!

Arwen: If you want him, come and claim him!

Nazgul5: Fine then! Come on guys!

(Nazgul start to cross)

Frodo: Blegh…

Arwen: (Fancy elven words)

Nazgul (plural): Uh oh…

River: WOOOSH

Frodo: (passes out)

Arwen: NOOO! Wake up, Frodo! If you die, my boyfriend'll never forgive me! Wake up! WAKE UP!

Rivendell

Frodo: Oog… where am I?

Gandalf: In Rivendell Master Baggins, in the house of Lord Elrond.

Frodo: Gandalf?

Gandalf: Yup.

Frodo: Where were you, huh? We get to Bree, we go to the inn and all we find are Nazgul and some creepy ranger guy!

Gandalf: I was… delayed. It seems Saruman wasn't the best guy to ask for help….

Flashback

Saruman: So, have you decided to join me yet?

Gandalf: Uh… no?

Saruman: Fine then.

(Smackie)

Moth: Flutterflutter

Saruman: If you won't join me then I can at least make sure you can't help that little hobbit guy.

Gandalf: (jumps off tower)

Saruman: … or you could take care of that yourself?

Eagle: Man, how many times have I saved your hide now?

Gandalf: I don't want to talk about it. Just take me to Rivendell.

Eagle: Yeah, sure… but this is the last time I come to your rescue. I've got a wife and two chicks at home. I can't be flyin' off to save you every Wednesday night.

End Flashback

Frodo: Gandalf? Gaaaandalf? Oh, great. He's catatonic.

Sam: Mr. Frodo! Bless, you! You're awake!

Frodo: Sam! I think Gandalf's stuck again.

Sam: Oh, don't mind him. We were worried about you, Mr. Frodo.

Frodo: Nice to know I'm still loved… if a bit ignored. (Gestures at Gandalf)

Gandalf: By the skills of Lord Elrond, you are beginning to mend.

Elrond: Welcome to Rivendell, Frodo Baggins.

Frodo: AHH! Where'd he come from? Has he been here the whole time?

Sam: He's an elf, Mr. Frodo. They do that sometimes.

Frodo: (shudders)

Sam: Come on, Mr. Frodo! There's someone who'd like to meet you.

Frodo: Just as long as it's not an elf.

Bilbo: Not quite.

Frodo: Uncle! (huggie)

(Later in Bilbo's room)

Frodo: There and Back Again: A Hobbit's Tale by Bilbo Baggins!

Bilbo: Yup. All finished and ready for a sequel.

Frodo: Sequel? Are you going on another adventure, Bilbo? You seem a bit old for that sort of thing.

Bilbo: No. You are.

Frodo: Uncle… I've been dragged across the Shire, through Bree, through the marshes and stabbed by a Ringwraith. I'd say my adventure's off to a pretty poor start.

Bilbo: I know! That's what makes the sequel all the more exciting!

Frodo: … thank you, Uncle… I'm flattered that my misery will excite your readers.

Bilbo: Just make sure you tell me everything when you get back!

Frodo: Right…