I tremble and sniff, sobbing silently into the couch pillow. Another night. Another day. Another night. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't think. Rayne doesn't know. Craig doesn't talk to me. It's been a month. Another day. Another night. Another day. I feel like I'm going insane.

I drink so much coffee, it must be pumping through my veins at this point. It might be a reason I can't sleep but if I can't sleep I need it to stay awake. It doesn't make any goddamn sense!

Whenever I manage to sleep I have nightmares about Rayne attempting to save me, failing in the process, and dying. Then he turns out to be my mom. It doesn't make any goddamn sense!

ABC's played this episode three nights in a motherfucking row! Nothing good is on at four in the morning! I shouldn't be awake right now anyways! I feel sick. All the time, I feel sick.

I lie to Rayne left and right and my work is suffering. I know if I don't do better. I know what will happen. I'll definetly get fired but that doesn't help the anxiety.

I'm a horrible person. Especially to feel sorry for myself.

Everytime I end up in this situation I have one thing on my mind. And it makes me even more sick. I just wish I could use.

Hard swallow.

One line. Three hits. A bump. A blunt.

Deep sigh. Shallow breaths.

And nothing would even matter.

Why does Rayne care so much? How can he care about me and my health so much when I don't even care about it that much?! I could limit myself. I'd only use on the weekends or long nights. Just enough to help me. I can't do this anymore!

I just want- I want relief! Fucking something! Not this. Another night. Another day. Another fucking night.

It's torture. I don't know what to do.

I grab my phone, another part of my routine now. I stare at a dialed number I'll never actually call and then slam the phone into the cushions. I lie flat on my stomach, my head turnt to stare at my phone facing down on the pillow and weep softly. I don't know. Why would I want to call Craig instead of just waking up my boyfriend? He's my original sponser.

Because he's not my original sponser and I know. Maybe this whole time Rayne was just some kind of replacement.

For who, though? Craig? They're nothing alike and if I were using him for that I'd know it. I wipe my eyes, stopping my crying to breathe.

"Tweek,"

My heart hitches. Did I just hear something? My eyes open and my noises cease. I don't say anything as I wait.

"Tweek..." Slowly, I pull my hand up from my side and I pick my phone up. Craig. For a minute and thirty seconds. My eyes widen like serving plates. Holy fuck. "Are you okay? What- What happened?"

Sitting up, I hold my nose shut with one hand and the phone to my ear in the other. What do I do? Do I hang up? Do I respond? I'm at a loss for words. "Tweek..."

"Yeah." I say. "Sorry... I just... d-didn't mean to- to call you..."

"Oh." He's quiet. "Well, are you alright? I know you have trouble sleeping. I answered because I was worried." He tells me. "We aren't supposed to be talking." He explains. "Not like this, at least."

I don't say anything. "I didn't mean to call you."

"But you did." He says. "And here we are."

"I'm just gonna hang up. We aren't supposed to be talking. Like this, at least."

He sighs, "Tweek, just tell me what's up."

"I don't know." I admit.

"Well, something's bothering you. Wait, you haven't been sleeping this whole time? Are you okay? Jesus Christ."

"I'm fine." I lie, automatically. "I should go."

"It's four in the fucking morning. I've notice your coffee intake, by the way. You're clearly not alright and if you can't tell your prince then fucking tell me because I just don't care."

"Then why did you stop talking to me!" I snap. "You do fucking care. I just can't tell about what."

"You hurt my motherfucking feelings. And we aren't even dating!" He snaps back. "I thought it was ridiculous. I thought it was the best thing to do."

I snort. "Bullshit."

"So this is about me not talking to you anymore?"

"No!" I groan. "I don't know what it's about."

He pauses, "Is it about Rayne?"

"I keep having dreams where he dies and then ends up being my mom." I say.

"Oh, well, that's... weird. What'd you think it means?"

"If I knew," I say. "I definetly wouldn't be telling you."

"Sometimes I have dreams we're having sex." He confesses.

I choke. "See, that right there."

"I'm just being honest." He defends himself. "But, seriously, that's weird and if you keep having it then your problem probably is about him."

"I should go."

He silent. "Fine. Are you gonna be good?"

"If I couldn't sleep before I don't see why I'd-" I'm cut off by a yawn. "be-be able to now..." I finish.

"Tweek," His voice is soft and close to the phone. I take a deep breath, remembering what it's like to have Craig so close to my ear. "I swear you'll be okay." He assures me. "Here's what I want you to do. Get a soundtrack of waves and rain and stuff like that and then play it before you go to bed. Focus on the sounds and nothing else. It's gonna relax you and I promise you'll be able to sleep. For now just try not to think about bad stuff. Think about the positive stuff. If you can't do that, try math equations." Somehow I feel better now than I did a few minutes ago. Would I feel the same if I had woken up Rayne? Would he have done this? "It's almost five." He says after more silence.

"Goodnight, Craig."

He snorts, "Goodnight, Tweek, I'll see you at work." He hangs up, I toss my phone, and head back to the room. As soon as my head hits the pillow I pass out.


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