Title: Twinned
Summary: Max makes a mistake. Alec is affected.
Author's note: Alright, folks, angst ahoy. And not just angst, but unresolved angst, which is the worst kind. Maybe it's just the mood I've been in lately. But I hope you enjoy, anyway.
Twinned
"Hey Max, Mole keeps claiming that he can take on three X5's at once, so we're about to—," Alec broke off abruptly and felt his mouth drop open as he caught sight of the scene in front of him. Max sat hunched over in her computer chair, her head resting against the keyboard and her eyes closed as her breath gently flowed through her lips in a deep, steady rhythm.
"I'll be damned," Alec murmured to himself. "She's sleeping."
It wasn't really so surprising, considering she hadn't slept in about a week. Even a girl with shark DNA in her cocktail needed to catch a few REM cycles eventually. He moved to wake her, but then thought better of it. Instead he stood back and simply studied her, ignoring a small voice in his mind telling him she wouldn't appreciate him watching her like this
His eyes wandered from the delicate curve of her cheek, to the graceful arch of her neck, to the way her plump lips rested half open and revealed just a glimpse of her pink tongue. As his gaze moved upward, he was tempted to reach out and stroke her angled, swooping brows, to smooth the frown lines he found marring her forehead even in her sleep. He resisted the urge to touch her and stared at the way her eyelashes rested sweetly across her cheeks, making her soft, sculpted features appear even more beautiful. But it was more than that, Alec noted. Not only did she appear stunning, but also angelic, innocent, and - for the first time in Alec's memory - vulnerable.
The emotions hit him so quickly, he was sure Mole had come barreling through the door and elbowed him straight in the gut. He felt a swooping, falling, almost painful sensation, as if his whole world was being shaken and rearranged, and he wondered dimly if he would be able to recognize it once it righted itself again. His breath caught in his throat, and his heart hammered madly against his ribs as he stared at the woman in front of him. He felt a deep burning sensation in his chest, and realized with alarm that the warm, smoldering, happy feeling was quickly spreading from his toes to his fingertips.
In that moment, Alec realized that he had quite irrevocably fallen in love with the beautiful, dangerous vixen turned angel that lay sleeping in front of him.
Still breathing hard, he felt a wry sense of amusement. Of course loving Max would occur so fully, so suddenly, and so painfully. His ironic laughter was short-lived, however, when he contemplated the consequences of this moment. Their relationship had been rocky at best, although it had improved marginally since she'd trusted him enough to discuss Ben.
Ben, my genetic clone and Max's "brother," who went psycho and forced Max to make a decision that nearly destroyed her, He thought bitterly.
Suddenly, it was all too much for him. He was a trained soldier. Guns he understood. Assassinations? No problem. Missions? He was the best. But one thing Alec would never understand, or let himself indulge in, were emotions. Emotions led to emotional ties, and ties led to perilous situations, and those situations led to death and pain.
Shaking his head as if trying to break the spell she'd unknowingly weaved on him, he strode over to her and shook her arm. "Max, wake up," His voice was slightly harsher than he had intended, and he hastened to soften it. "Come on, Maxie."
Max stirred slightly and her eyes slowly fluttered open, though from the opaque, faraway look in their brown depths he realized she was still caught somewhere between dreaming and waking.
"Ben?" She whispered softly, before closing her eyes again and leaning her head back on the desk.
Alec felt as if a bucket of ice water had been cruelly emptied over his head. He stumbled back, accidentally upsetting a nearby chair in the process, and nearly fell to the ground before he caught his balance. His mouth opened and closed as he struggled to swallow past the lump in his throat.
Ben. She had called him Ben. It had been almost two years since Max had met Alec, and yet she still saw her dead brother in him. Although she probably didn't view him as Ben when she was awake and on her guard, the second her defenses fell and she became vulnerable, she still saw Ben. Not Alec. Ben.
He reached up with his hands and grasped his face, running his fingers over his features as he had so wanted to do with Max just minutes earlier. He had always been proud of the way he had been made. He was striking, and he knew it. His face was part of what gave him the confidence and arrogance Max so often complained about. He had always loved it; the one thing Manticore had done for him. But right now, with the ghost of Ben lingering around them and Max's whisper ringing through his hypersensitive ears, he had never hated his face, hated himself more.
He lowered his hands and tightened them into taut, angry fists, closing his eyes tightly and clenching his jaw as he tried to regain control of his emotions.
This was all because of Ben. Ben, who had wormed his way into Max's life and heart long before Alec had even known she existed. And because of just how close Ben had been to Max, because of the remarkable bond they had formed, it was Ben who had nearly shattered her.
As if his betrayal hadn't been bad enough, as if his murders weren't already intensely painful for Max to deal with, she'd had to snap his neck in the end, too. Alec had heard little of the story, but knew enough to know that Ben had challenged her. They had fought, and Max had tried to save him like she so often did Alec. But Ben had ended up injured and incapacitated, and Manticore had been closing in. So Ben asked Max to kill him, and she couldn't deny his request. She had been forced to slay her own brother, to destroy someone who was so deeply imbedded inside of her heart, it was like killing a part of herself.
It was Ben who did all of these things. Not Alec. But unfortunately, Ben wasn't around anymore, and Alec walked through life with Ben's face.
Alec stared at Max for another moment, and then turned around and walked away. She would never trust him. She would never love him. She would never let herself feel anything more than a vague sort of friendship toward him. Alec nearly growled at the unexpected hurt the knowledge brought him, but he stubbornly shoved his pain down. He could get over this. He could make it work. He was a master at rendering himself emotionless.
But still, even as he tried to suppress his feelings and regain his carefree demeanor, one thought kept flickering through his mind.
It was Ben who had betrayed Max. But it was Alec who paid the price for it.
End
