And I'm finally back after a month! Sorry for the long wait, but here is the seventh one-shot.
Disclaimer to Tite Kubo!
VII - Back
She will not look back.
She can not.
That's what she tells herself, but it is too difficult. How can she just move on so easily?
He has left. With no words of farewell, leaving nothing behind. It wasn't as if that crushed her heart. Right?
It wasn't his fault. That was his duty as a shinigami, even more so as a Captain. His presence was needed to lead his squad; he had to be there for Soul Society.
She understands his need to protect, supports it even. She too has the urge to always be the strong one, to make sure her loved ones are safe. She too will sacrifice herself for their safety. She too is willing to die for them.
But despite all this, despite how much she understands, she cannot bring herself to forgive him.
She cannot forgive him for dying in battle.
She reasons with herself. The major war with the Quincy had been going on for years, and he had to be at the last battlefield. He needed to be there. Matsumoto needed him, his other squad members, even the other Captains would need him there. The difference a single Captain's presence could make was incredible, so she tells herself that he was only doing his duty.
But without his bankai, and with the overwhelming power of the Quincy, he hadn't been able to make it.
She hears from Matsumoto the story of his last battle. The strawberry blonde cries as she tells the tale; Matsumoto had been careless in her battle, and it had cost her a few precious seconds. Her Captain, seeing her predicament, rushed over from his own battle to protect her from the fatal attack. Yes, he somehow managed to strike down the opponent while he was as it, but it didn't change the fact that he had been wounded critically. He lay in Matsumoto's arms as he breathed his last breaths, stared at the sky one last time. His final breath came with his whisper of "Sorry", before he passed on quietly and peacefully amidst a battlefield of blood and screams.
Matsumoto recalls how her anguished sobs couldn't be heard over the sounds of the other battles.
"Sorry, sorry. It's my fault, I'm sorry - "
She can't say anything, can only bring her face into Matsumoto's chest as the two women cry silently for a few minutes.
She knows she has to move on, and so she does.
She had loved him with all her heart. She had completely given herself to him, and he to her, during their moments of passion. He had always been there for her, protecting her from the world, despite her protests. Relentless teasing, gentle caresses, loud arguments, sensual kisses, violent swearing, quick soccer matches, cold ice-cream, juicy watermelon, beautiful sunsets.
Him and his quiet love, always passionate beneath the frozen surface.
The thoughts and memories bring a sting to her eyes but she knows she will never regret it. She knows she will cherish those memories forever, even as she continues to struggle to find another happiness, another love. No matter how much pain he has brought her, she knows she will never find a man more worthy of her.
Despite this, she moves on.
She does, she truly does. The memories are holding her back, and she knows it.
So she doesn't look back anymore.
She is doing fine, as fine as she could possibly be with her other half torn away from her.
She became a shinigami many years ago, and is now fifth seat of the tenth division. Others continue to try to convince her to hurry and take the vacant Captain spot in the tenth division; she refuses. She knows her power is well above that of a fifth seat, as she has already achieved bankai. But she rejects any offers, saying she likes her position as a fifth seat. She dislikes the idea of responsibility and authority thrown on her shoulders. The role of a Captain doesn't suit her.
She would much rather just fight Hollows all day than do paperwork anyway.
She is sent on a mission to the Human World one day. The assignment is long-term, for three months. She is assigned to a small town in the middle of nowhere in Japan. Her job is to slay Hollows and to monitor the Hollow activity, which has been relatively high lately. She accepts the mission and leaves quickly to begin.
The first month is boring.
She slays Hollows all day, and in her spare time, she eats ice cream on a hill that provides a wonderful view of the sky. She quickly deduces that the strange Hollow activity reported was probably nothing special, just a strange occurrence that wouldn't last long.
She quickly becomes bored with her Shinigami duties, and decides to enter high school again. It's not necessary, and definitely not part of the assignment description, but being in a human town has brought back memories of her time as a human. She has a sudden, inexplicable urge to become a teenage student again.
So she enrolls in her second month.
Her first day is a shock. The startlingly white hair and piercing teal eyes send shivers down her back, and she almost becomes paralyzed. She pulls herself together, and reluctantly takes her place in the seat beside him.
At first, she tries to ignore him. But she can't. How can she?
He is just as she remembers. Cold, distant, even slightly arrogant. (After all, he is a genius.)
Despite her best intentions to stay distant, the two become close. She knows she will have to say good-bye eventually, as her time is almost up. Three months is a short time, but she cannot stop herself from falling for him all over again. It seems he cannot stop himself from falling for her either, and she isn't sure whether she is happy about this or not.
When he kisses her again, she becomes lost. She never realized how much she craved his touch, and suddenly his large, warm hands are gently caressing her and she seeks for him. She can't get enough of him, not his taste, not the feel of his hair, not his voice. She needs him, like she needs clean air, food and water. He provides her with life.
She doesn't know what to do when it is two weeks before the three-month deadline. She cannot lose him again, she will not. Having him reminds her of all the things she had lost, and she swears that it will not happen again.
So she decides to do what her father did years ago.
She will give up anything as long as it is to be with him.
She will give up her power, she will give up the life she painstakingly constructed over the past years for the sake of this man.
And so she does. She refuses to look back, and she will not regret this decision.
She cannot look back, because he is right beside her. She can only look forward to their future now.
So I've been meaning to write some slightly angsty stuff for a while now... I hope you guys enjoyed it. c:
I know I still have the HitsuKarin week prompts, and I promise I'll finish them someday.
Well, I think I'll be able to update again sometime this weekend, so hurrah! Please enjoy, and please please remember to review! It would mean a lot to me. :)
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