Disclaimer: The characters of CSI: NY do not belong to me however this story is of my own and should only be used after permission has been asked and given. No copyright infringement intended and no profit is being made.

Summary: Danny and Lindsay are going to learn that sometimes you must lose, in order to gain.

Notes: Thank you everyone who reviewed; Csifan326, CsiNY326, MesserFamilyFan100, Ditto123, LoveShipper, dannyandlindsayforeva, laurzz, bookworm and Clare-Louise89.


The Parent's Apple

Lucy's chatter filled the otherwise silent elevator as it climbed to the 35th floor crime lab, unaware of the tension settled between her parents. Danny glanced across at his wife, wondering what she was thinking as she stared up at the slowly ascending numbers. After putting Lucy to bed the night before, he'd found that Lindsay had also settled in for the night. Danny had stripped down in the dim lamplight, fully aware that she was feigning sleep and as he'd reached across her to turn the light off he'd noticed the tears that were slowly leaking out of her closed eyes. He hadn't pressed her, knowing that she still needed time to process everything that had happened. Instead he'd turned the light off and, feeling emboldened in the darkness, pressed a reassuring kiss to her temple before settling down to sleep.

This morning, however, when he'd noticed that Lindsay was still reserved, he'd begun to scheme. Danny had told Lucy that he'd planned on letting her take the day off from preschool, spending it instead at home with mommy and he'd knew his plan had worked when Lucy had exuberantly insisted that she be allowed to do that. He even hadn't minded when Lucy had told Lindsay of the plan as though it was her idea. His hope was that Lindsay would find comfort in having Lucy with her for the day, especially if it was just the two of them.

"I was actually planning on going into the lab today," Lindsay had mumbled. At the raised eyebrow he gave her, she hurried on, "not to work. The opposite actually, I was going to ask for some leave."

Danny had smiled sadly, relieved that she was taking the doctor's orders to rest seriously. He'd shrugged. "I can always take you both with me when I go in. I'm sure the lab's due another Lucy visit anyway. I know Flack was on the nightshift and I'm sure he won't mind dropping you both home on his way back."

The mumbled, "you have it all worked out" had sounded hollow and empty.

As the doors slid open Lucy dutifully slipped her hand into her mothers. Lindsay looked down at the small child and gave her a smile. Danny promised to catch up with them before jogging down to the locker room whilst they went in search of Mac, Lucy skipping along.

"See Mommy, I don't runs away like last time, I stays with you and holds your hand, just like I promised," Lucy proudly informed her.

"That's right baby, well done," Lindsay praised. She was momentarily thrown back to a year ago when Lucy had been brought to the lab for a visit. Having spotted her beloved godfather, the then two year old had darted in front of a lab tech that'd been carrying a tray of chemical bottles. As the contents had poured over her daughter, Lindsay had felt her heart jump into her throat as Lucy began crying pitifully. She'd rushed to her, fearing the worst and it had taken several attempts for the lab tech to explain before Lindsay had accepted that the chemical bottles were only filled with water having been cleaned out. Reassured that Lucy was only crying because she was wet and not from being splashed with something more sinister, relief had crashed through her at once as she berated her daughter. It seemed that Lucy had thankfully learnt her lesson.

"When I see Uncle Mac will he give me lots of snugglies?" Lucy asked.

"I except so," Lindsay replied.

"Will he give you lots of snugglies too?" the little girl enquired.

"I'm not sure, why?"

"'Cause you're all sad and when you're sad that makes me sad and when I'm sad and you're sad that makes Daddy sad," she explained seriously.

Lindsay stopped and crouched down so she was her daughter's height. "I'm sorry Lucy; I'm not trying to make you or Daddy sad."

Lucy wrapped her arms around her mother's neck, hugging her tightly. When Lindsay stood up, she brought Lucy with her, resting the little girl against her hip. She kissed her cheek and Lucy giggled before they continued down the halls again. As they reached the trace lab Lindsay stopped, her heart suddenly hammering. She wasn't sure if she'd ever be able to disassociate the trace lab with tragedy ever again.

"Hey, Linds." She turned and smiled as Hawkes approached her. Hawkes affectionately tweaked Lucy's cheek, earning a giggle. "And hi Lucy; what're you both doing here?"

"I've come to see Mac about some time off," Lindsay explained somewhat sheepishly. Hawkes' eyes clouded with sympathy so she pushed on, jiggling Lucy. "And madam here wanted to take a day off of preschool so she could see everyone at the lab."

Hawkes feigned shock. "Lucy Messer, are you playing hooky?"

Lucy giggled again, burying her head into her mother's neck and peeking at the doctor. He chuckled and squeezed Lindsay's shoulder affectionately.

"Well it's good to see you back, I've gotta run or else these results will never be finished," he said before ducking around her into the trace lab. Lindsay watched him go, slowly breathing a sigh of relief and recognising that it hadn't been as painful as she may have thought.

Danny reached them again, looked harried already. "I've just been paged to a scene but I text Flack and he's happy to come by in twenty minutes to get you. If you're not done with Mac then he'll hang around, ok?" He gave Lucy a kiss. "Be good for your mom."

He also kissed Lindsay, pressing his lips to hers a little more firmly than he would usually in the lab. She gave him a crooked smile and he flashed her a smile of his own before retreating back to the elevators.

"C'mon you," Lindsay said as they set off again. It was eventually Lucy who spotted Mac, pointing and waving as she saw him through the glass of the reconstruction lab. He was wearing safety glasses and ear defenders as he shot at three different mannequins, each from different ranges.

Lindsay gently tapped on the glass, gaining his attention as he turned and grinned at the pair of them. Setting his equipment aside, he indicated a lab tech to clear the space for him before meeting them in the corridor.

"Hi, sorry, if you're busy we can come back," Lindsay apologised but Mac batted it away.

"No need, what can I do for you?" he asked.

Lindsay hesitated. "I was just wondering if I could make take some time off. I just… I need time, Mac."

"It's understandable," Mac reassured her. "If we go to my office I'll sort the paperwork out with you."

They walked towards his office and Lucy tugged on a lock of Lindsay's hair that she was gripping. Lindsay turned towards her daughter. "Mommy, I thirsty."

Lindsay turned to Mac. "Are you ok to take her ahead whilst I get her something to drink quickly?"

"No, that's fine," Mac replied before smiling down upon his goddaughter. Lindsay set off towards the vending machines and Lucy took Mac's hand letting him lead her to his office. When in the office he sat at his desk, willingly letting the small girl pull herself up into his lap. Once settled, she rested against him, her fingers lightly tracing the wrist that was holding her securely around the middle.

"I hate Mommy's baby," Lucy suddenly said, her brow creased in a scowl.

Mac pulled back to look at her clearly. "Why?"

"'Cause it make Mommy sad all the time. Mommy and Daddy were happy and they said it was our special secret but then that naughty baby make them cry," Lucy told him. Mac sighed, holding her closer to him.

"It's no one's fault Lucy, not Mommy's or Daddy's or even the baby's," he explained carefully. "The baby just wasn't ready to be born yet, sometimes it happens."

"Is the baby still in her tummy, waiting to be ready?" Lucy asked.

"No, no it's not there anymore," Mac said.

"Where is it then?"

"It's in heaven now," Mac answered simply. He hoped she didn't press for more details; even as a believer in God, he had never wanted to influence Lucy's beliefs with his own as he didn't know what her own parents believed in. He knew that Danny had been raised a Roman Catholic but he rarely practised Catholicism and although she'd never said either way, Mac had a feeling Lindsay's beliefs had been devastated at the tender age of fifteen.

"Mommy's baby is with the angels?" she asked. "That means it's good, right?"

"Yeah, it was good," Mac agreed.

"Uncle Mac, am I good?" Lucy asked, looking innocent and perfectly sweet. Mac laughed allowed.

"Yes Lucy, you are good; you're a good little girl but sometimes you're also naughty."

Lucy looked affronted. "I'm not naughty!"

"What has she done now?" Lindsay asked with a laugh, walking into Mac's office.

"Nothing," Mac shook his head smiling as Lucy climbed down from his lap. She reached her mother, gesticulating as she spoke.

"Uncle Mac's being bad, he says I'm a good girl who is naughty too!" she exclaimed. Lindsay laughed.

"I think Uncle Mac is telling the truth," she told her daughter.

"Is not!" Lucy insisted. Lindsay sat down and Lucy climbed into her lap instead. Lindsay busied herself with piercing the straw through the juice box for Lucy as Mac watched them. Seeing them now, no one would believe they had suffered yet another tragedy and yet Mac knew that happiness could only run so deep before it met the pain. Reaching into his bottom draw, he began taking out the relevant documents for Lindsay to sign for her absence. He finished as Lindsay settled Lucy on to one thigh, leaving her room to reach the desk and talk professionally to Mac. Mac filled out the relevant information, asking her for certain details.

"So when did you want to come back?" he asked.

Lindsay bit her lip unsurely. "I don't know."

"You don't know when you're coming back, or you don't know if you're coing back at all?" Mac asked with a frown and quizzical smile.

The worrying of her lip became worse. "I don't know… I don't want to quit but…" she stroked Lucy's hair out of her eyes, contemplatively. "I don't know, Mac."