"Nessie?" Jake answered on the second ring.
"Hi, Jacob," I answered, already feeling the ball of guilt in my stomach at what I was about to do.
"Are you feeling any better? I called this morning to check on you but your Dad said you had already left for school." He is literally the sweetest thing.
"Yeah, I had to leave early today because my friend Jen wanted to talk to me about something and she said that it simply couldn't be done over the phone." Or I wanted to tell her something that simply couldn't be done over the phone. Something that I really want to confide in you about but I'm really scared of what your reaction will be. "But actually I still am not really feeling up to our usual visit. I'm just going to take it easy tonight."
"Oh, okay." I hurt his feelings. "Well, I'll talk to you later, Renesmee."
"I love you, Jacob. I really, really love you," I whispered into the phone.
"I know, honey. I love you too. I-I gotta go." And then he hung up. I started crying, but this time it had nothing to do with the Matt ordeal.
I ran to my room and slammed the door before one of my family members could find me crumpled on the kitchen counter.
It was about an hour later when Jake showed up at my window. I was sitting at my easel sketching when I heard him clear his throat. I smiled real big at first temporarily forgetting the gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach. I hadn't seen him in two days and I missed him so much. Then I remembered that I had to tell him something that would probably make him very disappointed in me. The smile slipped off my face.
He climbed inside my window, "Hi, Ness."
"Hi. I thought I told you not to come," I say nervously.
"Well, you did. I wanted to check on you. You've been sick for a day or two now. I was worried," he said looking at me with big, sad eyes.
"Oh, well, no reason to be worried. I'm fine," I say quickly. Too quickly.
"Yeah, actually you don't look sick at all," I can't look into his eyes anymore, so I look down at my lap. My throat starts to strain from holding back the tears. "Why are you lying to me? I thought we were closer than this."
"We are Jake, we are. I'm scared to tell you."
"Nessie, you know you can tell me anything. I'll protect you from anything," he growled.
"That's the problem, Jake. Some things you can't protect me from. Something happened. As in the past, you can't change what already happened. I love you that much more for wanting to, but you can't Jake. You just can't. I'm scared that if I tell you, you'll fly off the handle, and want to murder someone," I finished my speech and looked at him expectantly.
"Just tell me, Renesmee," he begs.
"You should sit," I confess. He takes my advice and sits down on the stool at my easel. I sit on the edge of my bed. My hands are in my lap and I am ringing them. "There was this guy at school. And we were friends, good friends actually. He started being sweet, and I started to like him. I went his house after school to study. He told me we were going to study," I trailed off searching for the right way to word this next part. "We went up to his room and we started... doing things. Then he wanted to- he wanted- he wanted to have sex with me." I was kind of surprised that I said it so straight up like that. "But I told him no, of course. Then he got mad. He started yelling at me." He moved to my side, wrapping an arm around me. I nuzzled my face into his warm shoulder. "He never liked me for me. He only liked my body. It was never more than physical attraction for him."
"Guys are jerks, Ness," he said after placing a sweet kiss on the top of my head. He was actually taking it way easier than I thought he would.
"You're about to go rip his head off aren't you?"
"You have no idea," he whispered.
"I just don't understand why he had to lead me on. I really liked him. When I went to school today and I passed him in the hall he looked the other way," I confessed.
"What did you say his name was?" he asked.
"Matt. There's no way in hell I'm telling you his last name."
"Ugh," he groaned. "Fine."
"Jake?" I asked timidly.
"Yes, honey?"
"I'm really, really sorry for keeping this from you. I-I just feel s-so dirty and used. Jake, he made me feel like sex is all I'm good for," I began to sob.
"Nessie, no boy should ever make you feel this way. You deserve so much better. If he doesn't realize that you're not only beautiful, but also smart, funny and amazing to be around, then it's his fault. You can't let him get you down, Little Girl. I know you're hurting and I will always be here for you no matter what, just remember that I love you with all my heart."
And I sat with him for hours crying off and on. Finally I stood up and told him that I was going to get ready for bed. He nodded his head as I padded off to my bathroom. I brushed my teeth and my hair out before washing the make-up off my face and changing into my pajamas.
When I returned to my room Jake wasn't there. My heart dropped and I opened my bedroom door thinking something was wrong. But when I opened the door, there he was chatting with my Dad. He turned his head and gave me a small smile. He opens the door and motions for me to go inside, him following close behind. He gets under the covers with me and stretches out his arm so that it can act as my pillow. "Goodnight, Nessie. I love you."
"I love you too, Jake," I whispered.
