Disclaimer: They're not mine.
"Look. All I'm saying is that this kind of thing would never happen if I were still boss," said Angel.
"This kind of thing happened constantly when you were boss," Wesley dismissed as he examined their small, dusty cell for an escape route, as he'd been doing for the past half hour. "The only difference being that you would have refused to bring back-up."
"…which means that the rest of us would have been out there, trying to rescue him," Cordelia pointed out. "As opposed to being in here, trapped."
"Thank you, Cordelia. You're profoundly helpful."
"Keep quiet in there!" insisted one of the guards from the other side of the door.
Gunn looked up from the small knot in the wall Wesley had found but deemed useless, which he'd been using to spy on the rest of the hallway. "We're definitely not alone down here. They keep bringing in swamis and ninjas and funny-lookin' demons in funnier-lookin' outfits."
"Of course," Wesley realized. "That would explain…" He turned to the door. "So that's your game, is it? You're abducting Seers?"
"Not me, personally," the unseen guard said personably. "But that's the general idea."
Wesley nodded to himself. That would explain why they'd been tailed in the first place—whomever their captors were, they probably had a way of tracking mystical powers, which would have led them right to Cordelia.
"And you're doing this because…?" the aforementioned Seer demanded of the door.
"In your case? I'm baffled."
She looked as if she'd just been struck. "Did I just get insulted by a demon?"
"I think you just got called annoying by a demon," Gunn clarified.
"Thank you, Gunn. You're profoundly helpful," she snitted, glaring at Wesley.
"But it at least proves my earlier point. It wouldn't have been all of us trying to rescue Angel. The only reason we're here is because Cordelia is a target."
"Hey!"
And Angel, watching them snipe at each other, formed a plan…
-
Angel was thrown to the floor of the cell with a sickening thud.
"So much for Plan A," he muttered, glowering at the door as it was slammed shut. Unable to muster the strength to pick himself up more than a few inches, he collapsed again with a pitiful "ow."
"Plan A never works," Cordelia observed, getting up from her spot on the floor to help him. "It's like a law."
Wesley raised an inquisitive eyebrow. "What do you mean?"
"Are you saying my plans aren't good?" Angel demanded, stung.
Cordelia opened her mouth to retort, but Gunn intervened before they could start up again. "What she's saying," he said quickly, "is that no matter who comes up with it, Plan A never works. Plan B pretty much always falls through after that, and then it's Plan C that gets us out."
"So we come up with a Plan C," Angel announced triumphantly, then winced and grunted as Cordy pulled him into a sitting position, sending shooting pains across his abdomen.
"One can't cheat the system," Wesley pointed out. "One needs a Plan B for Plan C to succeed."
"There's a system?" Gunn asked, amused.
"A law," Cordelia corrected.
"Whichever," Wesley said over them, "it seems rather obvious, in retrospect. Take our current predicament. We are stuck in a cell, prisoners of an enemy for which we have no name and no information. Plan A—annoying our captors into letting us go—has, as always, failed."
"And earned me a few new bruises," Angel reminded them, feeling a bit left out.
"Plan B will involve reasoning with them, and will also fail—"
"—unless Cordelia can seduce a guard like she did that one time," finished Gunn.
Cordelia went scarlet, either from anger or embarrassment. "You swore we'd never speak of it again!" Anger, then.
Wesley continued on as if he couldn't hear them. "Which leads us to Plan C, in which we allow Angel to resort to brute violence while we quip."
"And look damn impressive," Gunn added.
Angel perked up. "I can fight back now?"
"If we skip to Plan C, then yes."
"I am all for glossing over Plan B," Cordelia said quickly.
There was a thoughtful silence as Angel, all of a sudden miraculously recovered, stood up and brushed himself off.
"I like Plan C," he announced before placing himself by Gunn's hole in the wall and kicking, hard, until the wood started to splinter.
"That's the classic Angel spirit, boys," Cordelia sighed, shaking her head. "Never use a door when you can make one of your own."
With a loud CRACK, the wood gave way completely, allowing them access into the hallway.
"And by the way—that sure took you long enough!" Cordy added as they ran, shouting over the din of alarms and guards.
Angel looked slightly put out. "You know, a thank you wouldn't be out of line!"
"No, just out of character," she grinned.
They fled.
A/N Plotless bickering, I know. But fun!
Tomorrow: Wes and Cordelia send out Christmas cards.
