I do not own these characters. Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and character names. All plot lines, characterizations, details, etc. belong to Justagirl1238. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without express written authorization from the author.
DaniaMCullen is my amazing beta and I now have the wonderful AydenM pre-reading for me. Who's a lucky girl? Um…ME!
THIS STORY CONTAINS/MAY CONTAIN GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT, ADULT LANGUAGE (courtesy of my trucker mouth), DRUG/ALCOHOL USE, ETC. IF YOU ARE NOT OF AGE TO READ SUCH MATERIAL, GO READ A FUZZY LITTLE APPROPRIATE STORY…THE SMUT WILL STILL BE THERE WHEN YOU ARE LEGAL.
EPOV
"Jesus Christ, Bella… again?"
I knew I was being unreasonable even as the words left my mouth. There was no reason for me not to trust Bella. I trusted her completely…but I didn't trust him.
"I'm serious! I don't know why you are rolling your eyes."
"I'm rolling my eyes," she said with a much exaggerated roll, I assumed to push her point further, "because you are acting like an ass! I cannot help it if I have to work. Unlike you, I don't have cash just poking out from under the mattress! I don't know why you don't trust me. I don't say anything when that little slut drapes herself all over you…and that happens almost on a daily basis!"
I sighed. "Bella…I told you, I do trust you, but I don't trust him. I mean seriously? How much fucking inventory could possibly need to be accounted for in a small store in Forks fucking Washington? It's not like you guys are pulling together numbers for Big 5 Sporting Goods or some shit! He just looks for every opportunity he can find to be alone with you and that is what is pissing me off…not that you are working. And…just to be clear, I've wanted to tell Tanya off for years but you won't let me because you don't want to cause shit. That is not my fault."
"I just do what they tell me to do, Edward" she said in exasperation. "What do you suggest I do when they tell me they need me to work?"
I shrugged and then we sat for a few minutes, both of us looking down at our hands.
Finally I broke the silence.
"I'm sorry…I'm being a dick." I looked at her with a small smirk. "I just…I hate that that fucker gets more time with you than I do lately."
She gave me a little smirk in return. "Yes he does," she nodded, "but at least take comfort in the fact that the time I spend with you is put to so much better use…"
She got off my bed and sauntered over to where I was, sitting on the chair in front of my computer desk. She straddled my lap…which wasn't an easy thing to do because the chair had wheels. I was actually quite impressed with my clumsy little girl.
I put my hands on her hips and maintained eye contact with her.
"There is no reason to be jealous baby," she whispered. "You are the only one who holds my attention."
She slid her hand under my shirt and retrieved my necklace.
"I'll always want you…forever," she said as she held it between her fingers.
I leaned forward and kissed her fingers. "I promise I'll stop acting like such a douche…I know you have to work."
She smiled and nodded her head. "Just keep in mind, baby," she said with a playful tone in her voice, "the whole purpose of me working is so that I'll be able to afford to move to Seattle, go to school and shack up with you in our little sex den."
She kissed my forehead, moving down to my ear… "Where I can ravish you on a daily basis."
My eyes rolled back in my head as her tongue slipped out and moved along my jaw. "Sex den?" I moaned, "Well then, Miss Swan…far be it for me to stand in the way as you pursue such admirable goals."
I feel so guilty now as I think back on that memory. It was just mere weeks later that I found myself at the party that changed our relationship forever.
On the night of the party, Bella had been working late with Mike again. She called me to say that she would probably be there for a couple more hours at least. She explained that she was currently going through boxes of Barska and Emerson binoculars because someone had accidentally combined the two on the shelves.
I'd chuckled, but said under my breath, "yeah…I wonder who would do such a thing?"
I play that night over in my head almost constantly. It now plays as I drive myself to school. It plays at night when I close my eyes. How did I go from being irritated at Mike to letting Tanya do what she did?
I try to push those thoughts out of my head as I think about the more pressing matter at hand…
Bella's date.
I have hardly been able to get that thought out of my head since I heard them talking yesterday. We aren't together…which is entirely my fault…so I have no right to feel angry. Yet I do.
Even more than the anger though, I'm surprised. I have been telling myself that we will work everything out eventually. Even though what had happened is unforgivable, it just has never even occurred to me that she'd just move on.
I meet up with my friends in the lot and everyone is still talking about the camping trip. They are already planning to do it again. We'll definitely go in July so we can swim.
I feel Bella behind me before I see her. I turn my head and watch her as she makes her way over.
I know that she probably hasn't changed so much in the time we've been apart but there are subtle differences. She is obviously spending additional time curling her hair in the morning. When we were together most school days she would just pull it back into a ponytail or put one of those head band thingy's on. Now her curls were intentional… flowing with purpose down her back like she always did when we would go out. Her make-up is still minimal, but there is a little more to it. Her eye shadow a little darker, her lips a little pinker. Most people probably wouldn't even notice the changes…but I do.
"Mornin' Bella bear!" Emmett greets her and everyone else jumps in with hi's.
We all stand around just talking casually for a few minutes before making our way towards the school.
"You look beautiful Bella," I say as I slow my stride to match hers.
"Thank you," she says with a meek smile.
"Did you have fun this weekend?"
"Yes, it was really nice" she says looking straight ahead.
"So, um…you're hanging out with that Jake guy, then?" I don't say it with anger in my tone, just a casual comment.
"Umm…yeah…maybe."
"Bella?" I ask as I reach out and take her wrist, bringing her to a stop, "Please, please don't do this?"
"Edward…" she responds with pain in her voice, "don't do thisplease?"
"I know I have no right to tell you what to do, but baby, please…"
"Edward!" She says more firmly. "First of all, you can't call me baby, okay? I'm not…well, you just can't say those things to me. Second, as far as whom I am or am not hanging out with? That's not your business anymore."
I still have a light hold on her wrist. She hasn't pulled it away yet.
"I know…" I look down at the pavement, "I have no right to do anything anymore but, Bella? I just need you to know that…I still love you so much. I understand that you can't forgive me right now but please don't do anything that would…prevent us from finding our way back to each other eventually."
I use my free hand to remove my necklace from my shirt and lay it flat. I go to remove hers as well, carefully of course so not to invade the boundries in place right now, but she pulls her wrist from my hand and places it at the top of her shirt.
"Edward…" she says, a little embarrassed, "Um…have you even looked in the box I brought you?"
I shake my head. The last thing I want to do is unpack that box. That shit is going right back where it belongs as far as I am concerned.
"The necklace is in the box, Edward."
My eyes shoot to hers immediately and I am in pain again.
She maintains her composure though and continues, "And I'm wondering…about the not doing something that would prevent us from finding our way back to each other? Would that include giving Jacob a blow job and then sending you a commemorative text?"
That's fair, I think to myself. I deserve it…but it still fucking stings. Bad.
"Bella…I will spend the rest of my life apologizing to you for what happened, if you'll let me, but…I can't try to earn your trust back if you won't give me a chance, if you won't even talk to me."
"You're right" she says and I think maybe we are getting somewhere. Unfortunately, those thoughts are quickly dashed, "but I'm not to a point where I want to give you a chance. And even if I were? I'm not sure that there will ever be anything but friendship between us Edward. You need to get on with your life…Don't wait for what might happen."
What the fuck is that?
Now I am actually pissed. I know what happened but fuck…yell at me, scream at me, kick my ass, something…but how do you tell someone for ten years that you love them and then turn the shit off so quickly? I say as much to her.
"So that's it then? We spend all these years telling each other how much we love the other…we make plans for what we want after all this high school bullshit is over…we make love, Bella? And one admittedly humungous fucking mistake is all it takes for you to walk away? I don't even get the chance to talk to you about it or try to fix it? I didn't fuck her Bella…Hell I didn't even want to be there! It was one… what…thirty second fucking mistake? You are really going to throw away everything?"
"I guess that's what I'm saying."
I don't mean it, even as it's making its way from my brain and out of my mouth, but I am so upset by the fact that she has no interest in fighting for us that I say it anyway.
"Well, fuck you then, Bella…Fuck You!"
I move past her and into the school. My friends are watching me with stunned looks on their faces. I am internally kicking my own ass. I should just turn around and go back. I should tell her I don't mean it.
Instead I head into the boys' bathroom. We only have one stall in ours, so I'm glad the motherfucker is empty. I go in and close the door and lean back against it.
What have I done?
After all my intentions of "claiming my girl back" as Em put it, I've only made things worse. There is no way she will forgive me now.
But I'm still pissed. It might be wrong, but its there nonetheless. My body is shaking. How fucking dare she just give up on us like this?
I should go out and start dating all those fucking girls that have wanted me since elementary school. I should bring them around all of our friends and put my arm around their shoulders…give them kisses on the cheek, and wipe shit off their fucking jeans…
I should fucking show her.
As much as I realize I am being a complete fucking douche, I continue to make shitty little underhanded comments to her for the rest of the week. She asks me one day at lunch to pass the ketchup. Normally I would be thrilled that she is giving me the time of day, but this week I have apparently been possessed by a six year old. I don't even acknowledge her. Jasper passes her the fucking ketchup.
By Friday I can tell she has had enough of my bullshit. She glares at me a couple of times and tries to put on that happy, I don't give a shit that you are in the room look. She giggles with Rose and Alice, teases Emmett about something that happened to him in gym class and she gives Jasper half of her sandwich.
"So…what's the plan for this weekend?" Em asks as the tension becomes so much at our table that you could cut it with a knife.
Nobody responds.
"Are we gonna do anything?" He questions again.
The girls are all looking at each other, eyes darting around uncomfortably. I realize this has something to do with Bella's date. To further identify with my preschool mentality, I speak up.
"Jesus Christ…would you guys stop looking around like I'm gonna pull out a chainsaw or something? You can talk about Bella's date…I couldn't give a shit." I toss the cookie I am holding back down on my tray, hard.
Alice looks at me, obviously pissed by my behavior. "Okaaay…fine" she says with finality, "Bella? Let's talk about that date, shall we?"
Bella moves uncomfortably in her seat, but I continue to look at her, daring her to speak.
"Um…no, we don't need to do that," She says.
"No, come on…" Alice speaks again, just egging me on. "What's the plan? What are you guys gonna do?"
I don't know why she is doing this. I don't know if she wants me to blow up?
"Um…we were going to go out to his friend's house and ride motorcycles. We might just go to the movies though because the ground is still pretty wet." Her lip quivers and her voice is unsteady.
"Well…that sounds like fun," I say in the best sarcastic voice I can channel.
Alice glares at me again and with the same venom in her tone that she had used the last time she went off on me when we argued in this lunch room, she says "Maybe you guys could go up to the cliffs after the movie…that would be romantic."
Okay…that is all I can take.
"You are a fucking bitch!" I say to Alice as I get up quickly, causing my chair to flip back. Jasper stands up then, acting like I'm going to go off on his girl. That was never my intention so I just turn and head out the door.
I am in the hallway now, kicking the shit out of a locker. My blood is boiling, my head is pounding and all I can think of is driving to the reservation and beating the living fucking piss out of that dog. If he thinks he's going to have some romantic fucking stroll along the beach with my girl, he has another thing coming.
"Edward," I hear behind me.
Alice.
"Go away Alice…seriously."
"Turn around and look at me, Edward!" She says with authority.
I lean my head against the locker, trying to calm my breath. I stay in this position for what feels like two minutes.
"Edward…look at me," She says again.
I turn. "What Alice? Did I give you the reaction you were looking for? What do you want from me?"
She sighs heavily. "Edward…you are my friend. I was just trying to do what everyone else has been trying to do…pull you out of this Emo act you've got going on. It may have been a little too dramatic, but yes, I got the reaction I wanted. Get pissed off. Get angry. And then you know what? Get. The. Fuck. Over. It. Stop the stalking and the sulking. Stop the shitty little comments you've been throwing out there all week. I know Bella in a very different way then you do. All of this stuff you've been doing lately? You are not going to get her back this way. You just keep pushing her further away." She takes another steadying breath. "It may not seem like it, but I am rooting for you two to get through this but if you want her back you have to change your approach and you have to stop making things so uncomfortable for everyone who cares about both of you."
"So…what am I supposed to do then, Alice? She's going on a fucking date. A date!"
"You do what I told you to do the night all of this bullshit started. You give her some time. You stop making everything about you and how you feel…what you want. You rebuild from the bottom up…not by trying to jump right back in as her boyfriend but as her friend. And above all else? You fucking trust Bella! You know her, Edward…Bella is not the type of girl that would run off and hook up with some guy. She's just confused right now and you keep fueling the fire. I know it was wrong of me to cause that scene in there but I'm so afraid if things keep going like they are, you are going to be off to college and the group that I have come to love this year will be beyond repair."
She moves in now, closer to me, and puts her hands on my shoulders. "I love you, Edward. Like you're my brother or something. Just be her friend, okay?" She has tears in her eyes now.
I sigh and put my arms around her waist, pulling her into a hug.
I hate the way I let her get to me in the cafeteria but she's absolutely right. I have been making this about me. As much as I try to say I am concerned about how Bella is, my main focus has been 'when is she going to come back to me?'
At the end of the day I make my way through the parking lot with Jazz and Em. No more had been said about my breakdown at lunch, but I'm kind of looking at Jasper in a different light today. I know he and Alice have gotten really close this year but I had no idea if it would carry on past graduation when Jasper heads to Seattle with us. Now I can see, he's definitely in love with the little pixie. He loves her like I love Bella. Even though we've been friends since we were six, I have no doubt in my mind that had I got up in Alice's face at that table; quiet, deep thinking Jasper would have kicked my ass.
When I reach the middle of the lot I glance to the side and see Bella standing by her truck digging in her backpack. I decide there's no better time than the present to just put this shit to rest.
"I'll see you guys later."
I nod to Jasper and Emmett and make my way across the lot.
I walk up behind her.
"Bella?"
I see her shoulders drop but she doesn't turn around. "Edward…I can't fight with you anymore. Please just go away." She sounds so sad.
"Bella…please look at me for a second, okay?"
She stands there for a minute but then squares her shoulders and turns around, obviously preparing herself for more of my shit.
"Look…I'm really sorry about how I've been behaving…how I behaved in the lunchroom. I was a jealous asshole and you didn't deserve that."
She goes to speak but I shake my head.
"No…please? Please just let me be the one to get through this, this time" I say and she nods.
"I love you, Bella. Never for a minute doubt that. I will always love you. But…I know now that I have to stop this before I have no hope of having my best friend in my life again. As much as it kills me…I have to let you go." The tears are pooling in my eyes.
"I can't take back the huge mistakes I have made. Not just the Tanya thing, but the way I've behaved since. And if I think about it, I guess I've made things all about me even before any of this. I had no right to get mad at you for working…as much as I've always thought I was loving you right, you were arranging your life around what I wanted and I'm sorry…I'm so, so sorry for that."
"Edward," She interjects, tears streaming down her face.
I shake my head again.
"No…don't cry, Bella... I'm not trying to make you hurt more then you already are. I guess I just want to say…" taking another big breath, "what I am trying to say is…you go out with this Jake guy…If you think he will make you happy, that's all I want for you. If it's some other guy, then I'll do my best to be supportive of that too. I am not going to make you uncomfortable anymore. No more pressure. Maybe I'm just not good for you Bella…I get that now." I take one more steadying breath. "Can I ask you for a favor this time though?"
She nods again, wiping the tears from her eyes.
"Don't do anything reckless, like trying to drive from a party drunk again. If you need a friend, need anything, I am here. I'll always be here…"
She is full on sobbing now. People are looking at us and I assume they think I am yelling at her or something. I see our friends moving in our direction so I need to bring this to a close.
I reach out and pull her to me, she doesn't protest. I hug her tightly and she melts into my arms. I kiss the top of her head.
I see Rose, Emmett, Jasper and Alice stop about twenty yards away; realizing that I'm not hurting her but that this is a private moment. They don't look away, but they are no longer in pursuit.
I pull back a little and lift her chin up with one of my hands, keeping the other still securely around her waist and I look into her eyes with a little smirk on my lips.
"Hey," I try to say in a teasing voice, "no more crying, beautiful girl. Rosalie will kill me when she sees the mess I've made of your make-up." I use my thumb to wipe the tears under her eyes.
She tsks and rolls her eyes, trying to form a smile.
"Seriously though…friends?" I ask, hoping.
She stares right into my eyes for what seems like an eternity.
"Friends." she says with a nod.
A/N: So…First, I've had several people ask me about Jacob so I want to address that so you can breathe. While I do not promise a HEA for Bella and Edward as a couple (You'll just have to read and see what happens there! LoL), I am not going to have Bella end up with the dog. That you can count on.
Second – I am so incredibly grateful to DaniaMCullen, AydenM and Jaimearkin for making me love this experience more than I ever imagined. Between beta'ing, pre-reading and my amazing banner I am just giddy every time I write.
Third – Readers/Reviewers. I don't even know how to express my love for you. Each review (and some of them are so detailed!) makes my day. I welcome the good, bad and the ugly. They will all make the story better, in my opinion because I take each comment to heart.
REC: Bang by RasXputin www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/6386025/3/Bang – its only 3 chapters in but Edward is a porn star. If you like naughty, this one is fun so far!
Reviews get you teaser to the next chapter...
