Amidst the distressed and terrified thoughts, he felt a foreign sensation flooding his mind. It numbed and soothed his feelings and caused his body to relax its muscles. This new feeling was gentle, but impenetrable; his weakened mental walls couldn't banish the very strange sensation.
His throat was gradually opened and the water in his lungs slowly left his body.
He wanted to stay in this mental state: it was very calm and his thoughts and dreams couldn't reach him here. He didn't have to worry about his complicated life, the many trials and advances of the Dark Lord, his struggling, confusing and contradicting thoughts...
He could forget the hateful and bitter, but necessary behaviour toward his most valued and closest friend, and perhaps he could even obliterate his weaker, disgusted and revolted self. That would certainly cause much less trouble and pain, for both him and those around him...
A sharp nudge forced him away from the semi-dream state and suddenly, all his previous feelings and thoughts crashed down on him while the unfamiliar sensation disappeared into thin air.
The astonished wizard forced his eyes open and breathed as deep as possible, despite his prickling and recovering throat and instantly sat up, but his head collided against a soft form. Too bewildered and clouded to even contemplate what the consequences could be, he grasped the warm body, pulled it toward his own and rested his head on it. He could feel the abrupt stiffening of the other's body, but after a moment, a hand gently embraced him and brought him closer to the strangely comfortable and relaxed form.
His pale fingers clutched the soft material while he felt a very strong and overwhelming emotion. He thought that he heard a silent, distant voice speaking to him, but nothing reached his brain. He could faintly sense that he was engulfed in warmness and softness, but he was too preoccupied to react. He knew that the texture of the robe and the scent should be familiar, but his brains weren't working properly.
The disquiet, uneasy thoughts and memories were attacking him. A strong, unknown sensation attempted to escape.
He tensed his body, clutched two handfuls of the smooth material and shifted his head a little higher. He could barely notice that the other person was holding him more firmly and whispering something to him: the concentration was needed to stop that feeling, but he couldn't halt it. His eyes began to water and his chest became too constricted.
He closed his eyes with a deep groan and leaned heavily on the other.
What are you doing?
...What am I... doing?
What are you doing, Severus?
I... I am...
Crying.
I – what?
Sobbing.
No... I'm not-
Weeping.
No... I am... oh no...
Yes.
But how-
Crying in front of him.
Him? No... you mean...
Yes.
No...
Yes.
How?
You.
Me?
Yes. You.
But... what have I done?
You didn't do anything.
What?
That has always been your problem.
My... problem?
You complicate your own troubles.
What are you-
Your presence.
I don't-
And your thoughts.
I don't know what-
You can't even stop your own thoughts.
I've stopped them once.
But they came back the next moment.
I stopped them...
They came back.
I had a moment of peace!
But with consequences.
I would do it again if needed.
Really?
Yes.
Your first try was... awkward and uncontrolled.
I know how to do it now...
No magic then?
No... the method was just fine...
It hurt and had caused you more harm.
That is... why I did it in the first place...
But using that method?
It's very... effective.
You've sunk really low...
I don't care...
Of course..
Yes.
I do wonder why are you even trying.
Trying what?
Your temporary solution will never work.
That's not true.
They have come back.
I...
All of them.
No, not all of them.
They materialised in your dreams.
But they-
And in your daydreams.
It... It only happened... a few times.
He has appeared in both.
It was only... once...
You are a deceiver.
You're wrong!
He has appeared... many times.
He... he didn't...
But I understand it.
What?
I can explain it to you.
There is nothing to explain.
Of course...
Yes!
You want something from him.
That's not-
Liar.
No! We... we're both content.
Really?
Yes!
But you want more.
I.. No! I'm content!
You are like him.
No.
Don't you see the resemblance?
I...
You see it, don't you?
But... I don't want... not in that way...
What about your dreams?
Those are not real.
But you want them to be real.
No.
You want him to touch you.
No...
To caress you.
That's not-
To taste you.
I...
You want to touch him.
I will... never-
To caress him.
Stop...
To taste him.
No...
To feel him...
Just... stop...
Completely.
…
You are disgusting.
...I...
I was wrong before; you are worse than him.
I can't be worse than-
Is your current relationship not enough?
Of course it's... enough...
Are you not satisfied enough?
I... am satisfied...
And yet, you want to go further.
Well... not necessarily...
Just like he and I had predicted.
I'm not... I haven't done-
But you want to.
I already told-
Who are you trying to fool?
I am not fooling... myself...
Of course not...
…
Pathetic.
I... I...
You want it.
...I know...
You really are detestable.
I...
Perverted.
Yes...
Revolting.
Yes...
This will end in a catastrophe.
I... know...
A disaster.
I know...
A chaotic end.
I know that already.
Good.
But...
What?
When required... I need...
Of course,
When... I will...
Yes.
But... do you know-
I know what you mean.
...Oh.
And my answer remains a yes.
Are you... sure?
Absolutely.
Truly?
Truly.
Hmm... another cliffhanger...
I wanted to include the next part, but, once again, this chapter would be a little too long then. Besides, this is a good place to end the chapter!
A certain other writer has given me the advice to include some cliffhangers now and then. I know how cruel cliffhangers can be, but when I'm writing it, they can be... effective.
But, the next chapter is already written, and this time, I will update this story sooner!
