(Ness' words to Jake)

Chapter 7

Everything

Jake's POV

I dreamt of her voice that night. All I could hear were her words echoing in darkness with a splash of translucent light shining from some unknown source. Time seemed to stand still as the velvet of her first spoken words in four years entered my ears instead of my head. The sound was sweet and gentle, like the sounds of angels breathing and nearly made my heart stop beating. She had told me I'd done nothing wrong. If that's true then why had she chosen not to speak to me until now?

She has always been smart, well, more than that…Ness is wise beyond her years, so I know she has a very good reason, in her eyes, as to why she hasn't spoken.

Before we'd made that small breakthrough, I had plans to give her the letters from her parents on her upcoming birthday. Now, I'm afraid it may halt her progress; I will wait a while longer. I will stick with my plan to re-stock her library of books we didn't have room to take everywhere we went.

I had bought her thousands of text books and novels over the years. School hadn't been an option because she grew so fast. She read through them all and memorized all of the information using her astonishing photographic memory. I'm sure she got that from Edward. She was heartbroken to give the books up. Donating them made her decision easier.

Over the next few weeks after her initial words, she spoke a little more. She would say simple phrases. Things such as, thank you, or love you, yes, and please. She gave me just enough so that I wouldn't push her for more. I cannot picture her ever holding on a complete conversation, but I suppose that's only because I've gotten so used to the way things have been.

I'd somehow managed to get her a new stock of books without her knowing, or at least if she did know, she had mercy on me and was going to let me surprise her. The morning of her "Fifth" birthday I woke up way too early to stock the already built shelves in her room.

I always got up before she did because things happen to men in the mornings and since she was determined to share a bed with me; I had to compromise and get up before her. If she ever caught me with a hard on; I would literally have a heart attack. I opened my eyes and I'm guessing it was around three a.m.

She was asleep with her hands snuggly cradled underneath her pillow. I wondered the same question I'd wondered every morning since she started sleeping with her hands hidden. I slowly ran my hand underneath the pillow and held hers gently, debating on whether or not to intrude into her dreams. Would I be betraying her trust if I just pulled her hand out and rested it on my cheek? There was a reason she had begun to hide her dreams from me. I knew it wasn't a malicious reason and that peaked my interest even more. I sighed heavily and let go of her hand, retreating mine from underneath the pillow.

I just couldn't do it. She would tell me eventually. I was not willing to backtrack and mess up the amazing progress we had made.

I stared at her for a moment before I stretched and got out of bed.

The throbbing of my penis reminded me that this one was not going away. I made my way to the wash room and splashed cold water on my face from the basin in front of me and took care of business like any other day.

Today was special for Ness though; I would make her breakfast and stock her shelves with the antique collection of books I had spent a small fortune on. It was the most money I've spent on anything in a very long time. However, Ness deserved this and I wouldn't be ashamed of spending it.

Later, I'd planned on visiting the beach with her and giving her the second part of her gift, which I knew would be a complete surprise.

I worked hurriedly to finish things before she got up. Breakfast was made and her shelves were stocked. I went through the box of things she hadn't unpacked to add the last personal touches to her bookshelves.

It was the only remnants of her past she had been able to carry with her from place to place. The tattered book from Bella, Edward's composition, and all of our photo albums including the one left for her from Alice. These were her most precious possessions and I hoped she would be happy that I'd decided to add them for her.

The small box that carried our nightmares along with sweet memories was sitting right in front of me. I had managed to hold myself together for her all this time, but looking at the album that held pictures of my Quileute family made my heart nearly beat out of my chest. I wasn't expecting such a reaction on my part. I was Jacob Black bearer of all things dark and wretched. I was the glue of the foundation that was Renesmee Carlie Cullen. I simply could not be having a panic attack right now. I ran my fingers slowly over the tattered cover and closed my eyes.

Deep breaths Jake…

In…

Out…

In…

I felt wetness on my face and reached to touch my heated skin. I was crying…. At the simple sight of this damned book. How in the hell did this happen? I turned and situated myself onto her bed facing the door and rested my head in my hands. I just needed to calm down and I would be ok. I never expected to have a breakdown over the sight of a photo album.

If I had this reaction; I wondered if I should put them on the shelf for Ness? I debated back and forth for what I thought was mere minutes…

Renesmee pov

The feeling of Jake's warm hand on mine awoke me from a pleasant dream. His touch was always a comfort to my ever so nervous mind; Running circles around itself and never giving me a moment's peace. There were so many things I wanted to tell him. I wanted him to know how much he means to me and how his strength has kept me from falling to pieces over what happened more than four years ago. Then, the other part of my mind knows deep down he could not be the stone of a man not harmed. I always looked for weakness in his onyx eyes, but all I found was love and admiration. Of one thing I was sure; he hid his pain very well.

I was very careful not to let him know he had awakened me. It was after all my birthday and I knew he had something planned. Not a birthday has gone by that he has not made a fuss over. Today was no different, so I gave him the chance to retreat his hand before I let myself go into full panic mode. There was no reason to panic, I told myself. I was awake as were my dreams vanished. He would not know of the secret I held.

I had no doubt that he would remove his hand and not intrude into my subconscious. He loved me too much to allow that. My love for him is my only reason for keeping him in the dark. As I much anticipated, his hand slowly crept from underneath my pillow. Feeling the absence of his touch was not pleasant, however I was grateful for his respect. I could feel lingering eyes on me and felt my cheeks begin to flush. He would know I was awake if he stayed much longer. Secretly I begged him to get out of bed and to not notice I had been awake all along.

The familiar creek of the bed assured me that I was alone. Jake always got up before me because I let him. I was more mature than he thought me to be, but I would give him the privacy he needed and the self assurance that I was asleep each morning when he got out of bed. I knew what he did and why he was determined to get up before I did. I am an intelligent girl and my mind does put things together rather quickly. Although for Jake's sake, I would never let him know of these things.

I lay there silent for what seemed like an eternity, when I heard him almost silently sobbing. Average human ears would not have detected the whispering tears. My heart broke into fragments of itself when I heard his strength falter for the very first time.

I decided in that very moment that I owed it to him to be his rock. He had held me up so many times and pulled me through my misery. He cared for me as a helpless child and loved me without asking for anything in return. I would give my life for that same man. He was the string that held my fragile soul together and I would not let him down.

As I slowly crept my way down the narrow hallway I was careful to make my footsteps as light as a feather. If he had the slightest idea I was on my way his hard façade would build up immediately and I wanted to witness him broken. As horrid as that sounds it is true. He has always seemed too strong, it was as if he turned off the emotions he did not want to feel. I knew he needed to feel these things before his healing could begin.

This is the entire reason why I had not spoken in the years we have been together. He holds too much guilt for that day as it is. If he knew the amount of pain I felt because of the lives lost for my life to continue he would never forgive himself until he knew my pain was gone. I could not bring myself to tell him how I felt because he lost his entire family that day just as I did. I am afraid of one thing when it comes to what Jake feels. I'm afraid the feeling he locked away is regret…

When I reached the doorway to my room I was overwhelmed with emotion. On my bookshelf sat dozens of antique books in mint condition and a burly Jake sitting on my bed with my box of remembrance beside him. His beautiful face resting in his hands with his elbows supporting them.

I lost all sense of silence and why my words had never been spoken. Gracefully, I walked to him and knelt between his legs; pulling his hands down from his face. The look of horror that stared back at me has a permanent place in my memory.

I smiled back at his paralyzed expression with tears streaming down my cheeks. Squeezing his hands softly I raised myself up to rest my lips against his ear and whispered.

"Thank you, Jacob Black for my birthday gifts, for taking care of me when no one was there to take care of you, for being my light in the darkness, for just being. I love you."