Trevelyan sighed, running a hand through her shoulder-length mabari-brown hair. Ever since her decision to ally with the mages (which her advisors, save Leliana, had chewed her out for the previous day), things felt slightly tense in Haven. Her companions for the most part were skeptical of the move, fearing the usual things one feared about mages: blood magic and abominations. Varric assured her that everyone would come around in time, but for now it felt as if she was treading on eggshells around almost everyone. The feeling was driving her mad.

Which was probably why she was making her way to Leliana's tent, though half the time she thought her feet took her there of their own volition, with her almost surprised as she would wind up there yet again.

Leliana was sending out a raven as she approached, watching as the ebony bird launched into the air on powerful wings and quickly flew off. When she saw Trevelyan, she smiled.

"I was just sending off a letter to a contact about obtaining the lyrium we will need," the redhead said, nodding in the direction the bird had flown in. They walked back to her tent.

"The sooner we can get it, the better," Trevelyan agreed, crossing her arms comfortably around her chest and leaning on the tent pole. "It's about time the hole in the sky was plugged up, once and for all." She gave a slight smile at the thought.

"Yes, we will all rest easier once the Breach is closed." Leliana agreed, gaze flicking across Trevelyan's face. After a moment, she frowned, leaning against her desk. "Though there is still the matter of this 'Elder One' and the dark future you saw."

Trevelyan felt her mood dampen at the reminder. Saving the world couldn't be simple, she supposed, though she couldn't help but feel that with every step they took, they grew two steps behind the whole thing.

Leliana continued on, thoughtful. "Assassinating Empress Celene, raising a demon army, corrupted Templars, harnessing red lyrium…" Leliana shook her head. "It's like he wants to strip the world of order and leave chaos in its wake."

"He's doing a good job of it, so far." After receiving a surprised look from Leliana at her uncharacteristic pessimism, she amended, "Winning the mages was a coup, and for now we have inside knowledge and the element of surprise. We'll have to act quickly if we want to keep it, however." Because if they didn't… a shudder ran down Trevelyan's spine at the thought.

Leliana hummed in agreement, though she shot Trevelyan a probing look, crossing her arms. Trevelyan did her best not to squirm under the scrutiny.

"There's something else, isn't there? Something you didn't share in the war room."

It wasn't really a question. Trevelyan cursed the redhead's perceptiveness, or her own inability to keep secrets. She looked down at the ground to avoid the spymaster's piecing gaze, and considered how to broach the topic. She'd kept the details of what had happened to herself; the weight feeling like her personal burden to bear. Something about having to repeat it aloud in an impersonal report around the war table felt wrong.

"Retrieving the amulet and getting back to the present was…difficult." Trevelyan closed her eyes, remembering the wails of demons, how her companions fell one by one under the onslaught. Her jaw tightened reflexively, and she had to work to get her next words out. "In the final hour, we were almost overrun by the Elder One's army. Many died to get us back."

"Many more would have died had you not returned," Leliana pointed out, watching the rogue closely. Objectively, Trevelyan knew she was right. It was still a hard truth to swallow.

Trevelyan took a few steps away to stand at the entrance of the tent, looking out at the people gathered around the Chantry. "In the final moments at Redcliffe, you…sacrificed yourself, so that I could return here," she said haltingly, the words leaving a bitter aftertaste on her tongue. She watched the other woman out of the corner of her eye, awaiting her reaction.

"Of course I did." Leliana said in a light-hearted tone and smiled, though Trevelyan thought she had a faraway look in her eyes. "One small life in exchange for a second chance at history? I always loved a bargain." She walked forward to stand at Trevelyan's side.

The younger woman shook her head with a frown. More bloody arithmetic, she thought. She knew the spymaster operated under a rather ruthless calculus, but hearing it aloud and having seen it in action brought it out into an uncomfortable display. It felt wrong, to be so ready for martyrdom.

"One small life? Don't sell yourself short, Spymaster," she said, attempting to match Leliana's light tone but still unable to meet her eyes.

Leliana rolled her eyes, though concern showed there. "Flattery will get you nowhere," she teased.

It was just an idea to her, her death, Trevelyan knew; a distant and hazy possibility. Many people would accept this notion of their death, this bartering of their life for a noble cause, only to abandon it the second the danger actually became imminent. Leliana would not, Trevelyan realized. Leliana would run the blade through her heart herself if she truly thought it would save the Inquisition. This Leliana would throw her life away just as quickly as the tortured Leliana from Redcliffe had. It was an unpleasant thought that made Trevelyan's stomach churn.

"At any rate," she said, turning to face the spymaster and meeting her eyes at last. "Let's hope it never comes to that. You are more than duty and sacrifice."

Leliana looked surprised at her words, her brows raising. She was quiet a moment, as if at a loss for how to respond, before she changed the subject. "It really bothers you, what you saw at Redcliffe, doesn't it?"

Trevelyan closed her eyes. Too many people had died to get her where she was, too many had died while she was spared. First everyone in the Conclave, including Divine Justinia. And now she'd seen her friends (albeit a different version of them) die for her as well. Yet people looked up to her as if she was a savior, a tool of Andraste even, so enamored with the mark on her hand that they forgot the blood there as well. Of course it bothered her. What good was a savior that couldn't save anyone?

When Trevelyan opened her eyes, the spymaster was still watching her, confusion swirling in her blue eyes. Leliana didn't understand why she was upset, not truly, Trevelyan realized. Did she really think her life, the others' lives, meant more to her as pawns for the greater good than as people – as her friends? Somehow that realization hurt just as much as what happened in Redcliffe had.

"All's well that ends well, isn't that what they say? I'm fine." She smiled, though it came out as more of a grimace. Suddenly the tent felt suffocating, as if all the dark feelings swirling in her mind were poisoning the air. She had to leave. "I'm going to go ensure the mages are settling in properly. Thank you for your support in that, by the way. I know siding with the mages as allies was not a popular decision." With that, she walked off, barely able to look the spymaster in the eyes as she left.

"Of…course," Leliana said, bewildered, watching the brunette go. The conversation had been like a path through the Deep Roads, full of twists and turns and leaving her feeling slightly lost and more than a tad concerned. Before she could ponder it, however, one of her agents ran up with an inquiry. She resolved to keep an eye on the Herald, shooting her retreating form a last look before turning to her agent and beckoning him inside.