Chapter Seven Summary: Arwanna discusses Martouf's injuries, as well as, what they believe they can do. She outlines their plan, as well as what they feel to be the probable outcome. They are confident that both will survive assuming nothing goes wrong. They have talked to Lantash, and he knows what he must concentrate on accomplishing, leaving everything else to them. While they await the outcome of their attempt to save them, Daniel, Malek, and Devlin become involved in a conversation about what it is like to be a host. Daniel is disabused of his misguided and very wrong beliefs, about what being a host entails, and what it is truly like. Daniel finds out that Sam has left instructions that, if she is dying, she wishes to blend, since she eventually intends to anyway.

Rating this Chapter – PG-14

****1 This section refers to events which are discussed and explained in Book I of The Tok'Ra Legacy Series; Blood of My Heart, Beloved of My Soul. It is not necessary to have read Blood of My Heart in order to understand this story.

"Italics" – Symbiote-Host Communication


Tok'Ra Dawn

Chapter Seven

A Fair Trade


Realizing that Samantha was no longer standing beside Daniel, Malek looked around for her. As he had suspected, she was once again standing beside the stasis chamber. He walked over to her and slipped his arm around her, as he had done earlier. "The healers are almost ready to talk to us, Samantha. We will begin discussing what they believe could or should be attempted. Are you ready to join them?"

Sam nodded tiredly, before telling him, "Yes, I'm ready, but I want guards on Martouf and Lantash, while we talk. Thoran and Ren'al may have had legitimate reasons, for believing that they should be killed, and we may have proved them wrong, but Thoran isn't happy about the outcome. He wanted them to need to be disposed of, and he was perfectly willing to do it. I don't trust him, Malek. His hatred of Martouf and Lantash is almost frightening in its intensity. I hope I remember why he hates Lantash so much, soon." Sam leaned into Malek's side, and laid her head on his shoulder. She was amazed at how very comfortable and at home, she felt with his arm around her, and her head resting on him. A flash of memories flowed quickly past her mind's eye, and she smiled softly. Jolinar and Malek's Cor'cyfials relationship was one that was based on a loving friendship. After it ended, they remained loving friends. No wonder she felt comfort in his arms. He had always been an anchor and support for Jolinar, and she knew instinctively that, given the chance, he would become the same to her. In Malek, she'd found another Daniel. She was also sure that Devlin would be very much the same.

Realizing that he had become very still, a reaction she now recognized, as a decision-making stance, she waited to see what he had to say, if anything.

Finally, she heard a soft sigh, and, his voice hesitant, he said, "Samantha—about two hundred years ago, Lantash and his host, Dominic, led a team to infiltrate and destroy a minor Goa'uld. Thoran's mates, Catrenesh and Ianet, were a member of his team. She was impulsive and headstrong, but very likable and kind. She and Lantash had been 'Se'frinds', at one time, many many years before the time this mission took place."

"Lantash's host, Dominic, was one of the most handsome men I have ever seen, and he was a beautiful person within, as well. I do not believe I ever met anyone who did not like him, well, except Thoran. Most people as good-looking as he was would have been prideful and egotistical, but it was as if Dom did not even realize that he was handsome. He and Martouf are very much alike in personality, actions, and pure goodness of heart."

Malek paused, for a moment, before continuing, "The relationship between Lantash and Catrenesh was that of good friends. There was never any 'romantic' love or passion between them." He sighed and glancing at him, Sam could see that there was sadness in his eyes. She almost told him it did not matter, but he began to talk again, before she could, so she allowed him to continue. "Although it was not based on 'love' it lasted until she met Thoran and fell in love with him. Lantash and Dominic were very happy for her, and their relationship with her stopped at once. Unfortunately, Thoran was jealous of them. Lantash and Dominic did the best they could to reassure him that there was no love shared between them, but he refused to believe him."

"His jealousy was very disruptive to her peace of mind, of course, and when he found out that she would be part of Lantash's team, he was very unhappy, and made sure that both she and Lantash knew it. They did not part in anger; however, there was a great deal of tension between them." He shook his head, as he remembered what had occurred.

"It was enough tension that it interfered with her concentration, as well as, her reasoning, and she was killed on that mission. Ever since, Thoran has hated Lantash and wanted to retaliate against him, for what he considers Lantash's negligence regarding her."

"Everyone on the team attempted to explain that there was nothing Lantash could do. She did not explain her plan or tell anyone what she intended to do. If she had, they could have shown her that her plan would fail. When Lantash and her teammates discovered what she was doing, it was too late, and she was already dead. Luckily for her, she had been dead long enough, by the time anyone found her, that she could not be revived and tortured. That would have been very bad, as there was no way in which they would have been able to rescue her, but Lantash would have attempted it, and then they would both have died…or been prisoners being tortured endlessly."

Malek shook his head sadly, as he told her, "Thoran would not then, and will not now, listen to reason. Lantash has never explained to him how the distress and tension she was under affected her decision-making. He saw no reason to tell him and thereby induce guilt within Thoran. Even after Thoran's insane ravings about how he would kill Lantash and attempting to have Lantash and Dominic executed, as the one responsible for her death, by laying charges of murder against him, Lantash would not tell him."

"To this day, supposedly, Thoran does not know, although I believe that Jolinar told him long ago, and he refuses to believe it, for to do so, would mean that he would have to accept his part in her death. The remainder of the team each gave their version of what occurred, and it was quite obvious that Lantash could neither have rescued her, nor prevented what took place."

"I believe that Lantash was wrong in his decision not to tell him. He should have forced Thoran to see that he was the one at fault, if fault there was; however, he will not do so. As you have seen, Thoran would have been very happy to help to kill both Lantash and Martouf. ****1 I have often wondered if he played a part in Dominic and Lantash's betrayal as Tok'Ra, during the mission, when Dominic was killed, and Lantash, too, almost died. If I ever find out that he had something to do with it, I may very well kill him myself, for not only did Dominic die, but Lantash's mate, at the time, almost died saving him."

"Lantash was so near to death himself that he does not remember what happened, and he blamed her for not saving Dominic instead of himself. She said that even had Dominic not been so badly hurt, she could not save both, and I believe her that she could not save Dominic at all. She barely made it back to Avilion, as it was. According to what I was later told, Dominic died after," Malek stopped speaking, and looked away for a time, before once more taking up the story, saying, "after he got her vow not to tell Lantash, made his last request, and told her how much he would always love her. It was a very, very emotionally devastating time, for all of us that were involved, for we thought that she would die, as well as Lantash. Without the Furlings, they would have."

"So, should I ever find out that Thoran was involved in giving them away to Bastet," He paused for a moment, and then resumed, saying, "I will kill him myself. I misstated before, as there really is no question of it. Although, it would not be fair to his host, assuming he is not fully involved. I do not believe that he would be a party to alerting a System Lord that their underling is actually Tok'Ra, and not in love with her."****1

Malek pulled himself out of his memories of the past, and sighed, as he looked at his friend's mate. Finally, he told her softly, "We are of one mind, Samantha, for I do not trust him either, of that I can assure you. We will be diligent in protecting them, and they will not be left unguarded."

He turned toward the alcove, where two of the soldiers stood and waved them over to them. As soon as they joined them, he gave his instructions to them. "See to it that no one other than the healers, or one of us, goes near their stasis chamber. We are about to hold a meeting with the healers. You will remain here and guard them."

They both nodded their agreement and took up positions, one of them at either end of the chamber in which Lantash and Martouf lie.

Nodding his agreement with their positions, he turned to Sam. "It's time to discuss what is to be done, Samantha. Come, they are gathering on the other side of the room. Let us join them."

Sam took a deep breath and nodded. Now that it was time to do it, she felt very anxious. With his arm behind her back, he guided her toward the group that was forming to receive the healer's opinions on whether or not her mates could survive. They sat down together and Daniel joined them, so that they could sit on either side of her. Daniel intuitively sensed that Malek would become a caring, stalwart, and unshakeable friend to Sam. Neither of them would leave her alone, while they heard the healer's opinions. They would be there for her. Martouf and Lantash would expect no less of them; Daniel was sure. They would not let them down.

Sam was glad that they were sitting where they were. The stasis chamber was in full view, as was the remainder of the room. Looking around the room, she realized that Ren'al, and Thoran were not there. Turning to Malek, she told him quietly, "Malek, Ren'al and Thoran are no longer here. Do you know where they are? Per'sus hadn't decided yet what he was going to do about them, when I talked to him earlier."

Malek frowned, as he, too, looked around the room. None of the four that had caused the problems were there. Just as he was about to stand to go talk to Per'sus, Daniels hand came down on his arm. Still frowning, Malek looked over at him, and then down to his arm, before looking back up with an obvious question in his face.

Daniel grinned at him. He really liked Malek…so, he wouldn't give him a hard time right now. "I talked to Per'sus just a bit ago, Malek. If you are wondering where Thoran, Ren'al, Delek, and Daresh are, they are under guard. In fact, they have been taken to the cell area, and he decided to keep them incarcerated, until Lantash and Martouf were," he stopped, not sure how to say it.

He was not surprised, when Sam finished it for him, saying, "Until Lantash and Martouf are either well, or dead. Isn't that what you were going to say, Daniel?"

"Um, yeah, something like that."

"It's okay, Daniel. I understand, and I'm glad that he decided to be sure they couldn't cause any more trouble, while this situation is being, ah…resolved."

"I agree, Samantha. It was a good decision on his part. Thank you for telling us, Daniel," Malek added his feelings about what Per'sus had decided, and he might have said more, but Arwanna was making her way to the front of those gathered. Many of the Council members that had been off world had returned, and they were attending along with Samantha's teammates, himself, Samantha, Selmak, Per'sus, and Garshaw.

Before Arwanna could begin, Aldwin came in and spoke to Per'sus. Sam turned to Malek asking him, "Is the man in the doorway Aldwin's mate? I seem to remember from Jolinar's memories that he and Aldwin were a mated pair. Delian, right?"

Malek nodded. "Yes, they have been together for many years now. It is not uncommon amongst the Tok'Ra to find mates that remain together even after one of them has a new host that is the same sex."

Sam nodded. "I remember that from her memories, too. He's very cute and he and Aldwin seem happy together."

Malek nodded. "They are. Not all same sex couples remain mated, of course, but many do." He sighed. "Not all couples can adjust to the change, and although they do not stay together, as a mated pair, they usually always remain loving friends and are very close to one another. Aldwin and Ferlesh had no trouble switching; however, and they have been quite content."

"I'm glad." Sam was quiet for a moment, before asking him, "Was it hard for you and Lantash to give one another up, when your relationship didn't work out, Malek? I know from Jolinar's memories that you tried to stay together, after you took a male host, but that neither of you were ever really completely happy with it. I also know that you still love one another very much. I'm sure that you always will."

Malek did not say anything for a short time; however, he finally told her, "Yes, it was hard to give one another up, but you are correct, and neither of us were completely happy. We both preferred women with which to mate. I did not really enjoy being within a female host, but it is not an uncommon occurrence for us to have to take a host of a sex opposite to that which we prefer. While I was more comfortable in a male host, nonetheless, I did miss Lantash once we parted. He felt the same, but we attempted to remain together, and it simply did not work for us. I am very glad that Aldwin and Delian have remained together and happy." He paused once more and then glanced at the stasis chamber, adding, "I do love him very much, him and Martouf both."

Sam nodded, saying softly, "They feel the same way about you and Devlin, Malek. The two of you should never doubt that."

Malek smiled slightly. "Yes, I believe that you are correct, Samantha. Thank you for reminding me."

"You're welcome." Seeing Aldwin leave and join Delian, Sam turned toward Arwanna, as she once more stood, and she was very grateful for the firmness of the holds that Daniel and Malek had on her hands. She clung to them tightly, and forced herself to breath normally.

"I believe that the one thing you probably all want to know is if we believe that Martouf and Lantash can survive. The answer is yes, we do believe that they can both survive. Lantash had already begun to work on healing some of Martouf's more serious wounds, before we put them into stasis. Whether or not he could manage to save him without help, we do not know; however, Lantash has healed wounds, which the healers believed were beyond him before, and he is extremely good at expending his energy to heal, while at the same time conserving what he can. He works methodically, and yet he also multi-tasks very well. After discussing the situation, we all feel that, if the need to do the other tasks was taken away, he would be quite capable of healing Martouf. Yes, they will both be very tired. No doubt, Lantash will become dormant, for some time, and Martouf will sleep quite a bit, but they will recover nicely."

"While I say that we believe they can survive, we cannot guarantee it. However, there are things that tell us that it can be done and done without exhausting Lantash. First, and probably most importantly, although Martouf took projectile weapons fire in his chest, of the three that were the most likely to have caused extensive, fatal damage, not one of them did so. Those three passed completely through missing everything that would have been critical and vital to his survival. They did not miss those vital areas by very much, that is true, nevertheless, considering the areas of his chest that they passed through, it is something of a mystery, how they could not have hit a vital point, but mystery or not, that is what we know to be true. A bullet did pass through one of his lungs, but we believe that Lantash was able to patch it temporarily until we can all begin helping him to survive, so for the time being, it is not now an issue."

"Janet, Dr. Fraiser, examined him quite carefully and looked over our scans, as well as, looking at some of her own equipment's readings. One of the main factors facing us was how difficult the…bullets…would be to extract. From what we have seen, and what Dr. Fraiser believes, she will be able to extract them quickly and easily, since only two remained within his body. Both are close to the surface, and not in any danger of causing more damage as she removes them. That will allow Lantash to ignore them in favor of other healing."

"There are six bullet wounds altogether. There is one in his shoulder, three in his chest, one just below the other shoulder, and one in his leg. Of the two bullets remaining, one is in his leg, and the other one is in his right shoulder. Those she will remove. Before doing that, we…she and her people, with us observing how it is accomplished…will set up what they term intravenous feeds. Hollow needles will be inserted directly into Martouf's veins and through those; her people will administer both blood and fluids. The blood will replace what he will lose, before we can get the bleeding of the wounds stopped, and the fluids and other substances, will help to counter the bodies reaction to injury, which is to go into shock. By preventing that and the blood loss, it will free Lantash to work solely on healing Martouf's wounds. We feel that between all of us and the different methods, we will be giving Lantash the optimum conditions, in the circumstances."

"We explained to Lantash what we wanted to attempt and he agreed. We will go over it again before we begin, so that he will know exactly what we need for him to do. Does anyone have any questions?"

"Arwanna, when do you expect to begin, and is there anything which we can do to help you? Do you have enough blood or do you need donors?" Per'sus asked the questions that he believed were probably the most relevant.

"We will start as soon as everything is in place, which we feel will be in no more than an hour, and very likely less. As for the blood, Janet brought several bags of it with her, since she had Martouf's blood type on file. We also checked some of us to see if anyone had the same blood type, and both Calise and I do. Should something go wrong and we need more, either one of us can give him blood."

Per'sus frowned. "You are needed to use the healing device. I believe that you should check some of us instead to see if we could be donors. How difficult is it to check?"

Janet fielded his question, telling him, "It wouldn't take long, and it would probably be a good idea. If you have any volunteers," she trailed off, as every Tok'Ra present stood, as did all of the Tau'ri soldiers who were present. "Well, in that case, if you'll go see Laura," she nodded to a nurse seated to her right, "she can take a sample and check it to see if it's a match. In fact, I think with this many of you willing, all four of us will be extracting and testing samples."

As they all moved in that direction, Arwanna commented dryly, "I take it that there are no other questions." Smiling, she began to walk back toward the other healers, but Malek stopped her.

"What can I do for you, Malek, or did you have a question?"

He hesitated for a moment, and then told her, "I wish to speak to Lantash before or while you begin. There are things, which I believe he should know before he starts."

Arwanna smiled. "Do you mean about Samantha Carter claiming them as her mates? Because if you do, you are too late."

Malek scowled at her, asking, "What do you mean?"

"When we talked to him earlier, while you were all talking to Thoran and the others, Janet Fraiser told him that she claimed him and Martouf. His response was to explain that she did not have to lie to him. He knew that she only did it so that Ren'al and Thoran could not stop him from healing Martouf." She laughed softly, adding, "He was quite stunned, when she informed him that someone should tell Samantha that was her reason because she had every intention of spending the next eight weeks in the tunnels with him and Martouf. I believe that he was in danger of going into shock, at that moment. He even refused to believe her."

"Colonel O'Neill overheard the conversation, so he took it upon himself to substantiate her statements. He informed Lantash that Samantha threatened to leave the SGC, if they did not give her the eight weeks to be with them. He also told him that he was glad she had finally admitted how she felt about them. Now they could all stop worrying about her making the wrong decision."

"He just stared at the Colonel, and then blurted out that he must be hallucinating because the Colonel did not like him or Martouf. Colonel O'Neill grinned at him, and then shrugged, before telling him that the two of them had grown on him. He went on to explain that all of them, including him, wanted Samantha to be happy, and they believed that he and Martouf could give her that. Therefore, he plans to see to it that she does not, ah, 'catch any flack', a term that neither Lantash nor I understood,over her decision. He then proceeded to tell him that all he and Martouf had to do was stay alive and get well. Then they could have their honeymoon, which is another comment we did not understand."

"At that point, he turned and walked off to resume his flirtation with our spy, and Janet assured Lantash that what the Colonel said was true. Sam threatened to leave the military and move to the tunnels, unless they gave her the time she requested. I have every confidence that Lantash will heal Martouf, Malek. As you suspected, and were going to assure, he now has something to live for that he has wished for, for a very long time. Now, you go take care of Samantha, while we take care of Lantash. And get your blood type checked. It only hurts, for a moment." She grinned at him and walked away, but Malek was too relieved and happy to care that she had just hinted that he was afraid of having the Tau'ri check his blood. Turning, he went to follow her instructions, much more optimistic, than he was even a few minutes before.


Sam was pacing again. Two hours ago, the Tok'Ra and Tau'ri healers began the fight for Martouf and Lantash's lives, and she was very near the edge right now. The bullets had been removed, and they knew that part of the plan went well. Now, it was a matter of waiting, while Lantash and the Tok'Ra healers worked toward healing him. Janet and her team were monitoring both Martouf and Lantash and the Tok'Ra had been fascinated when she hooked them up to a machine and it showed them the activity in both of their brains. She explained how it worked, as well as the monitoring of their heart rate, his blood pressure, his oxygen intake, and any fluctuations in his body temperature. She was also monitoring Lantash, so Malek and Daniel both knew that everything possible was being done for them. What they didn't know was what to do for Sam. She was visibly becoming more anxious and worried by the minute.

Daniel sighed, before telling him, "Malek, we need to do something, but I'm not sure what to do. I don't suppose you have any ideas?"

Malek frowned deeply, as he gave it some thought, and then told him, "Earlier, Samantha was questioning me about our relationship—Lantash's and mine, I mean. She was curious about it. If we could get her to sit down, do you think that talking about something like that could divert her mind somewhat?"

"Yes, I do. She wants to know about them and talking about them means that she's still thinking about them, but not so much worrying, as learning about Lantash and probably Martouf as well. I'm not sure how you'll lead into the conversation, but I imagine that you'll think of something.…although, I could ask you about your time together as mates, unless, well…do you want me to leave? I mean, I don't know how personal you mean to be, and if you'd feel uncomfortable talking about…well, whatever you are going to tell her, I can leave. I won't be insulted."

Malek sent him a brief wry smile, before telling him softly, "You do not need to leave on my account Daniel, but you might wish to for yourself. Lantash and I were mated many centuries ago, when I was within a female host. Once they passed from us, I returned to a male host, which is my preference, and we attempted to remain mates. So if that would make you uncomfortable, well, it is up to you."

Daniel blinked at him, for a moment, and then his expression changed, and he asked him, "Really? You know, I realized that some of the Tok'Ra had same sex partners, but it seems like it would be a natural thing for you, since you do sometimes change gender when you change hosts. If you wouldn't mind, I'd like to remain." He paused for a moment before resuming, and explaining to Malek, "You know, I, um, have, well I'm not only a linguist. I have my Doctorate in both, uh, archaeology and anthropology, as well as the linguistics and ancient languages." He looked embarrassed, but continued, explaining his reason for telling him, "Anthropology is, ah, the science that deals with the origins, physical and cultural development, biological characteristics, and social customs and beliefs of humankind. I've lived within several cultures in which same-sex partners are the norm except for procreative purposes, so it really doesn't bother or disturb me. I, um, well let's just say that I'm very familiar with the concept and practices…" his voice trailed off, and he saw Malek give a small smile of understanding.

He nodded, assuring him, "You are very welcome to stay and listen—or ask questions, if you wish to, although you should probably talk to one of our same-sex couples who have successful relationships, if you are doing it to, ah, study the custom. Aldwin and Delian have been together for many years and are quite happy with their choice. I will be glad to see if they would be willing to discuss it with you, if you are interested."

He paused, for just a moment, before adding, "I now understand your intense interest in the different cultures, as well as your open mindedness in interacting with us. You are very accepting of other's choices. You would make a very content Tok'Ra, Daniel." He held up his hand, before Daniel could say anything, and then continued, "I am aware that your—experiences—with the Goa'uld and your wife have left you very wary, and probably even revolted by the idea. However, I believe that, perhaps, if you spent some time here studying our culture and customs, talking to different hosts, and getting to know the symbiotes as well, that you might very well find yourself more open to the suggestion. I am not saying that you should consider it now; however, a decade or two from now, you might well think differently about it. There is also…" He stopped speaking, and it was obvious that he was not sure how to say what he wanted to say.

"Just say it, Malek. I can assure you that I won't become upset…well, I can assure you that I'll try not to become upset, depending on what you say, but I can assure you that, whatever it is, I won't hold it against you. My discomfort is my problem, not yours. So…you know…just say it."

Malek nodded, and then told him, "It is quite obvious that both you and Samantha are quite intelligent. Lantash told me that Samantha, and you, are considered to be geniuses. Our translation and understanding of that term is that it is someone who is more highly intelligent than the average human is. Correct?" At Daniel's nod of agreement, he continued, "I believe that losing either of you would be a great blow emotionally to a great many people; howbeit, I also believe that it would be a blow because they would be losing your exceptional minds." He once again stopped, but he realized that Daniel had already leapt ahead of him and knew what he was going to say. Since he did not seem disturbed by it, he told him quietly, "I believe that both you and Samantha should consider becoming Tok'Ra, if you are ever injured and not expected to survive. If you are unconscious and unable to make that decision, those closest to you would have to decide what to do. It would be much easier on them, if you made your decision, and put it in writing, as well as made it public knowledge, before that scenario happened."

After giving him a moment to think, he stated, firmly, "I plan on discussing this with Samantha, as well, Daniel, for if something happened to her, as her mate the decision would be Martouf and Lantash's to make. As things stand now, they could not agree to it, no matter how much they wished to do so, and no matter if they believed that she was considering it, but had not yet told them. It would be best if you and Samantha would make that decision, and do as I suggested. Put your wishes in writing, tell people what you want to have done should that situation arise, and perhaps even give a few of your closest friends, as well as, some of the Tok'Ra, a written declaration of your intent."

Daniel frowned, as he stared at the floor. Malek was correct, when you really thought about it. But…could he do that? Could he give up his body and his mind to some other entity? He sighed, even as he looked over at Malek, and began to answer him, "I know that you're correct, Malek. And I'm not as against it as I once was. I've come a ways since Sha'uri died." He shook his head and gave him a crooked little smile, before stating, "I just don't know if I could live like that. I mean—I enjoy my completely alone time. I don't know if I could stand constantly having to listen to another being's thoughts. I'm pretty set in my ways. I'm not sure I could—adjust—to having to give in to someone like Jacob did, when he gave up coffee for Selmak. And how would I concentrate with someone else's thoughts always in the way?" He sighed again, more deeply than before, and shook his head. "I just don't know if I could do it. Of course, I might be like Jacob, too, and figure that, if the only alternative was death, then what would I really have to lose? At least I'd still be alive."

He was startled when Malek's eyes glowed brightly, and Devlin, having awakened a short time earlier, came fore, exclaiming, "Where did you get these ideas, Daniel? I do not understand who would have misinformed you to such an extent. Who told you these things? They are lies. Every one of them is a lie."

It was quite obvious that Devlin was quite put out. He was very unhappy and upset with the perpetrator of these untruths. And that made Daniel extremely curious. Were they all wrong about what it was like? Come to think of it, none of them had really ever asked Sam what it was like, when she had Jolinar. They had started to get to know one another, before the Ashrak killed Jolinar, and belatedly, Daniel remembered how depressed Sam had been. Not just for a day or so, but for weeks; they had worried about her.

Neither of them had realized that Sam had joined them and was standing and listening, for quite some time, so they were both startled when she asked him, "Yeah, I'd like to know that, too, Daniel, because it certainly wasn't me. I would never have lied to you like that. If I'd known that you were curious about it, I would have explained what it's like. It's not like that at all. I'm actually looking forward to blending someday."

Daniel's mouth dropped open, and he stared at her, as Devlin whirled around and added his stare to Daniel's, and then watched, as she walked around and sat down between them where she'd been seated earlier.

"What? Why are you both looking at me like I just grew a couple of more heads or something?"

Daniel got his voice back first, and took a gasping breath, in order to use it. He had actually stopped breathing in shock at her statement. "Sam. Sam when did you decide this, and why didn't you tell anyone? We didn't know. We would have allowed you to die because we thought that you were still against doing it."

Sam frowned. "Well, it was probably about a year after I blended with Jolinar. When they asked me to take Selmak, I was still upset and unnerved over how I felt when Jolinar died." She shrugged, before going into more detail in her reply, "I knew that, if I had known more about it, I wouldn't have been such a rotten host to Jolinar. I gave it a lot of thought, and when I realized that I was falling in love with Martouf and Lantash myself, Jolinar's emotions aside, I knew that, if we were ever to finally be together that I couldn't stand the idea of ageing, dying, and leaving them behind. Once I made up my mind, I wrote my wishes up, had it notarized, so that the Colonel couldn't dispute it, since I never expected him to take it so well, and then I told Janet, when I gave her the papers I wrote up. I told my dad and Selmak, and General Hammond knows, but until this happened, I think he believed it was so that I would be with my dad."

Daniel shook his head, asking, "Why didn't you tell me, Sam? I wouldn't have told Jack or anyone else, if you didn't want anyone to know. And why didn't you want anyone else to know?"

"Well, you know, I just thought that there would be a lot of problems over it, Daniel. I thought that if some people knew, I wouldn't be able to stay with the—SGC. There would be someone constantly putting them down and calling them names, and I just couldn't face that. So, I told the people that I felt it was important that they knew. I meant to tell you, but you were gone somewhere, when I did it, and to be honest, I forgot all about it, until you two were talking about it. I agree with Malek and Devlin, Daniel. I think you would enjoy it, especially if your symbiote was into history and languages."

Devlin frowned, and sighed. "One of our historians is aging very quickly. He will need a host within the next few years. He would have been wonderful for Daniel. I am sure that they would get along very well. He is even interested in what you call anthropology."

"Really? Wow. I'd like to meet him sometime, ah, if it is a 'he' that is."

Devlin nodded. "Of course, Daniel. And, yes, Brandel has a male host, and he prefers males. Sebastian, his host, is almost five hundred years old, as he was quite young, when they blended. I believe that you will like both of them. However, first we must find out who told you those atrocious lies, and then correct them."

"Ah, well, no one 'told' me those, um, things. I just assumed that with them in your mind and able to control you that they kind of, you know, controlled your thoughts, or at least their thoughts were always there."

Devlin shook his head, and now that he knew that these were Daniel's own inferences of what it was like to have a symbiote, he even chuckled softly, "It is not like that at all, Daniel. I can shut Malek out, just as he can shut me out. If we need one another, we can be called, but their thoughts are not constantly in your mind unless you want them there. You can access them, of course, just as you can access all of their knowledge. However, Malek can withdraw to his private place, just as I can. That is also, where any thoughts, memories, personal information, and knowledge, which you do not wish to share, is placed. We do not enter each other's private space. It is sacred to us, and it is also, a place to which we can go to be alone with not even the outside world to disturb us, if we do not wish for it to."

He paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts, before continuing, "Unless we want to listen to one another, we are both thinking about whatever we wish to think about simultaneously. Malek can be thinking about how to arrange the guard's roster, and I will be considering whether to eat in the common dining chamber, or if I feel like fixing something in our rooms. There is no constant bombardment of Malek's thoughts, nor is he talking to me constantly. Am I always aware that he is there? Certainly. It is a very comfortable feeling."

Again, he frowned as he tried to decide how to reassure Daniel that his beliefs were very wrong. Finally coming to a decision, he told him softly, his love for his Lifemate obvious in his tone of voice, "It is a feeling of contentment. It is a feeling of being cared for and loved. It is a feeling of never being lonely, even if I am alone." He stopped again, before remarking, "There is a difference between being alone, which is something that we can be, and being lonely, Daniel."

Seeing Daniel's nod of agreement, he continued, "It is the warmth of a caress and an embrace, even though no one is with you. It is…It is being loved and loving in return, for that is the essence of the Lifemate bond, Daniel. There is no reason to fear for your privacy, your thoughts, your alone time, your concentration, your independence or your personal choices in food, clothing, anything else. Jacob gave up coffee, even though he complains about it, because he knew that it really did appear to have an unpleasant effect on Selmak, and he wanted him to be well and happy. Making your Lifemate happy becomes something you wish to do for them, just as pleasing you becomes a priority to them."

"They do not 'take' your body. They share it. Unless it is unpleasant, you share in every sight, every taste, every touch, every scent, and every sound, as if you were the one in control. You feel both your own emotions, and their emotions, unless you do not wish to share theirs, which is rare. Their emotions will not overwhelm your own, but you will love and mourn as one entity. You miss nothing, as far as experiencing the world and everything that occurs, unless, as I said, it is unpleasant."

"Things such as torture, they will shield you from, for as long as they can, although they cannot keep it from you indefinitely. If you find something that they must do upsetting, then they will shut you off from it, if you wish for them to, but only if that is your choice. They help you, protect you, share with you, support you, keep you healthy, and love you unconditionally, and all they ask in return is that you share your physical body. It is a very uneven trade in my opinion, for they get very much less in return for all of that, plus we also receive their vast knowledge, increased senses, and incredible strength. All we give in return is our physical body and our love. That is all they get from us, and yet ask any one of them, and they will tell you that it is well worth it to them. Without us, they would never get to experience the universe and everything that is in it." He smiled. "I guess when you look at it that way; they do receive something worth all of that. We take them out of an emotional, intellectual void, and put them into the center of the universe. Put like that, I suppose it's a pretty fair trade, after all."

Daniel nodded his agreement, even as he told him, "Yes, I think a fair trade is one way to look at it. I would like to meet the person you mentioned earlier. The one that you said liked the same things that I do. What you are telling me doesn't sound at all like I thought would happen. I can see me enjoying that kind of relationship." He looked at Sam, and gave her a small smile, before telling her, "I guess I've got some thinking to do. I kind of like the sound of that trade."

Sam returned his smile. "I hope so, Daniel. I think we would both enjoy it, and you know I've always said that I wished I had been able to know Jolinar better. Then, too, what would I do without one of my best friends and my thinking partner?

Daniel gave his decisive nod. The one that said that he meant what he was saying or doing. Yup. He definitely had something about which to think...and it surprised him to realize that he found it a very exciting thought. A slight smile was lingering on his lips, but he didn't know it. He was considering a very different future…one he was beginning to believe he might want.

TBC