Harry and Ronaldski were walking towards the great hall, which was now open.

"You're fucked, comrade." Ronaldski proclaimed. Don't you know what they do at the poker evenings?

"No."

"All sorts of things. Hold'em, drugs, beardancing, Russian Roulette."

"And poker?"

"And poker. And Poker Poker."

"What was that last one?"

"You don't want to know that."

"All right." Harry sighed. "Why do I have to go anyways, I didn't break the rules."

"He probably just doesn't like us, because we stood up for Neville. He wants to have his authority secure."

"I guess."

Once they sat down at their department table, Hermionskiovow came in.

"What's our next class?" She asked.

"Care of Military Vehicles." Answered Harry, while chewing on his cereal. "Hagski teaches it."

"Wait a minute..." Hermionskiovow whispered. Isn't that Trix Cereal? Isn't that for capitalists?"

"I don't know." Harry answered. Ask Gonigov, she'll know. A while later Hermionskiovow returned with Gonigov.

"I don't know where you've heard such ridiculous rumors my privates, but obviously we are not importing cereal from the US. That would make us hypocrites. Now go, it's time for your next class."

Harry and his comrades went through the doors of the concrete building to see Hagski waiting for them.

"All right privates, come with me to... Wait. Where's private Finigov?"

"He's trying to convince captain Flitbic to untie Nevilov before the fourthers shoot him to shreds." Said Yuri Tomasic.

"Good boy." Said Hagski. "Now, follow me privates, it's gonna be a long way."

Hagski and the privates walked towards the garages, where the tanks were stored. They were made out of concrete.

"Now listen, you'll soon be ordered in groups of four and each group tries to handle a tank. And I'm gonna do it, it'll be funnier that way."

"But Hagski." Hermionskiovow asked. "How are we supposed to figure out how to use these? Aren't there any learning methods?"

"Learning methods? Hah! We didn't have those in Stalingrad! Now go join those charming three lads over there, I heard they like you a lot, if you know what I mean. Harry, Ronaldski and Yuri, come with me and let's kick some задница!"Harry and his comrades mounted the tank.

"Now you see comrades, this is a turret. Come inside. This is a button. Pressing the button will activate the turret. Understood?"

"Understood" said Harry, Ronaldski and Yuri. The rest of the class consisted of learning to hit the targets, which were cardboard cutouts of American tanks, and trying not to hit the other tanks (and occasionally trying to hit the other tanks, depending on who was inside). Hagski smiled contently when the class was over.

"I'm glad all of you survived your first time, it ain't always been that way."

Harry and his comrades walked towards the academy. "That class was actually pretty safe!" Ronaldski mentioned.

"Probably because Nevilov wasn't there, he's a trouble magnet." Harry responded. "What's next?"

"Indoctrination." Said Hermionskiovow. "From captain Squirrel."

After a rather eventless meal (save for Gonigov announcing that the cereal had been replaced)the comrades walked towards a concrete room that this time actually looked like a classroom. There were no windows and it was lit by large flourescent tubes. The walls were full of posters of the party and essays on why the party should stay in charge.

Harry and his comrades took a seat in the back of the class when professor Squirrel came in. He was instantly recognizable by his large Sombrero hat.

"Sir, why do you wear that hat?" Yuri asked. "It's not even funny."

"It's to ward of the cap-cap-capitalist mind-controll rays from the US." Said captain Squirrel. "They mess with your brain, you know? Anyways, I'm captain Squirrel, your indoctrination teacher. I'm here to tell you about the glorious history of the mo-mo-motherland and why you should be proud to fi-fi-fight for it. And more. Today we start with a recording of Stalin's birthday party..."

Then Sergei stormed in, carrying Nevilov as well as Nevilov could be carried. "Sir, he needs professional help! He's been shot by Department 4 students on the shooting range."

"Was he tied up?"

"Yes!"

"Then I'm afraid we can't help him."

"Why the ебать not? How is he able to fight for the motherland with this wound in his...(he looked at Nevilov, searching) Body!"

"All right all right, bring him to the metaphysics room, they'll take ca-ca-care of him!"

"The metaphysics room? They'll just ебать him up even more!" Ronaldski said. "Remember what happened to Wachowski?"

"You have no other option." Captain Squirrel said harshly. "The ho-ho-hospital room is being used by Dumbledov for his pedicure. Now get out!"

"What about everybody being equal?" Sergei shouted.

"Your worth to the co-co-communist party is inversely proportionate to the amount of food you consume? Now shut up and leave!"

Sergei carried the moaning Nevilov away, while Squirrel showed a projection of comrade Stalin's birthday party.

"No-no-notice how gracefully Stalin talks about the mass de-de-deportation of enemies of the state my privates. And how well his excess fats are co-co-contained within his military belt.

When the evening fell, Harry and his comrades were allowed to leave the room, and went to the great hall for dinner.

"Well that was a very interesting class." Ronaldski said when Dumbledov happened to walk by. "I surely learnt a lot today."

"Like what?" Hermionskiovow asked.

"Like how to contains your fat in a military belt for example." Said Ronaldski once Dumbledov was gone. "If I ever earn my fat, that is." He added hungrily while watching Snapic eat a roasted pork chop. All he had on his plate was more cornflakes.

"Shame they removed the sugary ones because SOMEONE had to mention it."

"Sexist." Hermionskiovow responded. "Oh and Harry, you're screwed remember? You have to play poker tonight."

Harry's bowels imploded. "ебать me! I'm gonna lose my head for this!"

"Calm down dude." Ronaldski said. "At least you don't have any money to lose."

"I'm sorry comrade, but I'd rather go to war with all of my limbs."

Check back next time for the real poker evening, when the dark secrets of the academy get exposed!