Chapter 7
Deacon looks around the waiting room, his leg jittering as he looks at the clock again. It's the third time in the last three days that he's been in a doctor's office and he prays this one finally works.
Rayna agreed to go to therapy but so far nothing had taken. First, there was Dr. Pierce, one of Nashville's premiere psychiatrist. Lamar Wyatt's money and Rayna Jaymes' name gotten them in appointment on the same day they called. The waiting room was luxurious with leather couches and an espresso machine. But twenty minutes later, Rayna was heading for the car saying "this just isn't going to work." Despite Rayna explaining that she would not being use drugs in her therapy, Dr. Pierce had already written her a prescription.
So yesterday afternoon, they'd gone to a younger female, Dr. Ralston. She came at Coleman's recommendation since she specialized in holistic approaches and female clients. Rayna made it twenty two minutes before bailing. In the car, Rayna admitted the doctor was nice enough but she wasn't comfortable there either. "She kept asking me to feel the energy of the room."
But today Rayna was 48 and half minutes into the session. This doctor was much younger than the other two. During his brief introduction, Deacon couldn't help but notice the guy didn't have on a wedding ring. Deacon knew it shouldn't matter but the idea of Rayna spilling her guts to some young guy with a bunch of degrees bothered him already. But if Rayna felt comfortable with him, he would deal with Dr. Miller.
Ten minutes later and the small waiting room was empty, except for Deacon. Rayna emerges from the side door with several sheets of paper. Her cheeks are void of tears but her shoulders are hunched over, like they get when she's tired.
"So?" asks Deacon as Rayna crosses the small waiting area.
Rayna shrugs and admits it wasn't as bad as she imagined. "Plus, I like him a lot better than the other two."
Deacon repeats his last question again, "So?"
Rayna lets out a hint of a smile, "Sooooo….I have my next appointment day after tomorrow."
Deacon lets out a sigh of relief and asks what she wants for lunch.
Rayna lets out a small smile, "Actually, I was thinking maybe we could grab some sandwiches at Parker's Deli, and then maybe I could go with you to the studio?"
Deacon lets out a wide smile. It's the first time since Jack's death that she's shown any real interest his album. "I would love that."
(())
Rayna blows on Maddie's leg as she wipes the drying blood off. Maddie continues to cry softly to herself, although Rayna does notice its gets louder every time Deacon comes back in the kitchen from gathering supplies.
Rayna puts the Neosporin on her daughter, causing Maddie to hiss in pain then whines, "that hurts." Rayna ignores her daughter's whining until she feels the four year old push her hand away.
"Stop touching it."
Deacon puts a lollipop in front of Maddie, followed by the bigger band aides he'd gotten from the hall closet.
Rayna looks at the wound intently, moving her head around as if to closely inspect it. Mother and daughter grimace at the same time. The four inch cut on Maddie's knee looks even wider now than it did twenty minutes when Maddie fell on the wet cement near the deep end of the pool.
"I think she may need stitches," Rayna grudgingly admits. Immediately, Deacon pales and Maddie burst into hysteric screams.
(())
Rayna yawns as Deacon carries their sleeping child up the stairs and gently places her the middle of their king sized bed. He takes a dozen pillows and places them around Maddie's body so she was cocooned. They'd been lucky, spending only three and half hours in the ER. Still, it felt like she hadn't slept in days.
"You hungry?" asks Rayna as her own stomach growls.
Deacon nods but admits he doesn't want to leave Maddie alone in case she wakes up. He reminds Rayna that Maddie is supposed to limit mobility until the morning. Rayna smiles at how concerned her husband is about their child.
"How about I go downstairs and bring up some stuff to eat?" she asks.
Rayna comes back a few minutes later, bringing up a tray a food. There are two pimento cheese sandwiches on a plate, a cup of blueberries for her, a cut up peach for him, two glasses of sweet tea, and the one large slice of red velvet cake.
She smiles when she sees Deacon has started a fire. With the plates in front of them, she and Deacon eat dinner on the couch facing catty-cornered so they could watch Maddie sleeping. The two of them barely spoke to each other. But this time, it was more like a comfortable stillness between a married people than an awkward silence between strangers. They share the dessert, using only one fork and sharing a laugh when Rayna uses her finger to scoop up the icing stuck to the rim of the bowl.
Maddie lets out a loud snore causing her parents to look at each other and claim
"She gets that from you."
Both Rayna and Deacon laugh harder as their baby girl sleeps. Rayna smiles as her nails find their way to the nape of Deacon's neck.
"I know you wanna ask about my appointment today," Rayna says as Deacon's leans into his wife's touch. He looks into her eyes for a long moment, enjoying the spark he sees there.
Truth was, he wants to know what kind of things Ray shared with her therapist today and what her mystery homework assignment from her doctor is.
But he doesn't want to push or overstep his bounds.
Rayna takes another sip of sweet tea before sharing with Deacon that there was nothing earth-shattering she shared. Instead, all she did was, "basically tell him about me, about us."
Deacon decides, he doesn't want to pry or push Rayna to reveal things that she isn't ready to yet. So instead, he tells Rayna how beautiful she looks in the fire light. Rayna rolls her eyes, at her t-shirt and blue jeans stained with their daughter's tears and the stench of the emergency room. Still, she appreciates the compliment especially since the disaster the other night with the lingerie.
(())
Rayna grimaces as Dr. Brighton ask her to explain her answer.
"I don't know what you mean," she replies.
The young doctor leans forward, twirling his reading glasses in his hand. Rayna swallows and reminds herself of the promise she made to Deacon. She would really try in therapy.
She hates this, every bit of it. She hates putting into words things that don't have words. She hates sitting in this office, the one painted in sage green with the huge mahogany desk.
Rayna's eyes dart from the ceiling fan to the lamp on the side desk, trying to figure out which one is uglier.
"Fine," she eventually says. "I felt powerless, like the worst possible thing in the world just happened to me. Like…like I was drowning and then Deacon comes home and tells me he's been thinking about drinking."
Dr. Miller studies her face for a moment before asking how Deacon's revelation made her feel.
"Lost, terrified."
The doctor scribbles a few words down on his legal pad before looking up again, asking if she'd ever felt that way before.
"No."
"Never?" asks the Doctor, clearly unsatisfied with her answer.
"When I was about nineteen, I fell really hard off the stage. I slipped on a wet napkin at this bar and the next thing you know my feet are above my head. I landed flat on my back and I couldn't catch my breath. I know it was only a few minutes but it felt so confusing and scary." A moment of silence passes before Rayna continues. "That's how I always felt when I didn't know where Deacon was back when he was drinking. Except, even when the worst happened….Even when he was drunk or, in jail, or in the hospital, I could always catch my breath eventually."
"and now?" asks the Doctor looking intently at her.
Rayna presses her lips together and looks down at her lap. One tear clings to her eyelashes as she admits that it's been almost two months and she still can't breathe.
(())
Watty sips another cup of his latte as Deacon gulps down the rest of his black coffee.
"She seems better," the elder man says timidly, trying to gage a reaction from the younger.
Deacon shrugs. The truth is, Rayna does seem better. Besides, acting like a mother to Maddie again she was also doing her usual stuff. There were lunches with Tandy and snippy comments on the phone to Lamar. Yesterday, she'd even had a meeting with Bucky and Edgehill about getting back into the studio.
Of course, that hadn't been the plan. Rayna was supposed to be totally out of commission for three months and then after that, Deacon's first single would be close to a release date. Sure, Deacon's album was never meant to sell millions. It'd be nice for it to be successful, but Deacon just wanted to remind the industry insiders who he was and the music he stood for.
Now, Rayna was already talking about a fall tour and releasing a new album in time for Christmas.
Of course, while everything else was falling back into place, there was one except. He and Rayna weren't completely healed up yet. There was still no sex; of course some of that was attributed to Maddie milking her injury for all it was worth. It had been seven days since his daughter fell. Every night and every nap time, she slept in between them. Maddie was using her healed up wound as an excuse to sleep between them at night; but what killed him was Rayna was using Maddie as an excuse to keep him at a distance.
(())
"So why haven't you had sex yet?" the Doctor asks, causing Rayna to blush. She knew it was idiotic but talking about her sex life to anyone that wasn't Deacon was just uncomfortable. Sure, Buck had walked in on them more times than she cared to think; and, sometimes she shared a tad too much with Tandy.
But this was different.
Squeezing her legs together and folding her hands in front of her Rayna looks down at the floor for a moment.
"I don't…I mean I've tried to initiate things but he um…he thought I was manipulating him."
"Were you?" the Doctor asks back in an immediate response.
Rayna says "no" just as quickly back. She wasn't. She was just trying to reconnect with Deacon.
The Doctor doesn't seem satisfied and asks why she wanted to have sex with her husband.
Rayna's pink cheeks become rosier. What a dumb question. Why does any woman want to have sex with her husband? Her very hot husband? Her very hot husband whom she hadn't had sex with in weeks?
(())
Rayna smiles and reminds her daughter to say thank you.
Maddie bobs her head to the side in imitation of her mother and loudly proclaims a, "thank you Uncle Teddy."
The little girl holds up her new toy and shows it to Rayna who insist "It's very cool!"
The waitress brings the food and soon Maddie is stuffing grapes and French fries in her mouth. Rayna politely smiles as she ask how Beth is doing.
Teddy smiles widely, the kind of smile he gives Rayna when he's trying to cover up. Teddy just keeps smiling and shrugs. Teddy shares that Beth is in Kentucky for a few weeks, visiting her parents.
Rayna nods bites her lip. Since Teddy's marriage to Beth 18 months ago, she's been in Kentucky as much as she's been in Nashville. Rayna looks down at her food when Teddy asks how she's handling everything.
(())
"You talked about our sex life with your therapist?"
Rayna sashays her head from side to side. Technically there was no sex life to speak of right now and it wasn't like there was a whole lot of talking about actual sex.
"It was more like, Dr. Miller is helping me deal with everything which includes my relationship with you."
Deacon huffs again, doubting for the eighteenth time that Dr. Feelgood is really the person who should be helping his wife.
Rayna's tone turns from playful to annoyance when she reminds Deacon that every single day he spills his guts to complete strangers. "I never ask you about your meetings,."
"This is different" insists Deacon. It is different. He speaks at a meeting about sobriety and craving drinks. He talks about how lucky he is now and how he almost missed his chance to be a husband and a father. I mean, what the hell was she sharing? Positions? Was she rating him? That bastard was probably imaging Rayna without her clothes.
Rayna senses Deacon's moving thoughts and puts her hand up.
"You want me to go to therapy. I'm going. You ask me what we are talking about. I tell you." Rayna moves her hand to her hip, "Don't ask if you don't want to know."
Deacon's frustration shows on his face and Rayna can't help but feel bad. Pushing her hair out of her face, she walks over to husband and slowly, puts her hands on his hips. It feels familiar and normal to them both. On her tip toes she presses her lips to his. Soon, he groans into her mouth when she wraps one hand around his neck and the other moves up his arm.
The pull apart when they hear their daughter making spit sounds.
"Yucky!" Maddie hollers out. "That is so gross."
Rayna wipes her lips and tells her daughter that kissing isn't gross.
Maddie insists that it is. " 'Cause when Liam try to kiss me, he spit on me."
Rayna opens her mouth to say something but before she can Deacon lets out a squeak of protest.
(())
"Where's Maddie?" Rayna asks as she emerges from the bathroom wearing one towel around her body and another on her head.
From his sitting position on the bed, Deacon looks up and is relieved to see just confusion in Rayna's eyes. Deacon explains that Maddie is back in her own bed.
"We had a long conversation about Liam," Deacon says. "Ray, we might need to go talk to his parents."
Rayna's eyes sparkle with amusement. She would pay to hear Deacon scold their next door neighbors about their kindergarten age son putting the moves on their 4 year old daughter.
"Babe. It's harmless. Besides, Maddie says its gross so I doubt we need to worry about."
Deacon's face pales again, "Ray, seriously? "
Rayna just smiles, "She four Deacon. When she's fourteen we will need to worry." Deacon mumbles that he never liked Liam or his parents.
Rayna just nods and head into the closet. A faint smile crosses his lips when she emerges a moment later, wearing her blue robe. It's the first time he's seen her wear that in months. Then, almost as if she'd never dropped the routine, he begins to check off what she'll do next.
First, she takes out her earrings and carefully puts them back in the jewelry box along with the necklace he bought her for their first anniversary. He watches as she twists her hair into a clip before heading back to the bathroom. Slowly, Deacon walks into the doorway frame of the bathroom. He has forgotten how much he loves watching Rayna get dressed.
He catches her gaze in the mirror as she rubs her hands up and down her arms applying the moisturizer that makes her smell like the beach. He grins wider when he realizes Rayna has purposefully stuck her leg out further than necessary from her robe.
Rayna's voice is low, quiet almost, when she asks Deacon what he's doing.
"Just lookin'."
A comfortable silence passes, as Rayna turns around in her chair to face her husband. His t-shirt clings to his muscles in his chest; his thighs clinch under his boxers.
His whispers her name quietly and walks towards her. He leans down so he's at eye level with his wife and smiles widely.
Their lips meet cautiously at first but soon her tongue demands entry into his mouth while he hands slides up her thigh and under her robe.
