Dave was a little surprised by the blue skies and fresh air. Apparently the world had kept right on going while he and Puck and Kurt had been holed up in one or the other of their cabins over the past thirty-six hours. He sat on the deck with his iced tea and a basket of chips, blinking at all the guys who kept walking by, going about their business. He wanted to stop one or two of them, to grab their shirts and shake them a little, saying: Don't you understand? This isn't supposed to happen to me. But, of course, it wasn't about them. It wasn't about anybody else except him, and Puck, and Kurt.

"You mean they have food on this ship that isn't room service?" Dave looked up to see Puck standing a few feet away, grinning hesitantly. He gestured at the chair next to Dave, and Dave nodded at him to sit down. Puck's hand crept across the table toward Dave and brushed his fingers. It felt so normal, so familiar.

"You're freaking out, aren't you?" Puck said quietly.

"Yeah," Dave had to admit, "I guess I am. Sorry."

Puck shrugged, squeezing his fingers. "I think I know you well enough to figure it would happen eventually. So, spill. What's bothering you?" He took a chip in two fingers and broke it in half, then in half again, reducing it to powder. "I kind of fucked up, didn't I?"

"No, you didn't." Dave rubbed his face with one hand. "Or maybe we all did, not just you. I don't even know. It's just that...babe, I don't think I can do it. What you want." He wanted to apologize again, but he kept quiet, waiting for Puck to digest that.

Puck nodded slowly, concentrating on his hands, the chip. "I think I figured that out a couple hours ago. I thought..." He stopped, then tried again. "I had this idea, that if only you and Kurt could get what you'd wanted after all this time, that everything would be perfect. But... now you have it, and it's not, and I'm feeling like a fucking idiot for even trying." He looked up at Dave in appeal. "I mean, not that it hasn't been awesome, but..." He stopped, and let out a frustrated sigh. "I'm pretty sure I messed everything up. Kurt and Vincent; you and Kurt." He paused, then added, "You and me."

Dave put his hand on Puck's wrist, waiting for him to drop the last bits of chip before taking his hand. "Yeah, I know," he said, and sighed. "I don't want that. But now...it's not really what we did, is it? That was fine. But now everybody wants all these new, crazy things, and...I don't know where to start."

Puck shifted his leg under the table so it was pressed up against Dave's knee. The little touch was comforting, but it wasn't enough.

"So..." Dave didn't really want to say this. Or any of it, really, but he thought he needed to. "Things like that don't just come out of nowhere, do they? Maybe you would have wanted something like this eventually, anyway, and it's better to just get it out there now." It might be better to say it, but Dave just wanted to whine, Not fair. He would have happily taken one or two or five years with Puck, they way they had been, before having to find out he just couldn't give Puck what he wanted.

But Puck was staring at him like he'd spoken in another language. "What - what do you mean?"

"I mean - first of all, this thing with Kurt...there are reasons that never happened, you know? We just really wouldn't be a good couple. But that doesn't even matter, because... what matters is, I couldn't do it. What I want with you, what we have, I couldn't do it with two people. I think I'd try, for you, but... one guy and a cat is kind of my limit, you know?" He paused. "Maybe two cats. And a kid, part time. And maybe I could add to that, eventually. But...yeah."

Puck grinned despite himself. "I got it, babe. But... you really think I'm trying to get what I want here? I told you, this is your show, yours and Kurt's. I'm just along for the ride. If you don't want this, then I don't, either."

The hope that Dave couldn't help feeling was quickly replaced with guilt. Did Puck really mean that, or was it just another case of thinking his wants and needs didn't really matter? "You get to have what you want, too," he said. "You should be trying to get it."

"Uh, dude. I am." Puck nudged Dave's hand with his knuckles. "You haven't noticed? I've got you. We totally sang that song. And, uh, the other one. You know, love you 'till the end of time and all that shit." He looked away, his cheeks pink. "Yeah, I want you to be happy, and I'm pretty much going to do anything I can to help you get what you want. That's what I want." He shrugged. "I'm just pissed at myself for getting it wrong."

"Babe." Dave swallowed. "If you really mean that... then you didn't get it wrong, did you? I'm not upset about anything that happened here. I'm just scared of what it means. Because of that... love you 'till the end of time shit, you know? I don't want...this, to take that away from us."

Puck's eyes softened. "You told me that wasn't going to happen. So it won't. I trust you, man. You and me, we could do anything with anybody, and it wouldn't change one fucking thing about us. Kurt, he's awesome. Whatever you guys decide, that's cool with me. But I'm in this for you." He clasped Dave's hand suddenly, hard. "Okay? ... Please?"

Dave knew it wasn't that simple, but he wanted to believe it. Even more than that, he loved Puck for believing it, and if there was anything he could do to keep it that way, keep him trusting Dave and knowing everything would be okay - he would. "Yes," he said. "Okay."

"Okay." Puck let out a breath, and his shoulders settled. "But now - there's Kurt. I think I fucked things up with him and Vincent, and that sucks." He frowned. "You think we should stop? What we're doing?"

"No. I mean, maybe. An hour ago, I thought so. But it's great, isn't it?" Dave smiled a little. "And I think the damage is already done, so maybe we should just let it be what it is."

Puck nodded, dropping the pulverized chip. "Okay. Did Vincent call yet today? I think I need to talk to him this time. Try to fix some of the broken things. And, uh." He grinned. "I think we should all actually leave the room for a meal today. Maybe go to dinner, before the poker tournament tonight?"

"Oh, right, the poker tournament." Dave had almost forgotten about that. It seemed like a plan from a different world, a long time ago. "Yeah, that sounds good."

"Yeah, the reason why we came on this cruise? Or one of them, anyway." Puck snorted a laugh, shaking his head. "Actually... I had two goals, right? One was to beat everybody's ass at poker, and the other... was to get Kurt laid." His laughter escalated, and he smothered it in one hand. "Guess I managed to take care of both of them, huh?"

Dave couldn't help but grin. He reached across the table and took Puck's hand. "I think I'd better get you back down to our cabin before you can make any more plans."


Dave came out of the bathroom, still damp from the shower. On the way over to find his clothes, he was met by Puck - only Puck. That generally wouldn't be a problem at all. It should be great. Now, though, Dave pulled away from Puck's kiss. "Where's Kurt?" he asked.

"He went to get some drinks or something." Puck seemed unconcerned, so Dave tried to kiss him back like he would have, before. After all, nothing had changed. They'd agreed that it wouldn't. How would Kurt feel, though, about Dave and Puck here without him? It wasn't like that wouldn't happen all the time, it had to, it was stupid to worry about it, but... he couldn't focus on what he was doing, and of course, as always, Puck could tell.

"Babe, what is it?" he asked, and his tone made Dave feel guilty all over again, about Puck this time, and... would he ever do anything again without feeling that sting of guilt?

He sighed. "Just feeling bad about Kurt," he said. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't make you worry about this."

"You're not making me do anything, dude. I'm here to listen." He kissed Dave right by his ear and relaxed into his arms. "Tell me."

"I don't know. Just... it must be hard on him. I don't want him to feel left out."

As he said it, the door opened, and Kurt walked in, carrying three bottles of water.

"Hey," Dave said, knowing there must be a guilty look on his face, but unable to hide it. "We, uh, we were just talking about you."

"Yes, and I think maybe the two of you have some things to talk about." Puck pushed past Kurt towards the door. "I'll just...go hang out by the pool. You can find me there later, if you want."

"No -" Dave should probably say he didn't have to leave, that he should stay, that this was about all of them, but he didn't know if he could have this conversation with both of them there. And Puck was right: they should have it. "Okay. Yeah. We'll be there in a little while."

The five seconds it took for Puck to put his shoes on and the door to close behind him seemed to stretch out forever. Finally Kurt looked up and broke the silence. "So... we need to talk?"

Dave sighed and sank down on the edge of the bed. "Was it really always like this?"

Kurt's lips twitched. He opened a bottle of water and fiddled with the cap. "Well, I don't know about you, David, but I'm pretty sure we weren't always doing the things we've done this week together. Maybe in my imagination." His mouth was smiling, but there was concern in his eyes. "Seriously. What do you mean, really always like this?"

"Like...was I doing this to you, all along? Were you - I don't know." Dave shook his head unhappily. "I'm just so sorry, for not giving you what you deserve, and...now I feel like an asshole for not noticing how bad it was before."

Kurt moved to sit close beside him, their legs touching. It felt good, not uncomfortable in any way, but it wasn't distracting in quite the same way that Puck's leg would have been. Dave felt guilty about that, too.

"David," he said, shaking his head, "no, it's not like that. This relationship - I mean, our friendship -" Kurt paused, gazing at him. "It's always been more than that. We've been more than friends to each other for years, long before we said anything about it. You knew it; I knew it. And now..."

Dave nodded. "So the answer is yes. I'm not just hurting you now, I've been doing it for years."

Kurt laid a hand on his leg. "Don't try to out-drama-queen me, David. You'll never win. Do you remember why we started calling one another once a week?"

Dave had to smile a little. "Not really. Something to do with how I'd listen to all your drama queen stories?"

"Something like that," Kurt agreed, smiling back. "It was because of my most recent failed attempt to find someone to date that wasn't a jerk, or a predator, or completely boring. I'd signed up for a horrible spinning class with this guy - god, I can't even remember his name, now - and my calves just couldn't take it, so I had to find something to do with that time. I'd go and sit in the coffee shop and feel like a complete idiot. And one day, I was looking in my phone, and... there you were. So I called you."

"And I was a complete idiot too, so it worked out." Dave remembered that call. He didn't think it was an exaggeration.

"Yes." Kurt leaned in a little, his head on Dave's chest, and it was the easiest thing in the world for Dave to put his arm around him and hold him close. "I still don't know why you didn't hang up on me. Or a hundred times after that. I certainly wasn't scintillating company all the time. But the fact was, I was lonely, and you... I missed you. I wanted... to be close with you. That never changed."

"I didn't get why you wanted to talk to me at all," Dave said. "But it was nice."

"Nice. Yes." Kurt huddled in closer, and Dave held him tighter, without even thinking about it. "David, that was the hard part. It was like - I could only get so close, but there was this invisible line we'd drawn long ago, and I wasn't allowed to cross it. I didn't want nice. I wanted this." He put a hand on Dave's chest, over his heart. "This... it's not about sex. It's about being able to tell you how I feel, about you. To show you." He laughed, digging his head deeper into the crook of Dave's arm. "That... that's all I really wanted."

"Really?" Dave pulled away a little to look at him. "You think - that can be enough?"

In Dave's dreams, Kurt's eyes were this deep, perfect blue. In reality, they had a lot more green than Dave had expected, and there were little flecks of grey around the pupils. He tried to focus on Kurt's words. "I won't lie." He smiled. "The sex is really incredible. But... David, we're grown-ups now, or as close to being ones as we're ever going to get. We have jobs, whole lives apart from each other. We're going to have to be realistic about this." His hand cupped Dave's neck. "I love you. Now, as much as I ever have. I don't think that's ever going to change. And yes, I'll miss you when I go home. But I always did. Now, it just feels... more honest. And I can't tell you how much that means to me."

"Honest. Yeah." Dave leaned closer again, until their foreheads were touching. "That's something. But - if you ever think... it's too much, or you need some distance, or it's not worth it... we'll be honest about that too, right?"

Kurt's breath caught, and when he pulled Dave into a kiss, Dave could taste his tears. "I promise," he whispered. He slid his arms around Dave's middle and held on, like he thought Dave might disappear, and began to cry.

"I still need you," Kurt managed, between sobs. "I don't want what we have to go away."

Dave tried to wrap as much of him as possible in his arms, and held on tight. "I'm here," he said, squeezing a little to prove it. "Not going away."