"Aaaaannnnndddddd, here we are! Da dada daaaaaa!" Rachel dramatically swings back the door, to reveal a room filled with canvases, paints, musical instruments, drama props, scripts, cameras, pretty much anything for any form of art you can think of. The front part of the room, which is massive, is for visual arts, and the back has all your performing arts stuff.

I walk past a massive sculpture made of hairbrushes in various shades of blue. I reach out to touch it, but Rachel swats my hand back. "No-one can touch my work until I'm finished, okay?" she says severely, and I nod quickly before moving on.

"I'm really the only one who uses this room, which is why there are never any nurses here. It'll be nice to hopefully have someone else here." Rachel rattles on about how lonely she can get in here, but my attention has been drawn to of the room. A beautiful baby grand piano is shining, waiting for someone to play. It is covered in a thin layer of dust, but I ignore it and sit down. I write a quick note to Rachel, saying that she must tell me if my music is hurting her, what with the synesthesia and all. I give my fingers a quick wiggle before taking a seat, trying to think of what to play. No-one's around me, Rachel's messing with paints, Nico is reading one of the scripts, and Percy has a camera in his hands, taking pictures of Rachel and Nico while they aren't looking.

I begin with a few scales, played with clumsy hands, slipping off the notes. It's been a while since I played. I start off with the simplest song I can think of. Davy Jones from Pirates of the Caribbean. I love the haunting melody, the simple tune that is repeated, with modulations of the key signature every few bars. I close my eyes as I play, and slowly the song fades into Someone Like You. I have no idea why I chose that song, but I play it through. That soon blends into Bella's Lullaby. I hate Twilight, it's one of the worst books ever written, and teaches girls that we are nothing without a boyfriend, but the song's nice.

The song ends and I begin making up a random tune, my fingers tapping the keys more gracefully. I sway with the music, pouring my emotions into the song. It's sad and lonely, haunting and angry. Why couldn't I die? Why were the fates so cruel as to keep me on this earth longer? It's true that if you're not busy being born, you're busy dying. But why couldn't Death come faster, collect me in his arms and take me to a better place? I'm not meant for anything great, I have no skills, no benefit to society, as I was told day after day. The realm of the dead, whatever that is, it sounded like the place for me. No Her, no Them, nothing. I'd be forever at peace, floating into nothingness. Doesn't that sound like paradise? As these thoughts run through my head, the melody shifts into Asleep by The Smiths. This song is always lurking in my mind, it's lyrics haunting me, reminding me of what I'm missing out on. Probably because it's about dying, and dying's all I really want to do. I want to sing. I want to scream and shout and cry and sing and talk. But Her threat is always hovering at the back of my mind, and seeing as I told Percy and Apollo about her threatening me, I'm already in enough danger. So I sing the words mentally, imagining Morrissey's smooth voice singing.

Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I'm tired and I
I want to go to bed

Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
And then leave me alone
Don't try to wake me in the morning
'Cause I will be gone
Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I will feel so glad to go

Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I don't want to wake up
On my own anymore

Sing to me
Sing to me
I don't want to wake up
On my own anymore

Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I really want to go

There is another world
There is a better world
Well, there must be
Well, there must be
Well, there must be
Well, there must be

Bye bye
Bye bye
Bye...

As I finish, I feel a hand on my shoulder. It scares me and I spin round. Nico's standing there, with a nostalgic look on his face. "You're incredible, Annabeth." I smile. "Do you know how to play My Love? My mum used to play it to me." He asks, pressing down on C#. I spin back to the piano and place my fingers down on the smooth keys, running my fingers over them until I find the right notes. I press down gently and begin to play. Behind me, Nico's humming. I haven't played this in ages, not since Daddy died. It's a beautiful song, incredibly sad. Rachel and Percy come over and watch. Nico's crying softly, and they reach out to hug him. I wish I would sing. But I don't. The lyrics are gorgeous. The notes float gracefully around the room, and all I can think of are my parents. Why did my mother do that, leave me? Never answer my letters? Never visit me, or call me? Why did Daddy never show me pictures of her? Why did Daddy have to go? Why did he have to leave me all alone?

It's only once I play the last lingering note that I realise I'm crying. And not in my usual silent way, I'm actually making noise. I clutch at my throat, gasping, with tears flowing down my face. I press my hands to my face, covering my eyes, and my fingers running into my hair. I take deep breaths, calming myself. Rachel crouches down. "You okay, Annabeth? You're eyes are really wide." She asks, gently rubbing my arm. I close my eyes.

One…

Two…

Three…

Four…

Five…

Six…

Seven…

Eight…

Nine…

Ten…

I breath in quietly, and nod. I look at them apologetically. "Hey, sweetie, calm down." Rachel says, reaching out to hug me. "You've got a lot going on in that head of yours, and no way to let it out. Crying doesn't make you weak, it just makes you human." I shakily nod my head, leaning into her embrace. Percy rubs my back and Nico holds my hand. I smirk slightly and shake them off. I don't need their pity. I walk over to where a cover for the piano sits, and pull it over the grand. Click. I spin around, and Percy's standing there with a camera around his neck. "Sorry," he mumbles, embarrassed. "The light was really good. I like candid photography." I shrug and continue packing up the piano.

Nico looks at me. "Thanks, Annabeth. For playing that. It really meant a lot to me. It was beautiful, you're so talented." I just nod and look out the window. It's raining, and I feel about as cheerful the weather outside. Rainy days are always my favourite. They're the sort of day where you can sit inside, under a blanket, with a hot beverage of your choosing, and be as melodramatic as you want. After all, who doesn't love a good cry while looking out the window?

A bell chimes loudly and the others begin to pack up the things they were using. Rachel puts away the paints, Nico returns his script, but Percy leaves the camera hanging from his neck. "LUNCH!" Rachel shouts. "Thank god, I'm starving. Annabeth, you're in Team PRANDL, so all your activities will be at the same time as ours. I'm in the room next-door to yours, so you can meet me there if you don't know where to go." She grabs Nico's hand and my arm and leads us out. "Come on, you two! It's Nachos Day, and I don't want to have to put up with those disgusting soggy ones!" Percy laughs and follows us out.

"I'll see you guys later, I have training." Percy says, waving at us. I point at the camera which he's still holding. "Oh, it's mine. I left it here the last time I was here. See you later." He begins walking in the opposite direction, then turns around. "I forgot to give this back. Don't be too antisocial." He hands me my phone, and headphones, which I wrap around my neck. I nod and wave goodbye in a slightly lazy manner, a simple arc of my hand, nothing more, nothing less.

Rachel and Nico have disappeared. I stand awkwardly in the middle of the hall until Piper and Leo turn up from the games room. "Hey Angsty. You lost?" Leo smirks, leaning on the wall. I glare at him, but nod. "Come with me, sugar, and I'll show you the way." He winks. Oh god. Does he ever give up? His dramatics are driving me insane, and with all the shit that's already in my head, I don't think I can deal with it. I close my eyes tightly, trying to block it all out.

"Leo, go away. We'll catch up." Piper says. Leo sighs, but I can hear his footsteps getting fainter as he walks away. I sit down on the cold ground, my back against the wall and my head up at the ceiling. She sits down next to me as I cover my face with my hands, pressing the palms as hard as I can to my skin. "Hey, it's okay." She whispers. Her voice is soft, and as much as I want to believe her, I can't. I'M A FREAKING SUICIDAL MUTE WITH ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! HOW CAN IT BE OKAY? I HAVE NO FAMILY, NO FRIENDS, NO HOME. AND SOME RANDOM GIRL TELLS ME THAT IT IS OKAY? WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS?

Oh god, I'm sick of this. I'm sick of being sad, then neutral, then so fucking angry. Why is everything so fucked up? Why can't life be simple anymore? Why can't there be a rhythm that everything follows, keeping to the beat all the time, steady and strong? Music's simple like that. Most of the time, you can predict what note comes next. I want peace. That's all I want, IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

I look up. He's sitting there, staring intently at me. I thought he'd gone! Why won't he leave me alone? I thought he wouldn't find me here, I thought they'd keep him out, away from me! I flinch and wince, and Piper's soothing voice isn't helping. "What is it?" She asks, and I just reach out and point at him. His beady eyes stare at me, he's sitting directly opposite me, hungry. "There's nothing there…" she looks at me, concerned. "Someone! Help!" My elbows rest on my knees, and fingers are gripping the roots of my hair tightly. It hurts, but the pain grounds me. He keeps staring. Why doesn't he find someone else to pick on? He's huge, last time I saw him, he was the size of a pygmy hippo, now he's as large as a polar bear. I'm crying and shaking, and Piper keeps trying to tell me that there's nothing there, but he growls at me as Apollo and his posse of nurses appear. They think I'm breaking down.

All alone
On the edge of sleep
My old familiar friend
Comes and lies down next to me

And I can see it coming from the edge of the room
Smiling in the streetlight
Even with my eyes shut tight
I still see it coming now

Oh, I think I'm breaking down again
Oh, I think I'm breaking down again
Oh, I think I'm breaking down again
Oh, I think I'm breaking down

Why does he do this to me? Why must he scare me in this way? It's not fair, I don't deserve this, I never did anything to him! Two hands grip my face. I force my eyes open flinching when I see him, but try and look at the face in front of me. Apollo's kneeling down in front of me, my face clutched between his two hands. I shake my head and writhe to escape from his grip, but his soft hands hold tight. "Shhh," he murmurs. "It's going to be okay." And it's this more than anything else that calms me down. He's not saying it's okay now, but he's telling me that it'll be okay in the end. And for me, the end is literally the end of everything.

But he snarls from across the hall, his massive body edging closer. I scream silently and press the bottoms of my palms into my eyes, blocking him out. "Annabeth, what's wrong?" Apollo asks. I adjust me hands so that one is covering both of my eyes and the other reaches out slowly to point at him. Apollo just sighs. "Annabeth, do you trust me?" I shrug. He wants me to be sane. I don't want to be anything. He let you have your music….an evil voice sings in my mind. So I nod, and before I know, I've been scooped up into his arms and I'm being tucked into bed after swallowing pills, one white, one green. Apollo flattens the loose strands of hair. "I'll personally make sure it doesn't bother you. Rest now." He says as he walks out.

I cry. Silent. Silent tears, silent screams, silent everything. I can just see him, pacing back and forth outside. I can't do anything properly. I go to play music, I go to do something I loved, and I break down, AGAIN. Maybe I'll become a permanent resident here. Oh shit, Annabeth, don't do that to yourself! Imagining yourself with no way out is not healthy. You need to keep an open mind, but focus on the prize: peace. Nothing I do works out the way I planned. Never planned to be here. Didn't plan on being an orphan. Didn't plan on having no-one there for me. I just want to die.

As I drift in to my sleep of salty tears lines from Vladimir Nabokov's poem Wanted float into my mind.

And the last long lap is the hardest,
And I shall be dumped where the weed decays,
And the rest is rust and stardust.

Maybe I'm on my last long lap, struggling before the blissful peace. Oh, how I long for that peace! The solitude, so sweet, will be pure ecstasy. There's no one here to care for me, I don't care where my body ends up, I just want my soul and spirit and mind to be free. And the rest is rust and stardust…..The rest of it, I don't care for it. It's old and smelly and something I avoid. I avoid Them, I avoid Her, I tried to avoid him, but he found me. But once I'm gone, it's old and irrelevant. No-one will ever worry about it again.

And this is how I fall asleep, dreaming of the pure madness that is solitude, death and nothingness.


Gosh, that was fun to write. I spent ages just sitting against a wall pretending I was Annabeth; I got a lot of weird looks from my cat.

Anyway, things I don't own in this chapter: Davy Jones from Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (the only song I can play on piano!), Someone Like You by Adele, Bella's Lullaby by Carter Burwell, Asleep by The Smiths, My Love by Sia, Breaking Down by Florence & the Machine, and the poem Wanted from Vladamir Nabokov's book Lolita.

Thank you to R3D N3BuLOS17Y, who told me that they actually listened to every song I mentioned. I don't care if you didn't like them, but the fact that you did that made me smile!

So, like I said on Soldier On, I'm back at school in about two days, and inbetween school, homework, music, photography and the three hours I spend on the bus each day, I'm not sure where I'll sqeeze in time for writing two stories. Please stick with me, I tend to procrastinate when it comes to work, so I'll probably write then.

By the way, I got tumblr. I'm not sure what my tumblog will be about, probably just my photos and stuff, but I'd love to get some followers (I have none :( ). My URL is awkward-jem so please check it out!

Last thing in this horrible AN: Is it possible for me to get more reviews? You all should know how good they make you feel, and I need a bit of happiness right now. It doesn't have to be a rant like this ^, just a simple "I liked this" or "You could improve here..." would be great! I love hearing from you because you're all FABULOUS!

Rant over. Love always, AwkwardGems.