Hexer Brune's Holocron Pt.1
It was during my early involvement on Manaan that I actually began to question whether I was doing the right thing remaining in the Jedi order. Never before had I doubted my convictions as severely as I did then. War breeds violence wherever it goes and leaves rifts in the force that can be felt for thousands of years.
My doubt had stemmed from two identifiable sources: 1. A mistrust in the senior members of the council at the time (21-19BBY) 2. An uncertainty of what 'the will of the force' was.
This, my first entry of the Holocron shall look at these uncertainties in more detail. Using them to formulate and argument for Moderation and Caution being the most important traits a Jedi can possess, as well as answering misconceptions about the force and
I shall address these two issues in succession. The conservative members of the council I had once trusted with keeping the order cautious had now seemed to quickly change to drastic and war like idealism. During my studies as a Padawan and the years I spent at the temple following my service on Manaan I delved deep into the history archives to see if the current wisdom the council was well founded. This, however, only served to deepen my doubts and add to my confusion. Historically the council had made decision to stay out of conflict. The Mandalorian Wars was a prime example of this caution ultimately being the correct course of action. Though many considered the Jedi to be cowardly and traitorous for not rising to protect the Republic it was the choice of the Jedi Revan and Malak that ultimately lead to the first of the Jedi purges. A wise master had once said that history repeats itself, however, it would be additionally astute to say that it in fact it rhymes. The council for getting involved in the clone wars lead the Jedi order down the same path it had taken thousands of years ago. I cannot continue to criticize the council, however, without first acknowledging that it took a number of years for me to realise this and for some time I served to hasted the Jedi to their fall.
My old Jedi Master Aamaw was right from the outset, he wisely chose to refrain from the clone wars altogether and dissociate himself with the order as much as he could. The backlash he thought, as I later learned, would come from the people of the Republic who would grow to resent the Jedi for not bringing peace and instead breeding war. To a certain extent he was right, though none could possibly predict the traitorous nature of the 'chosen one' Anakin Skywalker or the total turning of the clone forces. None were blinder to this it seemed than the council itself and many of the council such as Master Windu, Master Kenobi and General Skywalker all ended up taking senior positions within the Republic military, their thirst for battle, whether they knew they possessed it or not was slowly leading the order to its demise. It was only once the true nature of the enemy emerged that I suddenly understood why the council made the decisions that they did. Hopefully in the bright future of which you are a member it will be a well known fact that the true power struggle was between the Jedi and the Sith. Hopefully it would also alarm you to find out that this was not common knowledge to many of the Jedi and certainly the majority of the Republic. The secrecy the order placed over this was truly their mistake, to the masses the war was some obscure political dispute between the CIS and the Republic and the Jedi had merely chosen a side. As the Sith have always behaved they remained well hidden and very few referred to the separatist leader Count Dooku as his new title Darth Tyrannus. Not due to a choice made by the man himself but because most people were ignorant to the fact he was even a Sith Lord. More to the point I believe that even the council themselves became too caught up in chasing after the Trade Federation et al, that they lost sight of trying to determine the source of the dark side which could be felt by all force sensitive's. I believed after my time on Manaan that I was no longer serving the Jedi but was serving the Republic instead. Perhaps the Jedi purges were our punishment through the Force for losing sight of what our guardianship role as Jedi truly was.
This leads me neatly onto my second great doubt. The Force time and time again has proved to me that its will cannot possibly be one that wishes for peace in the galaxy. A phrase I heard frequently used by senior Jedi was "bring balance to the force". I believe that this phrase was tossed around far too much without anyone truly stopping to consider what they were saying. Jedi have acted in the past, and acted during the years of the Clone Wars, with a self assured confidence that the force was on their side to eliminate the darkness. The will of the force, however, is the "balance" that so many wise masters have spoken of. If the Jedi are to exist than the Sith are necessary also, just as there can be no light without a shadow inevitably being cast. It is the will of the force that this always be the case, light and darkness fighting to maintain a steady equilibrium. Therefore to pursue the will of the force is to fight and maintain this balance. For those who grow tired of hypothetical examples it is merely a question of looking into one's own life and seeing that it is full of both good and bad times. To serve as an example on this Holocron I shall take an example from my own life and use it to prove this point.
During my time as a Padawan I spent 2 years on the obscure planet of Borgan, which is on the fringes of unknown space. We were aiding a small republic diplomat ship that sought to open negotiations with the Borgansloor who were indigenous to the planet. I was only around 14 years of age at the time and became sweet on one of the diplomats daughters, who was only one year my senior. Knowing that it was the role of the Jedi not to pursue such feelings I instead chose to vent my feelings in a solely protective manner and hope that Master Aamaw did not spot my irrational bias. To cut short my senile ramblings she was devoured by one of the Borgansloor people who had mistaken her for an offering of negotiation. Scenes of violence were common place in the role of a Jedi and she was not the first or last casualty of the negotiations due to the taste the Borgan had for human flesh but it had left me questioning why the force would allow such a thing to happen. Repressing such doubts I realise now was a mistake as I could have possibly reached these conclusions much earlier in my life if I had done otherwise. The death of the young girl meant that the Borgansloor were most apologetic and thus sped up the proceedings which could have kept us planet side for a further 6 months. As a result we were able to provide them with medicine and technology that would allow their species to flourish. This for example is a prime demonstration of the force at work, maintaining a balance between the good and bad, and thus the light and dark side of the force.
The brutal events of my time on Manaan plus my increased experience and new found wisdom as I have aged helped me to realise that violence is an inevitability and for one to truly serve the force they must not promote nor condone this violence and instead moderate it. Acting to ensure that within the universe neither the light nor the dark truly prevails. I continue though to consider myself Jedi, and will always as contrary to what you may have just read serving the light as a Jedi does not conflict with these ideas. For the Jedi and the light side of the force does not seek to take itself beyond the balance of power, for whenever has the universe seen a total eradication of the Sith and all those who support the dark side. Often it is the will of those who exercise the dark side of the force to extend their influence beyond that of which the balance allows. That is why when viewing the events of history many Jedi believe that the will of the force is with them because they are on the side that is defending the equilibrium rather than horde power for themselves.
I now know that to doubt my role as a Jedi was wrong and that my devotion to the force should never have wavered yet I believe there is a strong link between my two doubts. If the Jedi order should ever be restored it should be paramount that moderation and restraint once again take central hold in the ways of the order. Only by doing this can the Jedi keep themselves from suffering as they have at the hands of the Empire. Upon close examination by many from outside the order, modesty is the only thing that separates the Jedi from the Sith. Ultimately I hope the logic of this Holocron may reach the minds of new Jedi everywhere and prevent future suffering as well as showing that the most important qualities of a Jedi are his ability to show restraint and consider the force before all else. As the council of my time did not.
