The following months felt like clockwork to Sirius. He spent time with his mates, begrudgingly did his school work, disobeyed authority, flirted with birds, and had clandestine rendezvous with Fern. Every few weeks they would indulge in each other's skin in deserted classrooms, hallways, and bedrooms. Yet all the same, something had indeed changed between them. He didn't want to go and blame it on Fern, but Sirius felt that it wasn't him that was acting differently. Instead of taking off unhurriedly after sex, Fern would now mechanically dress and leave without small talk or light tidings. And Sirius was left alone in the heavy silence. He didn't want to bring it up with the Hufflepuff girl in fear of looking like he was hurt (which he was) or worse, desperate.
Unknowingly, Sirius was not wrong. Fern was distancing herself. She couldn't cut the cord between them; it was tough like fishing line. But at the same time, the cord was pulled too tight and was ripping from the threads and would snap any day. No. Fern kept everything taut and controlled.
"This is stressing me out," Fern revealed to Abithica one day as they were walking out of the Great Hall. "I wish you hadn't pushed me so much about it," she glared at her friend as they passed a gaggle of Slytherin girls.
"Maybe you need a break," Abithica apologetically offered. "From Sirius."
The Slytherin seventh years lowered their voices as the two Hufflepuffs passed.
"Pitiful, really," one of the girls said, not bothering to lower her voice. Abithica smartly looked to Fern as they heard the taunt.
"Or a break from men," Abithica winked and walked ahead leaving Fern to contemplate it. She'd never been with a Slytherin before.
For the following weeks she attempted to cleanse herself of Sirius. It was never a problem detaching from boys before. It was a bit of touch and go. She tried her usual gimmicks. Other boys. Food. Music. Other girls. Reading. And then she would get that blasted letter floating to her, only readable through her touch. She could easily ignore it if it were anybody else. But Sirius was so . . . good. He was unbelievably good at sex. That's what Fern told herself as she was sitting outside in the courtyard on a very pleasant afternoon post-lunch.
"'Lo stranger," he appeared from behind her, settling next to her underneath one of the arches in the corridor framing the courtyard. "Been a while," he said with a familiar smile. He respectfully sat with space between them, not speaking out of turn. He didn't mention that she didn't respond to his last summons. She returned the pleasantries, though with self-discipline.
"You look well," she said. They sat together staring passively at the students passing by in contemplative silence.
"I don't think I've ever really had a sit," Sirius finally said with a lilt to his voice. "I mean, at Hogwarts," he added. "It's always been go, go, go. Always running about," his mind going fondly to his childhood memories. Fern couldn't really compare. "It's nice," he concluded finally looking at her. "This is nice."
"Black!" a female voice had echoed behind them. Both turned to see a very beautiful and glowing blonde Ravenclaw walking up to them. She placed a comfortable hand on the Gryffindor's shoulder and looked to Fern for introductions.
"Ah, Heather," Sirius greeted the Ravenclaw with mild surprise. "Fern, love, this is . . . Heather," Sirius introduced the two sixth years with a bit of hesitancy. He immediately regained his composure and let the two meet. Fern understood this girl to be Sirius's new beau. She suppressed the idea that this relationship was born out of the lack of sex Sirius was getting from her.
"Pleasure!" the blonde happily claimed and there was no farce behind her words. She looked genuinely kind.
"Like-wise," Fern smiled.
"I don't think I've ever seen you around," Heather laughed and stopped abruptly. "Sorry,was that unkind?" she asked sheepishly. Fern only gave her a polite smile without confirming nor denying.
"Heather and I have Charms together," Sirius informed Fern.
"Do you two have any classes together?" Heather asked. Sirius was about to negate but Fern interrupted.
"We have Potions together," Fern answered. Sirius did not register the comment for the first second. When Fern didn't break, Sirius's face melted into horror. Did they?! He was attempting to calm an arising panic attack. Surely he couldn't have been that thick to have not noticed the girl he had been shagging for a year to be in one of his classes. Maybe Remus was right about his tunnel vision.
"Do we really?" Sirius whispered hoarsely, grabbing her arm. Fern hopped off the ledge and gave him a breezy glance.
"No," she quipped airily. "Later."
Heather watched Sirius's frightened expression soften into acceptance as he closed his eyes and gave a soft chuckle.
Fern was relieved that Sirius was dating someone. It made it easier to keep her distance from him. She contemplated back to Abithica's scolding. Fern's decision was clear. She'd officially break things off with him. She had to. Exactly when, was her issue. In the midst of all her contemplation, she realized she was on the third floor. She found herself near the corridor of where the library was. The temptation of a cozy chair by the window was beckoning Fern, and when has she ever denied desire? She swept through the first floor of the grand library, proceeding past more of the first and second years who usually stayed close to the doors, past the third and fourth years who stuck to the back of the first floor to snog, and up the stairs to where the more friendless and studious students hid. She found an alcove near the dusty muggle philosophy section where she took to a plush overstuffed sofa curling her legs underneath her. She took pleasure when she saw soft, barely drops of rain started to hit the window, knowing that it would rain harder that night.
"A bit rude to ignore us, if you ask me," Remus said catching her attention. To her surprise Oliver was standing with the over-towering Gryffindor, only matching in a cheeky smile. Remus clarified, "You passed us on the lower level. Tried calling you. Gave us the slip, didn't she mate?" Remus asked him crossing his arms.
Oliver chuckled and agreed but went to Fern when she opened her arm out to him, so he could sit with her. Remus would have to confirm with Oliver later if they were related.
"Alright Fern?" Oliver asked.
"Yeah darling. What're you doing here anyways?" she asked him. He was only a second year. He didn't have workloads that required time in the library. "And with Remus, at that," she said giving Remus a cheeky glance of her own. He responded with a snort.
"We were hanging out," Oliver simply replied and Fern took it for what it was. "Are you not going to sit?" he directed it to Remus.
"Only if I'm allowed," Remus said more to Fern than Oliver.
"Why wouldn't you be?" Oliver scoffed and Remus sat down smoothly putting his arm around the back of the sofa, looking hardly like a teenager and more of a man.
"What happened to your own mates then Olly?" Fern asked smoothing his sandy hair back, to which he blushed and fussed her hand away.
"They're all tossers, the lot of 'em," he said sourly trying to fix his hair. Fern looked to Remus who was surprisingly staring right at her rather than the boy. He shook his head subtly as to signal her that it was a touchy topic for the kid.
"Why's that then?"
"They all said nasty things about Hufflepuffs," he furrowed his eyebrows. Remus was shocked that the boy even admit it to Fern. He knew simply as experience that boys were not good at expressing when they were hurt at that age (or at any age for that matter). In fact the second year wouldn't even talk to Remus about it.
"Gryffindors were they?" she asked. Remus felt a bit bad. His own House saying offensive things about the Hufflepuff House. He would be lying if he hadn't partaken in some outer-House bashing himself with his mates. He should've known better.
"And Ravenclaw," Oliver grumbled.
"I told you that was going to happen," she chuckled at his sore face. He glowered at her and she stroked his nose to his annoyance. "But I'll let you know something after completing six years here," she said to which Oliver looked at her more attentively. "No other House in this entire castle, no other students besides Hufflepuff," even Remus was listening enraptured, "are close to being the most loyal and trustworthy people as Hufflepuffs are," she said emphasizing her adjectives. Oliver, being a child, rolled his eyes and looked away.
"Oliver," she firmly stated and he looked at her exasperatedly. "Loyalty is so important, my darling," she smiled at him softly. "You may not see it now. But being loyal is brave. Being loyal is intelligent. Being intelligent and brave doesn't mean you're loyal, love."
Remus immediately understood why Sirius was charmed by Fern. She spoke so deliberately and slowly, and with wisdom that you hung off of every word she spoke. And what she said was right. He knew people in his own dorm that oozed courage from Godric Gryffindor himself, but didn't have a faithful bone in their body. He'd even seen brainy Ravenclaws try to sabotage their own Housemates to score better on exams. Remus didn't realize that Oliver was looking to him now for confirmation.
"She's bang on," he spoke. Oliver didn't look convinced. "When I'm in trouble, I'm not looking for the person who knows it all or is the hero," Remus admitted. "I'm looking for my mates. Because I know they're behind me all the way," said in finality. Though he still didn't look pleased, Fern knew that Oliver was thinking about what they said.
"Well isn't this a touching moment?" Remus rolled his eyes. James had the map that day. It was a 50/50 chance that James would find either him or Sirius. Looks like it was his day to babysit. Remus wished that this wasn't how Fern would meet James. A tosser.
"Do you like your new daddy, champ?" James Potter sneered at the second year sitting between Remus and Fern, looking very much like their child. Oliver shared an incredulous look with Fern. She even quietly laughed.
"Whad'you want," Remus rolled his eyes.
"I missed yous is all," James pouted adopting a high pitch Cockney accent. "Is this my new bruv? Are you my new mummy?"
Remus couldn't help but chuckle at his mate no matter how daft he was acting. He also saw James take in the girl with the same interest that probably he had himself a few months ago. Fern was wearing trousers, uncommon for the girls their age who wanted to show off their shapely legs She wore her white oxford un-tucked and without tie and the cuffs of her sleeves rolled up a few times. She practically dressed like a chap but her sinewy frame and girlish features made her look anything but. James Potter should make fun of her for being man-ish or a somewhat akin to a lesbian but the air about her made her look like she was in charge, rather than confused. This girl knew what she was doing.
"Well you found me," Remus said with a knowing smirk and James couldn't help but grin back.
Fern wondered if Sirius only befriended good looking people as she took in the other old wizarding blood before her. He wasn't so aristocratic in looks as Sirius, but James Potter held a type of boyish attitude that you'd only see on the American telly- carefree, spoiled, incredibly endearing, and funny. Tall, black mussed hair and warm hazel eyes, James Potter was truly every wizarding mother and father's dream.
"I- er. . ." Remus stammered a bit awkwardly as he started to get up. "I'll see you guys later, eh Oliver?"
The Hufflepuff boy just nodded and sunk back into the couch, feeling intimidated by the most popular boy in school in their presence. After a moment, Remus spoke again.
"Bye," Remus paused to look at Fern and her smile grew a little more. He spoke with her Oliver with kindness. She would be indebted to him for that.
"Buuu-hyyyyee," James heavily breathed/guffawed out mockingly to Fern, erupting in laughs as his best friend shoved him off. Fern couldn't help but laugh again. She could hear the two bickering all the way out of the library. James Potter was such a character.
"Do you like him?" Oliver spoke up once the two Gryffindors were gone. Fern gave him an inquisitive look. "Remus."
"Of course. Don't you?"
"I don't mean like that," Oliver looked at his hands in concentration. "Do you want to shag him?"
"Oliver!" Fern shouted incredulously but laughed harder than she had in awhile. "Where do you get off asking me something like that?" she shoved the little bugger away from her and he laughed in despite of himself.
"But you're with Sirius," he clarified.
"No, love. And I hope you haven't been telling people that," she said sternly. He shook his head. "I'm not with Sirius," she confirmed again this time a little more gently.
"But you like him?" Oliver asked.
Fern thought carefully before responding. "Yeah. He's alright, in'he?" Why wouldn't she like him? And why wouldn't he like her. They were shagging. It'd be weird if they didn't like each other. Oliver shrugged.
"I don't love him though," Fern added to which Oliver looked at her with furrowed eyebrows.
"How do you know?"
"Because I won't let myself," she smiled sadly.
"But how would you know?" Oliver pressed.
"Love?" she asked Oliver and he nodded. "I guess it's a feeling that just make you love that one person above all everyone else. And it makes you selfish," she settled on an explanation. Oliver had a far-away look in his eyes. "And I can't afford the time to love anyone else besides you and Abs," she nudged him and he rolled his eyes.
