Epilogue

When he first settled into the Academy, Chakotay wanted to find out who was the redheaded girl that gave him his first kiss. But he didn't have much clue to go on except for her family nickname 'Goldenbird' and that she knew a certain Admiral Finnegan. He wasn't so bold and stupid as to ask the admiral directly. Sommers remained for months on the Mandela as it continued to patrol the borders near Cardassia and so he was no help to him in finding her. Chakotay never dared tell anyone else about his experience.

Gradually, the excitement of Chakotay's days in the academy made him forget about her. When he met Sveta, his fantasies of the pretty redhead eventually faded to be replaced by the Russian blond beauty that eventually became his first girlfriend. However, he did keep insigne in a box throughout his academy years and even later as a Starfleet officer. Eventually, he even forgot about that little keepsake and it remained buried among his other possessions.

He met with Jom Anjal, the Bajoran girl he helped rescue, several times during his days as a cadet. She found a job as a waitress at a restaurant near the Academy and Chakotay often stopped by to see her whenever possible. They remained good friends for years and she eventually married Sommers and moved back with him to his home planet Sierra to raise a family. When the Cardassians obliterated the population of the planets in the demilitarized zone, Sommers' and Anjal's deaths were among those Chakotay mourned alongside his family.

Chakotay rediscovered the admiral's insigne when he cleaned up his belongings just after he resigned his commission before joining the Maquis. Somehow he couldn't throw it away like the dozens of souvenirs he had. It reminded him of the first time he decided to risk his own dreams of a Starfleet career by being involved in a fight to help someone in need. It seemed appropriate and almost prophetic that his principles would again push him to do the same.

He kept the insigne securely pinned to the inside of his vest the whole time he was a Maquis. It reminded him of what he gave up when he resigned to join a rebellion out of principle. He knew he would never get an Admiral's insigne and he felt it was the closest thing he could ever have of a dream unfulfilled.

When he gave up his ship to save Voyager, the insigne was one of the few possessions he saved since it was pinned to his vest at that time. He took it off when he resumed the first officer's uniform but he kept it in a box.

And now he was holding it again to lend to his best friend on the ceremony of his promotion to admiralship.

As he walked back to his ready room, he thought maybe he would give Kathryn the insigne if she couldn't find hers. He could tell her his story after the ceremony. He wondered why he never got around to telling her about it.

He reached the ready room where Kathryn was now sitting comfortably with a smile on her face.

"I found it!" she greeted him. "It was wedged under one of the desk legs. Where did you go?"

Chakotay shook his head, feeling a bit disappointed that she wouldn't need his insigne after all. But he decided to show her anyway.

"I have an extra insigne I thought you could borrow." He held it up between his thumb and index finger.

She gave him a curious look but she approached him to peer into it. "Is that an Admiral's insigne? Where did you get one?"

"It's a long story," he said as he dropped the article into her palm. "I'll tell you after the ceremony. Now we really should go."

But Kathryn didn't move. She held the insigne on her palm. Her fingertips caressed it as she stared at it carefully. A strange look passed her face.

"Chakotay, where did you get this?" her voice was a strangled cry.

"Kathryn, I told you it's a long story…"

"No, tell me!" she demanded. "Who gave this to you?"

Chakotay was surprised at the question that she correctly assumed it was given to him and not by any other means that he could have acquired it.

"I don't really know. A girl I met years ago, decades even. I was only a teenager then—"

He stopped as Kathryn came forward and stared at his face as if she was studying his features for a long moment before her mouth dropped open in wonder as if she just realized something.

"It was you…" she gasped.

"Kathryn?"

He gaze shifted from his face to the insigne in her hand then back to him. "I gave this to you."

He gave her a puzzled look.

"This was my father's. I recognized it because I chipped it on the day I pinned it to his collar when he was promoted to Vice Admiral."

It was his turn to stare wildly at her as his memories began to take form and suddenly it was so clear. The mysterious redhead who gave him his first kiss. It was her.

"Kathryn, I never realized…"

She shook her head. "Neither did I… Chakotay…" She suddenly looked shy to him and he could see the spark of that vulnerable girl he met that night decades ago. "Oh you wouldn't believe how scared I was. I didn't know what I was more afraid of—my father finding out I was in a bar fight or him finding you. He went looking for his uniform and his missing insigne that night and I pretended I accidentally threw it in the recycler."

He laughed as he imagined the young Kathryn lying through her teeth to save him.

She smiled shyly at him as if she was remembering that night.

"But was I the first?" he asked as he eyed her lips.

"You mean my first kiss?" she asked. He nodded and she frowned at him. "Of course you were the first. What do you think of me? I was only thirteen then."

He pretended to look surprise. "Only thirteen and you were out betting in pool halls, getting into bar fights and kissing strange boys? Why Miss Janeway, you're a wild one!"

She playfully slapped him. "I was almost fourteen. And you're one to talk. You were in that fight too."

"I was seventeen! That's a four year difference! And you were the one that challenged that Farian in the first place," he exclaimed. "But even then you were the first girl I ever kissed."

"Really?" she asked with genuine surprise. "I thought you were a lot more experienced than I was then."

He shook his head. "No, you were the first." He suddenly grew serious as he drew her closer. "And now you're the last." He pulled her face up to his but their combadges chirped before their lips met.

"Kim to Janeway and Chakotay. We need you at the Bridge. We're starting now."

"On our way, Harry," Chakotay responded. "He's not a Captain yet but he's already ordering."

"I heard that." Harry's voice admonished.

Kathryn rolled her eyes but she responded gratefully. "And we're proud of you Captain Kim. Janeway out." He turned back to the man that held her. "We'll continue this conversation later."

"Looking forward to it, Goldenbird."

She punched him lightly on the shoulder where he remembered he once obtained a wound years ago because of her. She seemed to remember it too for she traced an invisible line with her finger where she remembered he had the wound. She then took his offered arm and they strode together out the room and into the bridge where most of the Voyager crews—both hers and his were gathered at the bridge to watch the celebration.

When the Starfleet official handed Kathryn a box that contained his new insigne, he suddenly felt a wave of nostalgia. This was truly a dream come true for him, and yet he no longer found the pristine new insigne appealing. He stopped her just as she was about to pin it on his collar.

"I don't want that," he whispered to her.

Kathryn gave him a puzzled look.

"Can I have your father's instead?"

Kathryn smiled and fished the old worn out and chipped insigne. He felt her fingers lightly touch his as she pinned it on. She saluted him and he saluted back, beaming at her.

Her eyes softened and he felt her admiration, pride and love as he felt the comfort of the insigne on his collar that bound them together for years.