Disclaimer: AMG is not mine. "Re: Your Brains" was written by Jonathan Coulton and "Don't Stop Me Now" is by Queen. "Believe It or Not" is by Joey Scarbury.
Scordatura
Chapter 7
Heldentenor
"So you're Sif, huh?" Hasegawa asked, watching as the young woman blinked in surprise at the recognition in the other woman's voice. At the unasked question, Hasegawa went on. "Morisato senpai told me a lot about you," she said.
"You know Keiichi sama?" the goddess asked as the group returned to the Puma.
"Yeah, we're friends of his," Tamiya added.
"Well, except for him," Otaki threw in, chucking a thumb at Aoshima.
"I don't even know this Lord Morisato!" Aoshima defended as he opened one of the back doors. "So... um... Where is the young lady going to sit?"
"Your seat," Tamiya rumbled threateningly. "You can lie down in the cargo area with the water."
"Absolutely appalling!" Aoshima argued.
Sif smiled. "I thank you for your generosity Milord Gulstaff," she said.
Aoshima blushed. "Er... Yes... of course... It's my pleasure."
"Damn right it is," Otaki told him.
The Puma was a large enough vehicle that the only person who was cramped was Aoshima. Hasegawa turned the engine over and put it into gear before turning back to address the others.
"Okay, where to now?" she asked. "The docks are out."
"Try the roadblock again?" Otaki suggested.
"Ma..." Before Hasegawa could get further, the entire vehicle shook violently as something smashed into the hood. "CRIPES!"
Grabbing the shotgun, she opened her door, leaned out and aimed up, pulling the trigger simultaneously. However, at that exact moment, a feminine hand snagged the end of the shotgun and pointed it away, the buckshot flying over the woman's shoulder.
"Hasegawa san!" Belldandy cried with a bright smile.
Hasegawa blinked in astonishment. "B...B...Belldandy senpai?!"
Crouching on the hood of the Puma where she landed, Belldandy smiled as if the entire world weren't falling apart around them, Ameri clutched in her left hand.
Inside the Puma, Sif stiffened. "Belldandy?" she whispered.
Hasegawa turned her head and saw Sif's thoroughly miserable look.
"Gomen," Belldandy apologized. "I saw your car here and I thought you might have seen someone I'm looking for."
Sif sighed and opened her door, stepping out and looking up at the other goddess. Belldandy rose to her feet and looked down sadly at her friend.
"Sif..."
The mortals watched in suspense as the two goddesses stared at one another. From the back of the Puma, Aoshima opened a package of pretzels and crunched slowly.
"I brought Ameri," Belldandy said, holding the viola out to her.
"Thank you," Sif said uncomfortably, her eyes averted as she took the instrument from her friend's hand.
Belldandy hopped down from the vehicle, unsure of what to say. The mortals continued to stare. Finally, clearing her throat, she turned and addressed them. "My friends," she said, "I need to speak to Sif alone. We'll catch up with you."
"You'll catch up with us?!" Hasegawa asked, looking around at the devastated city. "Belldandy senpai... you're aware of what's going on out here, right?"
"Hai!"
"Wouldn't it be safer if you came with us?"
Belldandy shook her head. "We'll be fine. Believe me. If you make for the temple, Keiichi san and Megumi san are already there."
"I'm not so sure barricading ourselves is a goo..."
"We have s'mores!" Belldandy added happily.
"Fuck yeah!" Otaki threw in.
"Works for me," Tamiya agreed.
"Might these s'mores have magical properties that will boost my stamina?" Aoshima asked.
Hasegawa sighed. "Fine, we'll go have s'mores and wait to die..." She climbed back into the Puma and restarted the engine. She gave them one last concerned look. "You're sure?" she asked.
Belldandy nodded. "Hai."
Sif nodded. "It will be all right, Hasegawa san. Please tell Keiichi sama that Belldandy will be back momentarily."
Hasegawa and Belldandy both blinked at the implied statement in Sif's words. "Oh... Okay," she said and closed the door.
Belldandy and Sif watched the vehicle rumble away. The Norn finally turned back to her friend. "Sif," she began. "There's much to say."
"No, there isn't," Sif told her. "For reasons... scandalous as they are... Keiichi sama has chosen you, and that is all."
"No! It's not all!" Belldandy told her. "Urd was..." She cleared her throat and tried to find a way to word it that didn't make her sister sound like a shameless liar.
After a good minute of thought, she gave up. "...shamelessly lying," Belldandy finished.
Sif blinked.
It's true, Ameri told her. Keiichi sama fell asleep in Belldandy's arms, but that is all. He still loves you deeply... just as he loves Belldandy.
The blonde goddess looked at her feet. "He... he still loves me?"
Belldandy smiled uncomfortably. "Hai." She took a step toward her friend. "Which brings me to my next point. Sif... I'm... I'm going to stand aside... and let you have him."
888
"Oh, you know this isn't good," Megumi remarked to Keiichi as the two looked through binoculars at the group of zombies outside the gate. It looked as if Gary had assembled a group of shamblers that still had some strength and they were now pushing and dragging something large and rectangular under a tarp toward the temple.
"What do you think?" Keiichi asked. "Some kind of artillery?"
"Don't know," Megumi told him. "That Gary's a tricky bastard. Could be... wait... Hold up..."
She watched as Gary pulled the tarp off, revealing a giant speaker, complete with the Component City sales tags still on it.
"Speakers?" Keiichi asked incredulously. "What doe he want to do? Have a rap battle?"
Megumi's eyes went wide. "Oh CRAP!" she cried. "They're going to blast music at us and try to Noriega us out!"
She watched Gary put a CD into the changer at the speaker's base and push some buttons. She lost sight of him a moment later when she dropped the binoculars to cover her ears as guitar music started to play.
HEYA TOM, IT'S BOB!
FROM THE OFFICE DOWN THE HALL!
IT'S GOOD TO SEEYA BUDDY, HOW'VE YA BEEN?
THINGS HAVE BEEN OKAY FOR ME,
EXCEPT THAT I'M A ZOMBIE NOW!
I REALLY WISH YOU'D LET US IN!
I THINK I SPEAK FOR ALL OF US, WHEN I SAY I UNDERSTAND,
WHY YOU FOLKS MIGHT HESITATE TO SUBMIT TO OUR DEMANDS.
BUT HERE'S AN FYI,
YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE, SCREAMING!
Suddenly, the zombies started to moan along with the chorus while Keiichi and Megumi tried to blot the sound out with their hands.
ALL WE WANNA DO IS EAT YOUR BRAINS!
WE'RE NOT UNREASONABLE!
I MEAN NO ONE'S GONNA EAT YOUR EYES!
"Oh, for fuck's sake!" Megumi screamed over the music. "We gotta take that thing out!"
IF YOU OPEN UP THE DOOR,
WE'LL ALL COME INSIDE AND EAT YOUR BRAINS!
"Don't see a lot of choices!" Keiichi shouted back. "If Skuld were here, she could probably make some kind of EMP bomb or something, but we're SOL until then!"
"This guys is really pissing me off to no end!" Megumi replied. "Let's get inside!"
888
Sif stared at her wide-eyed. "You're... stepping aside?"
Belldandy stared down at the floor. "Hai," she said sadly. "He loves you."
"And you!" Sif retorted.
"And were it not for a twist of fate, you would be his goddess and not me," Belldandy went on. "You were there first, Sif. You loved him before I even knew his name. I realize now, these past few days... I was not trying to keep him... I was trying to take him from you." She put on a brave smile. "So I'm going to stand aside and let you have him, because I want you both to be happy."
Sif stepped up to her friend...
... and slapped her across the face.
Stunned, Belldandy's hand went to her face.
"What kind of goddess are you?!" Sif asked her. "You love him! He loves you! It's not about me or you! It's about him!" she railed. "If only one of us can make him happy, then it should be the one who can truly do so, and the only person who can decide that is Keiichi sama! If he decides that's you, then so be it! If he decides that's me, then so be it! But it's his decision, and how dare you try to take it from him!?"
"Sif..."
Tears sprang to the blonde's eyes. "Do you think I don't want to take your offer?!" she asked. "I love him! I love him more than any other man I've ever known! He saved my soul, Belldandy!" she wept. "But if you just went away, if you just stepped aside, I would forever be asking myself who he would have chosen. You can't step aside now. You owe it to him, and you owe it to me to wait for him to choose!"
Belldandy wiped a tear from her eye and smiled. "Hai," she said. She sniffled and looked up at her friend. "Will you come back to the temple with me?"
"Indeed," Sif sighed. "Belldandy... No matter what happens, I'll always love you as a sister. Always." She smiled and hugged the Norn before continuing on. "But if he chooses you instead of me, I hope you burn in Hell."
888
Gary and two other zombies approached the gate, making sure to stay on the far side of the street and out of sling-shot range, marked by the three zombie bodies lying closer to the gate. One of the zombies with him held a piece of cloth with a big, black "Z" on the end of a stick like a nation's flag.
"Attention, meat sacks!" he called at the temple. "I call for parlay!"
"Piss off, Gary!" Megumi shouted back, though the zombie couldn't see her.
"I'm serious!" he called back. "I turned off the music, didn't I? Let's find a compromise and end this feud'n and fuss'n!"
There was a pause from the temple. "State your case!" Keiichi called.
Gary cleared the phlegm and specks of human meat from his throat and began. "The government of Necroplia offers you the following terms of surrender!" he announced. "First, that you will turn over the war criminal Kerosene Keiichi Morisato for zombie justice, which is followed by a luncheon... totally unrelated, I swear."
"Keep going, I'm looking for my matches!" Keiichi called back.
"Second, that all remaining living people here will submit to being turned over to special camps for the purposes of breeding to sustain a reliable food supply for the population of Necroplia!"
"That sounds pretty fair, keep going," Keiichi called back.
"Third, that the living woman, Megumi Morisato will become my concubine and agree to do all the weird stuff!"
"Oh, fuck that!" Megumi replied.
"Yeeeeah," Keiichi drawled out. "About that last one... Gary, Megumi plays on the girl's softball team, so... well... you understand..."
"What the heck is that supposed to mean!?" Megumi cried.
"You made a pass at Belldandy," Keiichi told her.
"I was acting!" Megumi told him.
Gary rubbed skeletal fingers into his temples as the two siblings bickered.
"Well, you've never had a steady boyfriend!" Keiichi told her. "What's anyone supposed to think!?"
"So anytime a girl likes sports, chooses not to commit herself to a guy and wears guys' clothes, she's a lesbian?!"
"ENOUGH!!" Gary roared.
Before he could go further, there was a clip-clop of hooves striking pavement. Turning, he blinked over dried out eyes in surprise.
Urd casually led the donkey, Skuld still balanced atop of it, up the road right between the zombies and the temple.
She gave Gary a nod and a quick salute as she passed. Gary could just watch in shock.
"What's going on?" Skuld whispered through the paper mache head. "I can't hear anything."
"Nothing, we're all good," Urd told her. She stopped at the gate and waited for Keiichi to unlock it. The donkey brayed as they stepped inside.
Gary stood there, his rotting brain unable to process what had just taken place.
"Okay, what the eff was that!?" he called out to them.
"That was Urd and Skuld!" Megumi called back.
"And Molasses!" Urd added. The donkey brayed in support.
"And Molasses!" Megumi repeated.
"And Molasses," Gary muttered. "Sure, okay, why the fuck not?" He cupped his stiff hands around his mouth and shouted. "PARLAY OVER! YOU HAVE ONE HOUR TO SURRENDER BEFORE WE START OUR FINAL ATTACK!"
888
Keiichi watched the zombies walk back to where the rest of their undead army was waiting. Turning to Urd, he watched the goddess and Megumi untie Skuld and help her off Molasses' back.
"I don't want to know," he told the Norn. "Really, I don't. I'm just glad you're back."
"Where's Belldandy?" Urd asked. "I need to talk to her."
"She went after Sif," Keiichi told her. "What's up?"
"I know why all of this is happening," Urd told him in a whisper.
"You do?!"
"Keiichi san!" a familiar voice interrupted.
"Keiichi sama!"
They all turned and looked up. Standing on the temple wall waving down at them were Belldandy and Sif.
"Belldandy! Sif!" Keiichi cried. He sighed in relief.
"Oneesama!" Skuld cried, rushing up to Belldandy as the two goddesses leapt nimbly down to the courtyard. Before Belldandy could even catch her breath, Skuld was hugging her, knocking the wind out of the Norn again.
"Skuld! You're safe!" Belldandy cried.
"I'm so sorry, Oneesama!" Skuld cried. "I shouldn't have thought those things about you!"
"Good! You're back!" Urd said in relief. "Because we need to talk!"
"Can it wait?" Belldandy asked. "We have company coming, and I need to make some s'mores..."
"This is her fault!" Urd interrupted, pointing at Sif.
Sif blinked. "Mine?" She turned cross a moment later. "Just a moment, I'm still mad at you for being a lying witch!"
Urd ignored her. "She cast a Fair Fortune spell on Keiichi," she explained.
Belldandy gasped and turned to Sif. "Sif!? Did you do that?!"
"Indeed!" the blonde declared proudly. "My role is to make Keiichi sama happy!"
"Do you have any idea what a spell like that does?!" Urd demanded.
"It provides good fortune to the person it's cast on when in proximity to the caster," Sif explained.
"FORTY-FIVE MINUTES LEFT, LIVE-OIDS!" Gary shouted from across the street.
"Wait," Keiichi stopped them. "So... what you're saying is that good things happen to me whenever Sif is close to me?"
"Indeed!" Sif replied happily.
Keiichi turned toward the gate and the intelligent zombie beyond it. "Is that so?" he muttered. Suddenly, before anyone could stop him, he reached out and snagged Sif's wrist, pulling the gasping goddess toward him and causing Belldandy to nearly faint.
"Keiichi sama!" Sif cried at his boldness.
Gary was standing in the street, pointing at his watch and grinning with dead lips. Suddenly, with only the rumble of a slightly-untuned engine to herald its arrival, the Puma struck the zombie king head on, sending the corpse flying into the side of a building a hundred yards away and crushing his skull against the brick.
"Holy crap! It works!" Keiichi screamed in joy. Standing behind them, Urd, Belldandy and Skuld stared at him in horror.
Otaki poked his head up through the Puma's deactivated roof turret. "Hey, Morisato! Where're those s'mores?!"
"Holy crap!" Megumi cried at the sight.
The Norns looked at one another in sheer horror.
"So... It made Keiichi happy," Skuld whispered. "So... how is it going to make someone else unhappy?"
888
AT THE EXACT SAME TIME IN THE U.S. PACIFIC AIR FORCES HEADQUARTERS AT HICKAM AIR FORCE BASE, HAWAII...
Staff Sergeant Smith stared at his computer in shock. "Oh... Oh my god," he muttered. "Oh, god, that's ... that's a big asteroid..."
"Dude," Senior Airman Goss said. "You have to tell the Colonel."
"I don't wanna," Smith said. "He doesn't like me. This will just piss him off."
"What do you mean he doesn't like you?" Goss asked.
"He's always mispronouncing my name," Smith said.
"Maybe he's just bad at names?"
Smith sighed. "Just watch." He raised his voice. "Colonel Fisher?"
"What is it, Sergeant Fuck-Stick?!" the colonel replied.
Smith sighed. "Sir, Geraldine Ferraro is going to hit us."
"I always knew that bitch would kill us all!" Fisher cried.
"No, Sir, I mean the Geraldine Ferraro asteroid," Smith said, pointing at his computer. "Asteroid One-One-Five-Nine. It just did a U-turn and is heading right for Earth. It'll hit in about six hours!"
"Son, I have a Class Eight zombie apocalypse going on in Japan right now!" Fisher complained. "Send that shit to AFSPACE! The asteroid is in space! AFSPACE has 'space' in its name! Jesus Christ, son, this shit isn't hard! How long have you been in the Air Force?!"
"Sir, AFSPACE is the one who sent it to us because Ferraro is going to land in our AOR," Smith explained.
"In the Pacific?!" Fisher asked. He paused. "Where?"
"Um... Fifteen, by seven, by twenty-three, by sixteen, by forty-four," Smith read off the sheet. "That would put it..." He punched in the coordinates on the main computer so that the location would appear on the big screen at the front of the strategic operations center.
A picture of Japan appeared as viewed from a satellite in space. The picture zoomed in, the computer marking cities and countries as it went. By the time it was done, there was a real-time image of Sayoko trying to brush her hair into some sense of order in view of everyone in the SOC. The computer supplied all the current information on the location.
NEKOMI INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY
CURRENTLY INVOLVED IN CLASS 8 ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE
CURRENTLY INVOLVED IN ASTEROID IMPACT APOCALYPSE
STATUS: SCREWED!
"So... what you're telling me is that this lesbian asteroid is going to slam right into the epicenter of our zombie apocalypse?" Fisher asked.
"Yes, Sir."
Fisher brightened and turned to the rest of the men in his command. "Boys! Today is the dawn of a brand new day! Things are finally starting to look up!"
"Sir," Smith asked, "What about the hundred thousand or so survivors still trapped in Nekomi?"
"One thing at a time, Sergeant Fuck-Stick," Fisher told him. "One thing at a time..."
888
"Keiichi," Urd gasped out as he and Sif parted. "Do you have any idea what you just did?"
"Yeah, I finally killed Gary," Keiichi told her. "I've been trying to do that all damn day!"
Urd rubbed her temples.
Belldandy stepped forward. "Keiichi san, the Fair Fortune spell wreaks havoc on the Law of Conservation of Happiness," she told him. "For every small bit of good fortune that comes your way, an intense amount of unhappiness must befall others."
"That's not true," Sif defended. "When performed properly, it's the other way around."
Urd gestured to the zombies outside. "Does it look like you performed the spell properly?!" she demanded.
"Well, let's see," Sif said, putting her finger cutely to her lip. "I replaced the C with Keiichi sama's hair..."
Right! Ameri agreed.
"And the A with my hair..."
You mean B, Ameri corrected.
Sif paused and blinked. "No... I mean the A."
No, you mean the B. C with his hair, B with yours. A and D are the control strings.
"No, you said replace the A with my hair," Sif told her.
I did not!... unless I did...
"You did," Sif growled.
Ameri said nothing for several moments. Then...
Oooooohhhh... nooooo... she whispered.
Sif sighed.
"So what happens now?" Keiichi asked.
"Godzilla's not real, is he?" Skuld asked in genuine fear.
"No, but I think Mothra is," Urd noted.
"PEOPLE OF NEKOMI!"
They all turned and found a helicopter with U.S. markings hovering nearby.
"We're saved!" Hasegawa cried, waving at the chopper.
"DO NOT PANIC!" the pilot said over the bullhorn. "THERE IS AN ASTEROID SIX MILES WIDE HEADING FOR THIS CITY! IT WILL ARRIVE IN SIX HOURS!"
They all went silent.
"Yeah," Skuld rolled her eyes. "But nobody panic."
Keiichi chuckled nervously and scratched the back of his head. "Whoops!"
"Whoops?!" Urd cried. "This entire city is about to become a flaming hole in the Earth, and the best you can do is 'whoops?!'" She went toe to toe with him. "Was it worth it?" she asked. "To kill that one zombie!?"
Keiichi thought about it for several moments...
"The answer's 'no,' Keiichi!" Urd supplied.
"Hey!" Otaki yelled at the chopper. "At least rescue us! I mean we're right here!"
"THAT WOULDN'T BE FAIR TO THE OTHER SURVIVORS!" the pilot replied before turning and flying away.
Hasegawa glared. "I really hate America right now," she muttered.
Keiichi turned to Sif and took the goddess by the shoulders. "You have to undo that spell!" he cried. "Turn it off! Take it back! Do whatever!"
"Perhaps you shouldn't be touching her, Keiichi san," Belldandy noted nervously. "You might win the lottery and kill us all."
Sif swallowed nervously. "I can't," she whispered. "It was done incorrectly, so the original counterspell won't work. It would take a huge amount of energy to put everything back to the way it was!"
"So... that's it?" Keiichi asked, horrified at the implication. "There's nothing you can do?"
Sif stared into the fearful, desperate eyes of her one true love and made a decision. Smiling, she placed a hand on his shoulder. "No," she said. "I can undo this. Don't worry, Keiichi sama. I will fix this."
Turning, she calmly started for the temple. Belldandy, her expression stern, stepped out behind her.
"Sif, stop," she commanded. The blonde goddess stopped in her tracks, but didn't turn. "You and I both know the price a goddess, even a first class goddess, would have to pay to undo this spell."
"Price?" Keiichi asked, looking back and forth between the two women. "What price?"
Belldandy explained, but wouldn't let her eyes leave her friend's back, afraid that if she did, Sif would bolt for the temple. "The spell itself is easy to cast," she explained. "But the amount of raw power necessary to tip the scales of fortune back to normal and undo the effects of the original tampering is incredibly high." She regarded her friend for another moment before adding, "It would kill her."
Keiichi stared at Sif, his mouth open in astonishment at what the goddess had just tried to do. "Sif?" he asked quietly.
Watching from off to the side, Otaki elbowed Tamiya to get his attention and whispered. "Are you following any of this?"
The larger man rumbled a no.
Aoshima snorted. "It's obvious even to commoners such as yourselves," he said. "It's quite obvious that these young women, with the exception of the fair Megumi Morisato, are goddesses, higher beings who rule over the universe, apparently of the Norse or Scandinavian variety, which might explain this sudden rising of the dead to plague upon the living!"
Tamiya, Otaki, Megumi and Hasegawa looked at him and blinked.
"Don't listen to him," Otaki told Megumi. "He's not firing on all cylinders." He twirled his finger near his temple in the universal "this guy's freaking insane" sign.
"Sif?" Keiichi repeated softly.
The goddess's shoulders drooped. "This is my doing," she explained, refusing to face him. "In my rush to bring you happiness and win your heart, I've unleashed this wave of misfortune on others... and now have placed you in danger. Only I can account for it."
"No," Belldandy told her. "It doesn't have to be you." The implication in her words was hard to miss.
Sif turned to her. "This is my responsibility!" she cried. "And I will see it through!"
"No."
The two goddesses turned to the man had quietly spoken this single word. Keiichi was staring down at the ground. After a moment, he looked up at them both.
"No," he said again with a shake of his head. "You're not going to do it," he told Sif. Seeing Belldandy open her mouth to speak, he quickly turned and cut her off. "And neither are you." The goddess sealed her lips, shocked by the power and determination in the boy's words.
"Sora," he called out. "That tank of yours still got gas?"
"Yeah," the girl told him. "We're good on gas now. No problem."
Keiichi turned back to them. "Here's what we're going to do," he said. "We have six hours. We're going to all cram into Sora's truck, and we're going to get as far from here as we can."
Sif and Belldandy stared at him.
"Keiichi sama," Sif began. "What... What about the rest of the people here? They'll still be trapped here."
He bit his lip, and it was obvious that the words he wanted to say weighed heavily on him. "I know this is going to sound bad," he warned them. "But I don't care."
"Keiichi san?!"
"Keiichi sama!"
"I don't!" he repeated. "You both have been waiting the last two days for me to make a choice, well here it is. If it comes down to choosing between you and everyone else, I choose you!"
Sif teared up, and Keiichi turned to Belldandy.
"And you," he told her. He swallowed. "I know it's horrible of me to say, but that's my choice. Now let's get our stuff and get going." He turned and started for the gate, beyond which was the Puma.
"No, Keiichi san," Belldandy said to his back. He froze and turned. She smiled at him, tears in her eyes. "We choose you, and that means we have to make sure this spell can never endanger you again."
"Indeed," Sif said softly, moving to stand next to her friend. "It is our role as goddesses to preserve life. If we left now... how could we possibly be your goddesses?"
He shook his head. "No," he said. "I'm not going to let either of you do this."
Belldandy put her finger to her lip in thought. "Then how about both?"
"EHHH?!"
The Norn smiled. "If we meld our powers, we can both cast the counterspell as a single entity and use only half the power each!"
"That could work," Sif whispered.
"You're just trading one danger for another!" Urd broke in. "Goddesses don't meld for a reason! Many who do can't re-separate!"
"It would only be long enough to cast the counterspell," Belldandy replied. "Ten minutes at most."
"Wait, wait, wait," Keiichi said, closing his eyes, trying to work though what he was hearing. "What does this melding thing mean?"
"Essentially, Belldandy and I would merge spirits and cast the counterspell through our combined angel and familiar,"
"You'd become one person," Urd reminded them.
"For a few moments, yes," Sif told her. "But we'd survive."
They all turned suddenly as something shook the gate. The other zombies, without Gary to lead them, had reverted to their original tactics, pressing themselves against the gate until their weight knocked it open.
"We don't have a whole lot of time," Hasegawa breathed.
Keiichi turned to the two goddesses. "We can still make it to the car and get out of here," he said.
"Keiichi san," Belldandy said softly, "Please trust us."
"We can do this," Sif told him. "We can fix this."
Keiichi bit his lip and nodded. "Okay," he said. "Okay. How can we help?"
"The spell will take ten minutes to complete," Sif told him.
"If you could make sure we're not interrupted, that would be best," Belldandy added.
Keiichi turned to the gate and found more zombies smashing against it, the ancient hinges starting to buckle.
He turned back to them.
"No sweat."
888
The two goddesses descended gently onto the temple roof and looked out at the lifeless city before them. Usually at night, the lights of Nekomi lit up the sky for miles. Tonight, however, there was only a few sparse lights from fires that had started through the city.
"Are you certain you want to do this?" Sif asked Belldandy. Belldandy turned to her and blinked in puzzlement. Sif continued. "He's not here," she said. "I can do this alone. I... I would feel better, I think... knowing Keiichi sama had you after I was gone."
Belldandy smiled. "No, Sif. We'll do this together. After all, if one of us were to be lost, it would sadden Keiichi san..." She turned to her friend and took her hand. "And we can't have that!"
"No," Sif told her with a smile. "I suppose we couldn't."
They took a breath and raised their hands as the two goddesses began to sing.
888
Keiichi hefted his baseball bat as the hinges on the gate started creaking dangerously.
"Okay, here's the plan," he said as the others gathered around. "When they come through, we have to make sure they don't interrupt Belldandy and Sif." He turned to Urd and Skuld. "You two are our second line of defense. If they get past us, just start blasting."
The gate creaked again as the shamblers on the other side reached for them with rotting arms.
Otaki licked his lips nervously. "You know what we need right now?" he asked. At their blank looks, he elaborated. "We need some fight music!" he said. "We need something fast... and angry... like... like Disturbed... or ... or Drowning Pools! Let the bodies hit the floor! Let the bodies hit the floor..."
They covered their ears as something hideous blasted through the air.
TONIIIIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE MYSEEEELF A REAL GOOD TIME,
I FEEL ALII..I..I...IIVE... AND THE WOOOORLD... IS TURNING INSIDE OUT, YEAH!
"Who the hell put this on?!" Hasegawa cried, unable to hold her ears while holding the shotgun.
"One of the Zekes must have bumped the stereo Gary set up!" Keiichi shouted back.
"Oh, for fuck's sake!" Megumi cried.
SO DON'T... STOP... ME NOW...
The gate creaked open, and the shamblers stepped into the courtyard by the dozen.
DON'T... STOP... ME...
"Get ready," Keiichi warned, raising his bat. The others raised their makeshift weapons.
'CAUSE I'M HAVING A GOOD TIME! HAVING A GOOD TIME!
Keiichi and company charged at the zombies, weapons raised and swinging at the walking abominations' heads. For every zombie they put down, however, two more pushed its way through the gate toward them.
Aoshima wrestled with one of the shamblers as it grabbed hold of his stop sign staff. Crying out, he fell to the ground, the zombie landing on top of him. Before the creature could sink its yellow teeth into his throat, the butt of Hasegawa's shotgun slammed against the back of its head.
Jumping to his feet, he turned to Hasegawa, who shouted over the music.
"I NEED AMMO!" she shouted.
"I NEED MANA!" he cried back.
Hasegawa raised the shotgun and blew the head off another shambler before racking the gun and ejecting her last shell. She could see the gate over the heads of the ocean of zombies and vehicle that sat beyond. Resting against the temple wall to her left was a ladder Megumi set up to keep watch on Gary.
"I'M GOING FOR THE PUMA!" she shouted to Aoshima, drawing her .45. Turning she rushed to the ladder, firing at three zombies that turned to block her way. Her feet hit the ladder before the zombies hit the ground.
She reached the top of the wall in record time and paused long enough to swap magazines before hopping down to the ground below. All the zombies on this side of the wall were preoccupied with getting through the gate.
The college student rushed forward, killing two zombies as she approached the Puma. Her gunshots drew unwanted attention, and several turned to her. Seeing the open driver's side window, she put on the speed and dove!
She managed to get half of her body into the Puma with that leap. Grabbing the steering wheel, she started to pull herself through. Suddenly, her eyes went wide as she felt cold hands grab her left leg and the pressure of teeth against her ankle...
Screaming in pain, she started kicking and could hear her flesh tear from her leg, but she managed to kick the zombie in the face. Rolling onto her back, she raised the .45 and aimed out the window. A zombie, a piece of her achilles tendon still lodged in its mouth, reached out for her.
The gun kicked in her hand and took half the zombie's head off. Crying in pain, she pulled the rest of her legs inside and shut the window.
888
Belldandy and Sif's voices rose, coming into tune with the melody of the surrounding universe, the currents that ran under and through perceivable reality. With a flash of white, Holy Bell's snow-white wings emerged from the goddess's back as the angel rose into being.
Sif, her voice still resonating with the universe around her, raised Ameri over her head. Floating between the two goddesses, Holy Bell gently took the familiar from Sif and raised it to her chin. Placing the bow to the strings, the angel began to play in tune with Belldandy and Sif, the notes lifted directly from the two goddesses' souls.
Light began to emanate from the two as the zombie battle continued below.
888
I'M BURNING THROUGH THE SKIES, YEAH!
TWO HUNDRED DEGREES,
THAT'S WHY THEY CALL ME MISTER FAHRENHEIT
I'M TRAV'LING AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT!
I WANNA MAKE A SUPERSONIC WOMAN OUT OF YOU!
Otaki buried the end of his nine-iron into the skull of what used to be a mailman and tried to pull it out. Nearby, Tamiya grabbed one of the zombies in a bear-hug and wrestled it into Otaki's line of sight.
"Hey! Dai chan! Check dis out!" He held the zombie up as the undead man struggled. "It's Takehiro!"
"FUCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!" Otaki cried in shock.
Nearby, Megumi wound up and slammed her softball bat into another zombie. "Is it working?!" she cried out.
Looking up at the roof, Keiichi saw a white glow begin to spread over the temple.
888
Her leg on fire, Hasegawa reached out and turned the key on the Puma, listening to the engine roar to life.
Tossing her empty pistol aside, she cried out as she moved her legs down to the pedals, sweat breaking out across her fevered forehead. Throwing the Puma into reverse, she slammed on the gas, sending the Humvee roaring backward. She felt the impact of zombies hitting the bumper and being crushed under the vehicle's wheels. Then she felt the vehicle make purchase against her first target...
The giant speaker.
The Component City sales item fell onto its side and fell silent.
"Thank God," she whispered, resting her head against the wheel. Reaching up, she threw the Humvee into drive and pushed the gas pedal to the floor. The Puma raced forward straight toward the main temple gate.
She grit her teeth as the gateway loomed closer and shut her eyes, listening to the sound of the bumper smashing into the undead.
888
"IT'S COMING RIGHT FOR US!" Megumi cried as the Puma loomed larger.
There was nothing they could do as the Humvee raced toward them. Suddenly, the vehicle struck the gateway, wedging itself into the gateway and plugging it! The horn started to blast as steam rose from the engine.
While the others clubbed the remaining zombies on there side of the wall, Aoshima rushed toward the Puma and climbed up on its hood. Seeing Hasegawa unconscious on the other side of the windshield, he looked on either side of the vehicle and found that the doors were wedged hopelessly against the sides of the gate.
By now, the others were rushing up to them. Aoshima stood up on the hood and raised his staff.
"We have to get Lady Sora out of this contraption!" he cried, swinging his staff against the windshield...
Only to see it bounce harmlessly off, not even scratching the glass. Blinking in shock, he swung again with the same result.
"It's bullet-resistant glass!" Otaki surmised. He climbed up on the roof to try to open the turret.
Aoshima pressed against the glass to get some hint of Hasegawa's condition. He saw her stir.
"She's waking up!" he cried happily.
Hasegawa's eyes, now milky white in death, opened and found him. Reaching up with a pale arm, she slapped uselessly against the glass.
Aoshima caught a sob in his throat. "Lady Sora," he moaned as the undead woman desperately tried to grab him with dead hands.
The rest could only stare at the sight of their friend, trapped in the Puma, futiley trying to sate her unholy hunger.
With Queen no longer blasting from the speaker, they could hear Belldandy and Sif singing as Holy Bell played Ameri in a hauntingly moving melody. The group paused for a moment as the sound washed over them.
A bright light brought Keiichi out of his reverie, and he turned to see a line of blue light reach into the sky from the top of the temple. The line spread out like a Chinese fan adorned with Heavenly script, bisecting the city and started to arc down toward them.
Keiichi shut his eyes tight as the light reached down and touched him.
888
Opening his eyes, the first thing he noticed was that the dead were gone. Not just the zombies, but the corpses of the undead they had killed. Blinking, he turned to ask Megumi what was going on, and found her gone along with everyone else. The Humvee was gone, replaced by a perfectly functioning gate.
The only people left standing there were Urd and Skuld. Turning to them, he opened his mouth to ask, but was at a loss for words. Luckily, Skuld answered his question for him.
"It worked!" she squealed.
Urd smiled. "They did it," she said.
Keiichi's smile touched his ears. "They did it," he repeated quietly. "So... everything is back to normal? Hasegawa's okay?!"
Urd nodded. "The elements of the last few days brought on by the Fair Fortune spell have been removed from being. It's like it never happened. The only people with any memory of what happened will be goddesses and those involved in a contract... such as yourself."
He let out a long breath. "Oh, thank goddess," he breathed. He looked up at the temple, expecting to see Belldandy and Sif smiling down at them.
But they weren't there.
Blinking, he searched the temple roof with his eyes, and finally found some sign of them.
A lifeless feminine hand hung over the edge.
888
Keiichi gently laid Sif's unconscious body next to Belldandy's in the Norn's room. Standing up, he looked down at them both, sick with worry, before turning and rushing down the hall toward Urd, who was dialing the phone.
"They said it would be okay!" he said accusingly. "What happened?! What went wrong?!"
Urd continued dialing. "It's hard to say, Keiichi," she said calmly. "Meldings are tricky even under the best of conditions."
"Yeah, but... they said it would..."
"Keiichi!" she barked, holding a finger up with one hand and the phone's receiver to her ear with the other. "Shut up!"
The boy's mouth clamped shut.
"Yes!" Urd cried into the receiver. "I need a healer!" She was silent as whoever was on the other line asked her some questions. "Two goddesses!" she answered. "They were in a meld in order to reverse a berserk Fair Fortune spell." Another pause. "Uh huh," she said. "Uh huh... Got it!"
She hung up.
"What's going on!?" Keiichi demanded.
Urd rushed to the kitchen and turned on the faucet, filling the sink with water. As it filled, she searched the cupboard and found a large bag of salt.
"Urd!"
"I called a healer!" she said. "Hopefully, he'll know what to do." Without preamble, she dumped the salt into the sink.
"What are you doing?" Keiichi asked.
"Making saline," Urd told him.
"They need salt water?" he asked, confused.
"No, the healer's trav..."
Suddenly, there was a brown-haired man in a white and red robe standing in his sink.
"Um... hi," he said with a wave.
"Hey," Keiichi said in awe.
The man climbed out of the sink and shook the water out of the bottom of his robe. "Where are they?" he asked.
"This way," Urd said, leading him down the hall.
888
"So," Tamiya began as he and Otaki walked down the street toward their dorm. "What do you think we should challenge them to tomorrow?"
"We're running out of stuff that we're good at," Otaki complained morosely.
The two men didn't notice the hands reaching up behind them...
"Maybe darts?" Tamiya suggested.
"Maybe..." Suddenly, Otaki cried out as something grabbed his shoulder!
"Hey, Senpai!" Hasegawa greeted with a smile.
"Hasegawa!" Otaki gasped. "You scared me."
"Gomen," the girl told them, chastened. "What's up?"
"We're trying to decide to challenge the Four Wheels Club to tomorrow," Tamiya supplied.
"How about baking?" an unctuous voice suggested.
They turned and found Aoshima there.
"This is Auto Club biz-ness," Tamiya told him point-blank. "Move along."
"Very well," Aoshima said with a smile and shrug. "Have a good evening, ladies." He paused and gave a short bow to Hasegawa. "Lady Sora..."
He walked off, leaving the three there alone in their confusion.
"He's a whack-a-doo," Otaki commented.
"But what are we going to do tomorrow?" Tamiya asked again.
Hasegawa grinned. "How about skeet shooting?"
"We don't know the first thing about shooting!" Otaki protested.
"Trust me, Senpai," she told them as she took their hands and led them down the street. "Something tells me we'll do better than you think."
888
Keiichi paced back and forth in the living room as Skuld watched from her seat on the floor.
"Keiichi," she said quietly. "I'm... I'm sure Oneesama and Sif will be okay."
He turned and paced in the other direction, shaking his head. "I shouldn't have let them do it," he said.
"They had to," Skuld told him.
"Why?!" he demanded, suddenly whirling on the girl.
"Because they're goddesses," Skuld answered as if it were the most normal thing in the universe. "It's who they are."
He started pacing again, but looked up a moment later as he heard the door to Belldandy's room open and saw the healer, Nyd, and Urd appear.
"So?" he asked.
Nyd cleared his throat. "They were lucky... a little," he told her. "They're sleeping now. It looks like they were in the process of reseparating when whatever spell they were casting sapped the last of their strength. Now, the good news is that they are still two entities."
"And the bad news?" Skuld asked.
"At the same time, they are not," Nyd told her. He pulled a pen out of his robes and found a piece of paper on a shelf nearby. He drew three circles in a vertical line as he explained. "Imagine," he said, "That these circles represent Belldandy's mind, spirit and body." He drew another set of circles, these just barely overlapping the other three. "And these are Sif's," he said. "They're just barely touching, but it's enough to link them."
"Okay, but what does that mean?" Keiichi asked.
Nyd appeared confused. "Well... to be honest... I'm not sure. Normally, when goddesses meld they meld completely into one body, mind and spirit. I'm not quite sure what such a slight meld will mean."
"But they're going to be all right... right?" the college boy asked.
"I think so," Nyd relented. "They seem okay. They're just in recharge mode. That's kind of odd, though, that they have the same recharge method."
"They don't," Urd told him quietly. "Sif's recharge medium is hard core gangsta rap."
Keiichi blinked. "Seriously?"
Urd nodded.
"Wow," Nyd commented. "So the symptoms are already manifesting."
"What else can we expect?" Urd asked him.
His gaze lingered on her for a moment. "Well," he finally said, "Like we're seeing here with the recharge methods, some elements of one may have crossed to the other. How well they adapt to this new arrangement will depend on how well they knew each other before."
"They were best friends," Skuld supplied helpfully.
"Good, good," Nyd said, nodding. "That should help."
"Wait," Keiichi said. "You mean... this is permanent?"
Nyd looked at him and blinked. "I'm sorry," he said. "I thought you knew. There's no way to undo a melding once it's settled."
888
Urd had managed to convince Keiichi to get some sleep. After all, even though it technically hadn't happened, he had spent the last two days fighting off a zombie apocalypse, and that wore a man down.
She walked Nyd to the sink, listening as he gave last minute instructions.
"They'll probably be quite confused and unsettled," he told her. "Try to keep them calm and don't let them try to forcibly or magically separate themselves until you know what their new limitations are. I'll return in three days to check up on them."
Urd nodded. "Thanks, Doc," she said.
"Any questions?" he asked her.
She shook her head. Nyd paused.
"Something else?" she asked.
"Um..." The healer looked distinctly uncomfortable. "I was just... um... thinking... that perhaps... you know... in an unofficial capacity, perhaps... um... well, I was just... maybe... If you weren't doing anything sometime... anytime... I mean..."
Urd held up her card. "Call me."
He took the card and blushed. "Um.. Yeah, okay, I mean..."
Before he could get further, Urd pushed him into the sink. The healer disappeared with a splash.
888
Keiichi slept and dreamed, but found no peace. His thoughts were filled with images of Belldandy and Sif, trying to figure out what this melding stuff meant. Nyd implied they would be different, how so? What if...
What if neither one of them wanted to stay with him anymore?
Keiichi san, they both said in unison in his head. We're very sorry, but now that we have one another, there's really no need for you anymore. It's time for us to go. Don't worry, though, Urd is going to stay behind and take over as your goddess...
His eyes shot open, and he took a breath, closing his eyes again. He felt something stir to his right and turned to see what it was.
Belldandy lay next to him, sleeping with her hand resting on his chest. Blinking, he turned to his left and found Sif sleeping in the exact mirror image position Belldandy was in.
"I'm still dreaming," he muttered to himself. At least this dream was far and beyond better than the last one...
Belldandy stirred a little. "Did you say something, Keiichi san?" she asked sleepily.
Keiichi's eyes went wide at the sound of her voice even as Sif spoke from his left.
"He's dreaming about us, Belldandy," Sif mumbled tiredly. "Let him sleep."
A moment later, Keiichi was on the other side of the room, his back against the wall as his eyes took in the sight of the two goddesses sitting up and blinking at him in puzzlement.
"Keiichi san?" Belldandy asked. "Are you..."
"...feeling well?" Sif finished.
He shook his head. "Are... Are you two... feeling better?" he asked stupidly.
The two women looked to one another. "I feel fine," Sif said.
"As do I," Belldandy agreed.
Keiichi blinked. Perhaps Nyd had been wrong. "Are you sure?" he asked.
Belldandy smiled. "Indeed!"
Sif blinked at her and turned to Keiichi. "Keiichi sama? Has some..."
"...thing happened?" Belldandy finished. "Now that you men..."
"...tion it, there is some..." Sif took over.
"...thing different," Belldandy finally finished.
The goddesses looked at one another. Sif arched an eyebrow as Belldandy blinked.
Keiichi just watched for a moment.
Without warning, Sif, began speaking quickly. "IamtheverymodelofamodernmajorgeneralI've..."
"...informationvegetableanimalandmineralIknowthekingsofEn..."
"...glandandIquotethefightshistoricalfromMara..."
"...thontoWaterlooinordercategorical!" Belldandy finished, her hands going to her mouth in shock. The lyrics had been sung seamlessly... and Belldandy didn't even know that song.
They turned to him and spoke in unison. "Keiichi, what's going on!?"
He cleared his throat and scratched the back of his head. "Well," he began, "It looks like the two of you... um... melded... and then... well... didn't completely... unmeld..."
"WHAT?!" they cried, again in unison.
"This is..."
"...awful!" Belldandy finished for Sif. They looked at each other again.
"Stop..."
"... that!" Belldandy finished again. "I can't..."
"...help it!" Sif finished for the Norn.
The two stared at each other for a hard minute...
And then started to giggle.
Keiichi took a breath and sighed as Belldandy spoke to Sif. "Okay! I'll go first..." She cleared her throat. "Betty Botter had some butter, 'But...'"
"...she said, 'This butter's bitter! If I bake...'"
"'...this bitter butter, it would make my batter...'"
"'...bitter. But a bit of bet...'"
"'...ter butter...'"
"'THAT WOULD MAKE MY BATTER BETTER!'" the two squealed happily, jumping up and down as they clapped hands.
"Well, at least they're not down about it," Keiichi muttered.
"My turn! My turn!" Sif cried. "A Tudor who tooted..."
"...a flute tried to tutor two..."
Keiichi sighed again.
THREE HOURS LATER...
"Believe it or not! I'm..."
"...walking on air! I never thought I..."
"... could feel so free-ee-ee! Flying away..."
"... on a wing and a prayer! Who could it..."
"...be? Believe it or not, it's just me!"
Standing off to the side as the two goddesses sang their third '80s TV show theme song, Urd turned to Keiichi.
"Okay, seriously, do something or I'm going to murder them both."
"What do you want me to do?" Keiichi asked as the two joined goddesses entered another giggling fit.
Urd thought for a moment and grinned. "Oh my, Keiichi!" she cried in faux-alarm. "Was that your stomach growling?! When was the last time you ate?!"
Two sets of eyes simultaneously locked onto him like a surface to air missile locking onto a slow-moving plane.
Keiichi gulped. "Urd," he whispered. "What have you done?"
"Oh, Keiichi san!" Belldandy cried. "I'm so sorry!"
"We completely forgot about breakfast!" Sif said, her hands over her mouth.
Without another word, the two goddesses rushed for the kitchen.
"This might not be so bad," Urd told Keiichi with a smile. "Twice as much breakfast twice as fast!" She saw his troubled expression and frowned. "What?" she asked.
"Doesn't it bother you?" he asked. "That Belldandy is... different... now?"
Urd shrugged. "Doesn't seem too different to me. Besides, this might be good for her."
"How so?"
The Norn gave the question some thought. Finally, she turned to him. "Okay, I've got nothing!"
He sighed. "Urd..."
"Regardless, Keiichi, you're going to have to get used to it," she warned him. "My sister and Sif are part of a package deal now. It's not like you can just send one of them home now."
She walked off, and Keiichi just stared at her back. Was she right? How much would this change things?
Were they still the same women he knew?
"Keiichi sama!" he heard Sif call.
"Breakfast is ready!" Belldandy added.
He let his mind dwell on his situation for another moment before giving up and heading toward the kitchen.
