Chapter 07 –
Penny brought the boys' orders and while handing Sheldon his, even knowing she might regret, she asked:
"Why won't you try something different from the menu, Sheldon? At least once?"
Sheldon scoffed and took his order, as if the question didn't even deserve to be replied. But he indulged, poor Penny.
"It was already enough replacing Big Boy. I won't take any more chances."
Leonard just waved her to "let it go" and the other two made non-committal, although condescending, gestures.
"So. How about the new neighbor, Becky?" inquired Penny.
Sheldon choked in a poor attempt to try to disguise anything nobody was even thinking.
"Sheldon, are you okay?" asked Leonard, full of concern.
"Yes, I'm fine." he said, resuming his nonchalant expression and eating.
"Methinks she is pretty hot and lonely and Howie is ready to attack." said Wolowitz, in his gallant, tenor voice.
Immediately, Sheldon cast him his most threatening look.
"You stay away from her!" he said, pointing a long finger at Howard.
"Whoa..." Howard said, fairly shocked, "Am I missing something here?!"
"I think we all are..." said Leonard, as impressed as Wolowitz and everyone at the table, including Penny.
"Why would you care?", asked Howard. "You don't care about anyone but yourself."
Sheldon started killing Wolowitz using The Force.
"What the heck?" asked Leonard. Howard rolled eyes and Raj smiled.
"With Sheldon, we never know..." said Penny.
"Well, all we know is that he has finally lost it and we are suffering the consequences." said Howard.
"You mean he lost it just now?!" asked Leonard.
"I didn't lose anything! You all stop making fun of me!" Sheldon was a little aggravated, but not so much as to lose his usual composure.
They were all interrupted by a massive noise of glasses breaking. All the eyes turned to the responsible and the man, apparently the manager, mercilessly yelling at her.
"Becky?" asked Leonard to no one in particular, adjusting his glasses to see better.
"Yeah... She began working here this week, poor thing... Things are going pretty hard for her... It must not be easy for someone who has just gotten a college degree and ended up here..."
In spite of his shock, Sheldon couldn't help saying:
"Well, it is just a degree, after all... And in Literature, to top it all off..."
Penny looked at him, full of contempt, shook her head and left to help the girl.
"Although she is right, Leonard. Why on Earth is a fairly... capable person doing here?"
"Well, if you're talking about me, I'm trying to eat."
Raj and Howard roared with laughter.
"Oh! Okay, so you're funny now. Good for you. Excuse me, gentlemen."
"Where the heck is he going?" asked Raj.
"Beats me," said Leonard, chewing his food, "and frankly, I don't really wanna know right now. I'll find out soon enough, probably."
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Becky was there, pathetically collecting orders, when Sheldon approached her, out of the blue and started talking, startling her.
"Becky, why didn't you tell me you worked here?!"
"Damn it, Sheldon!" she nearly dropped another tray. "I need this job, okay? Don't scare me like that. If I drop anything else, I'll really know the meaning of 'recession'."
"Do you need money?"
"Of course I do, Sheldon. Everybody does." she was walking, serving and talking.
"I don't." he said, following her.
"Good for you!" she scoffed, still clumsily carrying trays and taking orders, not looking at him, "And nor does Bill Gates. Or Steve Jobs, except that he is luckier, because he is dead! Now, will you please, let me work?" she finally looked at him, begging.
He laughed, that strange sound that must be a laugh, anyway.
"There, there. Don't be like that. I know what you need."
"You do?!" she was hopeful, staring at him with a 'Gone with the Wind' gaze.
"Yes, I do. You need to be provided for."
She blinked, focusing. Her head suddenly had started spinning and she realized what he had just said.
And roared with laughter.
"Oh my God, Shel! You kill me! I bet you read the whole Jane Austen's book, didn't you?! What a darling! Now, release me from this thrall at once, will you, I'm about to get fired!" she whispered this last sentence.
"Sheldon, that's enough," Penny tried to pacify, "Becky needs to work. You understand that, don't you?"
"Of course, I do, Penny. But does she want to work here?"
Becky could hear from the point she was, even though she shouldn't interact any further.
"Of course she does. That's why she requested the job. Now, go and finish your meal."
"It must be cold at this point." he sulked, getting back to his seat.
When Sheldon finally sat, all his friends stared at him, with curious, inquiring gazes.
"So... Are you sleeping with her?"
"Howard! We agreed to approach the subject discreetly!" moaned Leonard, in utter desperation.
"You wish you were, Wolowitz. She may have only a degree, and in Literature, but she has something more than you do, that's for sure."
"Yep. He's sleeping with her, definitely." Howard said with finality.
"We don't know that, or anything, for that matter." concluded Leonard. "She has just got here. I can't believe, Sheldon, are you... dating this girl?"
"I... Whatever gave you such an insane notion! But... Leonard, what is the protocol for 'dating' someone?"
"Well... I take there is no protocol for that... I mean, in such cases, the couple is the one that makes the rules..."
"Oh. So, that is the protocol, then?"
"But I just said that—Yeah, that's the protocol."
"Does she have to know she can participate in the rules creation? Assuming she doesn't have to, does that break the protocol?"
"What?!"
"I think this freak is trying to ask about another moronic list for her to sign and bow to his every wishes." said Howard.
"Oh. Of course." said Leonard, comprehending.
"Excuse me, Mr. No-PhD, I did not ask for you non-expert opinion."
"But I'm glad to help, even so. No need to thank me."
"I wasn't going to."
Howard scoffed and didn't even bother to answer. Meanwhile, Penny was back.
"Soooo, Sheldon..! You and Becky, huh?"
"Oh, please, Penny. Don't."
"Leonard, what did I say wrong?"
"Penny, you know... With Sheldon, we never know."
"Oh, right. Um, so... Are you two dating?!"
"Why don't you people mind your own business?" he said, sounding more rude than he ever did, but without losing his Spockyness.
"Ooooh, calm down, Shel." and to that, Sheldon immediately turned his head to stare at her malignantly, "Oh, and by the way, her shift is nearly over. How cool is that?!"
"Why would that be... 'cool', Penny?"
"I don't know, Shel. You tell me." she winked at him, perkily.
"Don't call me that." he sounded more than annoyed.
"See you later, Penny?" asked Leonard, smiling.
"Yes, I suppose."
"Later, and always." He said, emphasizing the romance.
"Oh, boy you are so lame!" she tried to hide her perkiness and joy, and ran for it, going to see to other tables.
"True. That was really lame." said Howard.
"Whatever, dude. She liked it, I could see that. Chicks dig lameness." suggested Raj.
"You would know, Raj." said Sheldon.
"You don't miss one, do you, Shel?" said Leonard, mockingly.
"Leonard." Sheldon purposefully ignored the mockery, "I have an urge for going to the Comic Book Store."
"Now?!"
"Yes, now. Of course, now. Why would I ask to go now if I wanted to go tomorrow?!"
"Gee, sorry, Sheldon. I'm not in the mood of driving you there now. But maybe tomorrow? How about it?"
Both Raj and Howard laughed.
"You're insufferable today, Leonard and those two are behaving like trained monkeys. However, I do need you to take me there. At this precise moment."
Leonard was ready to give in... Raj and Howard were fuming...
Then, Leonard noticed Becky. Her shift was over. 'Hm, it could work...'
"Nah, sorry. I am preparing myself for an endless night of nothing but some nasty sex with Penny."
"Oh, how distasteful your jokes are becoming! I don't know what your intentions are, Leonard, but it's not pleasing me in the very least."
"Then, it is working."
And all that unfortunate discussion with Howard and Raj's laughter as the background music.
"Fine. I'll go by myself. I hope you're happy."
And Sheldon left the table, stomping out of the room.
"Wow, dude. He got really angry..." Raj sounded concerned.
"I know..." Leonard was mildly pleased.
"You cheap bastard." said Howard, amused. "But I don't think this is gonna work for Sheldon, Leonard. He doesn't see sex as a way of getting happy or as a reward..."
"I know. But it was worth the try." said Leonard, hopeful.
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Becky was opening her car, she could hardly wait to listen to that song, when...
"Oh, amazing! You have your car." Sheldon said, jumping out of the shadows.
"GAH! Sheldon! You..." she snorted, "You know, one of these days, you'll give me a heart attack! You're like a freaking Ninja! Gosh!"
He didn't reply to that, but considered the remark a compliment.
"What do you want?" she resumed to opening her car, tired.
"I need to go to the Comic Book Store."
"Huh. Nice. And I need to sleep, or listen to some music, or a gun. Bye, good luck."
"Wait, where are you going?"
"What do you mean, 'where am I going?' I'm going home, to meet Dr. Frank-N-Furter, of course! Do you need a ride? Hop in, then!"
"Yes, I do need a ride, but not home, I need a ride to the Comic Book Store."
She left her car, fuming, and shut the door.
"Oh, yes, now I get it!" she said and he looked satisfied about this last remark of hers, but after uttering it, she grabbed him by the arm none too gently and scaring him to death, "Do you see that huge signal written 'bus stop'? That will take you to the Comic Book Store! You ass! Good night!"
But before she entered the car, he was now really angry, as angry as he used to get with Wil Wheaton. He threw himself in front of her, to claim his rights, if it was the last thing he would do.
"Oh, great! Now I'm about to be killed by a freaking psycho! Thank you God!" she yelled, overcome by fear.
"What are you talking about?!" he seemed now more confused than angry. "I am not going to kill you! Why would I do such a thing?! Besides, I need you to give me a ride!"
"To hell with you!" she threw the car key at him. "Why don't you drive, then? Take the damn car! Take everything! I just don't care anymore!"
She was about to run away and Sheldon had to do the unthinkable and the impossible.
He grabbed her from behind, in the middle of her flight. Her heart was racing and her breath ragged and he knew, he realized she was frightened.
"Let me go! I have pepper spray here and I can fight kung fu and any shit you can imagine!"
"There is some kind of misunderstanding going on here," he was still holding her against him, and even though she was struggling for dear life, he wasn't really making so much effort, "I have no interest in mugging you. I just need a ride. I don't see how I could make myself any clearer."
She was so warm and soft against him... And obviously, strangely, his body was acting and reacting against his will...
"Oh my... God!" she cried, in utter horror, feeling and realizing, "Let go of me! I'll take you wherever!"
He also realized... something was 'wrong' about his body and let her go. He would have, anyway, but at least, now he had a ride.
She got into the car without deigning to even look at him anymore. She turned her stereo to practically blasting the windows and started running the vehicle like a maniac.
"Can you turn the volume down, please?" he requested, as politely as he could, shouting through the music.
She ignored him and it was easy, since it was nearly impossible to listen to anything he was saying.
He couldn't take it anymore and turned off the blasting stereo.
Now, that was the last straw.
She stopped her car, abruptly, and said to him:
"Okay, enough. Get the fuck out of my car."
He flinched, but kept his cool.
"But I asked you to turn the volume down. You chose to ignore me. I had no choice."
"Yes, you did have a choice! You could have chosen to leave me alone! Now, get out!"
And then she started sobbing uncontrollably. He was torn between really taking off or...
"There, there..."
She sighed and laughed between sobs, it was impossible not to.
"You keep saying that. What the hell does that mean?"
"It is something one should say when a person is sad."
"Sheldon..." she looked at him, tenderly, "Are you even from this planet? I don't think you have a clue. I'm so sorry, let's go to the Comic Book Store."
"I don't want to go anymore."
"I know I had everything to do with that. Anyway, I don't really think I'm a good... person for you to be around. I'll leave you alone, from now on."
"What are you saying? I don't understand. We live in the same building, it will be impossible for us not to see each other."
"Um... Yeah, you are right. I have to find a cheaper place to live, anyway. So, it's gonna work out just fine."
"What is 'gonna work out just fine'?"
"Never mind that, dear. Come on, let's go home."
"No, don't talk to me like I was a baby! Are you saying you are going to move out? Is that it?"
"Yeah, that's it. After all, you're the genius here, right?"
"But... why? Why are you going to move out, you have just settled in!"
"I know, Shel, I know..." she resumed her driving, "But 'there are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.'"
The cruelest irony of all was to be defeated by your own words, when they weren't even yours... Sheldon was dumbfounded and couldn't answer to his own usual quotation...
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Sheldon woke up scared as hell, with someone pounding on his door.
"Leonard?" he yelled.
"Sheldon! It's me! Rebecca!"
Rebecca? What... Rebecca?
He opened the door, awkwardly sleepy, in a very cute old-fashioned robe.
"Becky? What do you want? I don't wake up at this time."
"I know, no normal person does. Let me in. Please?"
He stepped aside to make room and sat on his favorite corner of the sofa, and she sat by his side.
"I... I just wanna tell you... How much I'm gonna miss you."
"You're moving out now?" he seemed suddenly awaken and alert.
"Of course not, silly!" she laughed. "I just... I just missed you. I suppose I could have waited to tell you that in the morning, but I just... couldn't. Sorry for interrupting your sleep. I know how inconvenient that can be."
She touched his face, lightly, whereas he involuntarily closed his eyes, and she got up, ready to leave.
"Where are you going?!" he asked, confused.
"Um... To my apartment?"
"But..."
She was standing there, waiting... and he had no idea of what to say.
"Where's Leonard?" she asked, smiling tenderly at him.
He just gave that spiteful look to describe what he thought his friend might be doing.
"Oh, I know... 'Performing a little of the old in-out, in-out...'"
"Bazinga."
"You can say that again. So, you're here alone?"
"Yes. I am here alone."
"Oh. Well. And... would you like any company, at all? I mean, if you want me to leave, I'll just go."
"Yes, I'd love if you stayed, Becky."
Her heart now was racing and she was shaking, but for the right reasons.
"Okay." she tried to sound absurdly nonchalant. "And, um... Can I sleep in Leonard's room? Do you think he would care?"
He was smiling at her, that secret smile...
"But why would you do such a thing?"
"Because, um... Come on, Shel! I definitely don't wanna sleep on the sofa!"
"But of course you won't sleep on the sofa. What if I wake up before you? Come."
"Where're we going?"
"This is my room. How do you like it?"
Now, it was Becky's turn to be caught off guard.
"Your room! Oh! I... And... do you have a spare bed or sleeping bags?"
"For God's sake, Becky, I'm not going to bite you! You can sleep in my bed, trust me."
"And... Where are you going to sleep?"
"You're slow for someone who went to Harvard, but I wouldn't expect too much from a Literature graduate."
Becky was gasping and doing anything not to fuck up the best moment of her life. She trusted him, all right. She didn't trust herself.
He got himself under the covers and she was there, standing awkwardly. She took a deep breath and took her place by his side.
"Okay, good night, Becky."
"Good night, Sheldon."
She just... couldn't sleep. She looked at his alarm clock. 3:42am. Damn it! How she craved for her iPod! How could she have forgotten it!
"Becky, what's wrong?"
"Huh? Why? Nothing. I'm quiet, not making a noise. Am I...?"
"No, but you are emitting... strange waves."
"Waves?"
"Yes, as in energy. What is the matter?"
"Oh, um..." she sighed, "I was thinking about my iPod."
"Your... iPod? Your iPod was making you that anxious?"
"Well, hell yeah! I forgot it back in my apartment..."
"So, why don't you go and get it? But by the time you come back, I may be sleeping, so, there might not be anyone to open the door for you!"
She stayed in silence for a few moments and since it was dark, there was no use trying to look him in the eye... But she moved to reach closer to him, either way.
"Um... What the hell was that about?"
"I am sleeping. Good night, Becky."
"Shel... Sheeel..." she started shaking him.
"Don't do that!"
"Sorry! I... Um, look, this is all really weird. You must understand. I'm sorry, but I don't know how to react at all and of course I am not anxious because of my iPod, but it helps me in these moments... a lot. I just wanted you to know, then. Good night."
She was concentrating in some random romantic pop song to help her sleeping, when Sheldon's face cut through the haze she was trying to create inside her mind.
Then, she dared to look at him and he seemed even more innocent, there, with his eyes closed, defenseless...
She couldn't take it anymore and kissed him, full on the lips. He was taken a little by surprise, but strangely, this time, he parted them, a little further and even held her, closer, tighter.
And they slept like that. It was really hard for him, though, because, due to his Vulcan hearing, her heart pounding like mad kept him up nearly all night.
Or was it his?
