"Everywhere I go I see your face
Every sound I hear is the sound of your voice
Why are you haunting me
Why can't I let you go
Why are you haunting me?
Everything about me is a lie
At least it seems that way when I look in your eyes
The truth scares the shit out of me
Whoever said love is real and love is blood
has never felt the way that I do
What does it matter?
What's done is done and I should get on with my life
Why are you haunting me?
Well, I don't know what it means
But I can't seem to make myself forget
Was it something that you said
Was it all the guilt inside my head
Why are you haunting me?"
Having showered and freshly changed, Rei stuffed her pockets for the night. Fake ID, allowing her to be 23 for the night, lip gloss, yen, cigarette case, and her lighter.
Granted, she was going to her usual haunt, a place appropraitely named Seijin, but she still felt she had to bring her ID. The bouncer outside would appreciate her attempt at respect, she was sure.
At the back door, she paused to slip her shoes on, and silently opened the door.
"Going somewhere?" A voice behind her asked. She spun and saw Yuuchirou leaned nonchalantly against the counter. He pinned her with a look that said, 'I know what you're doing,' and she smirked.
"Yeah, out." With that, she spun on her heel and walked out the door, shutting it as silently as she had opened it.
Halfway down the short steps, she heard the door open. "I'll come with, then."
She turned her head to give him a sidelong glance, "Do you have ID?"
He chuckled and shook his head. "What place are you going to that requires identification? Or... are you going to a club? And underage too? Rei, I'm shocked." His feigned indignance was just pissing her off.
"Join if you want, but I'm not waiting." She made her way down the path toward the street and paused to light a cigarette.
"Thought you weren't waiting?"
Jumping, she whirled around, only to come face to face with Yuuchirou's chest. She held up her cigarette and waved it a bit, as though to say, 'See, ass? I don't wait.'
He smirked, and grabbed it deftly, moving it between his two fingers. "One such as you is too young to smoke." Taking a drag, he blew it out above her head, only further defining her shortness and pissing her off more.
She grabbed it back and smiled in mock saccharine glory. "You're not twenty either, jerk-face." She turned, and began to walk toward the busy clubs of the district. His face had been worth her bitchiness.
He caught up to her again and grabbed her arm, not roughly, but definitely not gently. "Rei, seriously, you shouldn't go out. Why don't we-"
"What, Yuuchirou, rent a movie, pretend we're a couple? What do you want from me?" She squeaked, a little loudly, grabbing the attention of a gaggle of kids across the street. "The only thing WE are, is friends, and not even very good ones at that." Vehemence was alive in her voice, and she twisted her arm away from his loose grip.
Hurt and concern marked his face and he allowed her to walk ahead. She could hear his steps behind her as he shuffled his feet. 'Damn, I really hurt him.' She shook her head slightly, trying to clear the thoughts.
Arriving at Seijin, she smiled winningly at the bouncer and presented her ID. She had paid good money for it to look VERY convincing. He smirked at her and nodded for her to enter. A girl inside stamped her hand, marking her as a patron, and she moved along, allowing the heavy bass to carry her feet.
Making her way to the bar, she greeted the bartender and ordered a mild drink. She was only in the mood to dance, not to get drunk... for once.
Feeling a presence beside her, she flicked her eyes.
"Walker black," he said, and her eyebrows raised. He glanced at her and turned his head back to the bar.
"Yuuchirou, here I am, being good and sipping on my drink, and you're going to get loaded," she said in not-so-feigned concern.
"Yeah, well..." his sentence died on his lips as the bartender returned with a tumbler. "No ice, please. Thanks." He handed the bartender yen for the drink and turned to survey the floor.
Rei did the same, looking for a booth to sit at for a bit. Finding one, she pushed off the bar and weaved in and out of bodies. "You can stop following me," she said to her shadow, who seemed driven into pursuing her.
"I'm just looking out for you, Rei."
She sighed and looked toward the floor again. "Yuuchirou, I don't need your protection." He chuckled low. She glared at him and snubbed her nose.
"Rei, everyone needs someone to protect them once in a while."
She guffawed and sipped her drink before speaking again. "I'm not some little weakling you have to follow around, Yuuchirou."
He gaped at her and tilted her chin to look at him. "Rei, this has nothing to do with you being weak, this has everything to do with other people catching you off guard. If anything happened-" She roughly turned her head away and stood.
Tossing back the rest of her drink, she moved toward the floor. Sweaty bodies writhed in syncopation, and she began to move with them. Soon, she found her rhythm and her body pulsed along with the lights.
A body moved closer to her and she turned to see who was invading her space. A man, about Yuuchirou's height danced, his body lithe and muscular. She smiled and shook her head as a sign of 'thanks but no thanks'.
He smiled at her and nodded back, moving slowly away, to find another partner. It was nice that some people around here understood when to leave well enough alone. She was annoyed though, at herself for instantly comparing him to Yuuchirou. She was even angrier still that she could not get him off of her mind.
Feeling another body move toward her, she turned and met curious brown eyes. She moved to leave the floor and he grabbed her around the waist, pulling her close. Her mouth opened to protest him, but his head dipped low to her ear.
"I expect nothing. Just dance with me." She moved her head back and met his eyes uncertainly. She pantomimed for him to explain, and he dipped in again.
"I respect that you want to be alone, but not tonight. Just let me in tonight." She nodded in defeat against his shoulder.
Holding her gently around the waist with one arm, he moved with her, bodies close. She felt the heat radiating off of him, and closed her eyes. His breath tickled her neck, and she shuddered. His hand was doing wonderful things to her lower back, thereby affecting her internally.
They stepped off the floor before long to get drinks, and she motioned outside for a smoke. He nodded and motioned to ask if she wanted a drink.
Wrapping her hands around his neck, she pulled him close. "Amaretto sour, please," and moved to give him money. He waved her off and shooed her outside without another word.
The coolness of the night blasted her, and she wished she had worn something other than a simple wifebeater and capris. Emerging shortly, Yuuchirou handed her the drink and took a cigarette from his pocket.
He lit it and eyed her silently. "You cold?" She nodded, and lit her own cigarette. Leaning back against the railing, she raised her eyes to the sky. She had always loved the way ambient light made the stars disappear.
Feeling fabric on her bare arm, she glanced down. Yuuchirou held out his overshirt to her, and wiggled it. Shooting him a grateful look, she took it and slipped it around her shoulders.
They stood, side by side until her body heat had adjusted to the cold and they were both long done with their drinks. Rei moved to go back inside and Yuuchirou grabbed her hand.
"Rei-"
She pleaded with her eyes for him to just not say anything tonight. But didn't grab her hand away. Instead, she led him back inside, only stopping to tie his shirt around her waist.
Dropping their emptied glasses at the bar, they made their way back out to the floor, where she placed one arm around his neck, and he resumed his one armed grip on her small frame.
They moved as one for hours, sinuous and fluid. Occasionally, he would dip his head down and whisper in her ear, about other dancers, or how beautiful she looked.
He moved in again, and breathed in her ear, "Thank you."
She couldn't take it. Guilt was eating away at her for having treated him like she did, and she wanted nothing more than to allow him into her life.
On the other hand, if she let him in, she would only lose him in the end. He would leave her, finding her to be a burden, something he HAD to be around. Nothing that he really wanted. He'd find someone else, and run around behind her back. He wouldn't come home one night, and every night after that, and she would be left alone again.
Seeing her head bow, Yuuchirou raised her chin and met her eyes. Unshed tears pooled and he gasped. With his eyes, he asked her, 'Do you want to go?'
She nodded, and he led her off the floor and toward the exit.
Her mind was spiraling into a dangerous place, his hand on her lower back the only thing tethering her to this world, and she knew she would have to tell him everything. She would eventually have to either let him in, or shut him completely out.
He nodded to the bouncer, who nodded back, two men acknowledging one another as safe people. He wrapped his arm around her waist, allowing her to use him as a crutch, and they walked companionably back to the shrine.
She was at war with herself. She wanted him. She was sure now that she needed him. She pushed that need far into herself, but it bubbled back. He made her feel safe, peaceful even when she fought him. He made her question who she was. Whether she was a good person, whether she was selfish in her self-abuse, or whether she was hurting others when she hurt herself.
All of this, and she wanted him. He challenged her to look at herself, and decide if that's who she wanted to be. He was patient as she came to terms with her past. He was there when she said she wanted to be alone, knowing that she was lying through her teeth.
Up the back path, through the trees, she questioned everything she was.
She stopped abruptly, and took out a cigarette. He asked no questions. He waited while she composed herself.
"Yuuchirou, do you... want to..." She lost her voice, unable to go further, lest she give herself, her heart, away to a man she barely knew.
He nodded. "Just lemme change." She nodded, grateful that he was so understanding. It was high time she told him everything, and let him decide from there whether or not he was willing to get into an emotional relationship with a mess like her.
They entered the house, and instantly it felt empty to her. Looking around the kitchen, she noticed a note.
"Rei-chan,
Out with friends.
Don't wait up.
Grandfather.'
She had to smile. Everything about that man was simple, even his notes.
Grabbing it off the counter, she made her way to her room, and turned on the light. Grabbing pajamas, she closed the door and proceeded to change.
A knock sounded, and she opened it, slipping her shorts on in the process.
"Hang out here or in the living room?" Yuuchirou asked, leaning heavily on the doorframe.
"Whichever," she replied, feeling as indifferent as she sounded for once. Now that she had made up her mind to tell him everything about her mother and father, how she had been abandoned, she no longer cared about things like personal space. They just seemed so... trivial.
He moved past her and his arm grazed her abdomen as she stood aside. He resumed his place on her floor, and patted the spot next to him.
She smirked and shut the door. "So," she started, turning her cd player on, "Granddad is out with friends tonight. He usually does this once a month."
Yuuchirou interjected, "Gets together with his old buddies, a night on the town?"
She laughed, "Something like that. He's usually gone until Sunday evening, but that's if he leaves on Friday. They go to a hot springs for the weekend. I think we'll see him Monday morning." She moved back to the bed, and laid on it, so her head was near Yuuchirou, and her legs and feet were angled against the wall.
She motioned under the bed, and he pulled her kit out. He eyeballed her and shook his head. "I don't think so."
She pouted cutely and eventually won. He opted for them just to smoke, rather than do anything too hard, and she allowed it, understanding that she needed to have relative clarity of mind for this conversation.
Twenty minutes later, and he left the room, only to return with a bottle of liquor and two glasses. She lit a cigarette, and waited for him to pour her a drink.
"So," she said out of nowhere, initiating the conversation, "I think it's important to thank you first and foremost."
"Thank me?" He gazed at her quizzically, and she nearly melted as he put his hair up again.
She nodded and continued,"It's not often that someone is so patient, and willing to listen and support someone as hardheaded as me. Here's the thing, this is kind of a long story, and it is kinda sad. Now, I can't speak for anyone other than myself in this, so there are still probably going to be alot of things that need to be explained. Don't ask granddad, though. He gets very... excited about this subject. Unfortunately, no one who can give you an explanation is around."
He met her eyes, and his usual nonchalant attitude turned suddenly serious. "Rei, you don't-"
"I want to. You have a right to know." Taking another sip of her drink, she began her story.
Forty minutes later, Yuuchirou held her as she cried, for her dead mother, her bastard father, her rock of a grandfather, and the mess that she had made of her life.
Another twenty minutes later, and she initiated a kiss with Yuuchirou. After she had finished her story, she had been pulled off the bed and cuddled to his chest. Now she sat on his lap, much like this situation before.
He moved his head back to look at her again, and she pressed in for another kiss, afraid to let him go. Afraid he'd leave her.
The same reasons were her motivations for fingering the hem of his shirt, working it up, and over his head. For taking her own shirt off, and throwing it behind her. And when he moved to look at her again, she tried to press in again, to kiss him further, to silence him, she was shocked that he turned the would-be kiss into a crushing hug.
"Rei, we can't." Her heart broke then, not understanding him. Moving away from him, she deftly crawled onto her bed.
"I thought this was what you wanted, Yuuchirou. I-" He shifted around to look her straight in the eye, and she was surprised. His eyes were serious, hurt, and angry.
"If you thought this was what I wanted, you are sadly mistaken. I only wanted you." He rose to leave and she grabbed his hand. His head snapped back toward her, and she snatched her hand back, as though burned.
"But you have me," she said, small and childlike.
"Not the part of you I want. If I wanted your body, I would have groped you in the club." With that, he turned and walked out of the room.
For the second time in as many nights, Rei found herself crying alone in her room. This time, there was no armor to build up around herself. She had dropped the pretenses, and shown him who she was, and he had left her.
Yay! Another chapter. I now have adapted a 2,000 word minimum, lol. Anyway, tension. Rei still isn't understanding that she has a chance at happiness. Yay Yuuchirou for telling her no with her penchant for drug use and self-abuse. He does care, really he does. Enjoy!
Oh! BTW - legal age for drinking, smoking, and voting in Japan is 20, which is why both Rei and Yuuchirou need fakes. Aaaaaaannnnnnd, did you know that TECHNICALLY, the legal age of consent is 13, but most prefectures adapt 17 as the legal age.
Another thing, Seijin is part of the title for the traditional Coming-Of-Age Day in Japan, that happens on a Monday in January. Basically, when young'uns turn 20 during the school year, there is a coming of age day, where they are celebrated. Generally, everyone gets decked out in their kimono and such, listen to speakers for most of the day, then go out and party. Fun facts.
