What…another update?
Yes!
**You all don't have to read this part if you don't want to…I just wanted to address a review someone gave me on the last chapter. I thank you for bringing your observation to my attention. Ironically, I did do my research, but that didn't show in my last chapter because I got lazy on the editing process (I finished this chapter at like 2 am). I'm really sorry for that. Originally, I had planned the still-birth, but I decided against it and switched it to a miscarriage. However, the original idea still reflected in my story and I didn't catch it and fix it before I updated. So that was my fault. I am definitely not misinformed (I actually know a little bit from experience as my aunt went through a still-birth and it was a really sad time for our family) and it isn't my intention to make light of a situation like that. I take credibility very seriously, so I really thank you for bringing my editing error to attention and I hope you continue to read my story! I went back and fixed it and everything should match up now.**
Okay, on with the story! Hope you guys enjoy being spoiled with all these updates. Sorry this one is a little shorter than the others.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Glee or the characters, etc etc. If I did, I'd have Sue wear pearls with her tracksuits more often.
CHAPTER 7: Untouched photographs
He felt the same confidence he felt on this day eight years ago. However this time, the words were not as well-received.
"What? Are you delusional?" She seemed angry.
"I know you still love me too," Finn said with conviction. He tried to ignore the fact that he almost was trying to convince her of this fact.
"Finn," Rachel said, backing away slowly. "You…" Rachel trailed off, and with each passing second, he saw her slipping away.
"Rachel," he breathed, his voice pleading. He didn't know what changed inside him to make him feel so desperate. Until now, Finn had pushed aside every feeling he had. He had remained as level-headed as he possibly could. But now, everything was surfacing. And like a volcano that erupts, once it starts, there's no staunching it.
"You were the one who filed for the divorce, Finn."
Finn's eyebrows creased in worry.
"I know that," Finn said, trying to continue. Rachel stopped him.
"So you made this decision, not me."
"Rachel…I made it because I had to. I couldn't live without—"
Rachel interrupted him again.
"Don't," Rachel said, discouraging him from continuing. Finn became more heated.
"No, let me finish, dammit! I couldn't live without you any longer. You had checked out of this relationship weeks before you left for New York. Then, when you actually were gone, I missed every single day. Every damn day, Rachel. So much that I wished even that fragment of you was back—as long as I had some form of you in my life. Then I realized that I couldn't live like that any longer. You clearly were moving on, so I had to…but you have to understand…"
"Why are you telling me this?" Rachel stopped him. "Why are you saying this to me NOW when this mediation is two days away?"
"Because maybe I want to stop it!" Finn shouted. He hadn't planned on admitting this to her, but he damn well didn't see any other way. She was so stubborn.
Rachel's chocolate eyes, wide as saucers, stared up at him. He saw the tears swimming in them and cursed himself for bringing it up at all. This is not exactly how he planned this conversation.
"Finn, I…" Rachel twisted her lips in confliction, trying to find the right words to say. He waited anxiously for her to continue. "I will always love you. That will never change. But, it isn't the same anymore, and I think we're both adult enough to know that. And if we're sensible, we'll stop what's going on here and continue to remain as civil as possible throughout the rest of this process."
Finn felt as though all the wind got knocked out of his stomach. He said nothing as Rachel turned around, her hair flipping dramatically behind her.
. . .
Despite everything they had been through, Finn had learned over the past few years how much he really appreciated having Puck still around in Lima.
After Rachel left the kitchen, Finn didn't hesitate in grabbing his keys and leaving the house. He couldn't stay there right now. Not when he felt like he was shattered into a million pieces. He got in the car a drove straight for this dive of a bar he often frequented, dialing Puck's number on the way.
Puck agreed to come out, noting the sadness and urgency in his friend's voice. As they found themselves sitting at the barstools, Finn explained every detail of the last two days. After he had finished, Puck and Finn both took simultaneous swigs of their beers.
"I wish I never filed the papers," Finn admitted. "It was a hot-headed mistake."
"I don't know dude," Puck said. "It sounds like you're really screwed. Maybe it's actually over."
Finn looked down at his drink and shook his head.
"No. No dude. It can't be."
"Rachel is pretty stubborn," Puck said. "You know she always gets what she wants. That's how she got you, isn't it? If this is what she wants, I don't know…"
"But it isn't what she wants," Finn said with conviction. "I'm convinced it's just an act. She's good at that."
Puck didn't debate it anymore. Instead, he took another sip of his drink and shrugged.
"Okay then, man. What's the game plan?"
Finn looked up at his friend.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, what's the plan? How are you going to stop this divorce thing from going down?"
Finn creased his eyebrows. He didn't really have a plan. But as soon as Puck said it he realized that if he really did want to stop it, he needed one.
. . .
Rachel hadn't stopped crying since the moment he left the house.
She always had a flair for dramatics. Usually whenever she cried, she was doing it as practice for future acting jobs. Many people saw her as a drama queen for it, but Rachel always told herself that they'd eat their words the second she accepted her first Tony award.
However, ever since she had returned to Lima, each tear that had fallen onto her face wasn't an act. It was real—and the emotion that accompanied it swallowed Rachel up whole.
She figured Finn wouldn't be back for awhile. In the weeks before she had left for New York, every night was an epic battle, and it usually resulted in him leaving for hours at a time. Rachel assumed that this time was nothing different, and she willingly took advantage of her alone time.
Sniffling audibly, she changed into her nightgown and washed her face. After going through the mundane routine of readying herself for bed, she walked slowly out to the kitchen. All that was left in the aftermath of their evening was the dishes in the sink. With only the sound of the humming refrigerator to keep her company, Rachel washed the dishes mechanically before putting them away. Once she was done cleaning up, she stared around the room for a moment, letting her mind soak up the events that had occurred earlier.
Was it really possible that Finn wanted her back?
Rachel realized she had been a terror to be with before she left for New York—and they never really talked about it. They just argued about everything else instead. But the baby hadn't been a subject she ever wanted to broach. It hurt too much. So instead of pushing through the pain, she distracted herself with other nuisances instead…and as a result, it ruined her marriage.
Finally letting up on her crying, Rachel walked into the living room. Looking around, she noticed for the first time that nothing had changed from the day that she left. The furniture was arranged exactly the same, even though Finn wasn't overly happy with it when she first organized it that way. The dvd's were in the same place and in the same order on the entertainment shelf.
And the pictures. Every single photo-frame had been left the way it was.
Rachel walked along the wall and looked at the ones they had mounted. There were the photographs from their wedding, which had been arranged in an aesthetically-pleasing montage on shelves above the couch. They had remained in the frames that Rachel had picked out—each one saying either "love" or "family" on top of them. She ran her fingers lightly over each photo, remembering every second of that day. Her form fitting taffeta dress that had flared out slightly at the bottom, his tailored suit, the guests, the blush of their cheeks on their wedding night…
Rachel removed herself from her reverie, exited the living room and daringly ventured towards what used to be their bedroom.
Bracing herself, Rachel peered through the door and looked around—as if he might been in there and catch her. Entering the room, she noticed that some of her things had been replaced by Finn's things on top of the dresser. However, like the living room, everything else had mostly remained the same. Right down to the photographs.
Feeling a fresh set of tears coming on, Rachel unthinkingly crawled into the bed. Burrowing down into the soft sheets, the familiar smell of Finn burned her nose. She breathed in, smelling his skin and his cologne that lingered on the fabric, and it once again reminded her of the hours before.
Rachel let herself cry. At first she was going to fight it off, but the emotion was too overpowering. She succumbed to the sobs that escaped her lips, and buried her head into the pillow. As she cried, she felt her fingers brush against another fabric at the edge of the bed. Lifting her head up for a moment, she noticed it was one of Finn's grey t-shirts. Not caring how crazy she was being, she slipped the shirt over her head and put it on over her nightgown. If she was going to be this masochistic, Rachel figured she might as well go all-out.
She didn't know how long she had been lying there, but she guessed it had been for a while. Not caring about keeping track of time, she remained in her position with her head buried. Her sobs had eventually tapered off and returned to audible sniffs.
Some moments later, she drifted off into a heavy slumber.
Rachel didn't hear the click of the front door lock, or the sound of his heavy footsteps on the carpet when he came in. She didn't hear him as he changed his clothes and brushed his teeth.
It was only when she felt the bed sink at the presence of another weight that she woke up, alerted of Finn's arrival back home. Before she had time to react and quickly leave the bedroom, she felt his big arms wrap around her small waist as he lay down next to her.
Rachel turned at lightning speed to look at him, embarrassed that she had been caught in the bed, wearing his shirt no less.
"Sorry, I…" she began, but Finn shushed her.
"It's okay," he said, still not letting go of her. His words stumbled from the beer that was no doubt still in his system.
"Go back to sleep," he cooed.
She guessed that she should have fought him off, but her lack of energy made it impossible. She was unceasingly drained from the emotion of the last few hours.
Rachel made no move to release from his embrace as she turned back around, falling asleep in his arms.
We're getting somewhere! Obviously there's still a lot to figure out. And the mediation meeting is still two days away...
Hmmm...
Thanks again for all of your reviews! I appreciate them so much!
xoxo
