Sorry it took so long for an update! Hopefully this was worth the wait.
Chapter 7
Izzie dabbed her hands dry with a paper towel and looked at herself in the mirror. She borrowed a scrub top from the ER, and headed into the bathroom to clean herself up, promising Hannah she'd be right out. She fixed her hair, and starred down at her blood-stained white shirt for a little longer than was necessary. She still felt a little shocked, mixed with overwhelming relief that Hannah hadn't run a mile as soon as she saw her. Deciding there was no saving her top, she tossed it in the trash along with the paper towels and pushed open the door.
She'd asked Hannah to wait for her while she cleaned herself up, promising she'd be back. Hannah had only nodded slowly and sat down on a bench, Izzie was surprised to see her when she walked out of the bathroom. She was on a payphone by the main exit, and when she saw Izzie walking towards her, she said one last thing into the phone and hung up.
"Who were you calling?" The moment Izzie said that, she knew it sounded nosy and pushy and she flinched. But Hannah didn't seem to notice.
"I called the ward where my Mom is to tell her where I was. I didn't want her to worry."
Izzie smiled. "Are you sure you don't want to go back and see her." She paused. "It's a little late now, but I imagined you'd want her there when you met me."
Hannah shrugged, but she didn't seem as nervous as she had done. "I thought I did, but… I don't know." She stopped, taking a moment to think about something. It wasn't clear to Izzie what, but she figured the girl had thousands of thoughts in her head right now. God knew she did. Hannah breathed in ready to speak again, but the air caught in her throat and no sound came out.
"Do you want to go somewhere else and talk?"
Hannah let the breath she was holding out. "Yeah."
"We could go get a soda or something." Izzie shrugged, unsure what to do for the best. She really didn't know how she should react, she was walking on egg shells and couldn't relax. She was winging it, and just hoped she didn't say anything to upset Hannah or scare her away.
"There's a coffee place across the street."
Izzie say across from Hannah in a booth by the window, stirring her mocha latte with a spoon. She studied her, every detail. She was a pretty girl, tall and skinny with long blonde hair falling over her shoulders, just like the photo that Sally had shown her. Izzie suddenly became aware that Hannah was looking right at her and blinked, blushing.
It was Hannah, however, who spoke first, and her words implied that she'd been studying Izzie, just the same. "Sorry, I didn't mean to stare." Her voice was quiet, and Izzie got the feeling that was very out of character. She got the sense that Hannah was usually a confident girl, but everything about the way she seemed now contradicted that.
Izzie gave her a small smile. "It's ok. I know this is weird for you, it's weird for me too."
She was hoping that would lead Hannah to say something else, because the truth was she didn't have a clue what to say herself. She decided though, that it wasn't fair to make a scared twelve year old lead a conversation with a stranger, so she forced herself to speak. "I'm sorry I was late, there was a car accident."
Hannah looked up. "What happened?"
Izzie let out the breath she didn't even know she was holding. She was glad that, for now at least, she could hide behind small talk about her job. "A guy in front of my on the intersection slammed into a lamppost. He was trapped."
Hannah looked concerned. Izzie didn't understand why at first, she didn't even know him. But then she realised that with everything that was going on with her mother, Hannah was probably sensitive to stuff like this.
Izzie had to pause and think about the answer. "I don't know" she said, a little shocked with herself that she hadn't bothered to find out. "When I saw you outside everything else kinda flew out my mind."
Izzie smiled again, a little embarrassed. The look on Hannah's face told her she was embarrassed too, and didn't know what to say in response.
"How's your Mom today?" Izzie said finally.
"Ok I guess." Then Hannah added, "same as usual really."
She bowed her head, which told Izzie that 'the same as usual' wasn't great. How well can someone be with terminal cancer? Izzie wished she'd asked a different question, and changed the subject. "I'm really glad she called me."
Hannah looked up. Izzie's words seemed to lift the mood and she managed a faint smile back, but she still said nothing.
"I've always wondered about you. Where you were, what you looked like, what kinda things you liked…" Izzie trailed off, but soon carried on with renewed eagerness. "Your parents used to send me letters about you, but then you moved."
Hannah's expression was one of apology, even though that was not her fault. "Dad's company moved" she said simply, then was lost for words again.
Izzie felt a vague sense of sympathy for the girl. She could tell that all she wanted to do was run off and hide in a corner, but still felt compelled to make conversation. It was like she was scared that if they stopped talking all would be lost. "What do you want to talk about? Do you want to ask me anything?"
Hannah thought. "Erm… Mom's told me quite a lot."
"Really? All good I hope."
Hannah smiled, her first genuine smile sinse they'd sat down. "She said you're a surgeon in Seattle." Izzie nodded in confirmation. Hannah paused for a moment, as if she couldn't quite decide if saying what she was about to say was a good idea. "And she's told me stuff about how… About why you gave me up."
A strange feeling came over Izzie, something like guilt, and now she was the one lost for words. Thankfully, Hannah carried on, seemingly unfazed by what she'd just said, or at least, less fazed than Izzie.
"Can you tell me? I mean, I know, but…"
Izzie nodded, not needing her to carry on. And not wanting to either, she could tell it was hard. "I was only 15 when I got pregnant with you. I lived in a trailer park, my mom worked in a diner, and my dad wasn't around. I just wanted you to have more than I could give you."
Hannah nodded, and the look she gave Izzie told her that this was what Sally had said. Izzie was glad she'd not tried to twist things. But then cursed herself for thinking Sally had a reason to.
Hannah fiddled with a lock of her hair, obvious struggling to find more to say. Finally she asked, "Were you glad when mom called you?"
Izzie lifted her cup to take a sip of her drink, but stopped before the liquid touched her mouth. "Of course." She paused, considering her answer. "I was… Surprised. And worried, scared you wouldn't want to see me…"
Izzie was rambling, the way she did whenever she got anxious. Her thoughts spilled out at double speed. After a moment, she seemed to realise this and stopped, smiling slightly with embarrassment. "Sorry, I babble when I'm nervous."
Hannah smiled back. "Me too."
This recognition of something they had in common, however small and unimportant, broke the tension that was hanging in the air, that neither of them were really aware of until it lifted and they both physically relaxed into their seats. When Izzie spoke again, she was a lot calmer. "Tell me something about you. What hobbies do you like?"
Hannah tucked her hair behind her ear, letting go of the nervous fidget that she had so far had ever sinse they sat down. "I dance." She smiled when she said this, happiness flashing across her face. "I'm a ballerina."
"Your mom showed me a photo from your show."
Hannah laughed, and took her turn to be embarrassed. "Not that one, she shows everyone. I look all sweaty and like I emight puke."
Izzie shook her head. "You look beautiful." Hannah blushed. "Your mom's really proud of you, I can tell."
During their walk from the coffee shop up to the cancer ward on the 4th floor where Sally was being treated, Hannah and Izzie kept up their conversation with suprising ease. After the initial awkwardness, both were pleased to discover that their first meeting was not nearly as terrifying as both of them had imagined in their minds.
They talked about all sorts in the hour or so they were together. None of it that important, but served to allow them to get to know each other a little. Izzie was surprised at how mature Hannah was, she kept forgetting she was only 12. She thought with a slight tinge of sadness that everything she'd been through forced her to mature quickly, and she felt a pang of guilt, knowing she was partly responsible.
In the same way, Hannah was surprised at what Izzie was like too. She wasn't sure why. Of course she'd built up a picture in her mind of what her birth mother was really like, and Izzie was different, but she couldn't pin point how. Hannah guessed she'd expected some screw up, who had done nothing with their life. But Izzie was positive and intelligent and successful, and ultimately, Hannah was pleased the reality exceeded her expectations.
They didn't take the elevator. It was a subconscious decision, perhaps wanting to extend their meeting by that little extra time it took to climb the stairs. Izzie wanted to stay longer, she would have sat there drinking over priced coffee and chatting to Hannah all day if she could, but hospital visiting hours were almost over, and she could tell Hannah wanted to see her mom.
The stopped at the top of the stairwell. Izzie went to push the double doors open, but stopped and reached into the back pocket of her jeans. She pulled out her card.
"Here, call me any time you like."
Hannah took it and nodded. "I will."
"Do you want me to walk to the ward with you?"
Hannah thought for a moment. "You don't have to."
"It's fine" Izzie said. Hannah nodded shyly.
When they reached the reception desk, by the door to the ward, they stood silently for a moment.
"I should get off" Izzie said, suddenly getting embarrassed and nervous again, when they had been talking so easily before. Perhaps she was scared that if she left it would be another 12 years before they saw each other again. She paused that thought to the back of her mind and tried to suppress her irrational anxiety.
"I should, er… Go see Mom…"
Izzie noticed Hannah's voice quieten when she said 'Mom'. Like she didn't want to hurt her feelings. One thing she'd learnt about Hannah in the time sinse she met her was how sensitive she was to everyone around her.
Izzie turned to walk towards the elevator after saying goodbye but didn't get very far. "Izzie?" She heard her name called and turned around.
"It was good to meet you."
Izzie smiled warmly. "You to."
Hannah disappeared through the doors and Izzie watched her go. Izzie stood in quiet contemplation for a moment. She peered through the window to the ward, she couldn't resist watching Hannah that little bit more. It all felt so surreal, she'd waited 12 years for this day, ran possible scenarios of how it might turn out over and over in her head so many times, now it had actually happened and it hadn't quite sunk in.
She was disturbed from her thoughts by a light tap on her shoulder. She turned to find a nurse standing by her. "Can I help you?"
"Yes" Izzie said, before really thinking at all. "I'm a doctor. Not here, somewhere else…" She paused and slowed down, realising she ran the risk of babbling again. "Can I see Sally Jenkins' medical records?"
